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BS: Old Friends

Jerry Rasmussen 07 May 05 - 04:19 PM
LilyFestre 07 May 05 - 04:45 PM
Peace 07 May 05 - 04:46 PM
Jerry Rasmussen 07 May 05 - 04:51 PM
LilyFestre 08 May 05 - 12:09 AM
alanabit 08 May 05 - 04:38 AM
Jerry Rasmussen 09 May 05 - 09:34 AM
kendall 09 May 05 - 12:04 PM
Jerry Rasmussen 09 May 05 - 12:57 PM
ranger1 09 May 05 - 01:31 PM
Ebbie 09 May 05 - 03:05 PM
GUEST,Skipy 09 May 05 - 03:43 PM
PoppaGator 09 May 05 - 04:18 PM
kendall 09 May 05 - 04:24 PM
Allan C. 09 May 05 - 06:21 PM
Blowzabella 09 May 05 - 07:17 PM
Azizi 09 May 05 - 10:50 PM
GUEST 10 May 05 - 01:02 AM
Desert Dancer 10 May 05 - 02:24 AM
freda underhill 10 May 05 - 08:34 AM
Azizi 10 May 05 - 08:47 AM
freda underhill 10 May 05 - 08:52 AM
Jerry Rasmussen 10 May 05 - 09:21 AM
PoppaGator 10 May 05 - 10:16 AM
GUEST,J 10 May 05 - 11:52 AM
Ebbie 10 May 05 - 12:15 PM
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Subject: BS: Old Friends
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:19 PM

In the last year, I've started to get to reknow a casual friend from the 50's. When I was at the University of Wisconsin in the mid-50's, Vilas lived in the same rooming house where I lived for one year. We were never really close friends, but I bought my first Fender guitar through him at a little music store in Richland Center, Wisconsin. It's called Richland Center because it's such a small town it only has a center. I hadn't thought a whole lot about Vilas over the years, but I never forgot him, because he was such an enthusiastic, excitable kid. He formed one of the first rock bands in Wisconsin and hat a top 40 single, hawking copies to area dj's, giving them strawberries from his father's farm.

About a year ago, another old college roomie, who I have kept in touch with me told me that he had wandered across Vilas's website. I checked it out, bought a CD of his old records from the late fifties and early sixties, and started an infrequent exchange of e-mails. Now, my wife and I are heading out to Wisconsin, and Vilas and I are trying to hook up together, perhaps to play some music. We only faintly resemble who we were 40 years ago, and I wonder if we'll have much to talk about (other than "remember the time when".) We weren't all that close a friends back then, so we don't have enough "remember the time whens" to sustain more than a five minute conversation.

I'll also get together with my old college roomie, who I havent' seen in ten years (although we keep in touch, and I've know him since pre-school days.)

What has been your experience, reconnecting with long-lost friends?
I've had great ones where we turned out to have more in common than we did thirty years ago, and others where we were both trying to find a grcious way to edge out the door.

What about you?

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:45 PM

I'm meeting up with an old friend who I haven't seen in over 20 years...tonight...in about an hour. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm excited and a little nervous...we shall see.

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Peace
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:46 PM

Luck with that one, Michelle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 07 May 05 - 04:51 PM

I guess it also depends on how close a friends you were, why you haven't seen each other for so many years, and what's happened during that time.

Have a good time tonight, Michelle..

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 May 05 - 12:09 AM

I had a lovely evening out with my friend. We had lots of time to talk, some time together at church, dinner out with friends, then out for coffee and about an hour and a half just driving around talking. It was great to see him and I look forward to seeing him again soon.

It's funny how sometimes relationships don't skip a beat even when so much time has passed. :)

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: alanabit
Date: 08 May 05 - 04:38 AM

My experience has generally been good. In fact, revisiting the past seems to be helping me on my way forward. When I left my boarding school, after four disastrous years in 1970, I only kept in touch with a friend whom I had known before we both went there. That friendship is still alive. There was a nine year pause and when we met up again, he was living in Basel in Switzerland, working as a toxicologist and I was a Cologne busker! We were both living abroad and speaking German. We had even more in common then, because we had several overlapping tastes in music, similar politics and in the intervening years, Simon had become a football fan. He now lives near New York and I have no doubt things would be just fine if he walked through my door this evening.
Through the internet, I have tentatively established contact with old boys from the old boarding school. Now we are talking to each other as grown men rather than teenagers, I find that my problems were by no means unique. I am also making new friends in one of the least expected ways. Of the three dates which have already been confirmed for my UK visit in September, two were directly the result of contacts with former RHS boys. They have turned out to be quite as kind and supportive as Mudcatters - and that can't be bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 09 May 05 - 09:34 AM

That's good to hear, Michelle and Alan. I guess it shouldn't be surprising if friendships can survive an absence of many years. Two of my closest friends in high school are people I enjoy now much more than when we saw each other every day. Back in high school, our common interests were baseball, music and Bob and Ray (Anybody else remember the Bob and Ray radio program, if you are a Statesider?). I still follow baseball (Go Pirates!) but in my communication with my two friends, the topic has never come up. Music is still a good part of our conversations, but not on the "remember when" level. And now, faith has become an important part of our connection, which wasn't the case for any of us in high school. I the case of these two friends, the basic foundation for the friendships hasn't diminished, even though our lives have been very different. If anything, it has deepened.

I've had the reverse happen, too, and I think the reason why is that the old friendships were based on interests of the moment, and nothing deeper. Talking about the "good" old days wears thin quickly, and then there's no common ground.

This weekend, my wife and I are seeing jimmyt and his wife in Georgia.
That's another kind of reunion... meeting people who seem like old friends, for the first time..

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: kendall
Date: 09 May 05 - 12:04 PM

I'm amazed at how many old friends are still stuck in the 50,s. Some of them are still republicans.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 09 May 05 - 12:57 PM

You had Republican friends in the 50's, Kendall? :-)

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: ranger1
Date: 09 May 05 - 01:31 PM

I keep in touch sporadically with my best friend from elementary school. We've known each other since we were 5, and the times when we get together, even though I might not see her for 5 or 6 years at a stretch, are like we've never been apart. When we were kids, we used to finish each others' sentences, and we still do!


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 May 05 - 03:05 PM

My best friend when I was a girl in Virginia (Ginny, Bobert!) and I had not met for 43 years when she and her husband made a quick trip to Oregon and I flew down from Alaska to see her again. Within five minutes I remembered why I had loved her so. Now in her 60s she was still a peaceful, sweet person with that same unexpected zing of wicked humor she had always had.

We have kept in touch ever since and have met twice since then.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: GUEST,Skipy
Date: 09 May 05 - 03:43 PM

"Sat on a parkbench like bookends"

Paul Simon.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: PoppaGator
Date: 09 May 05 - 04:18 PM

Later this summer, I'm looking forward to meeting up with a bunch of friends from college days ('65-'69 ~ I'm not quite as old as Jerry), including most of the acoustic-instrument pickers with whom I used to jam, and with whom I first ventured onstage at little local coffeehouse venues.

We were more-or-less "hippie" types, and were a distinct and somewhat embattled minority on a fairly conservative campus back in those years; as a consequence, the relationships we developed may have been unusually close, or at least memorable enough to still hold a lot of interest after 35+ years.

Not everyone at this reunion will be exactly the same age as each other; what we had in common was the "scene" to which we belonged, not our graduating classes. I expect to see members of four or five different class years, maybe about '67 through '71. Of course, at our present ages, that 3-4-5 year age difference means next to nothing (certainly 'way less now than it did when we were kids).

I've met with this bunch just once since school days, sometime back in the 80s, but another similar and partly-overlapping group of similar campus oddballs (primarily rock 'n' rollers in this case rather than folkies) has held three similar unofficial reunions since the mid-90s. The depth of comraderie has been astounding ~ even folks who were barely acquainted back in the old days seem to find a lot of common ground at having shared a time and place that was so intense and important at a key time in our lives. In fact, even the spouses, partners, etc., seemed to fit right in and to become full-fledged members of the group, perhaps feeling a degree of commonality due to their own similar youthful values and experiences, or perhaps just from sensing the group's overall bond and being ready and willing to join in.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: kendall
Date: 09 May 05 - 04:24 PM

Jerry, I WAS a republican! Thank God I healed.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Allan C.
Date: 09 May 05 - 06:21 PM

After a chance reunion with an old friend, not only was the wonderful friendship rekindled; but we also fell in love. Just a few months later, we were married! I suppose you'd still have to call us newlyweds. We've been married less than three months so far. It seems impossible, but each day is even better than the last.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Blowzabella
Date: 09 May 05 - 07:17 PM

Through Friends Reunited, I've met up with an old friend from school and we have as good a friendship as we had then - it's astonishing! We corresponded by email casually enough but then, the first time we spoke on the phone, we talked for an hour and a half - the sort of conversation that I haven't had since I was a teenager and my parents were paying the bill!

On the other hand, I also re-contacted an ex-boyfriend through FR - and we found that there were areas where we still very much connected too. We did meet once but I had to discontinue the relationship because we were both likely to make mistakes we would have regretted. When we were courting, he had been married once before (he was 21, i was 16), when we met again, he was onto his 4th wife and had several children to different relationships. It was a place I just couldn't think about going, so, much as it hurt, I stopped the correspondence.

Strangely enough, the friend I am in contact with is in contact with the ex-boyfriend I am not in contact with - so she keeps me in touch (if you see what I mean)


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Azizi
Date: 09 May 05 - 10:50 PM

Allan C.

I love stories like that. You said that "..each day is better than the last"...

I hope you both know how blessed [lucky?] you are.

Or if you believe in reincarnation like I do, maybe you both earned your happiness in your last life {or your other lifes before that one}.

Anyway, congratulations on your marriage!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 05 - 01:02 AM

With men, Love is a state of being that takes control and ensnares them like slaves, pulled in whatever direction their heartstrings dictate. Their desires reduce them to blabbering fools, consequences be damned. It courses through them like water through fissured rock, forming channels that etch forever its indelible likeness on man's face. It has been the eroded ruin of more than one good man.

With women, Love is a substance to be manipulated. It can be turned on and off like water. It can be solid, like clay - molded, shaped and fired into any likeness the woman envisions. And if the outcome isn't pleasing...if she doesn't like the image or the shape Love assumes, she can smash the mold and start over without remorse or nostalgia for the perfecly complete way things once were.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 10 May 05 - 02:24 AM

We-ell, that's one perspective...


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:34 AM

Last week I was waiting for a train - to get me to the city, where i was to catch a bus to another city for work. The train did not come. Not only that, but the next two trains didnt come. I missed the coach to Canberra, and so missed a day's work. I was furious. I turned around and walked down the steps of the railway station, carrying my suitcase with me. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw an old friend, a woman i hadn't seen for 8 years.

we had been very good friends for years, and our friendship ceased when she developed a hard drug habit. she became anorexic, left her work, left her old friends, moved out of the area and into a different scene.

it was great to see her. within two minutes we had reconciled and spent the next 20 minutes catching up. she is well, and has moved on with her life. we exchanged hugs and phone numbers. I was very pleased to have missed those trains!


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Azizi
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:47 AM

Freda, I love stories like that too!

And GUEST 10 May 05 - 01:02 AM.
What kind of love have you experienced and observed, girl???!!
[or guy???!!!]

I pity you if you really believe the conclusions you posted above.

And I suggest that you open your heart and mind to the possibilities of positive, healing, expansive love.

As the song says, "Ain't nothin like the real thing."

I'm a witness.


Azizi


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 05 - 08:52 AM

thanks, azizi - i had often wondered about her, whether she had survived, whether she was alive. it was fantastic to talk and to see how she had grown, survived, and developed.


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 10 May 05 - 09:21 AM

Good stories, and an encouragement to all of us. Just to balance things out, I'll add another result. Back in the 60's, I performed with another musician for several years. Musically, we were reflections of each other and the music flowed so naturally that it was a strong bond between us, even though we were very different. It was a good, positive, supportive friendship and I look back upon it with nothing but appreciation. When we both moved away, the friendship died from lack of communication. Many years later, we crossed paths again and got together. The music wasn't there any more, and even though in some ways, I liked the person more than I did when we were close friends, there wasn't enough of a connection to breathe life into the friendship. It turned out to be what I call a Crossroads Friendship. I've had several of them in my life, and am deeply appreciative for each one, even though the friendships are no longer alive. There are times in our lives when we are going through a major change, when we meet someone else who becomes important to us at that time. They may or may not be going through a major change, themselves. I had a wonderful, loving, supportive friendship with someone when I was going through my divorce, and really needed unflinching encouragement. My friend was facing the loss of his Father, and was struggling to deal with it, and I believe that I was a strength to him as well. When the divorce and the first couple of years following passed, and my friend's Father died and he was able to move on, the friendship faded. I think that we are both thankful for the support that we gave to each other, and have nothing but warm memories of those days. But, we've moved on, down different roads now.

Not all friendships are forever, or even should be. Sometimes, a friend is placed in our path when we really need them (or, they really need us.) Some friendships can't be rekindled. But, the good ones can always be remembered with thanksgiving.

Jerry


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: PoppaGator
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:16 AM

I've been thinking about "old friendships" in the light of my upcoming reunion (above), and then the appearance of this thread made me think about it some more.

Despite the undeniable evidence that age is catching up to me, within myself I feel like the same person I was when in my early-to-mid-20s. That's who I really am! Isn't that true for all of us, or most of us?

If our self-image is largely determined by who we were in young adulthood, when we were making most of the choices that would determine who we would be for the rest of our lives, doesn't it make sense that our friendships and relationships from that same period would remain important aspects of our identities for years and years?


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: GUEST,J
Date: 10 May 05 - 11:52 AM

Its funny this thread should come up now. I have a friend ( who had the potential to be a very good friend) who is disappearing from my life tomorrow. Will be interesting to see when or if he reapears.

On the other hand I got in contact with a lad I hadn't seen for twenty fiveish years and we now have a stong e-mail friendship. I send him miserable emails and he tells me the pitfalls of speed dating. Works very well.

J


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Subject: RE: BS: Old Friends
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 May 05 - 12:15 PM

Guest 1:02, what utter balderdash. You're not talking about LOVE, but hormones.   Not 'understanding', but 'self-absorption'.


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