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Scotland Tourist info ljc

little john cameron 20 Jun 02 - 11:12 AM
GUEST,gregor macstiofain 20 Jun 02 - 11:35 AM
greg stephens 20 Jun 02 - 11:40 AM
Fadac 20 Jun 02 - 11:59 AM
Mr Red 20 Jun 02 - 02:45 PM
little john cameron 20 Jun 02 - 05:07 PM
Herga Kitty 20 Jun 02 - 06:40 PM
Herga Kitty 20 Jun 02 - 06:48 PM
GUEST,ozmacca 20 Jun 02 - 11:49 PM
GUEST 21 Jun 02 - 02:57 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 21 Jun 02 - 03:00 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 21 Jun 02 - 03:04 AM
GUEST 21 Jun 02 - 03:05 AM
greg stephens 21 Jun 02 - 05:33 AM
ozmacca 21 Jun 02 - 05:55 AM
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Subject: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: little john cameron
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 11:12 AM

Ah see there are quite a few catters heading to Scotland for a visit.Here is some advice to make your holiday more enjoyable.

The following may be of help to first time visitors to Scotland for those that are travelling from down South (Englandshire way). Please find below a list of DO's and DO NOT DO's in our fair country. I hope they are of some help in allowing you to understand our social rules and etiquette.



It is considered bad manners for tourists to pay for drinks in Glasgow Pubs, the biggest person in the bar (referred to as The Numpty) will be only too happy to pay.
i.e.: BARMAN: That will be twenty pounds sir.
TOURIST: The Big Numpty over there is paying.
BARMAN: That will do nicely sir.
BIG NUMPTY: Welcome to Scotland.

In Highland pubs always ask for plenty of water when drinking the Local single malts, this tells the locals that you like it so much That you want to make it last longer.
After your first sip announce to every one in the bar in a loud voice "This is pish!" from the Gaelic Piesh Na' lavvy meaning Water of God

Thurso is Scotland's largest hypermarket and Multiscreen Cinema Complex and is only a short taxi ride from Glasgow.

The Scottish Police force actively encourage tourists to take their hats as souvenirs

Braemar is famous for its miles of sandy beaches and has some of the best surfing in Europe

Balmoral Castle sits on top of Ben Nevis near Sauchiehall Street in Edinburgh. There is a cable car from Edinburgh zoo to the top of Ben Nevis.
Because of its height it offers all year round skiing and there is a revolving restaurant on the roof of the castle.

There is a subway from Jenner's department store to Leith docks known as the Shooglewapper. Ask any member of staff and they will be delighted to help. The store also sells T-shirts bearing the legend "I was shooglewapped all the way to Leith"

The highest waterfall in Europe can be found at Greenock.

Often you will see men in bowler hats marching about playing the flute and banging a drum. This is a multi denominational religious ceremony and the object of this procession is to collect pictures of religious Leaders which must be stuck to the drum. Any images, particularly Those of the Pope will be greatly appreciated.

There is a nocturnal thistle called a "Spiky Jessie" which is found on Calton Hill in Edinburgh. As these flowers only open at night a trip up the hill is recommended. Just tell a taxi driver that you want to go up Calton Hill to take pictures of the Jessies coming out and he will be happy to oblige.

The Latin inscription on Edinburgh's coat of arms says "You'll have had your tea?"

The most popular hotel in Glasgow is called The Barlinnie.

Old people are banned from Scottish towns on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you see any gently restrain them until a police officer arrives. This may also provide an opportunity to get a hat as a souvenir.

Glasgow operates a policy of plain clothed street bankers. As it is well known that carrying small change can tear people's Pockets, these bankers will approach tourists and ask if they have any Spare change.
Once given this money they will exchange it for coins or Notes of a higher denomination. In order to deter criminals, these Banker often dress in a scruffy unkempt manner but they are all highly trained in finance.

Edinburgh zoo has an adopt an animal scheme and tourists may take home any animal they wish.

At many beauty spots you will find musicians playing the bagpipes. they are employed by the Scottish Government to provide tourists with spending money which can be found in bowls beside them. Feel free to take as much money as you want.

William Wallace escaped the army of Oliver Cromwell by jumping over the River Forth at Perth on a motorbike.

If you go to a concert by The Royal Scottish National Orchestra it is considered impolite not to shout "Hoots!" during quiet sections of the Music.

Celtic are known as the Gers due to being formed by Gerry O'Malley a fruit importer who was the first man to introduce citrus fruit to Scotland.
So if you walk into a pub filled with people wearing green And white say "Up the Gers, I'm proud to be an orange man!" and you will receive a warm welcome.

Policemen are known by the old Gaelic word "keech"

"Jobbie" is a word meaning a lot of effort has gone into producing something i.e. when you have enjoyed a meal, tell the waiter that it tasted like a jobbie.

It is forbidden to travel on public transport in Scotland unless you have a licence. This can be obtained from any police station. Simply ask for the transport keech and remember those souvenir hats.

Enjoy Your Visit To Scotland
ljc


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST,gregor macstiofain
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 11:35 AM

I think you might be slightly inaccurate in some of the nuances of your generally very helpful etiquette guide. Now, in which part of Scotland do you live exactly?


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: greg stephens
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 11:40 AM

Yes, I was wondering that, too. I am thinking of coming up from Englandshire with a few rugger-playing friends and we're looking for someone to put us up for a week or two. We've heard how hospitable and generous everyone is.Would that be all right?


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: Fadac
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 11:59 AM

Gee things have changed a bit sence I was there.

While there you must look up your family name, to find your Scottish roots. Every name came from Scotland, you know. Even MacSvevenski, has a family tarton. You need to know this for your kilt.

I also understand that tourists are required to buy a kilt. Then to wear it everwhere. The proper tourist kilt goes to mid thigh, and the hose (socks) go to mid calf. This kilt should be warn in the "Regemental Mannor". Sneakers, knives (At least three), and a T shirt with the lable "Honk for Hooters", are considerd formal.

A real tourist also should be equiped with a set of bagpipes. Any store will sell you a set for about $35.00 or so. Carry these around and feel free to join in any band you should see. If they run away, well that's why you have the sneekers, to keep up.

I can't wait to get back, to wander Princess Street, to show off me kilt, ahhh Summer in Scotland.

I noticed that when I wave, the all wave back, and say I'm number ONE! Odd choice of finger though.

:^)

-Fadac


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: Mr Red
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 02:45 PM

Don't mention the World Cup this year, especially if England win tomorrow.
the Mock Less None-Stir is alive and hiding in Loch Lomond!


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: little john cameron
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 05:07 PM

Fadac,a few spelling lessons wouldn't go astray while you are there.Heaven forbid you are part of the Scottish education system.ljc


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 06:40 PM

I'd just like to mention that Scotland's first National Park (Loch Lomond and the Trossachs) will be officially opened by the Princess Royal next month. Also that there will be a Lomond festival next month, and the first Scottish National Folk Festival in August.

11 NATIONAL FOLK MUSIC FESTIVAL OF SCOTLAND, Auchincruive, Ayrshire, Scotland. PO Box 26064, Kilmarnock, KA2 0YG. Tel: 01563 551408 / 01563 571220. Email


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 06:48 PM

Oops I forgot that the link to the email wouldn't work:

thenational@thetraditionbearers.com


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 20 Jun 02 - 11:49 PM

Aye weel.... it's fell guid tae see hoo thur's nae degradation o' the traditional an' historic weys o' makin' ra towrists feel welcome back in ma ain fair haimland the noo. Ah'm shair that if a' they fowks gangin' awa' up ower ra border foaly a' yer recommendations they'll shairly git a holiday they're no' likely tae furget in a hurry. Aye, crivvens, jings'n helpmaboab, ma ain wee hielant laddie the noo, d'ye no ken jimmy.

Eh, bit here, hing oan a wee meenit! Yur a Cameron ur ye no? Whitna d'ye think ye're daein, mon? Ye could hae made a wee bitty charge fur a' that help ye've went and gi'ed folks.... Aye, weel seen yur nae ony employee o' ra Towrist Board.


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 02:57 AM

Wee Yon Caemarun...da ye ketch cabers...on ya hade? Somtings a bit daft bout ye


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 03:00 AM

What Guest is saying is

shut up until you can write the Queen's English so the rest of Christendom can understand you!

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 03:04 AM

Ah wil gio an hyde me hade en a dawk hol.

Sincere apologies to LJC....the above comment was designed for ozmacca

Sincerely.
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 03:05 AM

Why did any of you post ANY of this?


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: greg stephens
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 05:33 AM

Well I cant speak for anyone else, but the reason I posted here, as everywhere else, is to try and raise the level of scholarship and musical interest on Mudcat. Hoots Mon!


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Subject: RE: Scotland Tourist info ljc
From: ozmacca
Date: 21 Jun 02 - 05:55 AM

The Queen's english eh? And so what if she is english... her man's a Greek, and what's that got to do with it?

Try the words of that great song about the tourist in the Corries repertoire,

"Ye think ye're going to the North/to spend a holiday/ for ye're vaguely scottish on yer mither's side.....


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