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BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis

GUEST,Jande 04 Sep 02 - 12:13 PM
Amos 04 Sep 02 - 12:19 PM
Jande 04 Sep 02 - 12:35 PM
Ianfe 04 Sep 02 - 12:56 PM
MMario 04 Sep 02 - 01:04 PM
Amos 04 Sep 02 - 01:13 PM
Bobert 04 Sep 02 - 01:26 PM
Amos 04 Sep 02 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 02 - 01:55 PM
Jande 04 Sep 02 - 02:15 PM
Amergin 04 Sep 02 - 02:27 PM
hesperis 04 Sep 02 - 02:53 PM
Amos 04 Sep 02 - 03:07 PM
Jande 04 Sep 02 - 04:08 PM
Jande 04 Sep 02 - 04:13 PM
Amos 04 Sep 02 - 04:17 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 02 - 04:47 PM
Irish sergeant 04 Sep 02 - 05:10 PM
hesperis 05 Sep 02 - 11:30 PM
Amos 06 Sep 02 - 12:05 AM
hesperis 07 Sep 02 - 09:21 PM
Little Hawk 07 Sep 02 - 09:48 PM
CarolC 07 Sep 02 - 11:05 PM
hesperis 08 Sep 02 - 01:10 AM
Amos 08 Sep 02 - 01:42 AM
Little Hawk 08 Sep 02 - 01:01 PM
hesperis 08 Sep 02 - 10:49 PM
hesperis 13 Sep 02 - 03:04 PM
Amergin 13 Sep 02 - 03:11 PM
Amos 13 Sep 02 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,mg 13 Sep 02 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 13 Sep 02 - 03:47 PM
CarolC 13 Sep 02 - 04:29 PM
hesperis 13 Sep 02 - 10:07 PM
Amergin 13 Sep 02 - 10:10 PM
Amos 13 Sep 02 - 10:38 PM
hesperis 14 Sep 02 - 12:05 AM
Jack the Sailor 14 Sep 02 - 02:31 PM
CarolC 14 Sep 02 - 02:32 PM
hesperis 14 Sep 02 - 05:38 PM
hesperis 18 Sep 02 - 12:17 PM
wysiwyg 18 Sep 02 - 11:39 PM
hesperis 20 Sep 02 - 01:20 AM
katlaughing 20 Sep 02 - 03:19 AM
wysiwyg 20 Sep 02 - 03:58 PM
hesperis 22 Sep 02 - 01:18 AM
Jande 25 Sep 02 - 11:28 AM
hesperis 25 Sep 02 - 08:54 PM
wysiwyg 25 Sep 02 - 11:13 PM
mg 26 Sep 02 - 01:07 AM
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Subject: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: GUEST,Jande
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 12:13 PM

I just want to post the following URL, for people who don't realise how badly the allergies affect our Hesperis:

"Making Dreams Come True" --overcoming the obstacles

I know this to be true, because I myself have this disability, and have only just begun to be able to earn some of my own living, by working from home on the internet doing illustrations for an educational publisher. It has taken me half a century to get to this point, some parts of my life were sheer hell, because there was no recognition of the disability, and therefore no help, except from individuals who cared about me --the way we care about Hes.

She's come a long way. And a lot of that has been because we have been supporting her. Let's keep on supporting her in every way we can, those of us who do care about her. She has a gift to give the world and we can be part of that if we want to.

(No guilt trip here to those who either can't help, or have no interest in helping. That's your own business and no condemnation will come from me [or hopefully from anyone else].)

To Hesperis: How about Making us up some "Investment Certificates" so that when you are famous we can all point to the framed Certificates on the wall and say with overweening pride, "I helped her get where she is now!".

{{{{{{{{{HUGS to ALL}}}}}}}}}}}

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 12:19 PM

Well done, Jande!! Applause!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jande
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 12:35 PM

Thanks Amos.

This is really important. I feel that Hes has been superhuman in her attempts to make her own way in the world on her own terms, and providing us with so much wonderful, music and wisdom. And she is gradually succeeding in spite of the roadblcoks, avalanches, swamps, and invisible enemies.

I received an email from her today, saying that not only has she been accepted into that College, but she has been able to have the tuition deferred until *after* she graduates. So now she needs help with specifics: food, rent, allergy treatments, texts, internet connection, etc.

I asked her to send me a list of specific needs. There are already some folks who help as much as they can, Bless them, and their support is welcomed and appreciated. (They know who they are.)

To invest in her future is an honour and a privilege. Even if we can only offer her moral support. (Hey, sometimes it's the moral support tha treally gets us over the wall, though money always helps, too.) :`)

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Ianfe
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 12:56 PM

Yay for Hesperis!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: MMario
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:04 PM

Huzzah!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:13 PM

Well, I think Little Hawk ought to run up there this weekend and marry her up. It would fix a lot!!! And she could write another Marryin' Song about it, after the fashion of Jack the Sailor and his newly affianced CarolC.

We could start a whole tradition here, folks, rolling down the centuries!! All that stands in the way is a little obstreperousness on Little Hawk's part!!

:>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:26 PM

Well, you can sign me up though I have no plans to ever become famous, but one never knows...

Do I gotta learn a secret hand shake or anything? Just funnin'..

This stuff sounds like a real bummer. As I was reading the link I was thinking of just how much courage it must take to live with such a disability... and grow as a person under such adverse conditions.

I'd like to think that God is a partner in the struggle and makes the difference between giving up and growing...

Bless you and the person in the link...

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:40 PM

Actually, maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea; apologies for buttin' in, I was just getting a little carried away. It's a fault I have, y'see. I don't think even fair Hes could displace Fatty Shatner in LH's heart!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 01:55 PM

Jande - Good thoughts, but I question the "when you are famous" bit. That is a chimera that has led more good people astray in this life than I would care to mention. I think the only famous people who remain at peace are those who come to realize that fame is itself quite meaningless.

The 99.999 % who don't become famous are usually miserable because they did not. The 0.0001 who do are often miserable because they did, and then found out that they were still not fulfilled...or secure...in spite of it. The same kind of thing tends to happen to people who win huge lottery prizes.

What fame amounts to is: pleasing other people. Their pleasure is usually rather fleeting...and very demanding. To continue pleasing them can become a full time job.

What does this have to do with knowing oneself? I believe that freedom is found through self-knowledge. Most people don't know themselves very well at all...they're too busy trying to manipulate and control what and whom they see around them. But can they control themselves? Usually not very well. If anyone truly knew himself/herself he would no longer be afraid of anything, and he would be in control, and free.

I'm making no claims of having achieved that, be assured. I don't claim to know myself all that well yet, but I know that if any freedom is to be found in this world it will be found within me, not in the conditions and people around me.

Fame is a grand illusion. It kills people while they're still young.

Amos - Well, sorry, but not a chance in THIS life. I would rather be dead than be married. Check for me again next incarnation when the game plan may be quite different from now. As for other people, if marriage suits them (and in many cases it definitely does), then for sure I hope they find the best partner destiny can provide for them. Any female who married me would have to be seriously out of touch with reality, and I'd have to be right out of my mind to let it happen in the first place. I treasure my autonomy and will not live in a cage, no matter how comfortably it is furnished.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jande
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 02:15 PM

Bobert -- you wrote: "This stuff sounds like a real bummer. As I was reading the link I was thinking of just how much courage it must take to live with such a disability... and grow as a person under such adverse conditions. "

You are so right! More right than you realise

I forgot to say that the essay in that link was written by our Hesperis. That is the kind of thing she's up against.

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 02:27 PM

well hell..i thought her dream was to come out here to portland and try her damnedest to seduce me....oh well....oh nevermind...that's my dream...best keep them to myself....

hes...I am glad to hear things are going good! you are an inspiration to those of us who feel helpless...maybe some day i will be able to get up and do things on my own terms....


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 02:53 PM

Awwwww, guys! You're awesome, every one of you.

Is the certificates thing a good idea?

Are there any mudcatters or mudbusinesses who would like to buy sponsorship for any of my projects? (Music CD, Movie, College.) In exchange I can put an ad on each project's website, and a mention in the credits. Every little bit helps.

One note - I definitely don't want to be famous. I DO want to be rich, in all ways. I DO want to do the work I love and that I'm good at doing. And since the kind of work I love to do is in that goshdarn entertainment industry, I may have to deal with some amount of fame... hopefully nothing larger than what I want to deal with. (Or I'll go underground, muahaha.) I prefer to work behind the scenes, anyway, and with other talented people, so any fame that arrives won't just be for me.

Amos - LOL! That thread about our Jack and Carol would get ANYONE carried away! But Hawk is right, any woman who'd marry him would have to be seriously out of touch with reality, he's just not suited to that kind of life. It would be a cage for him, where for others... it would be a wonderful haven. Anyway, I've moved on and so has he, though we are still good friends. (And he's keeping my stuff in storage, so when I get an apartment again, I'll have my stuff back!!!)

Bobert - thanks. I do my best.

Jande - good cookie! Cookie back! Thanks for making the thread, I probably wouldn't have done so. "Superhuman"? *Blushes bright red* Ummm... nahh. Very human.

Amergin - Nice try. >;) But that is appreciated. *Hug*
And hey... what WOULD be things on your own terms?

And now... I'm off to conquer government loans.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 03:07 PM

LH:

I respect your views, sir; but I would remind you of the tale of the cabdriver who boasted to his venerable customer that he had saved three minutes getting back from the airport. The passenger asked, "Well, now that you've saved them, what are you going to do with them?"

Autonomy, like time itself, is a priceless commodity, but it can be just as happily gained from close communication as from none. And if you make it too precious, it can backfire on you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jande
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 04:08 PM

Amos... Ho well I agree with you. I guess in my own words I would say that some people could take *anything* too seriously --to their own detriment.

LH: I know that you are one of those people who gives Hes an enormous amount of support (even when she is in the irrational grips of the allergies!)You've been generosity itself. I know how much you care about her.

Your response to this thread was quite revealing about your own struggles to free your wonderful talent and music into the world.

I was trying to paint a funny and wry picture of all of us in a cartoon-type setting and "exaggerating for effect", when I talked about Hes becoming famous.

What I meant was: we, who support those who are more vulnerable than ourselves, play a part in their achievement of their dreams, and therefore "own" part of the reality of that manifested dream. We are in it together, even though the "Dreamer" does the real creative work, we are a team that supports that creation, and in a way are "Creating together".

I'm often reminded of Frodo bent to the ground by the weight of the Ring as he carries out the responsibility and the limitations it has thrust upon him. Then Sam, who loves him, picks up Frodo, Ring and all, and carries him. And is surprised at how light a burden he is.

MMario, Ianfe, Amos, Amergin... thanks for responding with such warmth and enthusiasm.

Amos... I have just finished weeping joyously over the thread that inspired your rather... rash... statement to LH. LOL. I'm glad you got a chance to retract before the bomb fell on you!

I was thinking these "Investment Certificates" could be purchased by Hes's friends to help cover the costs of her education and living expenses.

I have $95 Canadian left in my bank account, Hes. Once you get your Student loans together, it's yours. Personally I would co-sign for a loan for you, but I don't have the kind of steady income-type job that would satisfy a bank manager either. (Unless they would take two fairly good computers as collateral... ) ;`)

Good luck! (and to Amergin, too!)

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jande
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 04:13 PM

Oh, and Hes... See what the local Women's Centres can do for you if anything...?

Practical! We need practical. Get us that list of what you need, too. Be VERY specific.

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 04:17 PM

Well, I apologize again to both of -- no-one tells me anything around here!! But, Hes, y'know we all love ya and want you to have all your dreams come true, step by step. As fast as you can handle it!!


Very best,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 04:47 PM

Wise words, Amos. I agree. I usually don't hurry myself when going somewhere (specially on the highway), and I would have to say that those who do create a lot of danger and hassle for themselves and others and gain nothing by the time they have supposedly saved.

I like close communication, but with a variety of people. The kind of situation that seems to suit me best is to live in an extended community (like 20 to 50 people, let's say) which has a shared purpose and shared ideals of some kind that make sense to me...a sort of tribal existence, I guess you would call it. It's not easy finding a group whose purposes closely match my own, however. That is to say, most churches, businesses, ashrams, clubs, and other cooperative outfits are off on some path that may have little to do with where I want to go...or may simply be too exclusive in its focus (that's the main problem with most spiritual groups...they've got the "our way is the ONLY way...or at least it's the BEST way" complex).

I also find that there are many situations in life that are fascinating and rewarding...for awhile...but not permanent.

People have got this idea that marriage is supposed to be permanent. Well, if you want to raise children, yes, that is a pretty permanent committment, but I can't see doing that myself. There are enough other people doing it that I don't think we're in danger of depopulating the planet if I opt out... :-)

I haven't been in one single situation in my life yet that I can look back at now and say it was meant to be permanent. Things keep changing all the time, is what I find. This life itself is not even permanent...nor is the one which follows it. For all I know, this planet is probably not even permanent.

I know one thing...as soon as you start trying to make something last forever it starts to slip away from you. Most people's reaction to that is to grab hold and hang on to it by any means possible! That has made a lot of lawyers and hair dye companies rich, and resulted in some wars, murders, and other nasty situations.

If you can experience and bring out the very best out of any situation...and then know when its natural time is over and move on to the next one with a free heart and mind...well, then, you are living a free, and I'd say a harmless existence.

I have clung to various things too BTW, and it never served well when I did.

As for close communication, it's great. Life without it becomes pretty sterile pretty fast. I'm always on the lookout for people with whom I can actually communicate on a real basis, believe me, and I'm glad when I find them. The people who communicate best are those who recognize that there is not just one way, but an infinite number of ways to climb the mountain. There's a different way for each person, in fact.

The essence of life is Freedom. The common tendency of people is to restrict freedom. And they do that because they are afraid. The Tao is totally free. It sets no rules. This really scares people, and they set about making a million rules right away to make life "safe", but there are no rules. Marriage was one of those rules. In a truly harmonious community it would not be necessary to have that rule because everyone would just naturally help everyone else. Everyone would also help raise the kids. People in general are scared though, specially of strangers, so they don't help each other very much. They then must set up structures like police, schools, and ambulances to help the people that they are themselves unwilling to help. It's a lousy substitute for a true community. You realize this when someone holds you up on a street and NO ONE comes to your assistance. (These things also happen because we have created a terribly complex society full of artificial complications, but that's another whole subject.)

The question is...where do you want to be? If you want to be in a harmonious place, then disharmony will not get you there, obviously. The Tao always finds a harmonious path, and that's what people do too, if they are wise. If not, they try to force a path by aggressive means. They then make up some justification for it and venerate the use of force in their books, movies, and other entertainment.

That's what you generally see. Harmoney is barely even noticed in this society. It's too quiet to be noticed by minds educated on noise, excess, wealth alongside poverty, violence, and extremely negative behaviour of almost every kind.

Well, talk about thread drift, eh? Sorry about that! :-) I shall give it a rest and go and see if the hamster has been watered, and if the budgies have read that latest issue of the Star that's on the floor of their cage...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 04 Sep 02 - 05:10 PM

Well done Hes! How ias the writing going? Keep at it, Kiddo! Hugs, Neil


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 05 Sep 02 - 11:30 PM

Everyone has their own path. Sometimes we get to walk with others, sometimes that lasts, sometimes not.

Anyway, today I applied for government loans and for financial aid from the school! So tuition is probably taken care of. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the housing co-ordinator... the school doesn't have student housing, but will help find something. Also tomorrow I'll find out what books I need.

I will definitely check out what help I can get from women's groups and youth groups. I also need a pet-free place to stay for a couple of days so I can take an allergy treatment, so I can do a job for a friend that I already said I'd do. (Since I owe them $200 for last month's rent I kinda HAVE to do it, as well.)

Making a list of what I need tonight... will add the book list when I get it and post here.

Neil - writing is going great! (Though that's not Goddess Quest, it is a very awesome story.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 02 - 12:05 AM

Gee guys, three cheers for clarity and purpose!

LH, what people call permanence is of course not permanence at all; it is simply the endless re-creation and renewal of an honest fidelity and a transcendant affinity between two souls.

. This is a different thing than trying to freeze-frame a situation. Those who have built groups, families, or couple which really last have done so by understanding that it is the on-going new recreation that does it; the minutethat stops, all bets are off and entropy is loose upon the landsacape of the heart.

However there are far more people around who don't see things that way and would love to pursue a stuck image of how it should be in a sorta fixated way and I can easily see how you would be leery . In any case it is your affair, mon vieux, and I wish you great happiness at it. Oh, and thank you very much for the exposition. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 09:21 PM

Book list comes out on Oct. 7th, a week before classes start, because the college wants the course to be very current. Yikes... not much time to start finding alternate sources for the books.

I got an older book list, but there's no guarantee those are going to be used for the course.

Stuff I need... list coming soon.

However, I got a small computer job to do for a friend, so that's good.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 09:48 PM

Hesperis - sounds like you are moving along pretty well there. Good going!

Amos - "the endless re-creation and renewal of an honest fidelity and a transcendant affinity between two souls."

Wow. Hmmmmm. Gotta think about that. I was utterly convinced as a young kid that that was in fact what life was about... Several decades later, I'm not so sure. I will keep mulling it over, though.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Sep 02 - 11:05 PM

hesperis, I wish there was some kind of help I could give you at this time other than my moral support. But I think you know that you at least have that.

Since I know what you're up against with the allergies, I won't give you any cliches about what you can do if you try hard enough. But I do believe you wouldn't have been blessed with the gifts and abilities you have if you weren't meant to use them for the benefit of yourself and others.

At any rate, it sounds like you're making significant progress toward realizing at least some of your goals. So congratulations about that! And good luck with the rest of it. Don't forget... I want to buy a copy of your amazing CD when you have it ready for sale :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 01:10 AM

Hmmm... thanks for the reminder, Carol!

I'm actually accepting pre-sales right now. That will help me to actually produce the CDs, and eat well while I get it fully recorded! (Always good.)

The friends I will be doing computer work for HAVE A MIDI KEYBOARD!!! So while I'm waiting ten minutes for some program to load, I can work on my projects too. That's the plan, anyway. I've been finding that this tiny keyboard I have just does not do the job well, and it's too far beyond tedious for me to try to fix the errors that I make because the thing's too small for my hands and has only enough octaves to play ONE hand in at a time... ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!

So, progress will be much better with a full keyboard. And on October 14th, I have access to a full-featured recording studio. >;)


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 01:42 AM

LH:

Well, what life is really all about, is water in and water out. And temperature control between around 96.0 and 99.3 F.

But the endlessa recrwation of transcendant affinity, etc., keeps the spiritual side interesting and worth while in between flushes.

Hang in there, pal!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 01:01 PM

Ha! That reminds me...I've gotta drink more water. (Glug!)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 08 Sep 02 - 10:49 PM

Most of us simply are better people when there's other people around.

Anyway, I have to tell you about the movie project. I just sent off this email...

----------

Hello!

I'm emailing each of you because you have indicated some interest in this film, which started life as a multi-author fiction written over the internet.

The website and forums are up, and more content is added every day. Please let your friends know about it!

The script is almost at a solid first draft stage. When Damia and I are done the adaptation, we'll be holding a script-reading party, and you're invited. You can expect the party in late September, early October. (Refreshments will be provided.) If you are going to be in Toronto at that time, please let me know which day of the week would be best for you.

Filming is estimated to start in April. At this time we do not have any estimate of filming time or costs, as we are concentrating on finishing the script. We are gathering a team of volunteers together for costumes, camera work, CGA, fundraising, etc.

Your advice, help, and support is definitely appreciated.

Best, Chagall (AKA Brassfire)

~*~*~*~ Herocia - Fantasy Film Project http://membres.lycos.fr/herocia

----------

This project is so amazing. We've had the weirdest co-incidences. Like, walking in a forest near Damia's house, and finding an old building that looks exactly as we both pictured the Hall. Like, running into people in the oddest places who *are* the characters that some person in another country created. Honestly, it's been SPOOKY!

And wait until you guys get to read some of it!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 03:04 PM

Feeling very discouraged about the college thing. And a little stupid for signing up for it in the first place. I'm supposed to be finding a way to support myself and my projects, not taking on yet another project that I can't support.

Read.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amergin
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 03:11 PM

fail? you are what 23? very lovely, too....you are very intelligent....and you are very talented...and you have strength...you have strength to try....and the heart to care....they both show up in your writings...and in your posts....stupid? lol...that is a laugh...cause you are not....

take care...if you need an ear...let me know...i am just a pm away.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 03:12 PM

Hes:

The reasons you were viewing at the time all looked very intelligent and valid. If they now seem impossible and stupid, it may be because you have slipped away from the original viewpoint in favor of someone else's.

This makes havoc out of making decisions and getting where you want to go because you can always dfrop into the perspective of someone highly critical of you and stop the whole plan.

Only one of the various points of view is your own genuine view of things.

The others are what makes for all the hellacious confusion.

Just my tuppence worth, FWIW.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 03:24 PM

Don't give up your dreams. But realize you don't have to accomplish them all this minute. You have time on your side. Just maybe look for a half time job that is not too demanding that will allow you to pay for rent and food. Then if this college doesn't work out for financial reasons, look to your nearest community college and get financial aid. There have got to be some great ones in Toronto with media studies.

mg


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 03:47 PM

Yes, the fact is, a dream may not be possible at the moment. It may be necessary to do other things first, and secure the dream later...even much later. But I did say..."maybe"...I don't know all the factors. Only the person who has the dream is in a real position to decide when and what to do.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 04:29 PM

This is something I find I need to say to myself sometimes when I get bogged down with self-doubts and discouragement...

I release all concepts of limitation
I release all concepts of limitation
I release all concepts of limitation

("I release all concepts of scarcity" is also a good one for me during times like what you're experiencing right now.)

I read what you posted to your site. Is there any possibility that you have unresolved issues about your father that are holding you back and that need to be released before you can make any further progress?


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 10:07 PM

Storm before the calm: GOT A JOB!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amergin
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 10:10 PM

DB Error: getArticles: 1064: You have an error in your SQL syntax near '\"' at line 23?????

Interesting job, Hes....BG...


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 10:38 PM

If fixing that kind of stuff is the job, you've got interesting times ahead, and i hope they pay you well for it!!

SQL can be a bear sometimes, especially on Oracle.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 12:05 AM

LOL!

Ok, try just going to the main site... I have no clue why it's letting the main page call it, but not the articles page. Maybe it doesn't like the exclamation... but then why would it show it on the main page? Or there's something wrong in the extended article field.

*Shrug*

Will fix. Soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 02:31 PM

That's great, hesperis! Keep us posted on how it goes, ok?

Could you send me a PM with snail mail addresses for you and Jande so I can send you guys some invitations? Thanks!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: CarolC
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 02:32 PM

Oops! That last one was from me. Sorry about that!


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 05:38 PM

Added a need/want/wish list. The job will pretty much cover this month, last month, and next month for rent, but that is definitely something great, and will be good on the resume, too.

Will do, Carol. Email and PM about to be sent. Gosh, I hope I can come! Jande and her guy will probably make it there, and I'll definitely send hugs with Jande if she does.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 12:17 PM

Started period, can't get allergy treatment while on period, can't start job yet. Out of money for food, a friend says he'll help out - again.

This one friend has done a lot for me, though he has his own problems. I am really thankful that he wants to see me well off enough that he's helping out even when it isn't convenient. I just wish it wasn't just him, then I wouldn't be such a burden.

Anyway... :(


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 11:39 PM

Hess, if you start a list of things that are going well/that you are grateful for/that you are accomplishing, it may net you more blessings.

Anyway here's a lap-hug:

((((((((YOU)))))))))

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 01:20 AM

A lot of great things have happened, and I know a ton of fabulous people. I'm definitely aware of the many wonderful things that I am thankful for.

But if you guys want to see a list... I'll make one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 03:19 AM

That would be good, Hesperis, but I think you'll find it will have more of a benefit for yourself. I know the circumstances you are in are real and difficult, but some times when we are in that for so long we get into what my friend calls a "victimhead" and we begin to think that it is so tough things just keep piling up and we will never reach our goals, the ol' "it's one thing after another." A loss of control. I am not saying this is you, personally, just a general observation.

There are some good books about it, including anything by Louise Hay in which she teaches how to focus on being full of thankfulness and watch what follows with the upliftment of thinking. First Nations peoples often teach this coming from a place of gratitude and start their day with a thankfulness prayer or meditation.

My brother is in his 60's and has spent his life as a brilliant pianist/composer, but he has also felt as though he is the victim of everything and everyone around him, including circumstances. At this late date, I don't know if he will ever be able to change and see that his *thinking* and negative words have had a profound effect on his life. I use him an extreme example of what can happen if one looses balance of the negative and positive in their lives. Throughout this he has given up complete responsibility for his life and is now completely bewildered to find himself in extreme straits, when it was his decisions or lack thereof which brought him to this point.

IMO, our subconciousness is like a computer. It takes in everything and anything which we feed it, without discernment, no judgement as to what is good for us or otherwise. So, imo, it is important to input data which sees the glass half full rather than half empty, etc.:-)

Meaning no offence and hope this helps,

kat


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Sep 02 - 03:58 PM

Yup. What she said.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 01:18 AM

Believe me, I know it's half full.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: Jande
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 11:28 AM

When in the grips of certain allergic responses, one can't even *think* clearly, which is part of the problem.

If you have people around you who are aware of the problem and can offer sympathy and simply help you get through the worst part of the allergy season, it is a blessing indeed.

When you live with the handicap of having so many allergies, believe me you learn to be grateful! Grateful to still be alive. Grateful to be able to create. Grateful for faithful and sympathetic friends. Grateful for SNOW (that kills the ragweed pollen!). Grateful for antihistimine caplets, and for the days when you don't have to take two every four hours just so you can breath or speak or stop yourself from wanting to scratch your own skin off or tear your itching eyes out by the roots. Grateful that you can still sing a few notes now and then, and really grateful that you learned to play an instrument for when your voice goes entirely. Grateful to be alive after a really bad episode where you've eaten something that causes anaphilactic(sp)response, or personality changes, because you forgot to ask what it was made of...

Yes, you learn to be Grateful for that half-full glass of Life. But you don't want to settle for it. So you keep burning up every scrap of energy to try and break out of it.

Sometimes though, the energy runs out. It's hard to keep a roaring fire going when all there is to feed it is scraps of scrounged kindling wood. That's when the dispair settles in, and the grief and anger at the situation. Often a good howl will dispell the bitterness born of grief and anger most effectively. Wash it away in a raging flood of tears.

But you don't get anywhere trying to create beauty and soul on top of quicksand. Everything you do gets sucked down into the swamp.

I speak from experience. Even people who have steady jobs and good health still have problems. But they don't fall into soul-searing dispair because they have been able to build on firmer ground.

I don't want to see your gifts sucked into the quicksand, Hes! Please put as much time and effort as you can into getting a roof over your head, and healthy food in your belly --at least balance the time/energy you have so that your physical needs AND your creative efforts get equal attention from you.

Go to Legal Aid, please, and see about that business about student loans vs. welfare. I'd really hate to see you lose the opportunity that you created for yourself with that College.

With James supporting two households on his income we haven't any spare cash to send to help out (though as you know I will send along any that I find laying about) :`) , but I will try very hard to get my own music to you to add to your Music CD sales. And James has written (and sings beautifully!) five or six blues songs now, and we are planning to add them to a Duet CD. This too you can market for us if you will.

As soon as you have established a *settled* place I will loan my electric piano to you. It has no case and right now I worry about it being moved hither and yon.

This next art contract is giving me more time to devote to the music (though is going to earn me less money over all this time) so hang in there and we'll see what we can all do together to help overcome the handicaps you are facing.

Hopefully, the climb out won't take you the number of decades it has taken me. You may not have family, but you have friends --people who care about you.

Some people think love is just a feeling, and feelings come and go like whims. But Love is a *verb*. Love is what we _do_ --for ourselves and others!

Keep us posted about exactly *what* you are doing to look after your physical needs. And what you still need help with. Okay?

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 08:54 PM

Thanks, Jande...

I've been really despairing today, and that hit just the right spot. Though I still feel sick with the enormity of what needs to be done.

People tell me to get a job, any job.

When I was in Burlington, I searched for 6 months for "any job" and didn't get one. I'm not suited to that work. Maybe I cope too well with not being able to see properly. Maybe I cope too well with being tired all the time, and needing more sleep than normal. Maybe I look too normal, and walk as if I can see, when I can't even read the street signs if I'm not directly underneath them.

Today, on my way back from the place I stayed last night, I missed 4 streetcars. I missed the first 2 because I didn't see that the stop said "sunday stop" until they'd gone by. I missed the second one because I was between stops and didn't see it coming. I missed the last one because I was between stops and was getting close to bathurst, and didn't want to pay $2.25 by then to just go between bathurst and spadina. So I walked all the way from near landsdowne. (5 city blocks, which is huge.)

But I'm thankful, very thankful, for the person who let me stay in her home last night so that I could have a successful allergy treatment. And I'm thankful to the person who got me that treatment, and who cleaned his car so that no trace of pets would be left in it, and who drove me to the clean house where I would be able to stay.

I am no longer allergic to pets. The treatment worked. So I can go do the job I need to do to pay off my rent for the last couple of months.

Thank you, Little Hawk.


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 11:13 PM

Hesperis,

What I am hearing here is the feeling "but you don't GET how hard this IS..."

What I am trying to say to you, sweetie, is that I DO know how hard it is, because I've lived through and AM OVERCOMING challenges equal to yours. That it CAN be done, you ARE doing it, you WILL do it, and... that there are a few tricks to doing it that I can share with you, if in your own perfectly-excellent thinking they seem applicable to your situation.

The fact that I have lived through and am overcoming things is one reason we were able to offer any help from here. You watch, before you know it you will be one of the people helping people caught in what seems like an unwinnable fight.

I know you are grateful. I'm suggesting you resist the urge to pay attention to the despair-- who needs steenkin' despair????-- and keep yourself in that gratitude mode... not gratitude to individuals, but gratitude to the universe that each day holds so many blessings you can't count them all. THEN you can build from strength to strength, instead of clawing your way out of crash after crash.

Venting while fixed on good news is just more productive than hollering "ouch," as a means of using venting effectively.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS: Making Dreams Come True? --Hesperis
From: mg
Date: 26 Sep 02 - 01:07 AM

I am worried about your trying to do too much when you have these multiple health challenges. Can you get help through the Canada Health system? Allergy care? Vision care? Dental care? Is there a social worker that you can hook up with? Starting a demanding series of classes, taking on substantial debt and doing other self-imposed projects while your body is begging for rest and repair might be doing too much. Can you take care of your health, earn just enough money, and maybe take one class a quarter to get into the swing of it? It doesn't pay to drive your body past what it can do at the present time.....mg


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Mudcat time: 26 September 4:51 AM EDT

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