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BS: Have You Done It?

18 Nov 00 - 08:34 PM (#343221)
Subject: Have You Done It?
From: GUEST,The Littlest Angel

I've done a chicken and numerous sheep and goats. What about you? Share your dirty secrets.


18 Nov 00 - 08:50 PM (#343229)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: GUEST,Cara Mia

pigs! (little piglets are best!)


18 Nov 00 - 08:54 PM (#343233)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Amergin

I don't know...I prefer to keep it in the family....think that must be because the town I'm from is so close to the Canadian border....


18 Nov 00 - 09:11 PM (#343244)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: GUEST,khandu

my cousin,my sister, my coonhound, a wayward Tibetian monk, a pound of hoghead souse, my aunt, a watermelon, a traveling saleswoman, a couple of revenoors, another one of my cousins, a couple of city fellers shooting the Yockanookany River rapids, one of them long hair hippie types that used to come round here smokin that damn dope, my daddy's wife's sister's girl, a log, Barbara Hershey, my other sister, two pound slab of liver cheese.

This was last week.

How far back do ya want to go?

(Of course, I'm a bit too shy to tell you my "dirty" secrets)


18 Nov 00 - 09:13 PM (#343246)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: MK

Guest - Littlest Angel,
Any validity to the concept that doing sheep and goats at the edge of a cliff, is best, because that way they push back? *BG*


18 Nov 00 - 09:31 PM (#343252)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Amos

SHeep lie!!

A


18 Nov 00 - 09:46 PM (#343257)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Allan C.

Miss Scarlet, in the library, with the candlestick


18 Nov 00 - 11:00 PM (#343311)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: MarkS

Done what?


18 Nov 00 - 11:08 PM (#343321)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Troll

Played dominoes.

troll


18 Nov 00 - 11:16 PM (#343326)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Little Hawk

I thought it was scrabble they were referring to??? I didn't know sheep could play scrabble...I bet they don't play it very well.


18 Nov 00 - 11:30 PM (#343333)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Troll

No they don't. In fact they're very baaaaaad.!

troll


18 Nov 00 - 11:35 PM (#343335)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: WyoWoman

I had a chipmunk once, but no matter how often I told him size didn't matter, he just couldn't get past his own feelings of inadequacy. I miss him so. What a wonderful conversationalist. And he really did know his wines ...

ww


18 Nov 00 - 11:51 PM (#343343)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Allan C.

Oh, once I had a little dog, his color it was brown...

I had a dog and his name was Blue...

Once I built a tower, way up to the sky...

...I had a hammer...

I could have loved you better; didn't mean to be unkind...

...picked up the card. I had won her.

found my thrill...

went down to the St. James Infirmary...

asked the Captain for the time of day...

I've done every thing I know...


19 Nov 00 - 12:04 AM (#343347)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: WyoWoman

At LEAST, Allan ... and I've done four things I DIDN'T know ...

ww


19 Nov 00 - 12:13 AM (#343353)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Allan C.

Yeah, I know, WW. But rest assured, it was memorable.


19 Nov 00 - 12:29 AM (#343360)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: catspaw49

Ya know WW, I knew a girl who used to have a thing for birds. She was seriously involved with a crow for awhile until she rented an apartment out by the airport. The crow became disconsolate and would no longer perform as he used to. She finally had to move to get the crow back in form since she was nuts about him. It turned out he had a bad case of "Fuselage Envy" and the 757 was just too much for him.

Spaw


19 Nov 00 - 01:24 AM (#343378)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: BigDaddy

There are, of course, a number of songs about such trysts: "Until I Met Ewe," "There'll Never Be Another Ewe," "Ewe Can't Be True Dear," "Nothing Compares 2 Ewe," "My One And Only Ewe" etc. Oh, and of course, "Baaaaad To The Bone."


19 Nov 00 - 02:22 AM (#343387)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Ely

Oh, sheep in black leather and cows into porn,

In nine months, a child will be born,

He'll howl at the moon and he'll hide from the sun,

If he's like me, he'll make lousy puns.

[to the tune of "Crow on the Cradle"]

Personally, I never seemed to get past the friendship stage. *Sigh*


19 Nov 00 - 03:14 AM (#343392)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: GUEST,khandu

When I was young I would bang them heifers. Bang and bang, and I'd last so much longer, yeah when I was young. When I was young. or:

And the cows in the stable, I can hear it mooing Wonder what Uncle Dave is doing. He ran into the barn a'crying "Here's my chance!" But now there's cow shit in his pants, son yeah there's cowshit in his pants...

Sorry, I'm just sittin here with nothin else to do. ;D

khandu


19 Nov 00 - 04:25 AM (#343393)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Liz the Squeak

Beastialty's best boys, beastialitiy's best,
Beastialty's best boys, beastialitiy's best.

Have a screw with a Roo, boys, have a screw with a Roo
Have a screw with a Roo boys, have a screw with a Roo...

to the tune of 'Tie me kangaroo up boys'.... sorry, that should be down. That's another song altogether.

I've done it in the same shirt for three days.....

LTS


19 Nov 00 - 05:14 PM (#343579)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: kendall

and for group dos...this lamb is your lamb, this lamb is my lamb..and, If I had a heifer..something in the way she moos..


19 Nov 00 - 07:52 PM (#343661)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Amos

Kendall, you're revealing predilectiosn best left obscured! "Something in the way she mmoooooooos....." !!

Gawd, man! Come to yer senses!!! :>)

A


19 Nov 00 - 08:08 PM (#343678)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: MK

Then, there was the story of the two heterosexual men who's recreational sailing vessel had capsized and they found themselves marooned on a desert island awaiting rescue.

Weeks past, and both men feeling the forces of nature and a need to release sexual tension decided to do something about it. They approached a wide tree stump and the first man instructed the second to lie down on his belly and spread himself across the stump. The first man said "Now listen. I've never done anything like this before, so if I do anything that hurts, or something you don't like, make animal sounds.....and if I do anything you like, sing."

The first man unzipped his pants and proceeded. The first man began groaning " mooh............Mooh............MOOH!...........................MOOOOOON RIVERRRRRR."

...an oldie but moldy...


19 Nov 00 - 08:11 PM (#343681)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: kendall

YUK!


19 Nov 00 - 08:16 PM (#343685)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: catspaw49

Geeziz Michael.......That one may be worse than the following one which I posted on another thread (stolen from Buddy Hackett):

Knew a guy with a priapic condition and he met this nice chinese girl who was really interested in him. They were sitting on the couch and she was whispering in his ears, running her tongue around them, and things were progressing along. He asked her if she could help him with his "condition" and she said, "Oh yes. You need woks job." He figured this was something oriental and agreed. She left the room and came back with two flat paddles, a ball of twine, and some handcuffs. Once again she ran her tongue around both his ears and then took down his pants. Without comment, she took his priapic member and laid it on one of the paddles, gently tying it in place with the twine. Again she kissed both cheeks and delicately ran her tongue around his ears. Then she handcuffed both hands behind his back and picked up the other paddle. She raised it high above her head and with a loud shriek, slapped it down on top of the other, flattening his willie between them. The guy's entire body stiffened as though it were undergoing an electrical shock......and the wax shot out of his ears.

Spaw


19 Nov 00 - 08:35 PM (#343698)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: MK

(ROTFLMAO - 'Spaw)....No, I think you topped me!


20 Nov 00 - 04:25 PM (#344134)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Kim C

Okay. I am really boring. I have not done it with anybody but Mister since I met him. (don't mean I haven't WANTED to, I mean, I'm married but I ain't DEAD) But before that.... well, no, I better not say in case I ever want to run for public office. ;)


20 Nov 00 - 05:00 PM (#344153)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Bill D

punch lines:

"....but sir, the men use her to ride to town!

"....a female horse of course, nothing queer about Carruthers!"

"...what, and miss out on all the kissing?"

"...but we got a good price for the puppies."


20 Nov 00 - 11:33 PM (#344279)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Matt_R

Not been there, not done that


21 Nov 00 - 12:22 AM (#344285)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: catspaw49

Geez Bill, we really are down to the "Number the Joke" phase haven't we? I really loved the net cartoon that goes along with punch line 1 on your list. Those are all goodies!!! Here's acouple back atcha'...........

--"Not if you keep your thumbs out of the way."

--"The cake was MY idea."

Spaw


21 Nov 00 - 12:30 AM (#344289)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Les B

So this young fellow in a pickup stops at the edge of a farmer's hay field, gets out leans on the fence and longingly watchs the old farmer mowing the hay.

After about three rounds of the field the old farmer stops and asks the young fellow why he's so enraptured by the scene. Well, the young fellow says, my folks used to own this farm and as a kid I used to mow this field and it just kinda takes me back to sweeter times.

The old farmer asks if he'd like to get on the tractor and mow a few rounds, and the young guy excitedly says yes. A couple of hours later the farmer comes back and they young fellow has done a beautiful job.

That's great says the old farmer, but why didn't you mow this one small patch here on the hill? Well, says the young man shyly, that's where I had my first romantic involvement, and I just did't want to disturb the spot where I lost my virginity.

Oh, says the old man, then what's this other small patch you didn't mow ? Well, says the young man. That's where her mother stood while I consumated the affair. What ! Her mother watched ! What did she say, asks the old man in shock. "Moo" says the young man.


21 Nov 00 - 02:38 AM (#344321)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: catspaw49

And Les does a decent job of telling good old #235.

Spaw


21 Nov 00 - 03:34 AM (#344327)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Lady McMoo

This all reminds me of the oldie but goodie....

An Englishman wandering in the Australian Outback happens across two crusty old prospectors. One of the prospectors approaches him.

"G'day mate...you lost or something?"

"Good morning to you sir! Actually I was trying to find a kangaroo!"

"'Roo mate? What the hell'l the likes of you be wantin' with a 'roo?"

"Well actually my good man, I'm a taxidermist from London and I want to stuff one."

"Really? I see! OK, there's a whole bunch of them a mile in that direction..."

The Englishman wanders off and prospector number two asks the first prospector:

"What the hell did HE want?"

"Oh just some Pommie taxi driver from London...but it's OK, he's one of us!"

mcmoo


21 Nov 00 - 07:48 AM (#344392)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Big Mick

Pat is visiting his sister in Australia with the thought that he might emigrate. His sister walks in the bedroom to find Paddy packing his duffel. "What are you doing?" sez she. "I am leaving" sezhe. "This place is not like Ireland, I miss it, and I am going home". she sez "Come on, Paddy, go get in the car and take a ride, see how beautiful it is and you will change your mind". So he hops in the car, starts down the road , and no more than gets around the corner than he comes up on a fella having sex with a Kangaroo. "Wouldja lookit that" he thinks to himself. This place is loaded with sick folks. He gets a little farther down the street, and sees this one legged fella sitting under a tree masturbating. That's it, he sez to 'imself, I am done with this place. He turns the car around and drives back to his sis' house, walks in the door, goes to his room and continues packing. His sister walks in and sez "You wasn't gone long enough to give a good go, come on Pat, what is the problem?" He sez, "This bloody place has a quare affect on folks. I wasn't around the first block and didn't I see a man having sex with that pooor Kangaroo?" She looks at him with a quizzical stare, and he sez "And I get no more than another block and there sits a poor one legged fella masturbating under a tree" His sister sez, "Well, ..........a one legged man can't catch a Roo".


21 Nov 00 - 08:00 AM (#344398)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Naemanson

Moose, moose, I want a moose,
I've never had anythng quite like a moose,
I've had lots of women my life has been loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.

Oh and there's the one, you know it I'm sure, number 158.


21 Nov 00 - 02:58 PM (#344702)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Grab

Liz,

"What's yer take on a snake, mate, what's yer take on a snake?"

Or,

The cat's in the cradle, and the rabbit too,
The little white mouse and my gran's Shih-Tzu.
If my folks came home now, I don't know when
I'd see my pets again, boys,
When I'd get to play with them again...

Grab.


21 Nov 00 - 03:04 PM (#344706)
Subject: RE: BS: Have You Done It?
From: Robby

Cara Mia, why?