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BS: Blonde Jokes

gnu 25 Apr 11 - 03:25 PM
Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 25 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM
dick greenhaus 10 Dec 08 - 04:06 PM
Uncle_DaveO 10 Dec 08 - 02:14 PM
GUEST,Mrr 10 Dec 08 - 01:46 PM
EBarnacle 09 Dec 08 - 11:21 PM
Joe_F 09 Dec 08 - 09:21 PM
EBarnacle 09 Dec 08 - 10:12 AM
Rog Peek 08 Dec 08 - 02:08 PM
Jim Dixon 07 Dec 08 - 04:10 PM
artbrooks 07 Dec 08 - 09:46 AM
Lighter 06 Dec 08 - 04:28 PM
dick greenhaus 06 Dec 08 - 04:20 PM
Jim Dixon 06 Dec 08 - 03:50 PM
Georgiansilver 06 Dec 08 - 02:28 PM
Uncle_DaveO 06 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM
frogprince 06 Dec 08 - 10:36 AM
Georgiansilver 06 Dec 08 - 12:08 AM
Barry Finn 05 Dec 08 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 08 - 01:06 PM
Lighter 05 Dec 08 - 10:45 AM
*Laura* 19 Nov 04 - 05:51 PM
Bert 19 Nov 04 - 03:05 PM
GUEST,Songster Bob 18 Nov 04 - 11:13 PM
GUEST 18 Nov 04 - 05:21 PM
GUEST,C. 16 Apr 03 - 05:35 PM
GUEST,mufdvr 16 Apr 03 - 04:39 PM
Pseudolus 16 Apr 03 - 01:53 PM
Raggytash 16 Apr 03 - 02:53 AM
Blackcatter 15 Apr 03 - 05:53 PM
GUEST 15 Apr 03 - 04:59 PM
GUEST 15 Apr 03 - 07:58 AM
GUEST 15 Apr 03 - 07:21 AM
Blackcatter 15 Apr 03 - 06:55 AM
Gareth 15 Apr 03 - 06:28 AM
GUEST,Clareling 14 Apr 03 - 11:50 PM
Blackcatter 14 Apr 03 - 11:21 PM
GUEST,leeneia 14 Apr 03 - 10:37 PM
vectis 14 Apr 03 - 08:16 PM
Sandy Creek 14 Apr 03 - 07:31 PM
GUEST,Clareling 14 Apr 03 - 05:27 PM
GUEST,Clareling 14 Apr 03 - 05:13 PM
YOR 14 Apr 03 - 01:05 PM
GUEST 14 Apr 03 - 10:49 AM
Blackcatter 14 Apr 03 - 09:14 AM
gnu 14 Apr 03 - 07:26 AM
Terry K 14 Apr 03 - 04:43 AM
mack/misophist 13 Apr 03 - 11:26 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 13 Apr 03 - 08:44 PM
Nigel Parsons 13 Apr 03 - 08:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:25 PM

Groooooan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM

Glamour model Katie Price has escaped unjuried after the car she was travelling in crashed into two wild horses in Argentina.

Price, also known as Jordan, was in a 4x4 driven by her boyfriend Leandro Penna when a pair of stallions jumped a fence and galloped into their path on a remote country road.

Both of the animals were killed, with one breaking through the windscreen of the car.

I wonder did her airbags work ?


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 04:06 PM

Y'know, most ethnic (or other minority) jokes are largely interchangeable--and not particularly funny. The occasional one that taps into a specific characteristic of a minority --the ones that aren't interchangeable--are much funnier. And much more potentially harmful, in that they help preserve stereotypes..


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 02:14 PM

But then, Bush is ALREADY a joke!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 01:46 PM

And most blonde jokes work very well as Bush jokes!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: EBarnacle
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 11:21 PM

Joe, that one was told in Sholem Aleichem's Tevye and his Daughters.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 09:21 PM

Some cultures have a convenient town to visit such jokes on: Gotham (UK) or Chelm (eastern European Jews).

"Which is more important, the sun or the moon?" a citizen of Chelm asked his rabbi.
"The moon, of course," replied the rabbi. "It shines at night, when it is needed. The sun shines only during the day, when there is no need of it at all."


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: EBarnacle
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 10:12 AM

They've gone mainstream. This was on the MSN home page today.

http://tech.msn.com/news/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=15737752>1=40000


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Rog Peek
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 02:08 PM

A blind man enters a Ladies' Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman to his left says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things .....
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6 foot tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Rog


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 04:10 PM

There was the blonde who thought "safe sex" meant a padded headboard....


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: artbrooks
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 09:46 AM

How do you knock a Marine unconscious?

Throw a shovel full of dirt on the side of a wall and say "hit the beach!".


I don't think I saw this one earlier:

What does a blonde think about during sex?

"Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Lighter
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 04:28 PM

Compare with Jim's joke:

JOKER (suddenly): I just heard the greatest knock-knock joke. You start!

JERK (eagerly): Knock knock!

JOKER: Who's there?

JERK: Uhhhhh.....uhhhh....*I* don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKER: Sorry. This time, *you* say knock knock.

JERK: Knock knock!

JOKER: Who's there?

JERK: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Needless to say, I was the "jerk" in this particular case. (It may have been in the '80s.) But this time, *you* say knock knock. You'll never guess the punchline!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 04:20 PM

A half-century or so ago, Stan Freburg solved the "who to insult" problem in a simple and effective way: All groups who were subjects of jokes were "Swiss".

Sample: "My wife came down with the flu"
       "Hong Kong Flu?"
       "No, Swiss Flu. That way we don't offend anybody"


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 03:50 PM

A while ago I was watching "Skins", the British-made somewhat-comic soap opera about teenagers, on BBC America. The opening scene went something like this:

GIRL: Can I tell you a joke?
BOY: Sure.
GIRL: What do you call nacho cheese? ... Wait a minute. That's not right. (She gets out her cell phone [mobile] and calls a friend.)
GIRL (speaking into the phone): How does that joke go again? ... Yeah, right. ... Cheers. (Hangs up.)
GIRL (to boy): What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
BOY: Nacho cheese?
GIRL: Oh, you've heard it before!

The girl was not a blonde (as if that matters). I found it hilarious, because something similar has happened to me innumerable times. While we're out with friends, my wife will start telling a joke, then get confused, then turn to me for help, or ask me to finish telling it, after she has already spoiled it by giving away the punch line! I hate when that happens! My wife is not a blonde, either, but she might as well be, when it comes to telling jokes!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 02:28 PM

The blonde who thought 'Boxcar Willie' was something men caught on trains.
The blonde who thought 'Willie Nelson' was a wrestling hold


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM

If you're a musician, you can recast all the blonde jokes to violist jokes. Or accordionist jokes. Or drummer jokes. (etc., etc., ad nauseam)

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 10:36 AM

warning, bad taste...

...who thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease...


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 12:08 AM

Dyslexic blonde got hurt when she walked into an iron bra!
The blonde who thought Sherlock Holmes was an appartment block.
The blonde who though Manual labour was a Spanish man.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Barry Finn
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 11:50 PM

3 blondes walk into a building


Barry


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 01:06 PM

Hey! I'm blonde (with a bit of white nowadays).


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Lighter
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:45 AM

Maybe these were on an earlier thread. I heard them on the Fox News Channel yesterday, told (mostly) by a blonde lawyer and a blonde news anchor.

"She's so blonde, she thinks General Motors is in the Army." [Note: "Navy" would be more subtle.]

There were several more of the "She's so blonde" variety, but they didn't stick.

"Three blondes were walking in the woods when they found some tracks. The first blonde says, 'Deer tracks.' The second blonde says, 'Elk tracks.' The third blonde says, 'Moose tracks.' Then while they were arguing they got run over by a train!"

From the same source about eight months ago:

"A blonde walks into a department store to buy a TV. She sees one she likes, but the salesman says, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes here." Naturally she gets angry and says, 'What do you mean you don't sell to blondes? That's an outrage!' But the salesman says, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's store policy and I don't make the rules. We just don't sell to blondes.'

"So she goes home and dyes her hair black, puts on new clothes and giant dark glasses. Then she goes back to the store, finds a different salesman and says, 'I'd like to buy this TV please.'

"The salesman says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes.' She says, 'I beg your pardon, but what makes you think I'm a blonde?'

'The salesman looks at her with her black hair and giant dark glasses and says, 'Because that's a microwave oven.'"

(You can tell blonde jokes even if you're blonde! Just change 'em to "redhead" jokes, "male chauvinist" jokes, or, as was the fashion when I was in grade school, "little moron" jokes. Let there be no bounds to the funsmith's art!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: *Laura*
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 05:51 PM

Ok I don't like this one much - but it's something to slap your male mates about when they tell it to you...

Three blondes are stuck on a dessert island and they can't find a way off to mainland. Miraculously they discover a magic lamp - which contains a genie. He says he will grant them one wish each.
The first one says 'I wish i was more intelligent so I could get off this island' - he turns her into a brunette and she swims to the mainland.
The second one says 'I wish I was more intellegant than you made her so I could get off this island too' - he turns her hair black and she builds a boat and rows to mainland.
The third blonde says she wants to be the most intellegant of them all - so.. wait for it...
he turns her into a man and she uses the bridge!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Oh. My. God!!!

xLx
p.s. and i am blonde! but don't find them that offensive - depending on what they are. Especially as I have a (very blonde) friend who can really act the dumb blonde at times!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Bert
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:05 PM

Ely, there's a difference.

There are no Aggie Jokes, they are all true stories.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Songster Bob
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 11:13 PM

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?


... so men can remember them.


Bob (yeah, I know...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:21 PM

Q: what do you call an upside down blonde?
A: a brunette with bad breathe


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,C.
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 05:35 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,mufdvr
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 04:39 PM

How 'bout getting back to jist of the thread...let's have some more good blond jokes.

What do you call blondes in a freezer?   FROSTED FLAKES


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Pseudolus
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 01:53 PM

If the title of the thread is "Blonde Jokes" and someone who is offended by Blonde jokes goes in and reads it anyway. whose fault is that?!? The fact is that some people are offended and some are not offended by stereotype jokes, neither group is right, it's just different opinions!! I'm personally offended when people come into threads like this and essentially tell me that I'm WRONG if I'm NOT offended by the jokes!!!! And comparing it to the workplace is just plain wrong.....you HAVE to go to your workplace, you don't HAVE to open this thread......

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Raggytash
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:53 AM

Blackcatter,
I'll be named I'll give you my home address if you want, you may be educated, you may be successful, you may be sought after by many sections of the community but I have to say you don't sound happy with life.
I think happiness outweighs all of the other benefits you seem to enjoy


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Blackcatter
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 05:53 PM

Fuck-off GUEST.

Stay un-named and you deserve less from me than does a roach.

Blonde jokes offend me - I have a right to say that on this list. And I'm not the only one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 04:59 PM

Well, lets just complain about it. Why don't we sue sombody while were at it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 07:58 AM

Blackcatter,
You may have a BA and a MA and run your own business but you seem to have had a sense of humour by-pass. Calm down a touch.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 07:21 AM

Q. How does an Essex girl practise safe sex?

A. She puts the handbrake on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Blackcatter
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:55 AM

"I didn't make em up."    Is this an excuse? Sort of like "I was just following orders?"

"One is better than none."    I beg to differ - offering a joke to show that blonde men are just as stupid as blonde women is not "better"

"And, if ya dont like them, ya dont have to read them."    True - now how about the blonde jokes I hear told in the workplace? Should I just walk around going, "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Gareth
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:28 AM

Here in South Wales they are known as "Merthyr Girl" jokes.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Clareling
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 11:50 PM

I didn't make em up.
One is better than none.
And, if ya dont like them, ya dont have to read them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Blackcatter
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 11:21 PM

What's the difference between blonds and GUEST,Clareling? Nearly all blondes can count past 7.

What's ANOTHER difference between blonds and GUEST,Clareling? Blondes know that a ratio of 16 to 1 isn't remotely even.

Wonder where I'm getting this? Check out GUEST,Clareling's 14 Apr 03 - 05:13 post and 14 Apr 03 - 05:27 PM


Now that's funny!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 10:37 PM

Vectis, there is a difference between teasing and nastiness.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: vectis
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 08:16 PM

What's the difference between a blond and an ironing board?
You can close the legs on an ironing board.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Sandy Creek
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 07:31 PM

Thanks to all Mudcatters for this funny/funny stuff. I will make sure to mention The Mudcat Cafe and forum in my articles. We just may attract some interesting new members. Hey! Don't stop, keep 'em coming.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Clareling
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 05:27 PM

BY THE WAY! For all of you who are against blond jokes becasue they are all against women, there is one in there against blond men, just trying to even the score a little.
The Clareling


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Clareling
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 05:13 PM

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton-

A young blonde was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day. Moving closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy".
The blonde nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Port Arkansas Ferry."

ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this
person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIX
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

SEVEN
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them,".
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ". And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big breasts."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why kill a blonde with big breasts?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

A man met a beautiful blonde woman and he decided that he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer? "
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in El Paso, Texas, and I worked both sides of the river.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said,
"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, " If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, " I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, " He makes his own lunch."

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

A blonde in her fourth freshman year at UCLA, sat in her U.S. Government Class, when the professor asked her if she knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound question and finally sighed and said, "I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware!"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued, "and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

A Blonde's Cooking Diary
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for ROAST. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY: This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

thats all i got...


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: YOR
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 01:05 PM

So when Iraq comes out with it's new national anthem know one is going to know what it sounds like for 6 months because thier ears will still be ringing.

Oh, sorry I slipped a groove! I'm blonde.

What does a blonde say after sex?
A1: Are all you guys on the same team.
A2: Who cares.
A3: Just use some more from Spaw's list: Next., I'm sorry honey were you saying something.

What do you call a brunette in between two blondes?
An interpreter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 10:49 AM

A blonde heard that a mbilk bath would be good for her skin so she called the dairy to order enough to fill her tub.

"Pasteurized?" asked the dairy guy.

"No, just up to my tits."




ddduuuhhh


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Blackcatter
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 09:14 AM

Cause that's the way prostitution works Gnu!


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: gnu
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 07:26 AM

Question: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Terry K
Date: 14 Apr 03 - 04:43 AM

100,000 blondes attended the annual "Blondes Convention".

On the stage, the MC introduced a gorgeous blonde who would prove conclusively that blondes are not stupid, by answering a question.

He asked "what is 23 plus 12?". The blonde thought for a while and eventually answered "forty eight?".

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect".

100,000 blondes cried out "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

So he asked another question - "what is 10 plus 13". Again she thought for a while and came up with "twenty nine?"

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect".

100,000 blondes cried out "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

So he asked another question - "What is 1 plus 1". The blonde agonised over this for a while, then answered "two?"












100,000 blondes cried out "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: mack/misophist
Date: 13 Apr 03 - 11:26 PM

The saddest 'blond joke' of all is that Jean Harlow died of the treatment that made her hair look like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 13 Apr 03 - 08:44 PM

I dunno, I'm blonde. And my whole family is blonde or started out that way. Does that mean that those who moved from blonde to brunette increased their intelligence as they grew older? Now my hair is going from blonde to white...am I growing less intelligent?

Mind you, we laugh at blonde jokes....


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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 13 Apr 03 - 08:24 PM

A competition for women was announced, to swim the 'English Channel', using 'Breast stroke'.
There were only three women willing to take up the challenge, a brunette, a redhead, and a blond.
They all started together, and the race was on.
After 23 hours the brunette arrived in France to be greated by the race committee, given champagne, and told she was the winner.
Two hours fifteen minutes later, the redhead arrived, and was consoled because she had not won, but was still congratulated on a marvellous effort. Champgne was provided, and she was feted by local dignitories.
Another day passed.
After a total of three days and six hours the blond arrived at the beach, and drsgged herself from the water. Some of the committee were still available to welcome her, and gave her a drink and a warm blanket.
As feeling returned to the blond she spoke to the organising committee and said:
"I don't wish to appear a bad sport, but I think the others cheated, they used their arms!"


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