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BS: Things Mom used to say

14 Feb 19 - 11:23 AM (#3976647)
Subject: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

CAN YOU HEAR ME?


14 Feb 19 - 11:33 AM (#3976651)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

"Never wish that Time would pass more quickly. It will pass, oh it will pass, and the End will come, faster than you think!" my little pretties


14 Feb 19 - 11:41 AM (#3976653)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

Well, then, I'm a liar. (When told she was wrong about *anything* by one of us kids.)


14 Feb 19 - 11:46 AM (#3976655)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: wysiwyg

My mother and I had a complicated relationship as a result of my father's victimizationion of each of us (and my siblings), and other factors. During my pregnancy we found new common ground and much had healed, so for a few years we happily and effectively co-parented, and I have a great son to show how far that healing had gone.

She had one saying though that I never got to tell her had been extremely hurtful. She'd say, as she saw me dishing up a bowl from the end of the pot, "I can tell YOU'VE never been hungry!"

In fact I had, and often during the years she'd been the responsible adult who was supposed to be sure I WASN'T hungry. This painfully echoes in my mind every time I scrape out a pot now, but I do that less and less. Because the sensible thing for a poor person to do with the dry leaving in a pot is to add things to make soup, which I do often, and which she never learned to do.

I think now that her saying was a Depression-era holdover she'd heard from her own inadequate, politely alcoholic mother.

So we overcome, generation by generation, doing the best we can to improve on the ways we were raised.

~S~


14 Feb 19 - 11:54 AM (#3976659)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

"One day you will have a child like yourself. That will be your punishment"
universal curse


14 Feb 19 - 12:11 PM (#3976662)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Bee-dubya-ell

"If you don't stop calling 'Mom!', I'm going to change my name to 'Shit'! Then, when you call me, I'm going to beat your ass for cussing!"


14 Feb 19 - 12:15 PM (#3976665)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Stilly River Sage

I made sure I never complained about difficulties that two small kids could present - because Mom had four of us in six years.

We all were unhappy about the blinders she wore as a heavy smoker. The one that was the most hurtful response when we asked her not to smoke in our bedrooms was "It's my house."

But there were lots of smart things, helpful things over the years. I just wish I could remember some of them as clearly as the negative stuff. Taken as a whole, she was a good mom and a very good person. She was a storyteller, so I suspect part of the reason one particular saying doesn't occur to me now is because she had so many things to say.

We had some negotiations as children and parent over the years - when we were quite young she made it clear that if we wanted a blackberry pie from all of the berries along the back fence, we had to pick them, she wasn't going to. And knowing what I know now about the generally time-consuming features of making a pie from scratch, I have to applaud how she always came through if we kids between ourselves decided there were enough berries for a pie. We'd compare our buckets and always pick a few slightly green ones, that was somehow important to the pie results. That night for dinner, pie for dessert!


14 Feb 19 - 12:27 PM (#3976667)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Roger the Skiffler

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry for.
They're not posh, her mother used to mangle our treacle.
Well,I'll go to the foot of our stairs.
Eat it up, there are children starving in India/it'll make your hair curl.

RtS


14 Feb 19 - 12:35 PM (#3976670)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Acorn4

You know what "thought"did *******himself because he thought he was on the toilet.


14 Feb 19 - 12:52 PM (#3976674)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Rapparee

We'll see. I'll give you something to cry about! Just wait until we get home! NO!


14 Feb 19 - 01:30 PM (#3976682)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

We used to get, "Wait til your father comes home!" all the time. The poor man would totter in after a long day's work and have to smack bottoms before he'd even taken his overcoat off.

Also, if one spilled some salt, she'd tell us, "Throw a pinch over your left shoulder to shame the devil." (Apparently it was Lucifer who made people spill salt)

If there was a thunderstorm, she'd get us to turn all mirrors to the wall and put knives and scissors away, to stop them 'attracting the lightning.'


14 Feb 19 - 01:34 PM (#3976683)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jim Carroll

Fond memories of my mother, when asked, "What's for dinner" would reply "Cow's cock and hairy bacon
Jim Carroll


14 Feb 19 - 01:35 PM (#3976684)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

Ah Roger, with us it was those blooming African children who would chop an arm off to have the lovely fat and gristle we hated.
I wondered why she didn't send it to them then!

Donuel, um...did we have the same mother? :)


14 Feb 19 - 01:42 PM (#3976690)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: David C. Carter

My mother lost her sister,struck by lightning.

She did the same thing as Senoufou's mother if there was a storm.


If anybody left a door open,she'd say"Were you born in a field"

My aanswer was"I don't know,you tell me.You were there at the time!"


14 Feb 19 - 01:44 PM (#3976692)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: meself

"Drop dead!"

Which, one day, after many years, when I thought about it, struck me as a tad harsh coming from one's mother. Never bothered us, though.


14 Feb 19 - 01:46 PM (#3976693)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Acorn4

" I suppose I'll have to suffer in silence as usual!"


14 Feb 19 - 01:47 PM (#3976696)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

"Don't care was made to care, don't care was hung.
Don't care was put in a pot and boiled til she was done!"


14 Feb 19 - 01:51 PM (#3976699)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

"You're useless, hopeless, clueless and helpless!"

"Stop walking like a ruptured duck!"


14 Feb 19 - 03:17 PM (#3976711)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Charmion

“Stand up straight and look as if you belong to somebody!”

Later, when the drill corporal harangued us about parade posture, that was what I heard.


14 Feb 19 - 03:41 PM (#3976719)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

Senofou my mom had a version of yours. The title here doesn't say 'Things my mom used to say :^/


Some of these sayings go back several generations.

First time I heard mom cuss, "shit fire and save matches"

"A mortgage is just a way of making you pay soley interest for 15 years so thay can say you haven't paid a cent for their house in year 14." If you have trouble they can take the house." she taught us to pay cash


14 Feb 19 - 04:05 PM (#3976727)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Roger the Skiffler

I want doesn't get
RtS


14 Feb 19 - 05:19 PM (#3976739)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: fat B****rd

Looking at my (hated by me)curlyish hair "Ee,wavy enough to make you seasick".


14 Feb 19 - 05:47 PM (#3976745)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

I was often told I had "quarter-to-three feet" (I had slight rickets and walked oddly to compensate)

If one sees a lone magpie, one should spit or sorrow will follow. Two together are fine, and portend something good.


14 Feb 19 - 07:07 PM (#3976757)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Acorn4

Remember to Change your Underpants

(done in Johnny Cash type voice)

Johnny was born in a tumbledown shack
Near a landfill site by the old railtrack,
There were 16 kids slept in one fleapit bed,
Outside toilet thirty miles way,
Life was a struggle every day,
They were fighting over a mean ole crust of bread.

Now daddy got wild and daddy got drunk
Daddy watched “Big Brother” and daddy did a bunk,
Mama was left a holding them sixteen brats,
But 15 of them kids went to that home in the sky,
Cos of eating mama’s home-made roadkill pie,
Leaving just Johnny and his mama and one old mangy cat
(even the goat died of food poisoning!)

Now Johnny grew up, his mama’s pride and joy,
She said “son, you’re gonna go to college, my boy”,
Packed up his suitcase and went to say “goodbye”
And said, “son, you’re gonna be a big success
Gonna come back and make your ole ma a millionairess”
Johnny thought he saw a little bitty tear in his mama’s eye…

She said “now you’re a man, my son,
I can’t be there to wipe your nose,
You gotta survive in that big wide wicked world
You never know how that world will throw of the dice,
So I’m gonna give you some sound advice
And Johnny never forgot his mama’s words…

Chorus: Remember to change your underpants
In case you have an accident
And those people in the ambulance
What will they think of me?
And you wont get through those pearly gates
With your crusties in a two and eight,
So always put on a clean pair every day.

Well he grew up wild and he grew up mean,
But he always kept that gusset clean,
Though his teeth went yellow and his hair grew long and greasy as hell,
He said “Ma, I’m gonna take meejah studies”,
And “tell me where the nearest pub is”
Moved into grubby bedsit and after a month you could practically see the smell.

You’d think lying in that cesspit all day,
His pants would have got up and walked away,
But his mama’s words could penetrate through that grime,
And at the merest hint of sweat,
Johnny was off down the local launderette,
And be back in the saddle ready for pub opening time

There were wild,wild women and booze and fags,
And certain substances and certain mags,
He only went to 5 lectures in three years,
And all among the empty cans, the heavy metal and the smoke,
And the final demands and the bogeys and the stale farts and the dope,
His mama’s words still echoed in his ears.

Chorus : Remember to change your underpants...

No one knows if Johnny’s alive or dead,
He was last seen with a traffic cone on his head,
Probably came out with a third class honours degree,
Don’t know if he ever got back ,
To his mama and that ole run down shack,
But if he did you can be sure his pants were clean.

Well, Johnny must have made out OK I guess,
Probably selling life insurance way out west,
With a wife and kids and a mortgage I hope he made out alright,
But if he’s dead I’d like to think,
That Zanussi didn’t make his y-fronts shrink,
And went to heaven without a skidmark in sight.

So remember to change your underpants


14 Feb 19 - 08:07 PM (#3976763)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

Silversteinesque Ha


14 Feb 19 - 10:44 PM (#3976773)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

Mom always felt that commenting on the traffic would make it turn undriveable. Once we were going somewhere and I commented on how nice the traffic was, and we rounded a curve and came to a dead stop in not-going traffic. Mom turns to me and says, ruminatively, I wonder if you killed someone.


15 Feb 19 - 03:47 AM (#3976784)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: BobL

"Mum, what's for tea?"
"A ton of lead and the Atlantic Ocean"
i.e. weight and sea


15 Feb 19 - 03:55 AM (#3976787)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jim Carroll

My mother was a gentle, kind hard-working lady who, when my father fell ill and eventually died went to work in a local frozen-food factory and picked up much of the in-your-face humour that Liverpool was renowned for - she was a pleasure to be with
When I first started to sing and began to practice around the house she once remarked; "If you were singing for shit you wouldn't get the smell of it"
I still get a warm glow from remembering it
Jim


15 Feb 19 - 08:09 AM (#3976846)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

Mom spoke English with a Hungarian accent overlaid with Serbian, German and French. When asked where her accent came from, she answered, It comes from trying to speak English!


15 Feb 19 - 08:34 AM (#3976852)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

Haha Mrrzy! When my husband's cleaning colleagues (mostly middle-aged women) tell him to "Speak blooming English!" he counters it with, "You don't speak English. You speak Norfolk!" They usually shriek with laughter and flick a duster at him.


15 Feb 19 - 05:49 PM (#3976950)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Joe_F

"Binna bear dabitcha" = "If it had been a bear, it would have bitten you". Said when you asked after something that was right under your nose.


15 Feb 19 - 06:29 PM (#3976954)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

It does sound as though most mothers years ago were much stricter, tougher and stood no nonsense.
We were left in no doubt as to who was in charge, and parents didn't hesitate to put us right if necessary.


16 Feb 19 - 07:12 AM (#3977043)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: banjoman

" Her mother used to do our washing" was my mother's response to anyone who she felt was putting on airs and graces or alternatively "Its a pity she shits or she'd be in the waxworks"


16 Feb 19 - 07:19 AM (#3977045)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

Yeah like "he wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful"


16 Feb 19 - 07:23 AM (#3977046)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mr Red

A whimwom for a wowser.

If we asked what she had brought/bought and didn't want to tell us.


16 Feb 19 - 07:33 AM (#3977050)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool. that open it and remove all doubt."

I got this one alot


16 Feb 19 - 08:08 AM (#3977057)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

If it was a snake it woulda bitcha, you can't miss a bear. Not mom, that one.


16 Feb 19 - 12:11 PM (#3977102)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Dave the Gnome

When confronted with one of us telling her a tale she would say 'are you sure you're telling lies?'. :-)

What's for tea was always 'three jumps at t'cupboard door and a bite o't'knob.' Never figured that one out.


16 Feb 19 - 12:12 PM (#3977103)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

I think my mom stole her saying from Lincoln.


16 Feb 19 - 01:18 PM (#3977113)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: fat B****rd

"He used to fetch our swill".


16 Feb 19 - 02:07 PM (#3977121)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: leeneia

When we did something slightly risky, she would exclaim "Why mothers get gray!"

Years later, we were in a Chinese restaurant, and I urged mother and father to split an order, since the portions were huge. She wouldn't, and when more food came than they could eat, she acted shocked. I said, "Why daughters get gray!", and she declared that she had never said that in her life. Sure she had.


16 Feb 19 - 02:49 PM (#3977129)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

I've posted about this before, but maybe someone might know what it means:-
My mother often said things like "You've been playing in the mud again allowan!"
Or, "She's sickening for something allowan."

Another person might say, "I'll be bound".
But where/what was 'allowan'?? (Bearing in mind she was from Cork in Ireland)
Any ideas?


16 Feb 19 - 03:28 PM (#3977142)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jos

'Allowan' could be 'I'll own'.


16 Feb 19 - 07:06 PM (#3977189)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: gnu

Ask your father. (= No.)


17 Feb 19 - 07:50 AM (#3977297)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

Ask your father meant Yes but I won't take responsibility. Dad was way more of a pushover.

I'll be disappointed in you meant I'd like to say No but you're gonna do it anyway probably so have some guilt. Worked a treat, most days.


17 Feb 19 - 09:25 AM (#3977321)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Steve Shaw

"Will you get out from under my feet. You're sticking to me like shit to a blanket."


17 Feb 19 - 09:40 AM (#3977330)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: G-Force

(On a day of blue skies with patchy cloud): There's enough blue to make a Dutch boy a pair of trousers.


17 Feb 19 - 10:08 AM (#3977339)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

If I whined that I'd hurt my leg, she'd say, "God gave you a spare one so stop grumbling!"


17 Feb 19 - 10:36 AM (#3977345)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jon Freeman

If anybody left a door open,she'd say"Were you born in a field"

Even though English and not Welsh speaking, mum (still alive and I live with my parents) would often use the Welsh “cau'r drws” to ask for a door closed. Paid (pronounced pied like the colouring) meaning “don’t” was used a fair bit in childhood.


17 Feb 19 - 11:01 AM (#3977351)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jos

G-force - My grandmother used to say that if there was enough blue to make a sailor a pair of trousers, the rest of the day would be sunny.


17 Feb 19 - 11:36 AM (#3977357)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Acorn4

!I don't know who's worse, you or your father?"


17 Feb 19 - 11:46 AM (#3977362)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jon Freeman

I don't know that version but, in anger, things like "your just like your father" have been known...


17 Feb 19 - 12:41 PM (#3977372)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Steve Shaw

She could be a bit unkind about anyone with a physical defect. Anyone with one leg or in a wheelchair was a cripple, anyone with bandy legs "couldn't stop a pig in an entry" and anyone with not quite straight eyes had "one eye on t'pot and t'other up chimney." Me ould gran didn't like swearing in front of us kids so "bloody 'ell" became "blood and stomach pills."


17 Feb 19 - 12:50 PM (#3977375)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jon Freeman

Not one of mum's but I'm reminded of Singing Together at this point.


17 Feb 19 - 12:54 PM (#3977376)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Steve Shaw

Gosh, I didn't know it was in a song! Cheers for that, Jon.


17 Feb 19 - 01:32 PM (#3977390)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Nigel Parsons

When I (or one of my brothers) was climbing a tree/wall/whatever:

"If you fall and break your leg don't come running to me."


17 Feb 19 - 02:00 PM (#3977401)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jon Freeman

Only fall one I remember was one as far as I know she/they composed for me when I fell out of a pear tree and needed stitches. I can't remember all of it but as an attempt:

One day I climbed upon a tree
I slipped and fell and cut my knee
The cut was deep and full of blood
I ran down the garden, fell in the mud.
It really hurt, it was agony.
I wish I'd never cut my knee.

While I have no head for heights, she was generally easy going about such things and 2 brothers became very keen rock climbers.


17 Feb 19 - 08:24 PM (#3977468)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: keberoxu

if I told you, you would be sorry you asked.


18 Feb 19 - 03:54 AM (#3977485)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: ragdall

My mom taught me to set the table before the men came home from work because, if they saw the table was ready, they'd patiently wait for the food to appear.


18 Feb 19 - 04:11 AM (#3977491)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

I was always roped in to help with the laundry. No washing machines in those days, just a washboard, scrubbing brush, some Lux soap flakes/washing soda and a mangle.
Mother used to hand me a pile of knickers and give the order, "Scrub the gussets! Always scrub the gussets!"

I still hear her saying that as I load our Zanussi washing machine and merely press a button. How I bless that machine every blooming time!

Another one - not my mother but her sister, my Irish Auntie Lil. She was a drama tutor in a technical college (which she always called the Testicle College!) She lived, ate and slept The Stage and The Theatre.
When I went to stay with her, every time I bounced into a room she'd bellow,
"Oooh! Enter the fairies dancing and singing!"


18 Feb 19 - 08:12 AM (#3977556)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mo the caller

From: Roger the Skiffler - PM
Date: 14 Feb 19 - 04:05 PM

I want doesn't get
RtS

This was the version one of my schoolfriends had
Those that ask don't get
Those that don't ask, don't want


18 Feb 19 - 08:19 AM (#3977558)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mo the caller

Although my father worked as a hospital cook and we weren't well off my mother aspired to be better than 'working class'. Both she and my father had the intelligence but not the opportunities for education. We went to a church full of well off professional people.
So it was a bit of a shock to my well brought up ears when she came out with things like

"If you can't be good, be careful"

"Winter draws on
Winter draws onBe sure you've got your flanelette
Winter drawers on"


18 Feb 19 - 12:49 PM (#3977605)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: leeneia

I think my dad used to say "If you can't be good be careful." too

I like that quip about the drawers. It's funnier if you realize that many British people put an unconscious R at the end words that end in a vowel, such as 'draw'.


18 Feb 19 - 07:15 PM (#3977654)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: olddude

You could go blind!!!


20 Feb 19 - 04:30 PM (#3978013)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mo the caller

I don't know about adding an r. We certainly drop the er, so pronounce drawers as draws.


20 Feb 19 - 07:25 PM (#3978031)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Mrrzy

I know of And the other up the chimney as a lyric, cool that someone actually said it...


21 Feb 19 - 08:55 AM (#3978114)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Donuel

Give it a lick and a promise

Any clean up job short of a complete proper clean up.


21 Feb 19 - 12:20 PM (#3978159)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: olddude

My dad would say put a helmet on the soldier if you are going out on a date


21 Feb 19 - 02:24 PM (#3978174)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Michael

Olddude; Was that in case you got more than 'a lick and a promise'?


21 Feb 19 - 03:43 PM (#3978197)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Senoufou

When I left home to go off to University, my father said, "Study hard" and my mother told me, "Keep your hand on your ha'penny".


21 Feb 19 - 05:18 PM (#3978212)
Subject: RE: BS: Things Mom used to say
From: Jos

My mother said that the secret of a happy marriage was for both partners to reckon on two-thirds giving and one-third taking.

Pity the person I married wasn't listening (we divorced 40 years go).