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You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...

Peter T. 26 Feb 02 - 06:17 PM
McGrath of Harlow 26 Feb 02 - 06:39 PM
SINSULL 26 Feb 02 - 06:43 PM
gnu 26 Feb 02 - 06:49 PM
Mr Red 26 Feb 02 - 07:04 PM
GUEST 26 Feb 02 - 07:09 PM
McGrath of Harlow 26 Feb 02 - 07:13 PM
GUEST 26 Feb 02 - 07:16 PM
CarolC 26 Feb 02 - 07:18 PM
Rick Fielding 26 Feb 02 - 07:54 PM
michaelr 26 Feb 02 - 08:21 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 02 - 08:56 PM
M.Ted 26 Feb 02 - 09:58 PM
ddw 26 Feb 02 - 09:59 PM
JenEllen 26 Feb 02 - 10:01 PM
kendall 26 Feb 02 - 10:11 PM
Helen 26 Feb 02 - 10:22 PM
Seamus Kennedy 26 Feb 02 - 10:44 PM
Bill D 26 Feb 02 - 11:09 PM
Justa Picker 26 Feb 02 - 11:14 PM
kendall 26 Feb 02 - 11:26 PM
CarolC 26 Feb 02 - 11:56 PM
CarolC 26 Feb 02 - 11:58 PM
Justa Picker 27 Feb 02 - 12:00 AM
Rick Fielding 27 Feb 02 - 12:06 AM
sian, west wales 27 Feb 02 - 07:59 AM
GUEST 27 Feb 02 - 08:03 AM
harpgirl 27 Feb 02 - 08:21 AM
Peter T. 27 Feb 02 - 08:34 AM
Rick Fielding 27 Feb 02 - 10:21 AM
gnu 27 Feb 02 - 10:42 AM
Bill D 27 Feb 02 - 10:49 AM
Rick Fielding 27 Feb 02 - 10:54 AM
SharonA 27 Feb 02 - 10:54 AM
Trevor 27 Feb 02 - 11:45 AM
Bill D 27 Feb 02 - 11:47 AM
katlaughing 27 Feb 02 - 11:52 AM
Jeri 27 Feb 02 - 12:18 PM
Fibula Mattock 27 Feb 02 - 12:33 PM
M.Ted 27 Feb 02 - 01:02 PM
Uncle_DaveO 27 Feb 02 - 01:51 PM
brid widder 27 Feb 02 - 02:20 PM
JenEllen 27 Feb 02 - 03:07 PM
SharonA 27 Feb 02 - 03:21 PM
Phil Cooper 27 Feb 02 - 03:23 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 02 - 03:39 PM
CapriUni 27 Feb 02 - 03:41 PM
gnu 27 Feb 02 - 03:49 PM
SharonA 27 Feb 02 - 03:50 PM
Desdemona 27 Feb 02 - 03:58 PM
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Subject: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 06:17 PM

Although one continues to do really stupid things the older one gets, it occurred to me recently (from experience) that one reason older people have tough times on dates is that they can pick up hints that this might be a bad idea much earlier than they used to. You might call this excessive pickiness, but on the other hand, you might say that you are saving the time of two people by recognising that this is not worth investing a chunk of the rest of your diminishing lifetime in. On a first date recently, I was interrogated in detail about the hour and minute of my birth so that it could be determined if we were compatible according to the stars. One of those subtle tipoffs. A year or so ago I went out with a very nice lady who, when the check came, in a very elegant restaurant, whipped out a calculator so as to determine whether the sales taxes had been calculated properly.

Any other subtle tipoffs Catters might wish to share from their experiences on the front lines?

yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 06:39 PM

Who was picking up the bill in the second restarant? (I mean, if it was you, it might just have been her trying to be helpful.)

Stil, I don't know about that stuff. Married in 1964 and still married. But I suppose the two types of hints are the ones that would indicate that the other party doesn't like you - and more important (because not being liked is just a challenge), the ones that would tell you that you don't really feel in tune with the other party.

In tune indeed - musical tastes would play a big part in this for a lot of those here, I would hope.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 06:43 PM

I had a lovely man confess to paranoid schizophrenia on our first (and last) date. That wasn't the real tip-off. He followed up by emptying a satchel full of prescription drugs on the table with a complete description of each one's usefullness, side effects, etc.
He also became extremely agitated when talking about his ex...seems she had refused to give him a place setting of her best china so that he would have something to eat off of. Twenty years later it still sent him into a fury.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: gnu
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 06:49 PM

Take her to the mall or the grocery store. If she can't walk about without getting in your way or can't pick up her foodstuffs without blocking the aisle with her cart, leave her there. And, if, while on your drive to the mall/grocer's, she squirms because you are within a mile of the vehicle in front of you, drop her off at the door while you go to find a parking space... nudge, nudge, wink, wink.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:04 PM

Yea, I once had a "meeting" following an e-contact. I told her to look for red. That worked! We went to the Art gallery - plenty of knowledge floating back & forth. Jane Austen museum (you really gotta be into JA for that one) but I was observing and projecting. Sally Lunn cakes & coffee. Plenty talk but maybe not rapport. And we left it there, but she walked me to my car, insisted, just had to eyeball it.
Didn't so much pick up on that one, drove away wiping it of my person. Guess I just don't have a big enough one!

BUT you can never tell, next up was a Joy. The first time I took Joy to a Folk Club she said "I will never be able to take it seriously if they play Greensleeves!", she loooovesssss ceilidhs!
I think I can cope without Greensleeves!


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:09 PM

She was looking over my CD/Vinyl collection.

She happened upon a Bob Dylan album:

"Wasn't he the guy who started Live Aid?"

I knew then, that it wouldn't work out...


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:13 PM

Well, you could say in a sense he was.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:16 PM

and what sense would that be?


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:18 PM

If he asks you to marry him on the third date, say no.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 07:54 PM

Back about 10 years ago, I helped a friend compose a newspaper ad for the personals section. She showed it to two of her friends (they were in the 'forty something' age-bracket, and quite attractive) and it was decided that I had a 'knack' for this kind of thing.

The end result was that I was privy to information about dozens (it seemed like hundreds) of dates that each of them went on, as a result of these ads. At first it was kind of fun, but after a short while it was simply mindboggling (and not in a good sense). To begin with, the VAST majority of the letters that each received went straight into the trash bin without a second reading. Why? Incoherent, laughably bad spelling, written on LINED PAPER!, obvious attempts to cover up a 'married status', and most apparent...the vast majority had NOT READ or at least understood what the lady's ad had said about herself. I swear on my mother's grave, that one of the best written letters contained a photo of a guy with a fag dangling from his mouth....and the ad had had specified "Non smoker"!

The real capper was that almost ninety percent of the guys answered ALL three women's ads...although the 'requirements' stated in each couldn't have been more different.

The few dates they did go on, were for the most part disastrous, embarassing and occasionally downright funny...and these were from the "creme de la creme" of letters. In retrospect it's strikes me that the missing ingredient was simply "social skills"...those little voices inside your head that say "Don't go there, it's RUDE", or "Would YOU like to be treated this way"?

It may have just been nervousness, but one of the women was amazed at how many of the men immediately wanted to tell their life's history....almost in monologue form. She felt that if someone is so bereft of friendly casual conversation skills (on a first date) imagine how 'heavy' the REST of the dates would be.

For what it's worth, one of the women DID find a compatible partner this way (you've met them Peter) and thinks the whole process was a hoot. To the best of my knowledge the other two are still VERY single, and I know their opinions of the 'available guy' pool are not terribly high.

It's the kind of thing I'm fascinated by, and I think one of the problems is simply WHERE we have our first encounters. Going out on a date is simply an un-natural act for humans beyond the age of...say...23, and by the time you're in your forties and fifties, it's so un-natural that Jerry Falwell would probably find it illegal.

Let's say you're meeting the person for the first time (or close to it) at some restaurant. You're both nervous, and you fall back on what you know best. (maybe it's astrology...or your childhood...or your opinions on Gun control, abortion, religion, or other pleasant non-confrontational topics) Strikes me that having met and known the person from some previous MUTUAL-INTEREST situation, ie: a club, a regular group that frequents the same bar, pub quiz league, excursion group...whatever,...makes the 'date' feel more like a continuation of that other activity, although with arguably higher stakes. At least you can chat about stuff that you've both already experienced before...and the other people that you both know.

I had a (blind)"Date from Hell" once that I knew was going nowhere after 10 minutes, but I stuck it out through sheer lack of guts to terminate it in the restaurant. We hadn't even ordered the main course when I knew there would be absolutely NO future between myself and someone who announced her expressed hatred of cats! The fact that she also declared her vegetarianism, penchant for jogging, weight lifting, and admiration for conservative politics, would eventually have been hard to deal with, but I sat there like an idiot going 'uhuh, uhuh, uhuh..' when I was thinking, 'lady, I can't STAND you, and in a few hours it's gonna be MUTUAL'!

I know I didn't answer your question Peter (just saving you from telling me) but it's a RICH topic....you'll get some answers all right!

Cheers

Rick


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: michaelr
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 08:21 PM

Definitely stay away from people who don't like cats or music!

Having said that, I count myself lucky that I'm not out there "dating" at my age. That's because I'm married to the most wonderfully loving woman - we just celebrated our 21st anniversary, and it keeps getting better.

Cheers,
Michael


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 08:56 PM

Har! Har! Oh, my God...dating! Great stories, Rick. In fact, lots of great stories on this thread.

When I want a really great date I go to the grocery store or the bulk food place, and buy Medjul dates. They're incredible. Honey dates aren't bad, either.

The other kind of dates (with women) I can hardly be bothered with at this point. One is usually better off to develop friendships through common interests or during work activities or something like that...and just not bother with the traditional "date" at all, IMO. It's much better going out with someone who's already a friend.

As for you, Carol, I agree entirely...I absolutely would not continue going out with a guy who proposed marriage on the 3rd date...or a woman either, for that matter!

SINSULL - Sounds like ya found a real gem there... :-)

My condolences to all who have suffered miserably in the search for the ineffable rewards of romance!

- LH


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: M.Ted
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 09:58 PM

When she invites you in and says, "My ex-husband is watching the kids, but he's cool with this, he'll sleep out on the couch."


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: ddw
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 09:59 PM

Back in the days between the big mistake and the Yorkshire Tornado, there used to be a really nice looking woman who worked in a building nearby. We'd meet almost daily on the street, exchange greetings, etc., until one day we struck up a conversation. I asked her if she'd like to have a drink and we went to a bar.

Things looked promising, we found several things we shared — music tastes being a biggie — and I asked her if she'd like to go to a concert with me.

I knew things were going off the rails when I went to pick her up and she had invited a friend along. The two of them spent the evening giggling at inside jokes, skipping hand-in-hand down the street in front of me and generally ignoring me.

Needless to say I didn't go back.

david


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: JenEllen
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 10:01 PM

It's the misery train, beep-beep, get on board.

There are always:
Self-confirmed commitment phobics who want to know 'when we're going out again'
Those that announce they don't wear underwear 'because they like the freedom' then complain about 'sticking' in hot weather
Those that call you by their ex's name and burst into tears
Those who ask if they can stay at your place until 'the heat blows over'
Those who either hate animals, or conversely spend the evening showing you wallet pictures of Fluffy, Muffy, and Woofles

A more productive exercise might be in remembering all the times that you yourself have been a horrible date, and practicing a tiny bit of forgiveness towards the human animal (except you, Sinsull, that is OUTRAGEOUS!! LOL) With that in mind, I have myself:

Forgotten little things like daylight savings time, and been unforgivably LATE
Rushed from work and arrived in various states of disarray (including cowshitted wellies) and spent a solid half-hour bitching about my day
Been caught staring out the window and wishing I was somewhere else--and admitted it
Tried horrible dinners at home (tomato soup incident notwithstanding)
Have uttered such killing phrases as: "Well, if that isn't the most asinine thing I've ever heard" and "So what? You're out on a weekend pass then?"

All culminating in the ultimate truth that if you aren't fit company for yourself, then you are not fit comapny for anyone else. The decision one has to make is whether or not they are willing to overlook the truly insignificant in a search for happiness, or whether they will wear the black arm band, cover all the mirrors, and stop the clock at the exact minute the romance died.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 10:11 PM

I have enough horror stories to make Steven King jealous!

A woman whom I had talked to on the phone and had forgotten about because she said I sounded too "Liberal",plus, she revealed that not only was she a republican, but, she also played the saxophone! called me again, and said she heard me on a local radio talk show. This time, she said I didn't sound so liberal, and we should meet. I've seen her a number of times and in most areas she is quite acceptable. BUT, her politics and her lack of interest in folk music make anything more than a casual friendship impossible.

Another woman told me on the first meeting that she had had two heart attacks and a stroke! I appreciate honesty, but, I need more than that for a relationship.

My favorite is the woman who called and wanted to invite me to lunch. I knew right off that it was a no brainer, but, we finished the lunch with small talk; and I do mean small talk. As we were parting in the parking lot, we were talking about the rules of dating; how they have changed, and I said, I dont do many rules, and I dont play games. Keep it simple; like, if I invite you for lunch, I pick up the tab, and if you invite me, YOU pick up the check. That struck a nerve! she had invited me, and, yet I picked up the tab. She said "Well, do you think I should have paid the check"? I said "Not at all, I'm comfortable with whatever works." Too late, she got her teeth into that, got defensive, and said, "Well, I dont have a penis!" I said. "I do; but, I've never tried to pay a bill with it." Not even a grin...no sense of humor at all. Anyway, I have about given up. Friendships are easier to manage. Now, if I feel like taking off to England, or anywhere else, I have no other to think about except my dog, and he loves the kennel he goes to.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Helen
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 10:22 PM

Little Hawk,

My favourite cryptic crossword clue is: "She, too great for words, can never get pregnant". The answer is "ineffable".

Is this what you meant when you said: "My condolences to all who have suffered miserably in the search for the ineffable rewards of romance!"

I guess disastrous dates usually are ineffable, in both senses of the word.

This is my favourite encounter when I briefly tried the dating agency method of meeting men, about a decade ago. The man was totally unmatched to my preferences, but was very nice, soft spoken, seemed genuine. I was making conversation, and because I worked in the library at the time I asked him if he read much.

He stopped dead in his tracks, looked into the distance for a considerably long pause, and then his face brightened up, like a light had been switched on. He said: "I read a book once! It was a motoring magazine!"

We went on with the date for form's sake, but I let him down as gently as possible when I told him I didn't think that we had a lot in common.

Helen


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 10:44 PM

Kendall, I thought our first date went well. I brought the beer, I picked up the check and Seamus likes me. We both sang in key and played the guitar, and I changed my opinion about12-strings. Where did it go wrong? Love and get well.

Seamus


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 11:09 PM

ladies....ever seen this rooom?


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Justa Picker
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 11:14 PM

...the first 5 seconds...the facial expression especially the eyes...and the body language... I don't even waste time with small talk; getting a table; muddling through a drink and bullshit pleasantries. I just ask if she wants a ride somewhere or should I hail a cab for her... and then I go home and grab a guitar - all the company I need.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 11:26 PM

Justa picker, my old fasioned manners wont allow that. Seamus, I dont have much luck with long distance romances. Sorry.

One more, then I'll quit. Somehow a dating service got a hold of me and kept calling. Trying to get me to sign up, but wouldn't give any details. I kept refusing. This went on for a while, finally, one of their women called and got rather personal, I thought. She asked if I was "seeing anyone" I answered, "Yes." she said "Is it serious"? that was it! I said "It will be if her husband finds out"! She said, "Oh my, oh dear." hung up and I havn't been bothered since.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 11:56 PM

I actually like JP's approach. At least that way, no woman will ever waste any time wondering if he's interested in her. And if she's as disinterested in him as he is in her, he'll save her having to waste an evening with him just to be polite, and she won't have to worry about being the one to break it to him.

And it beats the hell out of telling someone he'll call if he doesn't to. Not that that's ever happened to me, mind you. But then again, I don't really do the dating thing. Like Little Hawk, I prefer to get to know people as friends first.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: CarolC
Date: 26 Feb 02 - 11:58 PM

(if he doesn't *intend to... sheesh.)


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Justa Picker
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 12:00 AM

..."he'll save her having to waste an evening with him just to be polite, and she won't have to worry about being the one to break it to him."...exactly Carol.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 12:06 AM

You know it's not going anywhere...when she said, "Oh you play Folk music...you must know "God didn't make Little green Apples", and "Honey"!!

I swear on my mother's grave that really happened. I developed an instant migraine, even though she was very attractive....

I can be bought...but not THAT easily. How do you tell someone you've just met that you think she's PROBABLY an idiot?!

Rick


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: sian, west wales
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 07:59 AM

You know it's not going anywhere...

... when he never drives over 30 mph, hunches over the steering wheel holding on with a death grip and staring at the road ahead with the look of a rabbit caught in the high-beams.

... when he's nice to you, but *not* nice to waiters.

... when he proposes on the *first* date!

Comedy films are also a good water shed - if you laugh at the same bits, you're on to something. If not ... cut and run.

sian


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 08:03 AM

Oh, so I should've waited till the fourth date, then...damn.

Another mystery solved.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: harpgirl
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 08:21 AM

...gee Peter, if your strategy for avoiding commitment stops working for you...you can always use mine...long distance romance...or we could combine our strategies and ensure our lonely old age!


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Peter T.
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 08:34 AM

Oh God, some of these contributions reminded me of root canal dates I had completely forgotten. I had forgotten the one with MTed's woman, though this one said somewhere towards the end of the evening, "Actually I am getting back together with my husband as soon as we sort out the money". (She was a rich Rosedale lady, this a Toronto reference). yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 10:21 AM

Oh Boy, Sian, do you speak the truth!

Assuming that you're not so desperate for company that you'll put up with anything on two legs, these things should be paramount:

Forget having tons of similar interests....If he/she thinks that Bill Cosby talking to cute kids is funny, and you think it's nauseating.....the relationship will NOT work!

Find out what he/she laughs at.....listen closely to the answers....it's crucial.

Restaurants..another dead giveaway. If he/she treats waiters and waitresses with disdain.....you're next!

and my personal favourite: If someone has a penchant for treating "selected" people badly....it may take a while, but eventually you'll be one of the 'selected'.

Rick


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 10:42 AM

I was thinking of putting an ad in the personals but, since I believe in complete honesty, I'd have to be up front about the Bodhran, so there's no sense in wasting my money.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 10:49 AM

the question I see between the lines in all this is:

Since society seems to have a LOT of the people with the problems that various posters have noted: what happens to them? Even dorks, idiots, obsessive-compulsive sufferers, clingy-whiners, control freaks...etc., have needs.

Do we just pair them off with each other and watch the fireworks? Why do we have no mechanisms to explain to people what mistakes they are making in those horror stories above? Is it mostly too late by the time they get past 25 years old?

I have known men who mistreated women and 'expected' them to submit meekly; women who were so obviously 'trolling' for men that it was embarrassing..(and started 'training' for marriage any man she dated more than once). I have known people of BOTH sexes whose idea of a conversation is to recite information--sometimes personal and sometimes just data about 'stuff'.

Now, some of these folks are reasonably decent people, and I'd SO much like to sit down with them and explain to them what an awkward presentation they make, but...*sigh*...there is seldom any easy way to do that, and if you try, it becomes like feeding and petting a big shaggy dog....you find them bumping their nose at you for attention night & day.

....and, though **WE**, the posters to this thread, are all perfectly normal and sane, of course...*wry smile*....why do we have such ups & downs learning to relate and identify compatible partners?

I don't expect 'answers', of course....but I can't help musing


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 10:54 AM

Bill, having met you, I can safely speculate that I am quite possibly as 'abnormal' as you.

Now do you feel complimented or insulted!!!??

Cheers

Rick


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 10:54 AM

..when you receive a letter of complaint from the guy! (the "you're not paying enough attention to me, you're not making enough of an effort" kind of letter) (It may be a way of getting a woman's attention, but not her attentions!)


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Trevor
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 11:45 AM

They start a sentence with 'Now I don't want to be pedantic.....'


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 11:47 AM

Rick....having mused on your comment throughly for oh, at least 3.217 seconds, I have concluded that 'normal' is not necessarily what one wants to strive for....therefore I acccept your lovely compliment! *grin*


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 11:52 AM

Bill, I tried that with my brother, who goes on endlessly about his failures, which in itself is a big turn-off, I told him! Anyway, to hide his insecurity, he comes off all hoity-toity and offended by any helpful suggestions, such as try to talk about someone other than yourself!*bg* THEN, he overreacts and gets paranoid that he might actually be doing what I said he was doing and overreacts the other way...for a day or two, then it's back to tried and true.

I've always been completely honest. I knew, always, on a first date if there was going to be any kind of a future and would say so. Only went out on a blind date, once, and he wound up being my second husband two weeks later! THAT daughter didn't want to wait! She was knocking on our doors from the day we met. He came to my house for dinner and wound up teaching me to waltz. He told me years later that I made him really nervous. Seems I was watching our feet, so I'd be sure to dance correctly, while he thought I was staring at the bulge in his jeans!**BG** I did have more experience in seduction by then, but I swear that hadn't even crossed my mind, on a first date!

kat


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 12:18 PM

I know both Bill and Rick, and they're both weird.

I'm convinced that finding a friend or a partner is based more on compatable weirdnesses than anything else. At least when we're older. If you can stand a certain type of strangeness in someone, fine. If you have the same sort of strangeness, it's perfect as long as you you don't get competitively strange.

I've noticed that my first impressions about people are often right, but every now and then, I'm really far off the mark. Unless someone dumps drugs on the table and explains each one, how a person acts at your initial meeting may be severely affected by nervousness. Babbling, refusal to talk at all, or a sense of prepared discussion topics or forced conversation can perhaps be signs of nervousness. Depending on whether you can tolerate those things long enough to work through them, you might still find someone under the nerves you might like.

I used to think there must be something wrong with me. Others would happily go out with someone primarily looking for a romantic relationship. I'd need to find someone I felt comfortable with, whom I first liked, shared dreams with and enjoyed being around. The guys I always ended up with were ones I was somewhat infatuated with. I suppose I thought I ought to be in love because everyone else was. The infatuation always wore off, and there was nothing left underneath. On the other hand, most of my best friends as an adult have been male. Many of those friendships have been far more rewarding than the romantic relationships. I think the ideal relationships are those with both elements - friendship/intellectual attraction and romance/physical attraction. Everybody differs as to which one of those things they look for (or notice) first and how much of each they need.

The weirdest "date" I ever had involved a guy who asked me to take a flight with him ("I just want some company - nothing else.") in his private airplane and landed on a lake in a very secluded spot and chased me around for about a half hour. I have no idea what might have happened if I hadn't been a much better swimmer. Anyway, don't get in private airplanes with people you don't know very well.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 12:33 PM

Compatible weirdness! LOL! Jeri - that's wonderful!!
I've just split up with someone, and Bill D's just said "Is it mostly too late by the time they get past 25 years old?". Oh bugger. I'm 26. ;)
But I've also become rather interested in a friend with very compatible weirdness. Maybe I can avoid this dating-fiasco-thingummy altogether...


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: M.Ted
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 01:02 PM

You know it isn't going to work out when they tell you they've never been married and have lived alone since college, 17 years ago--

You also know you have a problem when she sheepishly confesses that her name is not "Amy Martin", which is how she was introduced to you, and which you have been calling her for the month since you started dating, but is, in fact, "Elizabeth Hufnagel"--


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 01:51 PM

I was 33, and had been actively looking for a wife for about eight years. At that advanced age the ones I was interested in were all taken, it seemed. Or didn't reciprocate my interest in any big way.

I met a girl, just about the same age, divorced for several years. I was greatly interested, and she seemed to have more than passing interest.

On I think the second or maybe third date I took her to a rather good (as Indianapolis went in 1963) Italian restaurant. A little more than halfway through the Vitello Marsala, she leaned back and lit a cigarette.

With what I hoped was a humorous tone (exercising all my good adult judgment, indicating the plate before her), I said, "Eat that! That's money!" "Oh, I'm going to. I just thought I'd have a cigarette."

She put out the cig and ate it. What's more, she laughed. What's more than that, she married me anyway within six months, and it's been 38 years now.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: brid widder
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 02:20 PM

when half way through my second drink he asked whether my sterilisation op could be reversed !!


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: JenEllen
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:07 PM

LOL brid!!! Priceless!! How do know it's not going anywhere? When halfway through the first drink she tells you she's sterile!!


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:21 PM

...when the guy says, "You have lupus? Then I don't want to get too involved with you; I'm afraid you might die on me."


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:23 PM

I was interested in a woman in the Chicago suburbs, who had an interest in folk music. I asked her to see Andrew Calhoun with me. The appointed time came, she didn't show up. I waited about an hour and went to the show anyway. I got an apologetic phone call the next day. She had never, ever stood anyone up before and felt sorry. I thought, lucky me. Never asked again.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:39 PM

LOL! What a great thread...

I am reminded of David C, in Toronto...one of the most inveterate womanizers I have ever met, and the master of the intricacies of dating and seduction.

David's face bore a subtle resemblance to a toad, and he was only about 5'6" tall, but what he didn't know about manipulating women is not worth knowing. He could write the definitive book on "hit and run" techniques.

Pretty well anything in a skirt (or whatever) would do for David. Seduction was his one and only objective. He was particularly eager to conquer new and unspoilt territory, so to speak, if you get my drift.

He would do anything, say anything, and go to any lengths to charm a girl...and it worked! He wined them and dined them, spent lots of money on them, took them out to fancy restaurants, listened with apparent fascination to their emotional concerns (while not caring a fig about them). He always dressed well and went the high class route when it came to entertainment.

All of this carefully planned strategy had but one objective...to bed the fair lass as soon as possible (perhaps 2 or 3 times at tbe most)... and then drop her like a hot potatoe, and set off in search of the next unwitting victim.

Unbelievable. I detested the little rat. What was so sickening about it was that he was so good at it, and that he managed to do it all without suffering a scratch to his own sensibilities in the process.

Ladies, beware...David is out there waiting to date you! I'm sure his life intention is to seduce every single woman in the western world...and half the married ones as well.

By the way, I knew a female who operated like David too, only she was a lot more obvious about it! It's a lot rarer in females, but it does happen sometimes.

- LH


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: CapriUni
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:41 PM

M.Ted wrote: "You know it isn't going to work out when they tell you they've never been married and have lived alone since college, 17 years ago--"

Waaaahhhh! :::Sob::: I'm 38, never been married, and have lived alone for the last five years (before that, I lived in my parents' home). Does that mean I'm destined to live alone the rest of my life, and die a lonely old woman with only my cats for company?

I've been disabled since birth, and have lived with my parents because until the last decade or so, barrier-free housing was just not available, or not affordable. As soon as the oportunity arose, I moved 450 miles away in order to make a new life for myself, and start fresh.

But I'm smart, funny, kind, creative and can make several varieties of really good noodle and vegetable soup -- if you like spicy food.

I know I'm not perfect... my sheltered life has left me more emotionally immature than others my age (if a real estate agent were writing my personal, she'd say "young at heart" ;-)). But shouldn't my good qualities count for something? I'm not looking for perfect... all I want is someone whose imperfections balance out with mine.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:49 PM

I think M.Ted meant that the longer a person lives alone the more "set in their ways" they get. Such that they aren't good at accepting the flaws of others or the compromises one has to make in "living together". Or, perhaps, they haven't been able to make a commitment because they are too retentive or unyielding.

I'm sure you will have no problems in this regard CapriUni.


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: SharonA
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:50 PM

CapriUni: Have you tried the various disabled-singles dating services? I have a friend who was a thalidamide baby, who had great success with one such program. Last I heard, he was still happily married to the woman he met through the dating service!


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Subject: RE: You Know It's Not Going Anywhere When...
From: Desdemona
Date: 27 Feb 02 - 03:58 PM

You guys are killing me here; I have nothing worthy of inclusion here! Let's just say I'm glad I got married young (and the more I read, the better he looks to me!)!


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