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BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking

GUEST,Guest 18 Jan 03 - 11:22 AM
the lemonade lady 18 Jan 03 - 11:26 AM
*daylia* 18 Jan 03 - 11:35 AM
Rick Fielding 18 Jan 03 - 11:41 AM
Amos 18 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM
mousethief 18 Jan 03 - 12:21 PM
GUEST,different guest 18 Jan 03 - 12:51 PM
NicoleC 18 Jan 03 - 01:10 PM
GUEST,rock chick 18 Jan 03 - 01:15 PM
Deda 18 Jan 03 - 05:52 PM
Peter T. 18 Jan 03 - 06:01 PM
Morticia 18 Jan 03 - 06:53 PM
EBarnacle1 18 Jan 03 - 06:54 PM
CapriUni 18 Jan 03 - 07:54 PM
Bobert 18 Jan 03 - 08:53 PM
Benjamin 18 Jan 03 - 10:02 PM
GUEST 18 Jan 03 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jan 03 - 10:15 PM
Bill D 18 Jan 03 - 11:29 PM
John MacKenzie 19 Jan 03 - 11:20 AM
JenEllen 19 Jan 03 - 11:49 AM
GUEST 19 Jan 03 - 03:08 PM
Deda 20 Jan 03 - 12:35 AM
mousethief 20 Jan 03 - 12:40 AM
GUEST,The guy on the phone 20 Jan 03 - 02:22 AM
GUEST,The woman of uncertainty 20 Jan 03 - 07:13 AM
kendall 20 Jan 03 - 07:58 AM
GUEST 20 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM
Dani 20 Jan 03 - 12:54 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Jan 03 - 01:08 PM
Ebbie 20 Jan 03 - 01:52 PM
Mr Red 20 Jan 03 - 03:02 PM
GUEST 20 Jan 03 - 05:59 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 20 Jan 03 - 06:29 PM
the lemonade lady 21 Jan 03 - 08:56 AM
GUEST,Plain Jane 21 Jan 03 - 09:50 AM
Amos 21 Jan 03 - 11:37 AM
Mr Red 21 Jan 03 - 01:17 PM
*daylia* 21 Jan 03 - 01:28 PM
the lemonade lady 22 Jan 03 - 05:19 AM
KingBrilliant 22 Jan 03 - 08:40 AM
Mr Red 22 Jan 03 - 10:31 AM
*daylia* 22 Jan 03 - 10:35 AM
GUEST 22 Jan 03 - 12:17 PM
Jeanie 22 Jan 03 - 12:45 PM
GUEST,Plain Jane 22 Jan 03 - 05:32 PM
the lemonade lady 25 Jan 03 - 10:34 AM
GUEST,GUEST Guest 25 Jan 03 - 11:19 AM
Jeanie 25 Jan 03 - 12:25 PM
Amos 25 Jan 03 - 12:36 PM
Lyrical Lady 25 Jan 03 - 02:13 PM
kendall 26 Jan 03 - 01:06 PM
kendall 26 Jan 03 - 01:11 PM
CarolC 26 Jan 03 - 01:39 PM
kendall 26 Jan 03 - 02:35 PM
Nemesis 26 Jan 03 - 02:58 PM
CarolC 26 Jan 03 - 03:01 PM
Nemesis 26 Jan 03 - 03:34 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 26 Jan 03 - 04:26 PM
wysiwyg 27 Jan 03 - 10:54 AM
rock chick 28 Jan 03 - 12:34 PM
Noreen 28 Jan 03 - 01:51 PM
Jeanie 28 Jan 03 - 03:53 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 28 Jan 03 - 04:30 PM
Nemesis 28 Jan 03 - 04:32 PM
rock chick 28 Jan 03 - 04:54 PM
Nemesis 28 Jan 03 - 09:21 PM
the lemonade lady 05 Feb 03 - 06:40 AM
Noreen 05 Feb 03 - 10:02 AM
the lemonade lady 05 Feb 03 - 10:28 AM
Schantieman 05 Feb 03 - 12:15 PM
Noreen 05 Feb 03 - 03:13 PM
the lemonade lady 05 Feb 03 - 04:29 PM
the lemonade lady 30 May 03 - 07:14 AM
GUEST 30 May 03 - 08:56 AM
the lemonade lady 30 May 03 - 11:58 AM
GUEST,The guy on the phone 30 May 03 - 01:58 PM
GUEST,another guest 30 May 03 - 02:01 PM
kendall 30 May 03 - 05:04 PM
rock chick 30 May 03 - 07:29 PM
Mudlark 31 May 03 - 04:07 AM
GUEST 31 May 03 - 04:44 AM
hesperis 31 May 03 - 03:42 PM
GUEST 08 Jun 03 - 03:12 PM
the lemonade lady 09 Jun 03 - 05:17 AM
Schantieman 09 Jun 03 - 06:46 AM
Bassic 15 Jul 03 - 09:29 PM
LadyJean 16 Jul 03 - 12:17 AM
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Subject: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:22 AM

Is it really possible to fall for someone just by talking, even if you have never met them? They sends me all of a quiver, it's like being a teenager with a first love all over again, we talk every day almost, yet we have never met.

Or I'm I just been STUPID, I realise it could all be just a bit of fun for the other person, but something tells me they feel the same, I may get really hurt, but it a risk I seem to ignore. O dear love is blind!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:26 AM

Don't worry, yes you can and it's happenend to me too, watch this space

sal


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: *daylia*
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:35 AM

Yup! And sometimes it takes a while before I can pick myself up again!

I remember my piano teacher telling me that when she heard her future husband's voice through her open window (before she even saw his face!) she knew right then he was her 'one and only'! Must've worked too, cuz they had 9 kids and have been married for over fifty years...


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:41 AM

When I first heard Heather's lovely English accent, I was hooked. When I found out later that she was from Glasgow, I asked "how come you don't sound like ANY Glaswegian I've ever met"? "I spent three years in Keighly" she said. I'm a sucker for ALL British Isles voices.

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM

Is it possible? Sure.

Is it the whole picture?

Nope.

But stay true to what you have learned so far, and the rest will follow.

The risk is always there, and you can decide for yourself whether joy is worth the risk of loss or not. I have always opted in on the equation, which has left me with some wonderful scars and medals, but, withal, with a belly full of happy memories and a far richer life than I would have led otherwise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 12:21 PM

Yes.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,different guest
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 12:51 PM

YES.

Sometimes even before you've talked, and often before you've realised it.

You sound like you know the risks, is it possible to meet before things get way out of hand ????
At the risk if sounding cynical - I'm sure it's easier for someone to be less than honest by email/phone/text, no body language or facial expressions to give additional info.

On the other hand - maybe a 'long-distance' relationship would suit you.

Good luck :)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: NicoleC
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 01:10 PM

Nope. Not unless you never plan to meet. If you never plan to meet, then, oh yeah, it's love, enjoy!

But you don't get pheremones over the phone or email, and even when it doesn't have anything to do with looks, humans make connections between them that have nothing to do with logic or reason. You just click.

Get together and meet. They may be as wonderful in person, and it'd be a shame not to find out.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,rock chick
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 01:15 PM

Go for it, you only have one life, don't waste time thinking whether it right or not, but go in with your eyes open though, are you single or are you married, same applies to the other one? that could make it a problem.

Anyway good luck with it, I hope it works out for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Deda
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 05:52 PM

Sure -- it happens all the time. Love is indeed blind, and sometimes there's a big price to pay for succumbing to it. But there's a much bigger price to pay for not letting it into your life.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 06:01 PM

There's a radio play by Tom Stoppard called "If You're Glad, I'll Be Frank" where a man falls in love with the sound of the voice of the recorded clock (you can dial up and get the time in Britain from a recorded female voice). It is very funny. Throughout the play (about 15 minutes long) Frank speaks passionately to this voice, saying that he is sure she is a real person, etc., and the voice drones on in absolute automatic sequence, minute by minute ("At the tone, it will be 8:04 precisely; at the tone it ...."). Then, finally, he says something that gets to her, and the voice pauses for a fraction of a microsecond -- thus revealing that he was right all along. It is a classic moment, in part because the audience has in the course of a couple of minutes internalized the absolute regularity of the timing of the voice, and the absolute microsecond pause leaps out at you.

yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Morticia
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 06:53 PM

Hey, Alex, good to see you round here again, how you doin'? And I think yes....sometimes a voice or a letter strips away all sorts of extraneous stuff and allows you to concentrate on WHO that person is, rather than what they look like or whether they have spinach in their teeth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 06:54 PM

The only regrettable things are those you haven't tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: CapriUni
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 07:54 PM

The story in our family has always been that my paternal grandfather worked as a telephone technician at the turn of the century, and called a particular number from the top of a telephone to check the line.

The woman who would turn out to be my grandmother picked up the line...

The fact that he was my grandfather, and she my grandmother kinda gives away the ending of the story, doesn't it? ;-)

Though I will say this: he may have first been smitten by the sound of her voice, but there was a period of daily letters back and forth between them for a long time (a year? I'll have to check), before they got married.

So the spark can definitely be there from the sound of the voice alone, even without pheromones... But for "smitten" to turn to "love" took a good deal of work.

Though now that I think of it, sound, like smell, has a direct connection to the emotion centers of our brain -- particularly tone of voice: the coo of a mother's lullaby, a cry of alarm, a growl of anger, etc.

That's the long answer.

The short answer is: "Yes."


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 08:53 PM

Is there any other way???

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Benjamin
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 10:02 PM

It hasn't happened to me. I msut admit that I don't understand this topic right now though. I still have a lifetime ahead of me. What's the rush?


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 10:10 PM

in a word yes.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 10:15 PM

Yup. There are any number of ways to fall for someone.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:29 PM

well, people used to have 'penpals' and write for years, and commit to love and marriage having never seen each other or spoken. ....so...*shrug*....You can get a very good idea of someone's 'general' attitudes and compatibility, but the chemistry needs to be tested in person to be sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 11:20 AM

Sharing the same tastes, is totally different from being tasty, or tasting good. However as it says on the back of a door in one of the ladies toilets in Trinity College Dublin. "If it feels good, do it" Just don't ask me how I know about this piece of graffitti!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 11:49 AM

I dunno....Every time I profess to be in that sorry state, my sainted Nana tells me: "Well don't take your shoes off just yet, luv." It's a sound piece of advice.

Please think about what you are doing, and think about the kind of advice you are getting here. Some of these are "yes" votes are from the same folks that will tell you to be in love, you have to be 'friends' first, and still more that 'friendship' means you can be 'silent together', which when added to your inital question, makes the whole thing a syllogistic impossiblity.

Be careful with your heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 03:08 PM

Very wise word from your Nana, the shoes stay on for a while yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Deda
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 12:35 AM

From ee cummings:

be of love
a little more careful
than of everything


(Didn't look up the line breaks, they may be wrong.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 12:40 AM

line breaks in e.e. cummings are nearly always wrong.

alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,The guy on the phone
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 02:22 AM

Voices in the head.

It is NOT just a bit of fun.
I could get hurt.
I DO feel the same.
Do not ignore the risk of being hurt.
Take responsibility for protecting you.
Do not use the word love. Not yet.
It could be worth the risk.
How else do you find out?
Don`t tell the world just yet.
Could this be the one?
Is the timing ever right?
You only live once.
Will I still be me?

See..............simple, isn`t it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,The woman of uncertainty
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 07:13 AM

Voices in the head.
Feelings.

I'm happy it's NOT just a bit of fun.
We could get hurt.
Life is a risk.
It's good WE feel the same.
We both know the risks of being hurt.
We are both adults.
Love in a different sense at first.
Love grows from friendships.
Worth the risk? Maybe?
Only one way to find out.
The world is not ready for something on this proportion yet.
Maybe this could be the one?
Time controls us.
Start living today
I can only be me.

Put that way……………..yes it's simple.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: kendall
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 07:58 AM

A telephone voice? probably not.I've only "fallen" once in my life, that was years ago, but, I have been strongly drawn to a couple of ladies since then. To maintain my facade as a grumpy curmudgeon is not easy when that very rare one comes along who sees right through me! Being a hopeless romantic doesn't help you know!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 11:48 AM

I would have said no, but then reading the above from 'The guy on the phone' and 'Woman of uncertainty' I could be wrong.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Dani
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 12:54 PM

Only a hopeless romantic REALIZES when he's being seen through.

And, YES, of course, is the answer.

Dani


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 01:08 PM

What Jenellen said is pretty much it. That's what happened for Carol and me. We even found we could be "silent" together both in internet chat and on the phone. Good luck guest but be careful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 01:52 PM

'Falling' in love says a lot. Today,I'd much rather be clear headed. Falling in love to me was the stage when I and my partner were eagerly feeding each other the information and feedback that made us feel understood and valued at that moment beyond what anyone but ourselves had ever thought about ourselves.

I imagine that stage is fairly indispensable, (how else can one become interested in proceeding further?) but it isn't actually love itself.

On the other hand, I'm probably missing the point!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Mr Red
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 03:02 PM

Well one short sentence with a certain fresh juicer and you will never be able to look at a lemonade the same way.

OK Mrs Lemon - you are teasing us and we are watching this space but

WE WANNA KNOW


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 05:59 PM

What do we wanna know Mr Red?


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 20 Jan 03 - 06:29 PM

I fell and I'm falling with each new day calling
I heard when not listening, reassured by time glistening
Unshown by my Knowing, alone we're both growing
In tatters and gold stars, it all matters not on Mars... ttr


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 08:56 AM

I won't say yet, but do linger....anyway maybe when I can say, I'll put up a thread and tell the world, who knows! Meanwhile let's get back to what our Guest is saying. He/she needs answers.

Sal


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,Plain Jane
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 09:50 AM

If you look above I think they have answered each other, but of course any advice is good to have. Me, well I would say ' in time maybe'


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 11:37 AM

Silly question -- I mean from the sound of it, you already have, so why are you asking group consent or consensus? You are the only one who can decide the nature of your own experience, after all!

Anyway, congrats on having a heart, which is definitely worth a lot to begin with!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 01:17 PM

There are couples who thrive on antagonism, those who take years to get to know each other. Some just know immediately. There ain't no one size fits all, Guest, but if the talking is good then the signs are too. The problem I have with non visual communication and it is usual according to the folks I have spoken with is the other 70 (or is it 80?)% of the communication. It is not that without it things are doomed but they can throw-up some mighty wierd surprises in the flesh, as it were.

Enjoy the moment PAL.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: *daylia*
Date: 21 Jan 03 - 01:28 PM

I've found that the people I get along with best are the ones I can keep silent with for long periods and still feel totally comfortable.
Talking is great, but silence is indeed golden!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 05:19 AM

*daylia* : Hear, Hear!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 08:40 AM

|I think you can fall in love just by talking - but there are many many kinds of love. The love you've fallen in might not be the romantic kind in the end, but if you feel that you love the person you're talking to - then you just do (because love is a/the feeling). See what it grows into....
Also - don't forget that when you're only connecting with one aspect of a person there is a tendency to fill in the blanks a bit. Be happy with the love you've got there, and try not to constrain it by creating an image of perfection that could be difficult to live up to.

Kris


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 10:31 AM

*daylia*
So true, but you know my ex-wife had a great line in silence ............................... its not the silences it is the way they are said!

Mrs Lemon - even I declined that joke! Almost - and how is this golden silence of yours? sorry typo that should read who.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: *daylia*
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 10:35 AM

Right on Mr. Red! The key is ... are you comfortable in your silence?
Silence can be used as a weapon, just as words can ...

daylia


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 12:17 PM

You and I both Mrs Lemon ;o)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Jeanie
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 12:45 PM

Well, well, well... I've just today been on the receiving end of this phenomenon for the first time in my life ! All I did was read out the registration number of my car to the MOT garage man: "I wish everyone had a voice like yours" he said and then proceeded to chat me up good and proper for half an hour.
Yes...I know, I know... Wednesday afternoons must be a slack time in the workshop, maybe a long liquid lunch, and it softens the blow when the customers are presented with a hefty repair bill... But still, he sounds like a good bloke, and his son is a musician.
My car, at least, has a date on Friday afternoon at 2.30.   "I'm looking forward very much to meeting you" said the garage man.
To be continued ...

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,Plain Jane
Date: 22 Jan 03 - 05:32 PM

Yes, but you have to drive the car to the garage! so you see he is a man of thought :o) this must be catching, so now there are 3, Mrs Lemon, yourself jeanie and of course our Guest, so exciting, there must be somthing in the water! can't wait to hear the continuing story!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 10:34 AM

This has gone quiet, is there any news?

Sal


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,GUEST Guest
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 11:19 AM

Sorry but I think you may have a bit of a wait here folks, we will just have to see, but I think the answer is without a doubt Yes. This unbelievable romance goes onnnnnnnnnn


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Jeanie
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 12:25 PM

Well, my update is that I had a great time at the garage ! How often can you say it is a pleasure to have your car MOT'd ? You know how in some places the atmosphere (for good or ill) hits you the minute you walk into them ? This workplace, because of the people in it, is full of happiness, openness, kindness and fun. What a pity more shops and businesses aren't like that, because these things are infectious and cost nothing.

Had a good laugh and chat with the garage man and also the musician son, who does the paperwork: must be a talented lad - he plays jazz bass guitar at Ronnie Scott's.

Car needs repairs done, and they are going to leave a message on my answer machine: "I hope you will be speaking in your BBC announcer's voice on it" said the garage man....

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 12:36 PM

Waiting to keep an appointment she made,
Meeting a man from the motor trade,
She goes downstairs to the kitchen,
Clutching her handkerchief....


Well, gawd bless youse one and all, young lovers!! :>) And Kendall, too!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 25 Jan 03 - 02:13 PM

Yes... you can. I began an internet friendship 7 months ago...and when we talked on the phone for the first time it was very comfortable AND when we met for the first time it was like we had known each other for ever. Had I met this man on the street, I would not have given him a second look.. he's not what I used to call handsome and he's not musical at all... but he sure can make my heart sing! He's the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time and I'm glad I took the risk....and so is he!!

LL


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 01:06 PM

Be careful, L.L. in the long run, it is mutual interests that keep a relationship together, not hormones!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 01:11 PM

It's ironic that the things that draw us toward another often end up being the things that drive us apart.
For instance, years ago, a lady friend of mine said she was not attracted to me in the "In love" department, because, quots "There is nothing to fix." So, she married a drug abusing drunk who has destroyed her life. The sad thing is, she is still in love with him. I guess love is blind, and stupid.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 01:39 PM

kendall, that's not love (what your friend had with the drug abusing drunk). That's co-dependency. A different animal altogether, and one that often needs a good therapist to sort out.

Congratulations, LL! And good luck!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 02:35 PM

Carol, my main point is; real love is seldom what brings people together. Too often it is from some old unresolved crap from the past.
Someone once said, "Marriage is the completion of childhood." The one I like goes: We seek out that person who can most closely duplicate the pain we suffered in childhood, and, at the same time, we expect them to make it go away."


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Nemesis
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 02:58 PM

Sure it's possible to fall for someone just by talking .. paedophiles / double glazing salesmen succeed at this all the time .. I would just be very very wary ... how many other people is that person talking too as well? And saying the same things to - the scattergun approach eventually hits something.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 03:01 PM

I can't argue with any of that, kendall.

I think sometimes, if we are lucky, we find someone with whom we can work together to heal and move beyond the old stuff (instead of either one expecting the other to make it go away), and create something long-lasting and healthy. Maybe those are the relationships that last.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Nemesis
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 03:34 PM

I concur with that ....


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 26 Jan 03 - 04:26 PM

Is it love? ...or is it Memorex (or codependence as we now call it...)? True love seems boring to 'crisis junkies', as faithfulness is stupidity to social climbers... ttr


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jan 03 - 10:54 AM

I have quite a bit of experience with phone relationships, from a number of views and paradigms. Here's what I have found.

There all kinds of falling in love. One kind is the kind that has certain logistical boundaire sbuilt into it, that liomit what can happen. It can make for a kind of safety that you can't have in person, and it can be a safe place to play with what is not comfortable in person. This means that you can look at all kinds of things, in that relationship, that are more difficult in person, and you can use that intentionally to work on things that will foowe,r, later, with someoneelse, in person. A phone realtionship can have lasting value but it is kind of it's own critter and shold be treated such. Very few can bear the load of expectations that come with a fuller relationship-- because the foundation is diofferent from the start.

If the two people incvoivled are the ones who posted above, you have a good start on at least being clear with each other what the situation amounts to. Continuing to communicate about that is a very good thing to do.

Phone sex, on the other hand (no pun intended but there it is, eh?), is rather like an addiction that seems to serve a need but actually feeds the need more than satisfies it. If by "falling in love" you mean it'smaking you horny, it would be a good idea to spend some time individually, off on your own, thinking about what's actually happening in that department, and how it's affecting what drew you together at first.

Finally, the real test is, how's your life going since this began? Here are some questions you can ask yourself.

Not how do I FEEL, but what is HAPPENING in my life overall? Is this relationship (in its phone form) making my life better if I look at my life logically? Does it invite you to be a better person (maybe it's empowerment), or does it make you feel complete (maybe it's co-dependency), because it fills gaps you think you have in yourself?

Ask yourself, what were my goals and dreams, across the board, before it started? Am I making progress toward these, now, or is it taking time and energy that needs to go toward those goals?

Is what is happening consistent with the beliefs and values I had beforehand, or have I found that I have had to give way on what I believe in order to maintain this? If I pray/meditate/reflect on it all, with some detachment, what does my gut tell me?

If I had a daughter/son this age, invovled in this, would what is happening trouble me? Would my best friends see what I see, in what this is bringing me?

For me, I have stories from both sides of that empowerment/dependency continuum. Some glorious times in my life and some times I felt great but almost died. The feelings can make it very, very easy to repeat past poor choices. But then, life in general is like that.


Perhaps the most valuable question I can suggest you ask yourself is, what made you ask for advice about it? What is that deep question that you are not sure you can answer for yourself, about this?

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: rock chick
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 12:34 PM

Dont do it, someone gets hurt along the way always it would seem. but being human you will of course, that is do it and get hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Noreen
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 01:51 PM

I think that as in all relationships, rock chick, hurt is most likely to be avoided if the two people involved are open and honest with each other.

And lack of honesty is no basis for any relationship, in any medium. Doesn't seem to be something the two 'participants' above have taken into account?


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Jeanie
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 03:53 PM

My "telephone voice encounter" was different from the more serious discussions here, but I thought I'd better end my contribution (especially for Amos) to say that "She's Not Leaving Home" !! ... but of course the car will need an MOT again... and there's no sense in rushing these things...

To be a bit more serious, I do feel that just as much as the eyes are the mirror to the soul, so is the voice. I have on my wall a quote from "The Tempest" :

'Hear my soul speak'

Here speaks another old romantic, but to me what is most important in *any* kind of relationship, is not that "body meets body" or "mind meets mind" but "soul meets soul".

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 04:30 PM

...but is that where the rubber meets the road?


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Nemesis
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 04:32 PM

I think there's good experiences posted here and caution urged depending on a person's experience.. yes, it's possible to fall in love with a voice .. but a voice is just a voice .. and a parrot can say "I love you" ... we also hear what we want to hear (and for phone predators to say what we want to hear).. which is true in face to face encounters anyway.

Certainly, if they refer to you as "sweetheart" etc then probably they can't remember which one they are talking to at that particular moment...


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: rock chick
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 04:54 PM

So many different thoughts on this thread, it's interesting as most of these would seem to come from experiences people have had, it is possible for people to be taken for a ride and it is also possible for love to blossom from a friendship, at the end of it all the only two people who can decide are the two above.

As long as they both have their eyes wide open, as far as that is possible. When we go into any relationship be it from a telephone conversation, meeting in a pub, club etc we can only go by our own instincts, we have to make that choice having taken everything possible there is to know, none of us knows everything about a person, not even when we have married them. Also this is two way, neither know what the other is like, either could be possessive, predatory, and many other things and of course people can get hurt and in many cased do.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is it a gamble, life is a gamble, going out every day is a gamble, meeting that boyfriend for the first time is a gamble, so why not take the gamble but with the knowledge of life.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Nemesis
Date: 28 Jan 03 - 09:21 PM

Oh, yes Rock chick .. I think you can take it that with the cyber-type relationship experience that many people here have that, (also actualise into 3D one way or another), our experiences are worth listening to on this particular topic.

Life IS a gamble .. depends how much one invests and whether the other party is equally prepared to lay their cards equally on the table etc etc

And like the critic said about Forrest Gump "My Ma always said .. Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're gonna get" (Unless, of course, you use the handy little guide)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 06:40 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 10:02 AM

Do tell the refreshing news, Mrs Lemon?
:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 10:28 AM

#;-D

No, no...keep 'em wantin' more!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Schantieman
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 12:15 PM

Whatever could you two be on about?

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Noreen
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 03:13 PM

So that's how you're going to keep him happy, Mrs L???
*grin*


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 05 Feb 03 - 04:29 PM

*Very big grin*


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 30 May 03 - 07:14 AM

Do we have an update on this anywhere? What happenend next?


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 30 May 03 - 08:56 AM

..all this sensible advice, but love isn't a realm where caution and common sense apply. If that were the case, anyone - which is everyone - who'd ever gotten burned at love would never fall in love again. But stupidly, over and over again, against our better judgement, we do.

So I'm going to go against the flow and say be suicidal in love. When it beckons from the precipice, jump off...gladly. Throw your heart out there with reckless abandon, knowing full well that the odds are against you that this time it won't end up a hopeless catastrophe. Love is the only game where you can make all the right moves and still lose; where knowing what you're doing is absolutely no help at all. Love is like looking into the eyes of God.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 30 May 03 - 11:58 AM

Gosh, Guest, are those your words? That's all so poetic.

I agree with you as well, by the way.

Sal


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,The guy on the phone
Date: 30 May 03 - 01:58 PM

Well Ms Lemon, me and The woman of uncertainty took the plunge, the feelings were so strong that when we did meet up, all it did was confirm what we already knew, and then some!! Dealing with pre-existing relationships has been, and is still, a messy and painfull business, the real hurt being for the 3rd parties involved, but when you find the love of your life, you dont give up on it. Was it worth it? You bet!! I am happier than I have ever been in my life (and she says the same), and we cant wait for things to get finally sorted so we can be together, full time. Boy! will that be a party!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST,another guest
Date: 30 May 03 - 02:01 PM

you and me both, guy on the phone, we met for a month...and then she went back to her home...on the other side of the world...we are now engaged and working on sorting things out...so I can go over there...


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: kendall
Date: 30 May 03 - 05:04 PM

To get some music into this thread, "I'll never fall in love again"


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: rock chick
Date: 30 May 03 - 07:29 PM

Suppose we should come clean....yes it's bassic and I and yes it the best thing that could have ever happened, and yes it is still messy for the other partners, but when you meet someone, you just know it's right, and boy is it right. 248 miles one way is between us, but as soon as I can I will be up north with him, although he will move anywhere so we can be together, but not only have I fallen for him but also the north.

Its wonderful, the best thing that has ever happened to me, he feels like my sole partner, my best friend, my..... And many other things, sorry if this sounds completely slushy but that's how it is for both of us, and I am sure will stay.

So there it is, that's the latest update


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Mudlark
Date: 31 May 03 - 04:07 AM

Congratulations to you both! Slushy is good!! Anybody who says it isn't is just jealous. Enjoy our life together.


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 31 May 03 - 04:44 AM

Wow, you are both very very lucky, go for it and good luck


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: hesperis
Date: 31 May 03 - 03:42 PM

Awwwwwww! Best wishes for your future together! (Slushy is definitely good.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jun 03 - 03:12 PM

This is so romantic it just had to be refreshed, you guys are so lucky, lucky it worked for you and lucky you didn't meet some nutter, just be warned that internet meetings can be very dangerous. Enough of that, hope it carries on been good for you both.

Sleuth


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: the lemonade lady
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 05:17 AM

This is such a nice story, thank you for sharing it with us. Good luck you guys. Keep communicating with eachother, and us!

Sal


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Schantieman
Date: 09 Jun 03 - 06:46 AM

Way hey!

Good luck indeed!

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: Bassic
Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:29 PM

This weekend calls for an update. We have been through a crisis over the last few weeks, both in terms of the relationship, (thanks, in part, to an anonymous well-wisher!!!!) and we have had a health scare. I am happy to report "we" have survived both and are probably closer and more in love/devoted than ever. Its just SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Best wishes, my darling, for a quick recovery. And special thanks to our true friends over the past few months, some of whom have traveled a long way (in personal terms) to find the place which shows true friendship. We will never forget you. XX


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Subject: RE: BS: Can you fall for someone just by talking
From: LadyJean
Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:17 AM

Rita Mae Brown wrote, "Women fall in love with their ears. Men fall in love with their eyes." I think she's right on that one.


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