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BS: A simple test of abilities

02 May 01 - 01:26 PM (#453959)
Subject: A simple test of abilities
From: Skeptic

A quick test to see if you have what it takes to be a professional. (No Spaw, not that kind of professional). Each question is designed to test a specific trait every true professional should have

I'll post the correct answers in a couple of days. The impaient can send a PM. Enjoy (and apoligies if it's a repeat)

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be called a "professional."

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?


02 May 01 - 01:31 PM (#453966)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

1) open the door first

2) remove the giraffe to make room

3) the elephant, he's in the fridge

4) swim - the crocs are at the meeting


02 May 01 - 01:37 PM (#453977)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bert

1. Giraffeburgers 2. Elephantburgers 3. The Unicorn 4. Use the bridge.


02 May 01 - 01:39 PM (#453979)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief

If the crocs are at the meeting, they're not inhabiting the river. The question has told an untruth.

Alex


02 May 01 - 02:05 PM (#454000)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

Well... we can split hairs over this. ;-) Inhabit means to live in, right? They can live in it but leave it once in awhile, right? I leave my house every day but I still inhabit it, right? ;-)

I used to know something similar about elephants and a refrigerator and a Volkswagen.... let's see...

1. How do you get four elephants in a Volkswagen?

2. How do you know when there's been an elephant in your refrigerator?

3. How do you know when there's been two elephants in your refrigerator?

4. How do you know when there's been THREE elephants in your refrigerator?

5. HOw do you know when there's been FOUR elephants in your refrigerator?

MMario? You seem to have done well on the last one. ;-)


02 May 01 - 02:11 PM (#454002)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: GUEST

Oh heck!, MMario beat me to it - just when I knew all the right answers. Life's just not fair.


02 May 01 - 02:26 PM (#454010)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief

Kim, I know, but I just wanted to throw a wrench into this thing. I always hated that particular set of questions for its mocking self-importance (and the fact that I couldn't answer them).

Alex


02 May 01 - 02:59 PM (#454037)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

damn! I've heard that one, it's got something to do with footprints in the butter, but I don't remember what...

How do you get an elephant in an oak tree?


02 May 01 - 03:03 PM (#454043)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: SINSULL

Why is a blueberry blue?
So you don't get it confused with an elephant. (SIGH-back to work)


02 May 01 - 03:23 PM (#454054)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

well, I always thought it was pretty funny!!!! But then, I'm just an unfrozen caveman, I don't understand about your modern humor. ;-D

1. Two in front, two in back.

2. Footprints in the butter.

3. (I think we used to say something about footprints in the peanut butter on this one, but you could make up whatever you wanted, I suppose. This was WAY back in high school. I don't keep peanut butter in the fridge anyhow.)

4. The door won't close.

5. There's a Volkswagen parked out front.

I give, MMario. How do you get an elephant into an oak tree? We know you can get a Volkswagen OUT of a tree by throwing a shoe at it. (Those of you not in the US, that's a TV commercial.)


02 May 01 - 03:27 PM (#454059)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

Have him sit on an acorn and wait twenty years.

Why does an elephant wear one green, one red, one yellow and one brown sneaker?


02 May 01 - 03:40 PM (#454075)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bagpuss

How do you get down from an elephant?


02 May 01 - 03:48 PM (#454083)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

yoU DON'T. yOU GET DOWN FROM GEESE! (sILLY BAGPUSS!)


02 May 01 - 03:51 PM (#454086)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bagpuss

Well if a bagpuss can't be silly, then no-one can.


02 May 01 - 03:55 PM (#454089)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

So why IS a blueberry blue?

And how many of us are professionals? ;-)


02 May 01 - 04:02 PM (#454097)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Metchosin

Maybe the elephant want to go in the fridge because its a Westinghouse....


02 May 01 - 04:06 PM (#454106)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

and the elephant needs to west after a hard day of not looking like a blueberry. of course. it all makes sense now.


02 May 01 - 08:47 PM (#454359)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Noreen

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree, then?


02 May 01 - 10:11 PM (#454398)
Subject: MATHEMATICIAN OR PHYSICIST?
From: Jim Dixon

I have a simple test that will determine whether you are a mathematician or a physicist. To take this test, you have to solve two problems. The problems are simple, and based on your solutions, I will be able to tell whether you are a mathematician or a physicist.

Problem 1: Before you is an ordinary gas stove (cooker, for you Brits). An empty pot is sitting on it. Nearby is a sink with one faucet that provides cold water. Your task is to boil water. How do you do it?

(Since nearly everyone solves this problem the same way, I will save time by providing the answer. You won't do this when you perform the test on your friends, however.)

Solution 1: Carry the pot to the sink and fill it full of cold water. Place the pot on the stove and turn on the burner. Wait for the water to boil.

Bravo! Now proceed with the second problem:

Problem 2: Before you is an ordinary gas stove. On it there is a pot full of cold water. Nearby is a sink with one faucet that provides cold water. Your task is to boil water. How do you do it?

(OK, most people solve this problem the same way, too, so I will provide the answer. You won't do this, of course…)

Solution 2A: Turn on the burner. Wait for the water to boil.

Aha! That proves you are a physicist. If you had been a mathematician, your solution would have been…

(Solution 2B will be provided after a suitable interval.)


03 May 01 - 01:01 AM (#454484)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Helen

Ok, here is my totally irreverent Beatles joke:

How do you get all of the Beatles and their instruments into a Mini Minor (i.e. extremely small car)?

Put Ringo in the back with his drums, Paul & George in the front with their guitars, and John in the ashtray.

Ooops! Ducking & weaving time!

*g*

Helen


03 May 01 - 12:48 PM (#454862)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

Ringo's the shortest. Why couldn't he go in the ashtray and John could sit with the drums in back?

For some reason that reminded me of the Tiny Elvis skit Nicolas Cage did on Saturday Night Live several years ago...


03 May 01 - 01:02 PM (#454877)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

Noreen - you yell "JUMP!"


03 May 01 - 01:22 PM (#454895)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief

Kim, the joke plays on the fact that John is dead, and presumably cremated.

Alex


03 May 01 - 01:48 PM (#454909)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Noreen

MMario- the gentler way is to sit him on a leaf and wait until Autumn. :0)


03 May 01 - 01:54 PM (#454914)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

*smacks self upside head* duh! of course!

Now - for the New England Handyman way to boil water...

to boil , get sufficient copper tubing to extend from the tap to a coil above the burner of the cooker, back across the room to the tap, wrapping it around the tap as many times as possible before ending with it pointing into the sink. turn on a slow flow of water, turn on the burner. In a positive feedback loop the water will be heated, first by the burner, then by the heat exchange of the coil about the tap and also by heat conducted through the copper piping until it eventually boils.


03 May 01 - 02:24 PM (#454944)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: gnu

1. Open door.

2. See #1.

3. Lion King. (He's the host.)

4. Bridge.


03 May 01 - 03:48 PM (#455008)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

Oh yeah. That. Since we had been talking about cramming elephants into refrigerators my brain wasn't in the right gear. ;-)


03 May 01 - 04:12 PM (#455029)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Micca

well try this, its a test for are you a chemist...
How do you pronounce these 2 words
1 UNIONISED? 2 PERIODIC ACID?


03 May 01 - 04:16 PM (#455033)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

un-eye-on-ized and "wrong"


03 May 01 - 04:18 PM (#455036)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Wavestar

You are really enjoying being right today, aren't you, MMario?

*grin*

-J, dating a chemist.


03 May 01 - 04:26 PM (#455042)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Jim Dixon

OK, here's the mathematician's solution to water-boiling problem #2:

Carry the pot over to the sink and dump it out. That reduces the problem to the previous problem which has already been solved.


03 May 01 - 04:29 PM (#455046)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

well - I don't get a chance to be right very often...


03 May 01 - 04:35 PM (#455053)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Micca

Answers to the Chemistry ones
1.If you said Youn-yon-ised you were wrong
it is Un-ion-ized
and if you said PEER-ee-yod-ick Acid it is wrong
it is Per-eye-owe-dic acid...


03 May 01 - 04:54 PM (#455069)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario

hey! I was wrong, I didn't pronounce it wrong!


04 May 01 - 10:40 AM (#455717)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

I was an English major. I don't know nothin bout no chemistry.


04 May 01 - 10:55 AM (#455737)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Jande

Jim...

That would also be the Programmer's, or the engineer's solution as well. ;`)

Myself, I would have started out with #1 this way:

Turn on HOT water tap and wait until the water isr REALLY HOT, then fill the pot and take it to the stove and turn on the burner.

What does that classify me as?

(talk about setting yerself up, eh? )

~ Jande


04 May 01 - 11:41 AM (#455796)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C

Okay, here's a question from the English major. If the water's already hot, does it really boil faster?


05 May 01 - 07:33 AM (#456370)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Crazy Eddie

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree
Get him to sit on a leaf, and then wait for the fall.
For maximum word-play, it's got to be "fall" not "autumn" .


05 May 01 - 11:50 AM (#456436)
Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: gnu

Kim.... yup.