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76 messages

BS: Clever sayings #56

05 Aug 18 - 05:58 PM (#3941885)
Subject: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

If you are not at the table, you are on the menu.


05 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM (#3941902)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D

In the old days, the complaints about the passing of the
golden age were much more sophisticated.
-----------------------------------------

"Aujourd'hui ce qui ne vaut pas la peine d'etre dit, on le chante"
from "Le Barbier de Seville" by Pierre- Augustin Caron de
Beaumarchais and translates as:

"Today if something is not worth saying, people sing it"


05 Aug 18 - 09:22 PM (#3941905)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

If you are not paying for it, you are the merchandise.


06 Aug 18 - 01:42 AM (#3941917)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL

If you can remember the Sixties, you weren't there.


06 Aug 18 - 02:57 AM (#3941920)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave Hanson

If I had a lower IQ I could have a decent argument with you.

Dave H


06 Aug 18 - 03:01 AM (#3941923)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave Hanson

From John Sheehan," The Dubliners were playing in a country pub in rural Ireland,during the break an old man came up to to me and said, " tell me son, do you read music or are you gifted ? "

Dave H


06 Aug 18 - 10:39 PM (#3942095)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Only a unique solution need have all the symmetries of the problem.


07 Aug 18 - 07:15 AM (#3942201)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

“If you have to ask, you’ll never know. If you know, you need only ask.”


07 Aug 18 - 08:46 AM (#3942213)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Nigel Parsons

"There's a sucker in every card game. If you can't see who it is, it's you."


"Never put off to tomorrow what you can do today. If you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow."


"Sex is good for one.
- but better for two."


07 Aug 18 - 09:02 AM (#3942216)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: gillymor

It's no fun to drink alone,
until you've had two or three.


07 Aug 18 - 09:16 AM (#3942220)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll

When I first tried may hand at singing my mother told me "If you were singing for shit you wouldn't get the smell of it"
She later told me I had improved a litle
Jim Carroll


07 Aug 18 - 12:44 PM (#3942269)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

If Shakespeare were alive today he'd be turning in his grave.


07 Aug 18 - 01:24 PM (#3942279)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

If you're having problems finding a solution to a problem, the problem is probably you.


07 Aug 18 - 10:07 PM (#3942358)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Most of the evil in the world comes from nature, and most of the ugliness comes from art.


08 Aug 18 - 02:22 AM (#3942374)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: DMcG

"Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die."


08 Aug 18 - 03:06 AM (#3942379)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Rusty Dobro

I could agree with your argument, but then we'd both be wrong.....


08 Aug 18 - 03:15 AM (#3942382)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL

The skin is mightier than the banana


08 Aug 18 - 03:30 AM (#3942383)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll

When I was a very green apprentice on the Liverpool docks a wonderful old tradesman, having tried to explain something to me half a dozen times said,

"You know, when you were born they must have thrown the best bit away"

Jim Carroll


08 Aug 18 - 03:39 AM (#3942384)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

"Illegitimes non carborundum" (don't let the bastards grind you down).


08 Aug 18 - 03:41 AM (#3942385)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

Jim, a variant on that is "When you were circumcised they threw the wrong bit away."


08 Aug 18 - 06:32 AM (#3942421)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson

Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana


08 Aug 18 - 06:41 AM (#3942424)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll

Antother of my mother's gems
When asked "what's for dinner" she regularly replied "Cow's cock and hairy bacon"
Jim Carroll


08 Aug 18 - 06:45 AM (#3942425)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome

To err is human
To arr is pirate


08 Aug 18 - 07:21 AM (#3942436)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

A reasonable tweet from Trump is celebrated like a potty training milestone.


08 Aug 18 - 07:42 AM (#3942441)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson

In our house dinner was hot tongue and cold shoulder.


08 Aug 18 - 07:55 AM (#3942446)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll

I was in a bar in Liverpool once when a customer reached for his pint and spilled half of it fown his shirt
Quick as a flash, the barman said, "What do you want to do with that, drink it or wear it"
Jim Carroll


08 Aug 18 - 08:00 AM (#3942448)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson

I'm fond of the American shout when people stand up in front of them at a concert or game: "Your ass ain't glass".


08 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM (#3942462)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: wysiwyg

He's so crooked, if he swallowed a nail he'd shit a corkscrew.

~S~


08 Aug 18 - 07:54 PM (#3942584)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: robomatic

Something I heard on the radio the first time I was driving into Anchorage: "When you were born, Jim, they threw away the baby and kept the afterbirth!"!


08 Aug 18 - 10:18 PM (#3942592)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D

Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated
until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.

---------------------

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

------------------------------

"There are millions longing for eternity who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon"


09 Aug 18 - 04:08 AM (#3942613)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson

They broke the mould before they made him.


09 Aug 18 - 04:43 AM (#3942620)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

"Blair and Brown are two cheeks of the same arse" (George Galloway)


09 Aug 18 - 04:46 AM (#3942622)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll

I was asked by a worrkmate in Liverpool once when I wasn't feeling too well "Are you ok - you're the colour of boiled shite?"
Jim Carroll


09 Aug 18 - 08:55 AM (#3942696)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome

There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary and those that don't.


09 Aug 18 - 01:34 PM (#3942738)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

Nah, there are actually only three kinds of people. Those who are good at arithmetic and those who aren't.


09 Aug 18 - 03:28 PM (#3942755)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D

There are only two kinds of people.... those who divide people into 2 categories and those who don't.


10 Aug 18 - 02:30 AM (#3942817)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL

There are two kinds of drivers: Idiots (those who drive slower than you) and assholes (those who drive faster than you).

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

There are two rules to success: 1) never tell everything you know.


10 Aug 18 - 06:18 AM (#3942869)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson

The two kinds of drivers would also apply (in some drivers' minds) to the two kinds of cyclists: those who "hold up the traffic" and those who "race along country roads, the selfish gits".


10 Aug 18 - 09:13 PM (#3943018)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Thompson 08:00: In my family that was "You may be a pane, but I can't see through you.".

When I recited a rude limerick to a friend of mine, he said "Do you eat with that mouth?".

Failure of imagination is a weak form of courage and a strong form of cowardice.


10 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM (#3943020)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: frogprince

What this country needs is more men with real two-fisted guts on their shoulders.


11 Aug 18 - 05:20 AM (#3943052)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

When my brother first moved to New Zealand, decades ago in those politically-incorrect times, he told me over the phone that "this is a country where the men are men, and so are half the women..."

(He's still there!)


11 Aug 18 - 09:02 AM (#3943099)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: KarenH

"If wit was shit" sometimes as "If wit was shit we'd need a shovel"

Used by my mother on a 'broad' day as a sarcastic put-down for somebody acting like a smart-arse. Must have been me, come to think of it.


11 Aug 18 - 11:23 AM (#3943126)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome

I thought it was "if wit was shit, you'd be constipated".


11 Aug 18 - 12:03 PM (#3943145)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: wysiwyg

If shit were wit I'd be glad you're so full of it. As it is though....


11 Aug 18 - 02:27 PM (#3943187)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Gutcher

As my old mother was wont to say:--"They would skin a louse for its tallow"
Now wild horses would not draw out of me who the "They" were she was referring to.


12 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM (#3943360)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

"What's up wi' thee? Tha's got a face as long as a gas man's mac..."


12 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM (#3943466)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.


12 Aug 18 - 06:30 PM (#3943467)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Kenny B (inactive)

There are only two ways to deal with women ….. and neither of them works


13 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM (#3943745)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: kendall

I wouldn't call him a liar, but if he wants his dog to come, he has to get someone ese to call it.


13 Aug 18 - 08:56 PM (#3943751)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

From one of my university mates in the early seventies, not directed at me, I hasten to add!

"You're all right, pal, but I don't like you because your shit stinks. Nothing personal, you understand..."


14 Aug 18 - 04:09 PM (#3943942)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

Tuesday afternoon after lunch is the most cosmically compressed time in which everything gets done.


14 Aug 18 - 06:17 PM (#3943959)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Many are born impatient; the lucky ones become cabdrivers.


14 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM (#3943960)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

Coming soon, a blind generation


15 Aug 18 - 01:56 AM (#3944003)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: DMcG

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.

- Thomas Paine (abridged)


15 Aug 18 - 04:18 AM (#3944030)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

Give a man a bucket of coal and you'll keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.


15 Aug 18 - 04:22 AM (#3944032)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: DMcG

See thread title


15 Aug 18 - 10:12 PM (#3944239)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Deficient contact with reality is called mania. Excessive contact with reality is called depression.


16 Aug 18 - 10:12 AM (#3944347)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: John on the Sunset Coast

If you start a sentence with "I don't think", I believe you.


17 Aug 18 - 04:02 AM (#3944546)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL

A newspaper headline that ends in a question mark may be answered "No".


17 Aug 18 - 04:10 AM (#3944547)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome

I am disappointed. This thread had 56 posts for ages so the heading had 2 x 56's in it :-)


19 Aug 18 - 05:59 PM (#3945029)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

"Property speculators should not be allowed to buy matches... "
pfr


19 Aug 18 - 10:16 PM (#3945061)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

We console ourselves by giving good advice when we are too old to set a bad example.


20 Aug 18 - 05:30 AM (#3945107)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.


(Rest of joke on request)


20 Aug 18 - 08:42 PM (#3945262)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

When there's no news in the truth, there's no truth in the news.


20 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM (#3945265)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D

"You look good in everything you eat."
...from my dad, who an interesting way of commenting on people's habits.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.


20 Aug 18 - 09:26 PM (#3945270)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw

Illegitimes non carborundum.


21 Aug 18 - 05:10 AM (#3945309)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: G-Force

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.


21 Aug 18 - 11:53 PM (#3945488)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

Sex is an impediment to reproduction whose biological function is to complicate life.


22 Aug 18 - 09:55 AM (#3945633)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

RISE ABOVE THE LAW
VOTE REPUBLICAN
please?

RISE ABOVE MORALITY
VOTE TRUMP


22 Aug 18 - 09:59 AM (#3945635)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

VOTE TRUMP
or else


22 Aug 18 - 05:45 PM (#3945742)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

The vulgar have vulgar notions of vulgarity.


24 Aug 18 - 06:14 AM (#3945971)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

Pecker in a vise
Whats in his safe
Mueller needs advice
For the great disgrace


24 Aug 18 - 01:28 PM (#3946051)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second by our children.


25 Aug 18 - 07:47 AM (#3946169)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

Life, to soon old
too late shmart


25 Aug 18 - 10:43 PM (#3946265)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F

The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.


27 Aug 18 - 06:52 PM (#3946600)
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel

Everything King Donald MidAss touches turns to crap.