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Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...

DigiTrad:
AUSSIE TWELVE DAYS OF XMAS
THE TWELVE BUGS OF CHRISTMAS
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PARODY)
THE TWELVE DAYS OF MARXMAS
THE TWELVE THANKYOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (ORIGINAL)
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (PC)


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New words for the 12 days of Christmas (67)
lyr req: Church Humour Song (12 days/genuflect) (1)
(origins) Twelve Days of Christmas-for teaching catechism? (57)
Lyr Req: 12 Days of Christmas--parody versions (19)
NewFolk 12 Days of Xmas (8)
Lyr Req: Twelve days of Christmas (drinks) (30)
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Lyr Add: 12 Days of Christmas - Feline version (7)
Lyr Req: 12 days of Christmas - Canadian Brass (6)
(origins) Origins: 12 Days of Christmas (WWII version-Blau) (5)
Lyr Req: 12 Days of Marxmas (12)
Tune Req: Melody for Twelve Days After Christmas? (5)
Lyr Add: The Taxman's Christmas (5)
BS: Have a laugh- PC 12 Days of Christmas! (17)
Lyr Add: 12 Days of Counting (2000 election) (2)
12 Days of a Mudcat Christmas (45)


Steve Gardham 22 Dec 14 - 03:54 AM
BrooklynJay 22 Dec 14 - 02:59 AM
GUEST,Bill Watkins 14 Dec 11 - 05:01 PM
GUEST 16 Dec 10 - 03:57 PM
GUEST 01 Dec 10 - 05:33 PM
GUEST,Desi C 12 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Patsy 12 Nov 10 - 05:05 AM
BrooklynJay 12 Nov 10 - 12:05 AM
Mark Ross 11 Nov 10 - 12:53 PM
GUEST 20 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM
GUEST 09 Feb 08 - 06:35 AM
GUEST 06 Feb 08 - 08:14 PM
The Walrus 17 Jan 07 - 01:57 AM
GUEST 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 PM
woodsie 29 Dec 06 - 11:12 PM
Joe_F 29 Dec 06 - 09:05 PM
oldhippie 29 Dec 06 - 08:22 PM
ktbear 29 Dec 06 - 04:30 PM
GUEST,guest - jenny Fitz 27 Sep 06 - 06:30 PM
Herga Kitty 27 Sep 06 - 03:17 PM
woodsie 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM
rich-joy 26 Sep 06 - 10:16 PM
bobad 26 Sep 06 - 07:43 PM
GUEST,Michael 26 Sep 06 - 07:28 PM
Vixen 26 Sep 06 - 07:48 AM
Herga Kitty 25 Sep 06 - 05:21 PM
NightWing 25 Sep 06 - 05:12 PM
GUEST,webwalker222 25 Sep 06 - 02:52 PM
GUEST,oldhippie 16 Sep 06 - 05:37 PM
Anne Lister 16 Sep 06 - 01:29 PM
GUEST,Tummy AuGratin of Manchester, NH 15 Sep 06 - 04:41 PM
GUEST 27 Dec 05 - 08:37 AM
GUEST,Guest 20 Dec 05 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,BGODINNYC1@AOL.COM 16 Dec 05 - 02:31 PM
Artful Codger 26 Nov 05 - 04:38 PM
GUEST,Looking for a Song 26 Nov 05 - 11:19 AM
GUEST,"12 daze" is on Ebay now 11 Nov 05 - 02:03 AM
GUEST,Joe_F 03 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM
GUEST 03 Nov 05 - 10:32 PM
susu 02 Jan 05 - 08:27 PM
pdq 01 Jan 05 - 11:06 PM
susu 01 Jan 05 - 10:04 PM
GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca 01 Jan 05 - 05:06 PM
GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com) 01 Jan 05 - 02:32 PM
GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca 01 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com) 01 Jan 05 - 12:37 PM
GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca 01 Jan 05 - 11:28 AM
GUEST 23 Dec 04 - 07:41 PM
GUEST 23 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM
GUEST,cindy 23 Dec 04 - 11:10 AM
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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 03:54 AM

Just for completeness you understand: here's my version of the bawdy one from the 60s
12 twats a twitching
11 leaping lesbians
10 tattered testicles
9 gnawed off nipples
8 aching arseholes
7 sex-starved spinsters
6 convicted vicars
5 choir boys
4 fornicators
3 French whores
2 shithouse doors
and my Lord Montague of Beaulieu (Bewley)

Quite topical 5&6 in some ways in Europe


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 22 Dec 14 - 02:59 AM

Here's a later clip of Fay McKay performing the song live:

12 Daze of Christmas

Just in time for the Holidays!


Jay


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Bill Watkins
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:01 PM

We used to sing this in Scotland, can't remember the rest - but this version scans nice:
7 Swansea strippers
6 geezers layin'
5 old queers ...
4 call girls
3 French maids
2 Turkish dwarves
and Lord Montague of Beuliegh


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 03:57 PM

London, England. Late 60's variation...

Twelve tattered twats
Eleven lazy lesbians
Ten Girl Guides
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight useless queers
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six upright figures
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two bog-house doors
And my Lord Fortescue of Forleigh


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Subject: ADD: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Dec 10 - 05:33 PM

Day One
    Dear Nuala,
    Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
    Yours affectionately,
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa
Day Two
    Dear Nuala,
    I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
    Yours ever,
    Gobnait
Day Three
    Dear Nuala,
    We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
    I remain,
    Your Gobnait
Day Four
    Dear Nuala,
    You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
    Gobnauit
Day Five
    Nuala,
    Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
    Your affectionate friend,
    Gobnait
Day Six
    Nuala,
    What are you trying to do to us ? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
    Gobnait
Day Seven
    Nuala,
    We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
    Gobnait
Day Eight
    Nuala,
    Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you.
    Gobnait
Day Nine
    Listen you louser !
    There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me.
    Gobnait
Day Ten
    Listen manure-face,
    I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours !
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa
Day Eleven
    You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
    It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you ould bag !
Day Twelve
    Listen slurry head,
    You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man.
    Gobnait O'Lúnasa

    See above (click). Seems to be exactly the same thing, although I admit I didn't compare the two side-by-side. -Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Desi C
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

The late Dermot Morgan, who played Father Ted, recorded a very funny version, mostly spoken where he's sending all these gifts to a lady and in the form of her letters in reply she's at first very grateful for the Partridge, up to the gold rings, then she's gradually getting more and moe annoyed e.g "I suppose you think it was funny sending those ten feckin Lords a leaping all over the place, they scared the life out of the six Frenc hens" or something like that. It must be one of the most Parodied X'mas Songs ever ;)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:05 AM

Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors

When living on the Isle of Wight I heard this one but didn't quite catch all of it but I know it ended with 'A one-legged horse with VD' if anyone knows the rest of this version please could you pass it on so I can recite it at Christmas.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 12:05 AM

Sad to report that Fay McKay (mentioned earlier in this thread) passed away in 2008 at age 77.

However, her classic Twelve Daze of Christmas has been posted on YouTube.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Mark Ross
Date: 11 Nov 10 - 12:53 PM

I remember a somewhat rowdy party in Kansas City in around '78. The version of 12 Days I vaguely recall ended up every time with "and a handjob in the backseat." Anyone else know this one?

Mark Ross


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM

Jon Campbell wrote the "12 Steps of Christmas" on a CD released in 1996 of the same name. It is available at Looney Tunes records in Wakefield, Rhode Island. Address any questions to campbellemore@yahoo.com


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:35 AM

This is the 12 days of christmas sung by disney princesses.

On the 12th day of christmas, my true love gave to me:

12 tigers purring
11 pies a baking
10 mermaids swimming
9 roses blooming
8 crowns a shining
7 dwarfs a dancing
6 mice a sewing
5 emerald rings......
4 storybooks
3 fairy wishes
2 glass slippers
and a magical shell of the sea.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 08:14 PM

A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE
2 TURTLE DOVES
3 FRENCH HENS
4 CALLING BIRDS
5 GOLDEN RINGS
6 GEESE A LAYING
7 SWANS A SWIMMING
8 MAIDS A MILKING
9 LADIES DANCING
10 LORDS A LEAPING
11 PIPERS PIPING
12 DRUMMERS DRUMMING


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: The Walrus
Date: 17 Jan 07 - 01:57 AM

Joe_F wrote on 29 Dec 06 @ 09:05 PM

"...Richjoy: The version current at St Andrews University in 1959 was
(WARNING: NASTY & SEXIST):

Twelve twisted twats
Eleven lecherous lesbians
Ten torn-off testes
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu
..."

The version I heard (mid seventies) was slightly different:

(12 and 11 forgotten)
Ten tattered tits
Nine gnawn-off nipples
Eight 'airy arseholes
Seven convicted vicars
Six sex-starved spinsters
Five queer boys
Four shit-house doors
Three French whores
A pair of dirty drawers
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu.

W


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 PM

British comedian Jasper Carrott also recorded a version close to that Bill Barclay song:

On the First Day of Christmas my true love sent to me                A Wee Heavy and a Half Pint
2nd: Two Nips of Gin
3rd: Three Black and Tans
4th: Four Double Diamonds
5th: Five Baby Shots (later, Five Baby chams)
6th: Six Shots of Brandy
7th: Seven Carlsburg Lagers
On the Eighth Day of Christmas, the Silly Old Faggot sent to me: Eight Bloody Vodka'n'Limes
9th: Nine Halves of Chandy
On the Tenth Day ... to me: Hey Jude, don't take it back. Sing your sad song and make it better again. Show Me the way to go home.
11th: Eleven Blast Blue Labels (?)
12th: Twelve Alka Seltzers


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: woodsie
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 11:12 PM

Sorry Herga I only saw him do it once!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: Joe_F
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 09:05 PM

Richjoy: The version current at St Andrews University in 1959 was
(WARNING: NASTY & SEXIST):

Twelve twisted twats
Eleven lecherous lesbians
Ten torn-off testes
Nine gnawed-off nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five choir boys
Four Boy Scouts
Three dirty whores
Two shit-house doors
And my lord Montague of Beaulieu.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: oldhippie
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 08:22 PM

And a Hawaiian version:



Numbah One Day of Christmas
(The 12 Days of Christmas local style)
- by Eaton B. Magoon Jr., Edward Kenny, Gordon N. Phelps

Numbah One day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
One mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Two day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Two coconut, an' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Tree day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Foah day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Five day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Five beeg fat peeg... foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seex day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg (that make TEN!),
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Seven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eight day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg (that make TWENNY!), foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Nine day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah let, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Ten day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Ten can of beer, nine pound of poi, eight ukuklele, seven shrimp a-swimmin'
Seex hula lesson, five beeg fat peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah Eleven day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Eleven missionary, ten can of beer, nine pound of poi,
Eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin', seex hula lesson,
Five beeg fat peeg, foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree.

(Numbah Twelve day of Christmas the bes', and the bes' stuff always come las'...)

Numbah Twelve day of Christmas, my tutu give to me
Twelve TELEVISION, eleven missionary, ten can of beer,
Nine pound of poi, eight ukulele, seven shrimp a-swimmin',
Seex hula lesson, FORTY steenkin' peeg,
Foah flowah lei, tree dry squid, two coconut,
An' one mynah bird in one papaya tree!

Music and lyrics published by Hawaiian Recording and Publishing Company, Inc., and copyrighted in 1959.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: ktbear
Date: 29 Dec 06 - 04:30 PM

I am desperately looking for the Penelope Keith version. Heard it on the way home from shopping on Saturday, and still can't stop laughing. Having been the partridge in the 4th grade Christmas play, it is one of my favourite Christmas songs, along with all of the wacked out versions. Anyone remember the Donny and Marie "2 falling gloves..." version? BTW: what do you get when you type "Penelope Keith partridge" into Google?
KT


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,guest - jenny Fitz
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 06:30 PM

Knowing I like a good parody, Richenda put me on to this link ... good stuff. Thouhgt I'd addone I did awhile ago. I guess every family or industry has their own version of 12 day parodies!

And everyone has a pushy insurance broker!!

The 12 days of insurance

I was new to insurance when my broker sold to me … a basic house and contents policy

On the next day my broker rang, suggesting I include …
Fire, flood and theft with my basic …

On the 3rd day my broker advised me to include …
Light-ning strike, Fire flood and theft with …

On the 4th day my broker asked me to include Tracey No 2, Lightning …
(this song was written in Darwin …)

On the 5th day my broker prayed that I include - An Act Of God! …

On the 6th Day my broker bid me to include Drunken Neighbours drinking

On the 7th day my broker said I should include lawyers litigating ..

On the 8th Day my broker obliged me to include Feral squatters squatting …

On the 9th day my broker insisted I include crocodiles attacking …

On the 10 th day my broker harrangued me to include volcanoes erupting …

On the 11th dfay my broker demanded I include … meteors impacting …

On the 12th day I simply refus-ed to include .. Aliens abducting, …
…Fire, flood or theft I want a basic house and contents policy!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 03:17 PM

Woodsie - can you remember the words of the Doug Hudson version......? (Silly question, I know, but I heard them last month and I can't remember them!)

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: woodsie
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 01:41 PM

Doug Hudson's 12 Drinks Of Christmas is hilarious - you must catch him live.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: rich-joy
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 10:16 PM

Oooooh ... I want more of Ossonflags' version (Dec '04 posting) :

" On the first day of Christmas I took to bed with me, my Lord Montague of Beaulieu"...............................


Anyone??!!


Cheers! R-J


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: bobad
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:43 PM

A Canadian version eh!

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Bob & Doug McKenzie


(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can
play this
at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if
there's
nothin' else to do.
D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the
Christmas
part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..um...your true love for
Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's
Christmastime. Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on.
B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause,
figure it
out, right? Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth...
B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So..
D: That's two
B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl..get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So,
that's
nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery"
days.
(Music starts)
B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to
get
someone for Christmas.
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

(organ
starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.
B: Oh, geez.
D: You start...
B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: ...in a tree. See, you need more.

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Five golden tuques,
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me,
C: Six...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven pack of smokes,
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques.
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting.
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too
hard for
us! Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me,
D: Eight comic books
(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches up) Five golden tuques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
ALL: And a beer...
B & D: On my tree.
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um...
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..
(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums.
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth
day or
the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...
D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you
buy a
dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the
"Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!
(As music fades:)
D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me.
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven".
D: What?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Michael
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:28 PM

Is there anywhere i can listen to bill barclay's version of the twelve days of christmas on the internet?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Vixen
Date: 26 Sep 06 - 07:48 AM

Jon Campbell of RI, USA wrote "the 12-steps of Christmas" which I posted about here years ago. It's hilarious. I still haven't found the lyrics, but here's what I (vaguely) recall:

one damp basement
two bumperstickers
three cups of coffee
four ????
SER-REN-IT-TEE
etc...

It might be a good companion piece to the "12 Drinks" versions above.

V


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 05:21 PM

I saw/ heard Doug Hudson sing a drunk version of the 12 Days of Christmas at Sidmouth festival last month. Luckily I wasn't in a row near the front, because he sloshes his glass around while he sings it, and acts progressively tipsier.

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: NightWing
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 05:12 PM

WebWalker,

I have a distinct memory of hearing Foster Brooks do something like that, but I can't find it with Google.

BB,

NightWing


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,webwalker222
Date: 25 Sep 06 - 02:52 PM

Back in the early 80's I heard a version of 12 Days where the lyrics were all fairly normal but the guy who got to sing the Partridge part was very very drunk and at one point just managed to stammer out 'and a p, and p, and a p, oh heck it was a big bird that made a heck of a mess'. I heard it on the radio up in Northern Canada, can't remember who did it. Anyone?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,oldhippie
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 05:37 PM

Dave Lippman sings the following:


THE TWELVE DAYS OF BUSHMAS
On the 1st day of Bushmas my Supreme Court gave to me
A duly selected Presidency

On the 2nd day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Three hundred dollars
Instead of a democracy

On the 3rd day of Bushmas my President gave to me
No Kyoto protocol
So I could warm up
To a check for 300, instead of a democracy

On the 4th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Space missile defense
In order to form
A more perfect union or at least a warm fuzzy feeling of
Warming up to having no democracy

On the 5th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
A stop to the START Treaty
So we'll be legal
Building Star Wars II
To defend our lack of a democracy

On the 6th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Stock market tips
To replace Social Security

On the 7th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Faith-based initiatives
To replace Social Security

On the 8th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Drills for the Arctic
Water filled with arsenic
Oil won't mix with water
But oil and government oughta
In a centrifuge
Which he'll set up in a wildlife refuge

On the 9th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
A - bill - of - rights!
Not for gays or blacks or free speech
Not for none of these
But for health insurance companies

On the 10th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
Cheaper public schools
Cloning corporate tools
Teaching to the test, screwing all the rest
If they don't like
Our new federal standardization of their kids
To work in faith-based health insurance companies

On the 11th day of Bushmas my President gave to me
War against....somebody
Over in....someplace
To teach a lesson and save our face
Taking our $300, and our fuzzy feeling
And our bill of rights
Here we go to war,
I think we all know what it's for
To defend our lack of a democracy

On the 12th day of Bushmas
My President gave to me
Deficit spending so they can pay back
Those who really suffered from the attack
Oil billionaires
It will trickle down he tells us
And we must be tough
Only terrorists refuse to buy more stuff!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: Anne Lister
Date: 16 Sep 06 - 01:29 PM

I saw Jasper Carrot do a drunken version of this at the Albert Hall, must have been 1974/5, ending with him looking speculatively at the hole in his guitar as if about to throw up into it.

That was in the days when he was more of a folkie than a comedian.

Anne


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Tummy AuGratin of Manchester, NH
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 04:41 PM

www.fabulousfaymckay.com and 25 bucks will get you the CD featuring the song (and others)!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Dec 05 - 08:37 AM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 20 Dec 05 - 10:22 PM

Quickie FYI...

In the 12 Daze of Christmas, Fay McKay got five "Dry Rob Roys"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,BGODINNYC1@AOL.COM
Date: 16 Dec 05 - 02:31 PM

YES THIS HAS BEEN RECORDED ON A CD "THE TWELVE DAZE OF CHRISTMAS" IS BY FAY MCKAY AND CAN BE ORDERED OFF HER WEBSITE WWW.FABULOUSFAYMCKAY.COM


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: Artful Codger
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 04:38 PM

I vaguely recall Paul Lynde doing that.

When I hear the 12 days of Christmas, I'm reminded of a song the Smothers Brothers once did on their 60's TV series:

MONDAY WE SAW ON TV
(The Smothers Brothers)

Monday we saw on TV
A toy to buy for Christmas:
A sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants.
Oh boy, oh boy, we really gotta get that toy!

Tuesday we saw on TV
A Toy to buy for Christmas:
Melvin Monster, nasty plastic man
And a sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants.
Oh boy, oh boy, we really gotta get that toy!

[You get the pattern.]

Monday ... A Sexy Sally doll with skin-tight stretch pants
Tuesday ... Melvin Monster, nasty plastic man
Wednesday ... Kittyland A-Go-Go, a swinging doll house
Thursday ... Bang, bang! A submachine gun! Boy, what a toy for war games!
Friday ... A wig, a wig, a Little Wendy wig for fifty dollars
Saturday ... Boom, boom! A little bitty H-bomb. Boom, boom, a patriotic toy
[slower] Sunday we saw on TV the following [??]: [Dick delivered a short sermon against the overcommercialization of Christmas.]

I must've been about 10 when I heard this. I remember the song so well because I'd just gotten a small reel-to-reel tape recorder for Christmas. When the show reran, I was ready!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST,Looking for a Song
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:19 AM

Does anyone know if Paul Lynde (Uncle Arthur on Bewitched) did a drunk version of the 12 days of christmas? When I was coming home from college sometime between 1988 and 1991 I heard the funniest version of the twelve days of christmas. I recall that the guy sounded like Paul Lynde. It may have been a sound a like. He sang the song in English without any English or Scottish accent but continued to get more and more drunk. It seemed to me the first day of christmas was a Martini. Not sure.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST,"12 daze" is on Ebay now
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 02:03 AM

The 12 daze of Christmas by Fay McKay is on Ebay now.
Here is the url link:

http://cgi.ebay.com/12-daze-days-Christmas-DRUNK-VERSION-Fay-McKay-twisted_W0QQitemZ4789668372QQcategoryZ306QQssPageNameZWDVWQQr


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 03 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM

ossonflags: I believe that's spelled Beaulieu.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: The cats eat the rats and the rats eat the cats and we get the skins for nothing. :||


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 05 - 10:32 PM

The 'drunk' days of Christmas was a 45 record released in 1983 by Fay Mc Kay on Halo records. It's extremely rare and the demand is huge. Copies on Ebay can auction up to $150. Was never issued on CD anywhere.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: susu
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 08:27 PM

Well pdq, since I am a wealth of useless knowledge, I thought I may as well join in. For some reasone everything I know seems to come in handy here! Thanks for the welcome. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: pdq
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:06 PM

'susu' appears to have joined Mudcat.

Is this an attempt to bring 'harmony' to Mudcat?

Anyway, welcome susu!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: susu
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 10:04 PM

You are very welcome. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 05:06 PM

That's the one. Thanks a lot.


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN (Frank Kelly)
From: GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 02:32 PM

Molly,you would be talking about Frank Kelly's version here you go. Hope this helps. Susu

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN
(Frank Kelly)

Day One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O'Lúnasa (pronounced Govnet O'Lunacy)

Day Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
Yours ever,
Gobnait

Day Three
Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
I remain,
Your Gobnait

Day Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
Gobnauit

Day Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings ! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
Your affectionate friend,
Gobnait

Day Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us ? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
Gobnait

Day Seven
Nuala,
W e are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
Gobnait

Day Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I'm very annoyed with you.
Gobnait

Day Nine
Listen you louser !
There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me.
Gobnait

Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You'll get yours !
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

Day Eleven
You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like "Outlook". I'll get you yet, you 'ould bag !

Day Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, 'cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers, [sobbing] while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I'm a broken man.
Gobnait O'Lúnasa


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Subject: Re: Lyrics to humorous version of "The 12 days.."
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM

I think the version is called "Christmas Countdown", and features a mother who is driven to valium and whiskey in her attempt to cope with the accumulation of gifts over the twelve days.
Thanks again.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,susu (susanneboston@msn.com)
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 12:37 PM

Molly, if you are looking for the Fay McKay version, then look above to my post dated- 15 Dec 04 - 12:09 PM. If you are looking for another artists' rendering then you may wish to submit a new request listing which one you are looking for. Best of luck. Susu


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,mollyboland@nf.sympatico.ca
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:28 AM

I've been trying to find the lyrics for this version of "The 12 Days of Christmas". If you could e-mail them to me I'd be very grateful.
Thanks.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:41 PM

! http://www.playingsafely.co.uk/12stisofchristmas/12-STIs.html


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM

Fay McKay is still alive. I just heard her on a local NH radio station, doing a phone interview.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: drunk version of 12 Days Of Christmas...
From: GUEST,cindy
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:10 AM

To Susanne of Boston, I would love it, if I could somehow download a copy of the Fay McKay version. Do you think it's possible?


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