BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011 To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=137844
255 messages

BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011

14 May 11 - 11:05 AM (#3153981)
Subject: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

According to this website we can expect the Rapture next Saturday the 21st. I'm sorry but I don't know what time of day.

Get busy......



We can know.com


14 May 11 - 11:21 AM (#3153990)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Good-bye fare-ye-well, good-bye, fare-ye-well!

Charley Noble


14 May 11 - 11:37 AM (#3154004)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Manitas_at_home

I bet Samoa wish they hadn't changed their calendar now.


14 May 11 - 12:56 PM (#3154048)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bill D

Well, I get in one more birthday anyway....


14 May 11 - 01:22 PM (#3154063)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

That will leave lots of musical instruments laying around. This could end up being a windfall for musicians who don`t get raptured away or whatever it`s called.


14 May 11 - 01:29 PM (#3154066)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Jeri

I'm pretty sure they can do surgery to fix a rapture, and stick everything back in where it belongs. In the meantime, try to only play light-weight instruments.


14 May 11 - 01:37 PM (#3154070)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Smokey.

a windfall for musicians who don`t get raptured away or whatever it`s called.

Uh... stoned?


14 May 11 - 02:30 PM (#3154093)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Not to worry, folks...

Word on the street is that all the heathens and folk singers will be left behind...

Reckon that we're all safe...

B;~)


14 May 11 - 02:37 PM (#3154099)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

What? I gotta a lot a shit to do!


14 May 11 - 02:58 PM (#3154120)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Jeri-

"I'm pretty sure they can do surgery to fix a rapture, and stick everything back in where it belongs."

Only for the blessed!

ommmmmmmmmm!

Charley Noble


14 May 11 - 03:52 PM (#3154138)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: ChanteyLass

Earlier today I posted this comment on a Facebook Friends' status update about the same subject:

Hmm, what is the politically correct thing for me to say to a Rapturian on May 22? "I'm so sorry you were mistaken," "Oops, try again," "What went wrong?" or something else?


14 May 11 - 04:01 PM (#3154140)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: kendall

I wonder why this rapture thing is not mentioned in the Bible.


14 May 11 - 04:23 PM (#3154144)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Greg F.

Possibly because it was invented out of whole cloth by a couple of lunatics in the second quarter of the 19th Century?


14 May 11 - 04:26 PM (#3154148)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Actually, the Book of Revelations is supposed to be all about this except one has to have the ability to interpret it...

B~


14 May 11 - 04:30 PM (#3154149)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Arkie

Here is a link to an article on the rationale for May 21 as the day of judgement. How the time of 6 p.m. was determined did not register with me.

The Rapture


14 May 11 - 04:39 PM (#3154151)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

6PM... ESDT? Eastern Deity Savings Time?


14 May 11 - 04:41 PM (#3154152)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

Well at least it will be late in the day and we'll have a little more time to prepare.

Hey - is that 6:00 PM GMT or EST??


14 May 11 - 04:55 PM (#3154157)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: josepp

Rapture is contained in 1 Thessalonians not Revelation.


14 May 11 - 05:06 PM (#3154161)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,TomC

It's supposed to be a rolling rapture with the event occurring at 6 PM local time in each time zone.


14 May 11 - 05:12 PM (#3154167)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Eliza

I love the final words of the article, after a completely incomprehensible mathematical pig's knitting: "Could anything be clearer?" Er.. yes.. mud perhaps? Madder than Mick McMadd!


14 May 11 - 05:29 PM (#3154172)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

TomC... "It's supposed to be a rolling rapture..."

HAHAHAHAAAAA!

I just got the front lawns mowed. Back lawns are still too wet from the melted snow and near constant rain. Oh Canada... where you put away the snow shovels just days ago and now mow the lawn with a touque on and see your breath.

So much to do and so little time left. I was gonna buy some bedding plants today on sale but I can't plant them as we can get frost way past the rapture. Although, I DO like a bargain.

Be a SOB of a time to win the Lotto Max next Friday night... $36M... and you can't even collect until Monday so Saturday would be a whole day of "well fuck me!" Up until 6 of course.


14 May 11 - 05:35 PM (#3154175)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Eliza

There now, gnu, you've got me thinking. How would I spend 36million dollars in 24 hours? Suggestions anyone?


14 May 11 - 05:44 PM (#3154181)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

Y'all are assuming that you will be called. You might want to read up on the "Left Behind" series....


14 May 11 - 06:04 PM (#3154188)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: DMcG

AFC Wimbledon are playing Luton Town on that day and the winner will be promoted to the main football leagues. AFC started as a rebellion of the fans against the management who decided to move the club to the opposite side of London because they would make more profit. That was 10 years and AFC Wimbledon have fought long and hard to get to this critical point.

If they win, I predict they will be rapturous.


14 May 11 - 06:24 PM (#3154193)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T

""It's supposed to be a rolling rapture with the event occurring at 6 PM local time in each time zone.""

Anybody know where I can hire an eleven hundred miles per hour plane?

I gots to make a little trip round the World about 5.30pm next Saturday.

Don T


14 May 11 - 07:58 PM (#3154230)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

In response to the bumper sticker that says "When the Rapture comes, this car will be driverless."

"When the Rapture comes, can I have your car?"

I wonder how all these folks are going to feel when May 22nd dawns bright and clear and they find that they are still here!

"But . . . !   But . . . ???"

Don Firth


14 May 11 - 09:14 PM (#3154252)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: frogprince

"Hmm, what is the politically correct thing for me to say to a Rapturian on May 22? "I'm so sorry you were mistaken," "Oops, try again," "What went wrong?" or something else?"

How about, "Oh; you're still here; did you know that all the Scientologists have disappeared?"


14 May 11 - 09:31 PM (#3154255)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Deckman

HEY ... don't mock the rapture. Why, I've experienced it several times now. The first was with a girl of 15 named "Margie." Then there was .... oh ... never mind! bob(deckman)nelson ((AKA bad bad bob))


14 May 11 - 09:57 PM (#3154261)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

"Hmm, what is the politically correct thing for me to say to a Rapturian on May 22? "

How about - "Hey - where did all the Muslims go?"


14 May 11 - 10:11 PM (#3154263)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

"Did you know Salt Lake City and Vatican City disappeared?"

"Well, come on have a drink and then we'll go see some women I know...."

"Can I lend you a roll of toilet paper, 'cuz you're gonna shit that you ain't gone."

Or, at noon on Saturday, ask them if you can have their bicycle, baseball bat, and money (in cash).


14 May 11 - 10:52 PM (#3154269)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

Damn, I'm gonna miss my 65th birthday. If this happens, we'll never know and there will be a lot of people in Hell saying, "Gee, if only someone had told me that Heaven and Hell really did exist!"


14 May 11 - 11:05 PM (#3154273)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

If I were Jehovah, it would really piss me off that a bunch of yahoos would presume to know My will. What could possibly be more prideful and egotistical? Wouldn't it be ironic if the "Rapture" turned out to be God zapping all the Rapturists off to Hell for committing the sin of pride while leaving the rest of us to continue muddling through as best we can?


14 May 11 - 11:22 PM (#3154277)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: J-boy

It's funny but also scary as hell that well into the 21st century there are still millions who believe in this shit and in equally worthless shit just like it. This kind of dark ages mind-set when combined with modern science has and will continue to cause many horrors. But we knew that.


15 May 11 - 12:06 AM (#3154283)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

This is good. I was afraid I was going to miss it, but chances are pretty good that I'll still be here on May 21st. ;-)

Someone told me way back in the late 50s or early 60s that it was going to happen that summer on a specific date, but they turned out to be wrong. It was the 12-year-old girl next door, and she'd heard it on the radio or something. I said, "Well, if you're not going to be here after it happens, why not just give me all your toys now?" She wouldn't. I knew right then that her faith was not really as strong as she made it out to be. She was hedging her bets. If there had really been a rapture, she could've got left behind for doing that!

Anyway, it either didn't happen...or they decided not to take anyone, because no one here qualified. ;-) It was a non-event.


15 May 11 - 02:27 AM (#3154297)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: ChanteyLass

Don(Wyziwyg)T,

"Anybody know where I can hire an eleven hundred miles per hour plane?
I gots to make a little trip round the World about 5.30pm next Saturday."

Couldn't you just walk from one side of the International Date Line to the other? Don't ask me in which direction you should walk, though!


15 May 11 - 07:27 AM (#3154385)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Is it here yet???

I mean, I'm debating whether or not to fill my gas tank or just put in 10 gallons... I'd hate to waste the money if I'm gonna be dead later today...

B~


15 May 11 - 07:58 AM (#3154399)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: jacqui.c

Next weekend Bobert, next weekend.


15 May 11 - 08:23 AM (#3154409)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: kendall

The nut cases never quit, do they?


15 May 11 - 09:03 AM (#3154415)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: saulgoldie

From Eliza: "There now, gnu, you've got me thinking. How would I spend 36million dollars in 24 hours? Suggestions anyone?"


Eliza,
I'd like to buy the world some coke...

Saul


15 May 11 - 10:33 AM (#3154452)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Thanks to Peter and Lou Berryman for their moments of insanity:

Why am I painting the living room,
Why am I painting the living room,
Why am I painting the living room,
Why am I painting the living room?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


15 May 11 - 12:16 PM (#3154501)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Greg F.

I wonder how all these folks are going to feel when May 22nd dawns bright and clear and they find that they are still here!

Won't bother the nutcases one iota.

But even William Miller eventually saw the light (as it were) and called off the shenanigans.

http://www.ohiohistorycentral.org/entry.php?rec=607


15 May 11 - 01:30 PM (#3154532)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Arkie

Blame it on a misplaced comma in the mathematical equation.


15 May 11 - 06:12 PM (#3154687)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Blame it on people looking for something that isn't there.

It's right there in Matthew: "Ain't nobody 'cept Big Daddy knows the day or the hour and he ain't telling. So stop botherin' me about it, hear, cuz he ain't told me neither."


15 May 11 - 06:24 PM (#3154694)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

I don't care for Rap.

Ceptin that there fellah from yer Idaho course.


15 May 11 - 06:51 PM (#3154709)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: catspaw49

I was working in North Carolina/Georgia when the Truelight Church of Christ folks got themselves all ready for the rapture. The congregation gave away all their belongings, homes, land, then went to a hilltop on "the day" to await the arrival of their salvation. Later they found themselves still here and fucked over by their own selves...................


Spaw


15 May 11 - 06:55 PM (#3154712)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Greg F.

Or at least fucked over by their own delusion & stupidity.......


15 May 11 - 07:13 PM (#3154718)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Jeri

Maybe they'll give us their stuff?


15 May 11 - 07:33 PM (#3154723)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Dibs on the unused toilet paper!


15 May 11 - 07:53 PM (#3154728)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Jeri-

Judy and I don't have room for their "stuff" and I'm thinking that you don't either but I love the concept.

Charley Noble


15 May 11 - 07:55 PM (#3154731)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Bubba and Jim Bob have decided they're not gonna leave anything for all those left-behind Liberal Socialist Democrats to get hold of after they get raptured up to Heaven. So, they're gonna spend the next six days drinkin' up their beer cache, smokin' up their weed stash, and shootin' up all that ammo they bought before Obama got a chance to ban gun ownership.


15 May 11 - 08:39 PM (#3154750)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

So in other words - a typical Monday.....


15 May 11 - 09:11 PM (#3154759)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Amos

Humans have always placed fantasies at the near boundary of the unknown; it makers it hard to learn new stuff, but it sure makes ignorance entertaining!


15 May 11 - 09:27 PM (#3154762)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

If I was a bettin' man I'd give you 100 to 1 that it wasn't gonna happen. Problem is, if I'm wrong how do I collect?


15 May 11 - 09:45 PM (#3154771)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Obama has banned gun ownership???????????????

Hell, even the End of the World and the Rapture strike me as somewhat more likely to occur than that! ;-)

Only 6 days left now! Oh boy! Oh boy! Can't wait!


15 May 11 - 10:41 PM (#3154786)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

Just think, all of those holier than thous of all religion arguing with The Man about who's right while the rest of us have a change to make a much less crowded place a whole lot more habitable for our grandchildren. Good riddance.

I believe I can get along without having my door getting knocked on by people trying to insist on the word of God as interpreted by their leaders.


15 May 11 - 10:50 PM (#3154787)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Naw, Little Hawk, Obama was gonna ban gun ownership. That's why everybody stocked up on ammo. He just never got around to it on account of havin' to spend all his time forgin' birth certificates and attendin' Friday prayers down at the mosque.


16 May 11 - 07:27 AM (#3154998)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: McGrath of Harlow

Couldn't you just walk from one side of the International Date Line to the other?

Can't be done. You'd have to swim.


16 May 11 - 09:27 AM (#3155076)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Greg F.

Not if you used the deck of an aircraft carrier, Kevin.


16 May 11 - 09:49 AM (#3155082)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

I see, Bee-dub. Well, that's a relief. The idea of ANY American president banning gun ownership seems about as crazy and unlikely to me as imagining that a German government would ban sausages and strudel....!

Not gonna happen. ;-D

About the Rapture though...do dogs get to go too? I would not want my Dachshund to be left behind when (and if) I get to "beam up".


16 May 11 - 09:54 AM (#3155086)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

It sounds like you better get busy converting your weiner dog. Has he been baptized yet?


16 May 11 - 10:12 AM (#3155101)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: kendall

I'm so glad our president simply doesn't have the power to ban guns. And,I have never seen anything that tells me he wants to except some fear mongering from the right wingers.


16 May 11 - 11:48 AM (#3155159)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Baptized? Hmm. I'm not sure. He has taken the plunge a few times at local lakes and rivers, but I'm not sure if that counts. Let me put it this way: If heaven won't take my Dachshund, then I'm not going either!


16 May 11 - 12:18 PM (#3155173)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

The Rapture/survivalist/Gold business is doing very well.

COmpetition is tough and tumble in the 'end of the world' biz.

There are hundreds of web sites by subscription only out there to rake in the bucks and spew fear beyond the imagination of FOX NEws.

Any of uis could amass a great profit by selling more of the same.

I could but have refused. How about you?

WOuld you trade ethics for 3.2 million dollars over the next 2 years?


16 May 11 - 12:28 PM (#3155180)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Not unless my Dachshund could share in the spoils... ;-)


16 May 11 - 12:45 PM (#3155186)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

OK then LH, I'll send you the biz plan and we can be up and running in 3 days.


16 May 11 - 01:53 PM (#3155221)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: sian, west wales

Well, this is very annoying. I was told on Facebook it was something like Oct 22. I wish these people would get their act together. (Or their Acts.)

Anyone here seen the Canadian film, Last Night? I particularly remember one scene - a family dinner where everyone had come together to spend the final 6 hours of Earth's existence. One old lady made a disparaging remark about the neighbours who had gone to a church camp on an Ontario lake and were spending their last hours paddling a canoe and singing Kumbaya. "They're Methodists, ya know."

A very Canadian film, that.

sian


16 May 11 - 02:02 PM (#3155231)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

"Last Night" has been removed from YTube.


16 May 11 - 03:13 PM (#3155276)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

Let's await the great Revelation on Sunday when all of the Faithful go to their respective churches and stare at each other in embarassment.


16 May 11 - 06:21 PM (#3155383)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bill D

Ruptured Raptures


16 May 11 - 06:32 PM (#3155392)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

But LH, what if your dachsie goes and YOU don't?


16 May 11 - 07:01 PM (#3155409)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stringsinger

"Can I has yer car?"


16 May 11 - 08:28 PM (#3155452)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Knock, knock, knockin on heaven's dick. When will they learn that the rapture is here and now? It's all about what you do for others and not about what you acheive for personal gain. Why can't these idiots see that? Is it not obvious to them?

Oh, yeah, right, sorry.


16 May 11 - 09:36 PM (#3155468)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

I think it'd be funnier than a rubber crutch if all of the animals were taken up and people left behind.


17 May 11 - 12:27 AM (#3155496)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

If the Dachsie goes and I don't, Rapparee, I will not object. Just the thought of him getting his little tummy rubbed in some heavenly paradise makes it all worthwhile as far as I'm concerned. ;-) I don't worry on my own account.


17 May 11 - 01:12 AM (#3155508)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

The real test is whether the televangelists have their contracts end on the 21st.


17 May 11 - 07:51 AM (#3155628)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Here's an appropriate song from the draft Housing Songbook:

Words and music by F. M. Lehman, © 1914

No Disappointment in Heaven

There's no disappointment in heaven,
No weariness, sorrow or pain;
No hearts that are bleeding or broken,
No song with a minor refrain;
The clouds of our earthly horizon
Will never appear in the sky,
For all will be sunshine and gladness,
With never a sob nor a sigh.

Chorus:

I'm bound for that beautiful city,
My Lord has prepared for His own;
Where all the redeemed of all ages
Sing "glory" around the white throne;
Sometimes I grow homesick for heaven,
And the glories I there shall behold:
What a joy that will be when my Savior I see,
In that beautiful city of gold.


We'll never pay rent for our mansion,
The taxes will never come due;
Our garments will never grow threadbare,
But always be fadeless and new;
We'll never be hungry nor thirsty,
Nor languish in poverty there,
For all the rich bounties of heaven
His sanctified children will share. (CHO)

They'll never be crepe on the doorknob,
No funeral train in the sky;
No graves on the hillsides of glory,
For there we shall nevermore die;
The old will be young there forever,
Transformed in a moment of time;
Immortal we'll stand in His likeness,
The stars and the sun to outshine. (CHO)

Notes:

After hearing the line "We'll never pay rent for our mansion," recalled by folk singer Jean Ritchie, I knew I'd never rest until I found all the words to this hymn. However, after months of fruitless search, leafing through countless gospel hymnals, I almost gave up hope. Then a friend of mine, Gunther Schmidt of Michigan, turned up no less than three copies of the song in his personal library.

The song was written by F. M. Lehman and was first published in Rodeheaver's Gospel Songs, © 1922, pp. 34-35. I prefer singing it to the tune of the Victorian tear-jerker "The Lightning Express" but take your choice.

Hallelujah,
Charley Noble


17 May 11 - 08:12 AM (#3155644)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Will Fly

Couldn't you just walk from one side of the International Date Line to the other?

Can't be done. You'd have to swim.


Hey - I'm in luck! The international Date Line runs just a few miles from me down here in Sussex. Yippee! (Huh? What's that you say?...?)

Damn - I was confusing it with the Greenwich Meridian Line.

Shit!


17 May 11 - 10:04 AM (#3155695)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

All the sinners will go. After all, "There is more joy in Heaven over one who repents than over a hundred who need no repentance." So all the sinners see what's happening, repent, and everybody's happy.

And the sinners get the best of everything and the biggest welcome.

Betcha mine will be the biggest!


17 May 11 - 10:20 AM (#3155703)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I suppose this upcoming Rapture is associated with the second coming of a pissed off Jesus, right? Well, I suggest we all simply keep our eyes peeled and if we should see Jesus wandering around getting ready to do anything zappish, pass the bong to him and get him to mellow out. It's pretty unlikely that he'll end the world when he's busy jonesin' for chocolate ship cookies.


17 May 11 - 12:38 PM (#3155779)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: YorkshireYankee

This reminds me of one of my fave jokes:

The Pope calls all the Cardinals together for "a very important announcement". Once they have all gathered, he says, solemnly, "Gentlemen, I have good news and bad news...

"The good news is that our Lord Jesus has returned to earth -- it is the time of the Second Coming."

There is, of course an uproar while everyone takes in this amazing news and rejoices appropriately -- until someone finally remembers that the Pope has more to tell them.

"Holy Father, that's such wonderful news! How could any other news -- even bad news -- possibly matter now?"

"Well," says the Pope, "I'm afraid the call came from Salt Lake City..."


17 May 11 - 05:59 PM (#3155961)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Manitas_at_home

did anyone mention this?
http://www.aftertherapturepetcare.com/


17 May 11 - 06:35 PM (#3155980)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Cool. It's nice to see that someone is giving serious (and compassionate) thought to that particular problem. That's the Internet for you. NO stone is left unturned.


17 May 11 - 06:44 PM (#3155984)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Greg F.

If The Rupture Happened Right Now, What Would Happen To Your Pets?

I assume an all-knowing and all-loving God would have forseen this problem and taken care of it.

No?


17 May 11 - 06:45 PM (#3155985)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

But when it comes to throwing rocks at sea birds, I leave no tern unstoned!

Don Firth


17 May 11 - 06:47 PM (#3155987)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

(By the way, Little Hawk, thanks for the straight line!)


17 May 11 - 06:57 PM (#3155992)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bill D

Caring for the animals after the Rapture, huh? I am anxious to hear how they will deal with all the Christian cattle ranches in Texas....


17 May 11 - 08:35 PM (#3156031)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,biff

born again Harmonic Convergence


17 May 11 - 10:16 PM (#3156063)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

I think it's nice that so many people are focused on raptors. There's about two dozen nests I've been watching and the chicks are growing by leaps and bounds.

Charley Noble


17 May 11 - 10:20 PM (#3156066)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Do cows go the Heaven???

Never mind...

B~


17 May 11 - 10:54 PM (#3156077)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

Don, That's ruddy nice of you.


17 May 11 - 11:37 PM (#3156087)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

You're most welcome! ;-)


18 May 11 - 04:26 AM (#3156152)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,bankley

Is this like the Horsemen of the Epoxy-lips ?


18 May 11 - 08:59 AM (#3156274)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Anyone following Doonesbury? Evidently the world as we know it also comes to an end October 21.

The good news is that those of us who don't levitate to Heaven on May 21st still have several more months to have great fun.

I was thinking that I might be missing the Mystic Sea Music Festival in June. Whew!

Charley Noble


18 May 11 - 09:16 AM (#3156280)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

I think it would be cool to see everyone except the holier-than-thous go up. Me, I've had it so rough I'm surprised I didn't ascend outa here years ago.


18 May 11 - 10:19 PM (#3156748)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

Methodists ?!?! no wonder.

wadabuncha posers.



but seriously...


Glen Beck is now happy to be offering you a $5000 trip to Jerusalem which will secure you from harm and be the most important gathering of souls in recorded history.

Thats $5K per person plus incidentals.


19 May 11 - 07:01 PM (#3157239)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

The 'rapture theory' is wholesale nonsense!...and totally NOT supported by their scriptures!...and....
they have their 'public services announcement'...then follow it up with 'where to send contributions'.
I think this is another attempt to discredit a lot of sincere Christians, and replace their validity with a bunch of horse-puke!

GfS


19 May 11 - 07:07 PM (#3157245)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Jeri

It doesn't discredit sincere Christians, just the people who think this is gonna happen. Luckily for those of us ridiculing them, they won't be around to rub it in if it really happens.

BTW, horses are physically incapable of puking.


19 May 11 - 07:17 PM (#3157252)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad

I categorically support ascendancy for the righteous.


19 May 11 - 07:37 PM (#3157263)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

I categorically support ascendancy for anyone who can manage it. Spiritual ascendancy, that is...not political or military ascendancy. ;-) If I thought spiritual ascendancy was limited to born-again Christian notions about "the Rapture", I'd be worried....but it isn't. Everyone wishes to move higher (toward ascendancy) in whatever they are truly interested in, but we aren't all interested in the same things, obviously, and that's probably a good thing.


19 May 11 - 08:47 PM (#3157288)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

bobad: "I categorically support ascendancy for the righteous."

Let God be the judge of that!!

Jeri: "BTW, horses are physically incapable of puking."

Maybe if they had enough 'faith'!..but that won't get any 'rapturists' off the ground!

GfS

P.S...Oh..and 100!!


19 May 11 - 08:54 PM (#3157295)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad

"Let God be the judge of that!!"

Hate to disappoint you.


19 May 11 - 10:50 PM (#3157336)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,EBarnacle on a friend's computer

Can I hold your wallet?


19 May 11 - 11:48 PM (#3157349)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

bobad: "Let God be the judge of that!!"
Hate to disappoint you."

Well, of course that doesn't mean someone as self-righteous, as you!

GfS


20 May 11 - 01:42 AM (#3157372)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: J-boy

He's making a list. He's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Jesus Christ is coming to town...


20 May 11 - 02:05 AM (#3157376)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer

I'm spending Thursday and Friday on electrical work. I want to make sure the house is in good working order for my heathen stepson once the wife and I get raptured the hell outa here. The kid gets the house, two dogs, and four cats. I'm taking my folk music and songbook collection with me.

-Joe-


20 May 11 - 04:02 AM (#3157403)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

Maybe you can get the 'devil' to watch your dog, while 'step out' for a while.....

GfS


20 May 11 - 04:08 AM (#3157406)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

On my front yard by the street corner I have a church like sign with a glass door to change the message.

Now what message should I put up on Friday?


Babtize your dogs before its too late!
Services by Rev. Ralph Barkly
$100 for 1st dog, $20 for each dog here after.


Don't get caught without;
your toll gate tokens!
Get your Rapture travel kit Only $100
includes 1 Soul ID with donation history

Deluxe special dispensation rapture kit $250,000 (you'll never miss the money!)


Eye of needle expansion kit $100,000,000
allows camels, luxury items, portfolios
and even Chris Christsy sized people to easily pass through the eye of a needle.


Rapture lawn sale Sat.
come early , come twice.
the second coming is better than the 1st


20 May 11 - 04:31 AM (#3157419)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

The AM radio right wing ultra christian conspiracy theory is full of talk that Obama is going to ban certain religions if this rapture thing turns into a number of Jonestown or Heaven Gate scenarios.

So stock up on your ammo since Obama is banning your gun and stock up on your religion since Obama is going to take that away as well.

THey are talking about how the athiests will use this rapture expectation as a point of derision and heresey against people of faith, God and church.

The preaching of the bible quote "no man knows the hour or the day" is followed by 'prophets may come at anytime and anywhere'. Since there is no mention of rapture events in the bible they are conflating apocolypse, the second coming and the invention of the rapture by a preacher in 1890.




The second coming crap on Saturday is funny as hell.
I can't imagine a good Jewish boy like Jesus working on Saturday, especially this coming Saturday.




Of course many people who are in financial trouble and are capable of using this advertised rapture as an excuse, will walk away from families and respondsibilites. Some will do so as a joke and do a road trip, but the point is many people will make themselves scarce for one reason or another this weekend.


20 May 11 - 04:55 AM (#3157436)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Penny S.

Ah, but is it actually a Saturday, according to the calendar Jesus used. There have been a number of adjustments since then. Would he use the Julian calendar, rather than the updated Gregorian? Or stick to the Jewish calendar - and I haven't the slightest idea how that has or has not adjusted to fit with the general weekdays, or understand how the Jewish week matches the Gregorian in the first place. Did the calculator of Saturday's events take the calendar changes into consideration, I wonder. Or Summer Time (north or south hemisphere makes a difference). Can't be bothered to find out.

I remember one school lunch time sitting at the tables in the dining room with my friends watching the clock draw close to one, the then predicted end of the world. Did we really believe it might be correct? I find it hard to think so. We certainly bothered about nuclear disasters during Cuba.

Penny


20 May 11 - 07:09 AM (#3157481)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Patsy

The only raptures that we in Bristol might experience is possibly another protest outside the proposed Tesco supermarket site in Stokes Croft. Other than that a normal weekend.


20 May 11 - 07:48 AM (#3157493)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad

"Well, of course that doesn't mean someone as self-righteous, as you!"

I'm not the one who's making the extraordinary claim.


20 May 11 - 08:27 AM (#3157507)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I can spare a bit of empathy for someone who believes the End is coming because he's received a message from God or has seen omens in nature. At least he's consistent. He's predicting a metaphysical event based upon what he believes is metaphysical knowledge.

But predicting an exact date for the Apocolypse by assuming that every word in The Bible is the literal truth (no metaphors or similes allowed) and subjecting various time references to some sort of mathematical analysis has nothing to do with metaphysics. It's numerology. It's not even a good way to predict lottery numbers, much less the end of the world.


20 May 11 - 08:40 AM (#3157509)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Look, if we just came up with the rent I'm sure God wouldn't evict the rest of us.

Charley Noble


20 May 11 - 08:45 AM (#3157513)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stu

The Villa won't be relegated this weekend, so if the Blues cop for it that will be rapture.


20 May 11 - 11:39 AM (#3157601)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Musket

Let he who is stoned cast the first sin.

We always do a washing load on a Saturday. So we leave it out on the line or take it in to air?

The bible didn't think to instruct us in such an important aspect of rapture...

On the other hand, using the bible to ascertain facts can be a dodgy business, especially as they recently found 666 is a mistranslation and it is a different number after all. Perhaps the rapture will be later this year after the new season starts? Hope not, expecting Sheffield Wednesday to get promoted next season and I doubt any of the players will be saved.

Let alone little old heathen me.


20 May 11 - 12:15 PM (#3157618)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

Don't want to be raptured?!
Buy the Rapture Truss today. $99.99
allow 60 to 90 days for delivery.


20 May 11 - 12:16 PM (#3157621)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Only one more sleep.


20 May 11 - 12:47 PM (#3157641)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

This is big on CNN. Experts are debating it.

But nobody seems to be asking how these people managed to figure out what no other Christian group has.

Is it true that when Jesus said nobody knows when the end is coming he really meant, "Unless they find and decode the hidden clues deliberately scattered throughout the bible to tell you what I just told you not even I know"?


20 May 11 - 01:03 PM (#3157653)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

The sad thing is that after tomorrow we'll have to find something else to make these kind of jokes about. Sure, we'll gloat and grin for a day or two over nothing happening and the fundamentalists having egg on their face...and won't that be great fun! But then...the thrill of it will soon fade...

In a week or two it will be forgotten...

And we'll have to find something else on the Religious Right to poke fun at, ridicule, and get our well-informed jollies from.

I wonder what it will be? ;-)

Meanwhile, Chongo's campaign steadily builds up steam, and the Republicans and Democrats shake in their little corporate booties.

"Use the Farce, Luke! Use the Farce!"


20 May 11 - 01:06 PM (#3157656)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

But, does it mean He will rapt the whole works up?


20 May 11 - 01:19 PM (#3157664)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Will their bodies be left behind? If so, this rapture thing could get untidy.

Oh, by the way Global Warming will exterminate life as we know it on Earth by next year anyway.

Charley Noble


20 May 11 - 01:26 PM (#3157669)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

It will? Can I still BBQ? Beef steaks, of course.


20 May 11 - 02:08 PM (#3157684)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

Ah, F   A   W   K!

Did I miss it? No shit, I got tied up after rolling a smoke, and I think I've lost track of time.


20 May 11 - 02:13 PM (#3157691)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Yer all rapt up? What were ya rollin?


20 May 11 - 02:22 PM (#3157697)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: catspaw49

I went out and bought one of them Trusses Donuel was advertising. The jock itself ain't too bad and the little bible that fits down in the pocket makes you look like you got a boner!   Pretty cool huh? I figure it'll help me get my nut just when the explosion and uptake.


Spaw


20 May 11 - 02:45 PM (#3157710)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Amos

Spaw got a fundamental misconception about being "taken up"...


A


20 May 11 - 03:06 PM (#3157718)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

WHAT IS TODAY'S DATE? Did I miss it or NOT! Smatter wit youse guys ?


20 May 11 - 03:10 PM (#3157719)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

Spaw: use the New Jerusalem Bible in paperback. Looks better.


20 May 11 - 04:50 PM (#3157765)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

I've figured it out.

When the bible says "no man knows," not even Jesus, it's written in the present tense. So it refers to the first century, not now.

If it meant now, why wouldn't it say, "No man will ever know"?

So if you can find and decode the clues within the bible, as Brother Camping has, you can know. Maybe you can even know some other way.

The point is, as long as you're not in the first cetury, maybe you can know.


20 May 11 - 04:58 PM (#3157768)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

999 is rollin and Lighter is lightin em up.... pass that shit over here eh?


20 May 11 - 06:11 PM (#3157791)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

Dang. Here I am on a site and NO ONE will tell me whether or not I've missed the rapture. Well, that's it for y'all for now. I ain't writing again until tomorrow. Gonna go roll another.


20 May 11 - 06:20 PM (#3157795)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Smokey.

You are not alone, 9, but I think I was led to believe it was definitely Friday earlier, so by my calculations much combusting is necessary in the next few hours, assuming one cannot take it with one..


20 May 11 - 06:48 PM (#3157801)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

HEY! I just remembered! Central Lutheran Church on Seattle's Capitol Hill is installing their new pastor on Sunday, May 22nd. So hold up on that Rapture cum Armageddon thingy, there, God. You don't want to screw up the investiture, do you!? C'mon, don't be a party poop!!

Being Lutherans, with a large admixture of Scandinavians in the congregation, they don't use a dry wafer and wine for Holy Communion, they use a chocolate chip cookie and a cuppa strong coffee. Now, those folks gotta be on some kinda right track.

####

I can't give you an exact date when the world will end, but provided we do get past tomorrow, and THEN, past the winter solstice next year (the infamous 12/21/12, when the earth will undergo a number of bits of abuse), I can give you a rough idea of when the earth really WILL end. But I wouldn't sweat it.

According to the pundits, on December 21, 2012, the poles will be changing places, making the whole earth flip over, which will cause massive earthquakes, horrendous winds, 5,000 foot tsunamis sweeping over the world, and severe outbreaks of teen-age acne;

being struck by a rogue planet moving through the solar system, which, if it doesn't destroy the earth entirely, will at least knock it out of its orbit;

while also being pummeled by dozens of meteoroids, asteroids, and worst of all, hemorrhoids;

then, the earth will be sucked into a black hole, which is also passing through the solar system (now, that really SUCKS!!);

and the polarity of the whole Milky Way galaxy will change places, causing everyone to get the hiccups and making milk come out their noses.

And a whole bunch of other things, all too fierce to mention.

Many historical sources for this:   the Mayan calendar runs out on that date, Nostradamus says so (if you read the quatrain dealing with this while standing on your head and squinting one eye), and eleventy-fourteen other occult prognosticators who have no scientific knowledge whatsoever and far too much time on their hands. Not to mention some kind of weird psychological quirk that makes them have serial orgasms over the idea of the world coming to an end so all those mean people out there who thought the prognosticators were a bit peculiar and refused to take them seriously will finally get their come-uppance.

Despite all the hoopla about the ghastly things that are due to happen (provided anybody is still around come Sunday, May 22), I believe I can give you a somewhat more certain scenario of the End of the World.

The sun is a main sequence star (the vast percentage of stars in the universe are main sequence stars, hence the designation "main sequence"). G-spectral class. Dime a dozen. Main sequence stars generally last about ten to fifteen billion years before they burn up all their hydrogen, converting it to helium, and then convert their helium into even heavier elements. When they can no longer sustain a fusion reaction in their cores, they implode, crushing the atoms into the heaviest elements in the periodic table, thereby providing another, final burst of energy. At this point, the star bloats into a red giant and its "atmosphere" will swell out beyond the orbit of Mars, which, of course will mean that the earth will turn into a cinder. Finally, the sun will have blown off all its outer gasses and it will shrink to a white dwarf—about the size that the earth is now, and very massive. It will continue to glow as a white dwarf for an indefinite period of time until it becomes nothing more than a great big cinder drifting through the darkness of space.

The sun is not big and massive enough to go nova or supernova.

When will all this happen? Well, considering the 10 to 15,000,000,000 year life span that astronomers predict for main sequence stars the mass of our sun, and considering that (despite those folks who are convinced that the whole shebang started no more than 6,000 years ago) the solar system, complete with earth, formed some 4,500,000,000 years ago, we should have about five to ten billion years to go.

So I wouldn't sweat it. Go ahead and pay your bills and don't give all your stuff away.

Scene (I was there and heard the whole thing with my big, fat, flapping ears!):   The professor in the astronomy class at the University of Washington had just finished describing what I outlined just above. A hand went up in the back row of the classroom.

"Question?" says the Prof.

Nervous voice asks, "How long did you say it would be?"

"Five to ten billion years," answers the Prof,

"Oh! Thank God!" says the voice in the back row. "I thought you said five to ten million!"

Don Firth


20 May 11 - 08:13 PM (#3157845)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Don! Fer Chrissakes! I don't have TIME to read a post that long. Supposedly.


20 May 11 - 08:44 PM (#3157855)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Kiwi person reassuring you all

Here in New Zealand it already is Saturday, and all is fine and normal. This must just be another quack religious idea from those who can't read scripture properly.

So relax- nothing is going to happ


20 May 11 - 08:52 PM (#3157858)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Here's the challenge to anyone who thinks it's gonna be over tomorrow...

I will bet $1,000,000 to $20 that it ain't gonna happen!!!

Okay, rapturists... Here's you chance to be rich beyond your wildest imaginations...

Oh, that's right, you won't be here to collect on the bet so might as well stick that $20 bill in an envelope and mail to to the ol' hillbilly...

B;~)


20 May 11 - 09:22 PM (#3157871)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Until I just got here I'd forgotten I'll ascend outa here tomorrow. I've been concerned with my wife's delayed airline flight, which is now due to get into BWI at 1:50 a.m. tomorrow (What happens if you get raptured while you're already up in an airplane? Or making a parachute jump? So many things are unexplained!)

Now I'm all a-twitter and really feel as though I might swoon at any moment.


20 May 11 - 09:30 PM (#3157874)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

This photo from the Japan Space Agency shows that's already half over! Oh mercy gracious! Whatever shall I do now?

I think I'll have another drink.


20 May 11 - 09:54 PM (#3157886)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

But gnu! It's a brilliant piece of writing!

And if the Rapture fans are right and the world DOES end tomorrow, it may be one of the last pieces of Great Literature you'll have a chance to read!

Don Firth
(Known in many circles as "Mr. Modest."   Like Uriah Heep, I'm very 'umble.)


20 May 11 - 10:04 PM (#3157890)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: ChanteyLass

Re: Jewish calendar--the Jewish New Year is different from the secular New Year, but their Sabbaths fall on our Saturdays, so . . . draw your own conclusions.

Charlie, will Global Warming exterminate the earth before or after the 2012 Mystic Sea Music Festival? I've booked my room for 2011, but maybe I shouldn't worry about booking one in 2012.


20 May 11 - 10:06 PM (#3157891)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

It won't make any difference if you get raptured while you're in an airplane. You just don't want the pilot to get raptured if you don't.


20 May 11 - 10:11 PM (#3157892)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Rap is on to somethin' here...

What if you are on an airplane??? Can the rapture get ya' there??? Hmmmm???

Kinda like that jumping up and down (or not) in a falling elevator???

But just in case I think everyone needs to try to get on an airplane... I understand that "Cheap Flights" or "Orbitz" can get ya'll off the ground and left to live with the heavens and misfits...

Forget it... Forget the flight!!! Hell is Hell no matter and folk singers are good Hell material...

Jus funnin'...

B~


20 May 11 - 10:28 PM (#3157895)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Tangledwood

It's already gone lunchtime. How much longer do I have to sit here waiting?


20 May 11 - 10:46 PM (#3157899)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer

Isn't it 144,000 people who are going to be raptured? With world population as large as it is, who's going to miss 144,000 people? All we'll have left is their Website...and that's all we've seen of them thus far, anyhow.

-Joe-


20 May 11 - 11:11 PM (#3157905)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

Donuel, it's not work, it's a mitzvah.
As ChanteyLass says, Shabbat does not change in the Hebrew calendar. It is a lunar calendar and does not reflect any changes that others may have twisted around to reflect the solar calendar and what is "right."

Now, go worry about the Mayan calendar.


20 May 11 - 11:13 PM (#3157907)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

By the way, Easter is based on the same lunar calculations, which is why Easter and Passover move around in tandem--or close to it.


20 May 11 - 11:30 PM (#3157918)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Only 37 more minutes until my next door righteous neighbors assend. I can hardly wait!

Good to hear that the Kiwi's have been passed over. But beware the tsunami, the salami, not to mention the conquering kosher kohlrabi.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


20 May 11 - 11:41 PM (#3157921)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

I suppose I shouldn't have bought ice cream today. Or those green bananas.


21 May 11 - 01:40 AM (#3157944)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: catspaw49

Well so much for that! Sat on the front porch in my Rapture-Rupture Truss with my collection of knotted strings and nothing................nada......zilch.....................Now I have to go ahead and buy cat food.


Spaw


21 May 11 - 01:52 AM (#3157946)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Georgiansilver

As a Bible believing Christian... trying to live by new testament values and understanding... I don't believe for one second that today is the day.... but I do believe from what I have learnt and understood that it will happen in the future. May not be during my earthly lifetime but it will happen... there are many signs now which the Bible indicates are for the Second Coming but there are many more to happen too....... they got it wrong!!!!


21 May 11 - 01:55 AM (#3157947)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Neil D

Five minutes to go New Zealand. Still time to listen to some GBS. "It's the End of the World"


21 May 11 - 02:34 AM (#3157954)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Gurney

Well, it's 6.30pm here in NZ, and no earthquakes so far.
It was supposed to start here and follow the timezones around, the way I heard it.

Just the usual tremors in the quake-hit city of Christchurch, where, incidentally, they have been having them since last year.


21 May 11 - 03:00 AM (#3157960)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

GS, my own feeling is that we are building up towards the end times quite rapidly atm. But that doesn't mean I'm right or that it will happen in my lifetime...

As for predictions of date, I think in common with the majority of Christians, it is my belief it can not be done.


21 May 11 - 03:49 AM (#3157978)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

Rapparee: "I suppose I shouldn't have bought ice cream today. Or those green bananas."

So, is it your intention to start farting while on your way up there, too????

Thanks a lot!!!


(hmmmm...maybe its a secret propulsion....)

Naww!..You can't get away with it!!..No farting in Heaven!! Nope!!.HE won't have it!!!...and all us joyous saints will start complaining about YOU...AGAIN!!!!

GfS


21 May 11 - 03:58 AM (#3157980)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

Here, Let's not go off the deep end.........as these others did!
...as not to discredit the ones who have it right!

GfS


21 May 11 - 04:20 AM (#3157991)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

Ah... There does seem a lot of debate on that one. I'm unsure but favour post tribulation...


21 May 11 - 04:27 AM (#3157995)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Will Fly

Is there any specific time today for rapture to start? I checked my bedside clock at midnight (GMT+1) last night, snuggled up to the old lady and whispered, "Rapture time, hon". But she just kept on snoring and paid no attention. (Well, it's been some time.. you know...).

I suppose I've got the rest of the day - at least until 12 tonight to get some. What happens on Sunday if'n I don't get it today? Will there be another opportunity, do you think?


21 May 11 - 04:38 AM (#3157996)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer

I dunno. I just can't get myself too excited about the beginnings or the endings of creation. To me, the Big Bang and evolution and plate tectonics sound like very reasonable theories, but I won't get all hot and bothered if things happened some other way.

I have a lot of respect for the ancient creation stories from the Bible and other sources, but I wouldn't dream of taking them literally - and I don't think the writers intended for them to be taken literally.

I find the apocalyptic writings of the Scriptures (Revelation, Daniel, and many others) to be interesting, but puzzling. I can't glean any definite answers from the Scriptures about the end times, and I can't see how others can be so cocksure about their predictions. And you know, I don't think I really care how things come to an end, if they do. It will happen when and how it happens, and that's fine with me. For now, I'll just enjoy the present time.

-Joe-


21 May 11 - 04:45 AM (#3157998)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Will Fly

There's an eBible Fellowship web site which I've been chuckling at this morning. Says that when God talked of a 'day' in the Old Testament, one day really stood for 100 years. The calculations of the rapture are based on this ratio. Then later down the page it says the Rapture will last a 100+ plus days - October sees the end of the earth - so conveniently ignores the 1 day=100 years ratio.

I'm genuinely amazed at the stupidity in this world. There are all sorts of interesting things to be found in the collection of writings we call the Bible - even to a long-standing unbeliever like me - but to use these writings as an accurate assessment of the past and future history of this planet is cuckoo.


21 May 11 - 04:59 AM (#3158003)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

I'd disagree, Will Fly, in that I do believe there will be end times and that Christ will return.

I do not believe any attempts at calculating when though.


21 May 11 - 05:26 AM (#3158013)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Jack Campin

I hadn't realized the Irvingites were involved in creating the Rapture eschatology. They had a big presence in Edinburgh - their Catholic Apostolic Church is an artistically important building, with Pre-Raphaelite/pseudo-Byzantine murals by Phoebe Traquair (google "Mansfield Traquair Church").

Its architecture is specifically rapturous. It's a big open space - the idea was that it could hold all the true believers on the big day. And it has fake pillars that don't quite reach the ground. The idea was that God was going to take the whole building up to Heaven, so they didn't want to anchor it down too firmly. It also isn't very well built - they didn't design it for a long stay on Earth.


21 May 11 - 05:43 AM (#3158023)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Have any that believed the rapture was gonna be today posted to this thread yet TODAY? I haven't seen any such posts. So don't get too cocky just yet. We'll have to wait until they never post to be sure.


21 May 11 - 05:54 AM (#3158027)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stu

Has anyone seen the Pope this morning?


21 May 11 - 05:56 AM (#3158029)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Will Fly

The earth will be destroyed one day - that's for sure - when the sun had cooled sufficiently. In about 5 billion years from now, the sun will begin to die, turn into a red dwarf, a planetary nebula, then a white dwarf and, finally a black dwarf... but let's not worry about that today.


21 May 11 - 06:00 AM (#3158031)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,lively

"Has anyone seen the Pope this morning?"

Surely "real" Christians don't include heathen Papists? Isn't the Pope rather like the anti-Christ to these far right-wing Rapturites? After all aren't they the same groups of Christians who believe Jesus wouldn't really have been a pacifist or believe in charity?


21 May 11 - 06:43 AM (#3158052)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

lively... this thread should not be turned into a nasty religeous spat. It's about the Rapturians.


21 May 11 - 06:49 AM (#3158055)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,lively

I was being tongue in cheek there Gnu, my post was indeed about the Rapturians. As far as I understand, they belong to far right-wing US Christian nutter groups, which are somewhat different in flavour to the Christianity that others amongst us might recognise.


21 May 11 - 07:09 AM (#3158062)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

Dunno lively but this prediction seems to start with Harold Camping


21 May 11 - 07:22 AM (#3158069)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,lively

OK, maybe I'm getting the Rapturians mixed up with End Timers? I know there are some scary right wing Christian groups merrily agitating for the third world war to start, in order to bring on the apocalypse/armaggedon. Apparently you need to bring about Armageddon before the Rapture can start, or something! I'm guessing Harold must have skipped that part of the equation, which is why his followers are now disappointed :-/


21 May 11 - 07:35 AM (#3158071)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

lively... sorry... maybe I should start drinking tea in the morn again to wake up.


21 May 11 - 08:16 AM (#3158091)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

Actually, the battle of Armageddon took place in 1918. No joke. Armies of several countries were involved. Known to the less imaginative as Megiddo, it spelled the end of the centuries-old Ottoman Empire.

And perhaps you've noticed that things have been going downhill since then.

Just sayin'.


21 May 11 - 08:33 AM (#3158095)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

Lively, re starting the rapture: the general theory as far as I understand it and I may not have this quite right, etc. is that there will come a time near the end which is rather unpleasant and is known as The Tribulation. There are different views as to where the Rapture fits in with this. A pre-tribulationist (of which Harold seems to be one) would put the Rapture before the tribulation - sort say the Rapture comes today, the "good people" are taken safely to heaven and then the bad times start.

Then there are others that would put the Rapture in the middle of the tribulation and yet others that say we have to get through the tribulation and reach the end before the Rapture.

But then there are still others who will say the tribulations were an event that took place in Roman times and so it goes on...

Have a look at Christian Eschatology for starters,

---   

As for the other bit: sort of "let's start WWIII to fulfil the prophecy" is scary!!!!


21 May 11 - 09:01 AM (#3158113)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

So, let's see if we can pull this concept together from what's been posted.

Repaire has contributed ice cream and green bananas, creating the gas for Joe Offer's BIG BANG theory, which overlaps with another Mudcatter's concept of "rapture time" as sexual intercourse.

When I went for the newspaper this morning there were no signs of left-behind garments in the streets from the recently assended.

Anyone missing here? If so, please report in!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


21 May 11 - 09:13 AM (#3158115)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: freda underhill

It's 11.12 pm in Sydney, not so much as a wobble.


21 May 11 - 09:20 AM (#3158118)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Well, my wife is gone and her clothes are still here. Except for the ones she packed for the trip to BWI, of course. She took those with her on the airplane.


21 May 11 - 09:43 AM (#3158123)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

The Dachshund and I are watching each other closely. I figure it's best not to go driving around 6 pm, wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone by suddenly disappearing out of my moving car...or be inconvenienced in the same way...whichever.

So I'm getting all my errands done this morning. ;-)


21 May 11 - 10:41 AM (#3158156)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Jack Campin

Well, my wife is gone and her clothes are still here. Except for the ones she packed for the trip to BWI, of course. She took those with her on the airplane.

Perhaps that's where all the elect have gone?

BWI = British West Indies? Maybe your wife is in for an eternity of reggae, rum and ganja with 40 handsome dreadlocked Rastas catering to her every whim? (The bad news might be having to sit and watch an eternal cricket match, Christ and the Apostles vs OT Prophets XI).


21 May 11 - 10:42 AM (#3158158)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Uncle Rumpo

I just done a big stinky dump just in case anything rapturous is imminent..
At least I managed to finish it to some degree of satisfaction.
But now I'm not sure if there's any point having a shave & a shower
and making any effort to dress up nice and smart or not?

.. and do I really need to pack a suitcase ???


21 May 11 - 11:35 AM (#3158179)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: frogprince

Personally, I don't believe a bit o


21 May 11 - 11:48 AM (#3158184)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Mrrzy

The American press is calling it a Christian thing. Everybody else is calling it an American Christian thing.

I am wearing my devil horns.


21 May 11 - 12:28 PM (#3158201)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bill D

It's not sudden, I hear- It just gradually envelops everything, and you'barely know it's happening.


21 May 11 - 12:28 PM (#3158202)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Combine that with a red body suit, cloven hoof red shoes, and a forked tail, Mrzzy, walk downtown to the supermarket, and report back to me on what happens. ;-)


21 May 11 - 12:29 PM (#3158204)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Mrrzy... is that a usual Saturday thing you horny devil you?


21 May 11 - 12:52 PM (#3158221)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,lively

Thank you Jon, I didn't realise there were so many strands of belief tied into this. I saw some documentary a while ago, where Christian groups were busy meddling in delicate matters in the Middle-East because they effectively saw it as a useful way to assist in bringing on a major world conflict. All really quite troubling.

I don't know about 'the rapture' but I do find the nightmarish visions contained in Revelations deeply potent. But then I also like Milton and Dante for the very same reason.


21 May 11 - 01:17 PM (#3158228)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Hey, if the Naz said nobody knows, I don't think nobody knows. 'Cept Big Daddy, and He ain't tellin'. So all them cats should stop trying to read His mind, 'cause man, if that ain't capital P Pride I don't know what is!


21 May 11 - 01:34 PM (#3158240)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Hypothetical situation and question... if, just say, IF, The Rapture doesn't take place at 6PM today, can those who gave all their shit away get it back easily or do they have to pray extra?

Now, I know any money that they gave to registered charities can be claimed as a deduction on their income tax when their accountants submit the returns to the feds whether the rapture happens or not. Either way, the accountants and lawyers and taxman will still be here to sort out the accounts.

Damn! I forgot to ask George for his 20 pound maul. It's great for smackin my fence posts down in the spring. I'd better go "borrow" it soon.


21 May 11 - 03:14 PM (#3158298)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer

Are we there yet, Daddy?


Oh, no....I guess the rapture didn't happen. The "We Can Know" Website is still there, at least. I wonder how Harold Camping is going to explain away this miscalculation. I suppose he will - the Jehovah's Witnesses and Seventh-Day Adventists are doing fine, and they got their start with end-of-the-world predictions.

I wonder how many people bought into Camping's May 21 Rapture prediction - it certainly seems to have garnered a lot of attention. Well, now we have to get through 2012. Lots more people seem to believe in that date.

-Joe-


21 May 11 - 03:23 PM (#3158304)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Cats

unless it did happen and we are all that is left


21 May 11 - 03:24 PM (#3158305)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

(Shel Silverstein)

I was sitting in my basement I just rolled myself a taste
Of something green and gold and glorious to get me through the day
Then my friend yelled through the transom "Grab your coat and get your hat son
There's a nut down on the corner, givin' dollar bills away"

But I laid around a bit
Then I had another hit
Then I rolled myself a bauma
Then I thought about my mama
Then I fooled around, played around
Jacked around a while and then

I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and it rolled right by
I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned oh me oh my

Now it took seven months of urging just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face up to my place to fool around a bit
Next day she woke up rosy and she snuggled up so cosy
When she asked me how I liked it Lord it hurt me to admit

I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and it rolled right by
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned oh me oh my

Now I ain't makin' no excuses for the many things I uses
Just to sweeten my relationships and brighten up my day
But when my earthly race is over and I'm ready for the clover
And they ask me how my life has been I guess I'll have to say

I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and it rolled right by
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned and I missed it
I was stoned oh me oh my

(c)1975 Tro-Essex Music Ltd.


21 May 11 - 03:35 PM (#3158311)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Georgiansilver

Here's the good news to everyone who waited for the 'Rapture" It happened!!!!!!!!!..... well no really it didn't because the Good Lord failed to find a Christian that lived wholly for Him... We were all too selfish I guess..... Maybe we will get another chance but I certainly didn't go this time... maybe next!! Well I can live in Faith and Hope can't I ?!!


21 May 11 - 03:41 PM (#3158314)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,leeneia

Just a few hours to go. I guess it's scheduled for 6 pm California (where else?) time.

I'll be sorry, because I just planted this year's tomatoes a few days ago, and if the world comes to an end, I'll never get to eat them.

On the other hand, I'll be spared having to figure out an accurate IRA basis.

As my father used to say, "Human beings must learn to take the bitter with the sweet."


21 May 11 - 03:43 PM (#3158315)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,lively

"the Good Lord failed to find a Christian that lived wholly for Him... We were all too selfish I guess."

Err, what does that make the good lord?
"You just don't love ME enough!" doesn't sound very selfless to me.


21 May 11 - 04:13 PM (#3158337)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Georgiansilver

Guest Lively... I just didn't live up to expectations.... doesn't imply that at all!!!


21 May 11 - 05:15 PM (#3158355)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad

That's one way of looking at it, there are others.


21 May 11 - 05:55 PM (#3158374)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

I'ce tried to access both the Family Radio and the We Can Know websites and neither one is available at this time. And it's 5:55 EST. Hmmmm.....


21 May 11 - 05:59 PM (#3158376)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

I got out of the car at the gun store parking lot, locked the car, turned, and began to ascend! Straight up! And I knew then that I was One Of The Elect! At about 200 feet a Voice said, "Ooops! Got my calendar mixed up!" and I started falling. Fortunately the roof of the gun store was insulated with stryofoam blocks and cushioned my fall very nicely; unfortunately I crashed through the roof and into the middle of the indoor shooting range. Shooters were so surprised they held their fire and I wasn't hurt, just some bruises, but the owner is now asking me to fix the roof, the shooting range and all sorts of things. He's a good Christian, though, and when I told him what had happened he said, "So, I should call my lawyer then?"


21 May 11 - 06:07 PM (#3158379)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link

there are pre millenialists
there are post millenialists

and then there are pan millenialists-
they just wait to see how it all turns out!

seriously though; Jesus said "you be ready,for in such an hour as you think not the son of man is coming"


21 May 11 - 06:17 PM (#3158381)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Rap.... thank GOD you are okay! But, when buddy sues you, is yer buddy Jesus gonna heed the writ to appear? I understand he doesn't do a lot of appearences these days. Is he gonna TESTIFYYYYY or is he gonna walk?


21 May 11 - 06:46 PM (#3158389)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

Re: Revelations, lively. The first time I read it I thought it read like "the ramblings of a madman". I don't think that way now of course but much is beyond me, as is case with Daniel...


21 May 11 - 06:50 PM (#3158393)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel

Rapture in the grass


21 May 11 - 09:00 PM (#3158446)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Probably should have mentioned I was carrying a bottle of whiskey and a deck of marked cards....


21 May 11 - 09:32 PM (#3158455)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Well, I'm pissed off...

Ya' know all them holier than tho Christian Righters??? Well, if I have if correct these are the folks that Jesus was comin' for and leaving the rest of us bums here to sort it out but...

...seems that Jesus couldn't find no one righteous 'nuff to take and so we are still stuck with the holier that tho Christina Right...

I think we need to petition God to lower that standards for the next Rapture roundup...

I donno???

B~


21 May 11 - 09:59 PM (#3158467)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

I tried to connect to one of those websites and got this message:

javascript:function() {return false;}

I suspect there is a Meaning contained in it, if we could only figure out what it is.


21 May 11 - 10:02 PM (#3158469)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Maybe the website got raptured... Seems the Campin' guy ain't around, too... Yeah, maybe this was like a mini-rapture???

B~


21 May 11 - 11:25 PM (#3158497)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble

Campin's been reported by Al Jazerra in flight to Venezuela with all his ill-gotten gains.

I guess that's his idea of assending.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


22 May 11 - 12:42 AM (#3158512)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: MGM·Lion

Important BTW

~Michael~ whose "pedantry is legendary" {friend on another forum} would point out, in case of confusion, that the word "RAPTURE" as used in Thessalonians &c, & in the context of this thread, does NOT mean "inordinate pleasure" in its current, developed, sense {though it has most probably become conflated with that} ~~

~~ but is used in the archaic, acc to Chambers, sense of "a seizing and carrying away" ~~

In other words, Jesus intends to KIDNAP the Good, for their own good, to his place in the firmament, there to join the virtuous simultaneously raised from the dead ~~ while the rest of us are left here to do the best we can.

Though acc to Mr Camping, only till next October.


22 May 11 - 01:06 AM (#3158518)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Nah, Charley. Al Jazerra isn't reporting that on their English website, anyway. Maybe it's on their Arabic one...hmmm...what would happen if you had been in Mecca? Or Lourdes? Or Knock?


22 May 11 - 01:38 AM (#3158522)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Whaddya mean Jesus couldn't find anyone righteous enough to take, Bobert? He took my dog!

The part I can't figure out is...my dog is not particularly righteous. Self-righteous, maybe...but not righteous. I think the only God he truly worships is the one he sees in the mirror.

It's puzzling.


22 May 11 - 05:04 AM (#3158554)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: SPB-Cooperator

In order to get the numbers of saved up, then just the righteous would not be enough. So how many righteous have been passed by in favour of axe murders etc. yesterday?


22 May 11 - 06:43 AM (#3158584)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Musket

Interesting how although we all seem to be taking the piss out of this rapture gig, how many actually believe the end is going to come at some point and it is because of predictions in the bible.

if society breaks down and we all kick our clogs, the cause will be man made. Same as religion is...

If we do lose 144,000 God botherers to a rapture, can the rest of us restore a bit of sanity? (UK - that means getting rid of the divisive faith schools and shops only allowed to open for a small number of hours on Sundays.) Not too sure religion affects me in any other way?

Wouldn't it be funny if I was raptured and the loser next door but one who goes to bible class every week and won't have the telly on during Sunday is left behind? Statistically, it has the chance of happening as him being the smug one.

Except Einstein, Feyman, Heisenberg Hawkin et al don't mention it in their predictions. You would think if it were true, those clever people would have mentioned it when they explain how the universe works?


22 May 11 - 07:27 AM (#3158600)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I'm glad it's all over so this particular bit of silliness can be retired and put behind us. We need the room for the next bit of silliness.


22 May 11 - 07:40 AM (#3158601)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad

Somebody needs to re-calibrate his slide rule.


22 May 11 - 07:59 AM (#3158607)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: McGrath of Harlow

Dog in a mirror is God...


22 May 11 - 08:35 AM (#3158626)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

As Elvis once pointed out to an astonished flight attendant, "dog" spelled backward is "god." (Upper case ad lib.)

"Dog" in a mirror is unreadable gibberish. Unless you make allownces and spell it backwards instead.


22 May 11 - 08:55 AM (#3158633)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle

"Has anyone seen the Pope this morning?"

There was a news report last night of him talking with the people on the space shuttle--not the Challenger.


22 May 11 - 08:59 AM (#3158636)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert

Who knows, LH... I mean, God make take favor on repulsive beings who pee on the couch... I mean, what's to say that peeing on the couch is not virtuous??? It's a values kinda thing... I mean, kinda like body odor... Some folks think that body odor is the bees knees and others are disgusted by it???

Sorry about yer dog but reckon he's with his maker now...

("Maker", Boberdz??? What, now you calling God a dog???)

I didn't mean it that way...

Awwwww, never the heck mind...

B~


22 May 11 - 09:00 AM (#3158637)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

Maybe the Pope was the only one raptured.

Think about it.


22 May 11 - 10:06 AM (#3158660)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

My neighbors across the street are gone! So's their big camping trailer!


22 May 11 - 11:54 AM (#3158696)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Amos

Bobert:

"Who's to say peeing on the couch isn't virtuous??"

Have you asked PVine about this conundrum? I bet she will have a ready answer. If not feel free to submit it to BBW, or jacqui, or any of the thousand other home makers in this here forum or beyond. I dare say it will be a unanimous response.

Now, if you add in family pets, maybe not....


22 May 11 - 03:24 PM (#3158802)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stringsinger

We may joke about the rapture but the very idea that John Darby still has sway over the primitive minds of religious fundamentalism should be an issue of critical concern.
There are too many people in the US that still believe in the "Crapture".

It's almost a "State-Crapture" given the corporate financing of the religious faction of the Tea Party and its influence on Washington.


22 May 11 - 04:08 PM (#3158822)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

Hey, there are people who say we're all gonna die of global warming too! Or killer bees! Or fire ants! Or financial meltdown! Or nuclear war! Or air and water pollution! Or a terrible and incurable pandemic! Or overpopulation!

Seems like a similar psychological need for indulging in scary doom dramas to me, but couched in terms that arise from a whole different set of mental idols and distant authoritative voices, that's all. They all share this in common, though: they think they KNOW what's going to happen and why. Just ask them. ;-D They'll tell you all about it till you go deaf in the ear...and they enjoy being "in the know" just as much as the born-again Christians do.


22 May 11 - 04:21 PM (#3158827)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

And the chances that we'll dodge all the bullets just listed (plus an asteroid, plus other dangers that haven't yet developed) are what?

Get real.


22 May 11 - 04:57 PM (#3158846)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk

I've no idea what the chances are, Lighter, and neither does anyone else here. My point was, however, that people in general, whether they are religious or NOT, love focusing their fears and fantasies on all-ecompassing doom scenarios where we "all go together when we go". It appeals to their sense of drama and completion (of the great story of life). It's much more exciting and somehow appealing to think that EVERYTHING is going to end than to imagine that you will just die in an unremarkable manner in an auto accident or lying in a hospital bed, and practically everyone else will survive you and things will go on in the usual fashion regardless.

But I bet that's how it will be for most of us. We'll die in an individual and quite unremarkable manner, leaving behind us a world that is still fascinated by dramatic "end of the world" predictions of all sorts, both "scientific" and "religious".

Chances are that if the world as we know it "ends", Lighter, neither you nor I will be there to witness the Great Event. We will already have checked out in a far more ordinary manner.

Get my point yet? I'm not attacking religion. I'm not attacking science. I'm saying that people prefer a BIG drama to a small one...and that's why an "end of the world" story gets lots of media coverage, no matter who it emanates from.


22 May 11 - 06:46 PM (#3158892)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee

Most people think that when they die the World will end. It doesn't. The World doesn't care. To the World your atoms are simply returned to whence they came.

Each individual is the center of their own Universe, their own World. Perhaps death is simply the gateway to the fusion of all of these Worlds; I couldn't say because as of yet I haven't experienced it. An Omega Point, or the ending envisioned by Clarke in "Childhood's End" or an Eternity with or without God in Heaven or elsewhere. Perhaps it's the mead hall in Valhalla, or the Gardens of Paradise, or Jehenna, or....

I figure I'll know soon enough; no need to hurry the process along.


22 May 11 - 10:39 PM (#3158952)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth

The mead hall in Valhalla sounds like a real snort. I'll drink to that!

Don Firth


22 May 11 - 11:04 PM (#3158958)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer

The Pope doesn't buy that American born-again rapture stuff - so, if he DOES get raptured, he's in real trouble...

So am I.

I see that there have been no changes in the Rapture Website. Maybe they all got wafted away to that "Meeting in the Air.". When that day happens, IF that day happens, I want to hear Helen Schneyer sing that song. I never had the chance to hear her live, but I have all of her wonderful recordings.

-Joe-


23 May 11 - 12:53 AM (#3158983)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: dick greenhaus

For the real skinny, check out raptureready.com
Your question will be answqered


23 May 11 - 07:22 AM (#3159084)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

NPR has contacted a believer who explains that while an actual Rapture didn't happen, May 21 was the day that God cut off chances for salvation:

http://www.npr.org/2011/05/23/136560695/doomsday-believers-cope-with-an-intact-world

So look for Doomsday October 21 as predicted. But if you repent now, it's too late. You've made your bed.


23 May 11 - 08:49 AM (#3159120)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: alanabit

Peter Cook's take on the end of the world.


23 May 11 - 01:06 PM (#3159236)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

What really happened to the dinosaurs.... CLICK!


23 May 11 - 01:14 PM (#3159243)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: George Papavgeris

I raptured the seat of my trousers bending down. Does that count?


23 May 11 - 01:23 PM (#3159244)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

"Mead Hall"? I may convert.

Buddy says... "Judgment Day has come and passed, but it was a spiritual judgment on the world," he explains. "There is no more salvation. Salvation is over with. The fact is we have 153 days, and on the 21st of October, the world will end."

Stunned as me arse.


23 May 11 - 03:19 PM (#3159301)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stringsinger

Here's the problem. This fear mongering is a manipulative device to control your brain.
It has ramifications in political posturing and influence, a Tea Party device, a means of scaring people into accepting ideas that they don't need to entertain.

It's not really a joke because it involves a more sinister takeover of people's minds, very much like what a cult does. It can be argued that fundamental Christianity is a cult.

The evangelicals that proselytize this rapture nonsense are dangerous and not funny.

The idea that a man-created god could be so punishing and sadistic as to select a few to torment and reject others is really sick and should be recognized for the psychopathy
that it is.


23 May 11 - 03:59 PM (#3159323)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: McGrath of Harlow

I was talking to my son, and we both suddenly realised we'd actually seen some of those "Judgement Day May 21" posters in passing. We'd both just assumed they were for some Video Game that was due to be published on that day.

I suspect most people who saw them probably thought the same. Well, maybe not in the USA...


23 May 11 - 04:42 PM (#3159346)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell

So they've gone to Plan B, huh? Instead of Rapture followed by Tribulation followed by Judgment Day, it's gonna all be lumped together on October 21. Does that mean there won't be a Tribulation? Surely it wouldn't be fair to have the saved endure the same tortures as us heathens. Maybe it'll be toned down a bit. Tribulation Lite. Instead of plagues, famines and cataclysms it'll be stubbed toes, a rash of SPAM emails and a few cars with broken fuel pumps.


23 May 11 - 05:59 PM (#3159396)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

"a few cars with broken fuel pumps."?

You pissed at the neighbours?


23 May 11 - 09:41 PM (#3159470)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Joe Offer at the Women's Center

I saw those billboards here in Northern California, McGrath.

I thought they were predicting a movie.....

-Joe-


23 May 11 - 09:54 PM (#3159472)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

"The idea that a man-created god could be so punishing and sadistic as to select a few to torment and reject others is really sick and should be recognized for the psychopathy
that it is."

Frank - I couldn't agree more.

"The evangelicals that proselytize this rapture nonsense are dangerous and not funny."

Here we're going to have to disagree. I'm sure that very few people actually believed this yahoo when he said that the rapture was going to take place last Saturday. And that particular group of people can be convinced of anything. Tell them that the sun is going to rise in the west tomorrow moring and they'll be up at the crack of dawn to watch it.


24 May 11 - 06:49 AM (#3159643)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

Just to stir the pot -

That would mean that billions of otherwise normal people who profoundly believe in Christianity are cruel, sadistic (and/or wretched, masochistic) psychopaths.

What you see as punishing and sadistic, they see as kind and loving because it's so easy to escape punishment.

Just sayin'.


24 May 11 - 07:11 AM (#3159650)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

Agreed, Lighter.

The idea of a man-created god is of stringsinger's creation, not one of Christians.

Also, the Christian belief is it is personal choice to accept or reject Christ and punishment or salvation is based on this personal choice.


24 May 11 - 07:32 AM (#3159656)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Wesley S

"The idea of a man-created god is of stringsinger's creation, not one of Christians."

I'll have to disagree there too. If God did create man in his image then we Christians have done a pretty good job of recreating him in our image. To suit our whims and agendas.


24 May 11 - 07:35 AM (#3159663)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

I'm afraid there is some truth in that Wesley...


24 May 11 - 07:52 AM (#3159668)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

But Jon, God Himself set things up in the first place to force each person to choose. Whoever chooses wrong - on the basis of a failure of reason and/or faith (both of which were given by God in the first place)- gets punished beyond anything imaginable.

Add to that the fact that God has designed God-given reason (as well as free will) so that it easily leads man astray, and that being omniscient He must have known that Adam and Eve would sin but put them in the Garden anyway -and it all starts to seem rather like a very strange game indeed.

If one is prepared to accept the bible as correct, why not the Quran? As we know, there are frighteningly contradictory (and more or less popular) ways of interpreting both. Strange.

But just to avoid any misunderstanding - I can't even understand my income tax, so I don't claim to know the workings of the Cosmos any better.


24 May 11 - 07:57 AM (#3159669)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

Almost forgot. Camping has admitted his error in interpretation, but promises the Apocalypse, the End of Time, without a doubt and for sure, for October 21. Like he said before:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/preacher-says-saturday-was-a-spiritual-judgment-day-world-will-actually-end-in-october/20

And yes, it is now too late to repent.


24 May 11 - 08:11 AM (#3159678)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Jon

I don't understand it all by any means Lighter but I think the "being forced to choose" is part of being given free will. Personally, I don't know about you but personally, I'd rather have free will that (I suppose) be some form of robot.

As for the punishment, while I believe it is for real, I do not understand the severity. That said, according to my belief, there is forgiveness and one can escape through Christ.

For the next part, I would suggest it's Satan (coupled with man's stupidity - OK, I don't know why we are so good at stupidity...) that leads us astray. Eve was persuaded by the serpent but again I realise one could ask why inflict Satan and his minions on us...

Why select Quarn or Bible or atheism for that matter. I think you gave it with personal belief and (attempts at) reasoning leading to our choice.

Anyway, I'm sure that's not complete, etc. but it's the best shot I can give at the moment.


25 May 11 - 02:00 AM (#3160130)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Ebbie

(What follows is from a fundamentalist's perspective, far more simplistic than a view I currently share.)

I grew up believing in a literal, endless, physical hell.

Eventually it made no sense to me at all. For one good reason: Assumng we are created beings, it is deeply instilled in us that torture is bad, it is evil.

The created is not better than the creator. If we, the created, recognize the evil of torture we must have got that information from the creator.

Thus: God does not torture.

Extinguishment, perhaps. Torture, no.


25 May 11 - 04:46 PM (#3160516)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

GUEST,Joe Offer at the Women's Center ...

Oh tell us...it isn't true!!
wink

GfS


25 May 11 - 06:14 PM (#3160553)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

Ebbie... "Thus: God does not torture."

How basic and true... and irrefutable by all, especially the twits that prey upon the gullible.


25 May 11 - 09:06 PM (#3160602)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter

But what about the Lake of Fire?


25 May 11 - 09:44 PM (#3160613)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

If yer buddy jumped in a lake.....


06 Jan 12 - 10:07 AM (#3285913)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Mr Happy

Will it be in May this year too?


06 Jan 12 - 10:29 AM (#3285927)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999

I hope so. I got stoned and I missed it last time.


06 Jan 12 - 03:15 PM (#3286100)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: JHW

No its 21st Dec this year


06 Jan 12 - 03:27 PM (#3286111)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu

21st Dec??? Fuck me!!! I just sent out all the invitations and put a deposit on the hall and and paid the priest and... SOB! I might be able to get the money back on the hall but from Father Mike? Best I can hope for there is a Novena and a candle. Like that's gonna do me any good.


07 Jan 12 - 10:57 AM (#3286537)
Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity

Oh NO!!!...Not ANOTHER rapture!!! The first couple that never happened, were based on a made up concoction from a dream, that John Scofield thought would be a 'good idea' to use in his Bible notes, for his 'Scofield Bible'...from there, it has spawned a host of lunatics!...Looking for a 'way out'...to save their skins....instead of immortalizing their souls....through LOVE!!!!!!

Oh well!

GfS