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Campsite at Drumcree IV

GUEST,The Bouncers in Lavery's 08 Feb 02 - 09:13 AM
GUEST,Chip on Shoulder 08 Feb 02 - 09:18 AM
GUEST,kearns and ginos walkie talkie 08 Feb 02 - 09:22 AM
GUEST,BBC News online 08 Feb 02 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,BBC Overseas Service 08 Feb 02 - 10:25 AM
GUEST,The Irish Times 08 Feb 02 - 10:32 AM
GUEST,Darren Vaughan 08 Feb 02 - 10:44 AM
GUEST,The Clancy Brothers 08 Feb 02 - 11:00 AM
GUEST,Jim Reeves 08 Feb 02 - 11:03 AM
GUEST,Darren Vaughan 08 Feb 02 - 11:19 AM
GUEST,Grafitti on wall 08 Feb 02 - 11:22 AM
GUEST,Graffiti 08 Feb 02 - 11:27 AM
GUEST,NEWS 08 Feb 02 - 11:44 AM
GUEST,Malachy Kearns' Graveside Oration 08 Feb 02 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Derek Bell 08 Feb 02 - 11:53 AM
GUEST,Roman O'Proddy 08 Feb 02 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,Derek Bell 08 Feb 02 - 12:19 PM
GUEST,Derek Bell 08 Feb 02 - 12:21 PM
GUEST,Malachy Kearns, back from bodhran heaven - 2 08 Feb 02 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,George W. Bush 08 Feb 02 - 05:47 PM
Hrothgar 09 Feb 02 - 06:12 AM
GUEST,THE GRAND FINALE!! 11 Feb 02 - 06:18 AM
GUEST,archivist 15 Apr 02 - 11:33 AM
alison 15 Apr 02 - 10:13 PM
GUEST,Begrudger 16 Apr 02 - 08:13 AM
GUEST,graffiti spotted in Edenderry 16 Apr 02 - 08:16 AM
GUEST,Derek Bell 16 Apr 02 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,Eamonn Holmes 16 Apr 02 - 04:41 PM
alison 16 Apr 02 - 09:44 PM
Paddy Plastique 17 Apr 02 - 05:15 AM
John MacKenzie 17 Apr 02 - 05:50 AM
GUEST,Val Doonican 17 Apr 02 - 07:03 AM
GUEST,Dept of Ethnogastronomy, QUB 18 Apr 02 - 03:45 AM
GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB 18 Apr 02 - 03:48 AM
GUEST,Dept of Tenorbanjology, QUB 18 Apr 02 - 03:52 AM
GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB 18 Apr 02 - 03:59 AM
Ella who is Sooze 18 Apr 02 - 05:17 AM
GUEST,The Late Review 18 Apr 02 - 05:24 AM
GUEST,Hugo Duncan 18 Apr 02 - 09:30 AM
GUEST,Seán Pól O Tuathail 18 Apr 02 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Bewildered 18 Apr 02 - 12:04 PM
GUEST,Roger O'K 18 Apr 02 - 01:13 PM
GUEST,The Begrudgers 18 Apr 02 - 04:34 PM
GUEST,Tarry Wig-On 18 Apr 02 - 04:56 PM
GUEST,Spartacus 18 Apr 02 - 05:02 PM
GUEST,NO! 18 Apr 02 - 05:03 PM
GUEST,The v'ice o' rayson 18 Apr 02 - 05:04 PM
alison 18 Apr 02 - 10:03 PM
GUEST,Mr Whippy the artic roll salesman 19 Apr 02 - 04:10 AM
GUEST,BBC Regional News 19 Apr 02 - 04:18 AM
alison 19 Apr 02 - 04:36 AM
GUEST,Mr Whippy, resplendant in Hawaiian hula shir 19 Apr 02 - 04:48 AM
GUEST,Vatican Press spin doctor 19 Apr 02 - 05:05 AM
alison 19 Apr 02 - 05:43 AM
GUEST,Christy Moore 19 Apr 02 - 07:30 AM
GUEST,Dan McCann 19 Apr 02 - 07:32 AM
GUEST,Tom Paulin 19 Apr 02 - 07:33 AM
GUEST,E****n C***y 19 Apr 02 - 07:35 AM
GUEST,Tricia 19 Apr 02 - 07:37 AM
GUEST,The Begrudgers 19 Apr 02 - 07:38 AM
alison 19 Apr 02 - 10:52 AM
GUEST,Bill Whelan and Davy Spillane 09 May 02 - 04:34 PM
GUEST,The Pope 09 May 02 - 08:19 PM
GUEST,Irish Mary 09 May 02 - 08:34 PM
GUEST,Kathy Jordan and Sharon Shannon 10 May 02 - 07:41 AM
GUEST,Christy Moore 10 May 02 - 08:34 AM
GUEST,Christy Moore 13 May 02 - 07:56 AM
GUEST,Tom Paulin 13 May 02 - 07:59 AM
GUEST,Christy Moore 16 May 02 - 12:45 PM
GUEST,Coyote Breath 16 May 02 - 02:17 PM
GUEST,Paul Brady 17 May 02 - 07:54 AM
GUEST,Len Graham 17 May 02 - 08:29 AM
GUEST,Tom Paulin's latest pome 17 May 02 - 09:04 AM
GUEST,Tom Paulin 17 May 02 - 09:28 AM
GUEST,Séamus Heaney 17 May 02 - 04:42 PM
GUEST,James Joyce 17 May 02 - 04:43 PM
GUEST,- of De Auld School... 18 May 02 - 03:52 PM
GUEST,fiosrach 18 May 02 - 04:13 PM
Fibula Mattock 22 May 02 - 06:40 AM
ard mhacha 22 May 02 - 07:23 AM
GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin 22 May 02 - 07:41 AM
GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin 22 May 02 - 07:44 AM
Fibula Mattock 22 May 02 - 07:48 AM
GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin 22 May 02 - 07:55 AM
GUEST,Frankie Gavin 22 May 02 - 08:00 AM
GUEST,Diarmuid MacMurrough 22 May 02 - 08:03 AM
GUEST,Consumer Complaint 23 May 02 - 03:29 AM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 30 May 02 - 07:08 AM
GUEST,O'Farrell's Wlcome To 30 May 02 - 07:38 AM
alison 30 May 02 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 31 May 02 - 05:03 PM
Hrothgar 01 Jun 02 - 11:45 PM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 04 Jun 02 - 04:42 PM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 05 Jun 02 - 07:56 AM
alison 05 Jun 02 - 09:33 PM
Hrothgar 06 Jun 02 - 12:06 AM
alison 06 Jun 02 - 12:51 AM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 06 Jun 02 - 03:56 AM
alison 06 Jun 02 - 05:08 AM
An Pluiméir Ceolmhar 06 Jun 02 - 07:33 AM
GUEST,Isaac McKittery 06 Jun 02 - 07:58 AM
GUEST,Peter Benchley 06 Jun 02 - 10:08 AM
paddymac 06 Jun 02 - 01:44 PM
MMario 06 Jun 02 - 02:26 PM
Big Tim 06 Jun 02 - 04:24 PM
GUEST,Roy Keane 06 Jun 02 - 04:31 PM
Hrothgar 06 Jun 02 - 11:02 PM
GUEST,ozmacca 07 Jun 02 - 12:05 AM
alison 07 Jun 02 - 01:42 AM
GUEST,Erin Copeland, Professor of Cetacean endosco 07 Jun 02 - 05:24 AM
GUEST,Australian Immigration Authorities 07 Jun 02 - 09:29 AM
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Subject: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Bouncers in Lavery's
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:13 AM

RIGHT THERE FOLKS MOVE IT OUT PLEASE!
New part to this thread.
Do yer talkin' while yer walkin'.
Have youse no homes tae go to?

Continuity Thread Alert Campsite at Drumcree III


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Chip on Shoulder
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:18 AM

Oooooooh!!!

Showing off, are we? Lavery's, eh!?

Jus' cos you went to University up in the Belfast!

It's a hole, anyway.

I was there with a mate once and we got bucked out for askin' for Bucky out o' th'optics!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,kearns and ginos walkie talkie
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:22 AM

walkie talkie conversation

Kearns... ah, there you are good man yerself, gino me comrade at drums...

1, 4 copy

....

gino... ah rite, Malachy what's that you said

a muster of bodhrans are being pushed near the cliffs of moher?

kearns.... jaysus that's rite pal, can ye send the big lads in to give the scoundrel antidrumestablishmentarians a real hounding of a wallop.

gino... we're on the case pal, can you bus another load of your tuneable specials our way again. The lads down in b block are perfecting their rhythm entry again...

ahhh and Malachy, great rhythm speach...

roger over n out


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,BBC News online
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 09:23 AM

The FBI are investigating a number of videos found in a cave in the Burren. The videos, believed to be instructional in nature, were seized in a daring dawn raid. They are said to show training exercises filmed in local pubs. The Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army claim the videos have 'nothing to do with them', and that the poor quality means it 'cannot be proved' that dissident leader Gino "Mad Dog" Lupari appears in the footage.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,BBC Overseas Service
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 10:25 AM

Dateline Brussels, Friday 8, 2002

A spokesperson for the European Commission today promised international cooperation in the Fight Against Bhorranism. President Mario Proddy has set up a special Corr- dinating committee whose aim is to root out this pernicious conspiracy wherever it has taken root. Special attention will be paid to so-called Irish Pubs which have appeared in many cities across Europe. In these places, in the seedy backstreets of Brussels, Paris and Amsterdam, passing under unremarkable names - "Kitty O'Shea's", "Michael Molloy's", the "James Joyce" and others, impressionable young people have been secretly indoctrinated and trained in percussionism of the vilest kind. Simple-minded Europeans have been taken in, given their instruments and sent out across the globe to terrorise polite society. For the leaders of this conspiracy, Proddy has what he calls a simple message. "We will track them down. They can run, but they can't hide. God is on our side", he noted.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Irish Times
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 10:32 AM

White powder found in an envelope sent to eminent Drumcree Session musician Derek Bell has been removed by Gardai for forensic testing. The powder, found within an envelope bearing a Donegal postmark, is being treated as suspicious.
Enya is helping police with their enquiries.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Darren Vaughan
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 10:44 AM

This is Darren Vaughan at the news desk. President Bush today said and I quote the CIA will be spreading their testicles like an octopus in a bid to infiltrate these bodhran dens and seek out the evil-doers who are responsible for brain washing young people into their service. Prime minister Blair who was looking on smuggly in the background said that president Bush's timing on this bodhran crisis couldn't have been better.

In a related story dissident National Bodhran Liberation Army leader Sammy Bin Lidden said that this is now a holy war and that the world will experience the mother, father, brother and sister of a row the like was never seen so it will.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Clancy Brothers
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:00 AM

Oh then tell Sean O'Farrell, tell me why you hurry so
Hush mo buachall, hush and listen and his cheeks were all aglow
I bear orders from Lupari, get you ready quick and soon
Cos we'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon
By the risin' of the moon, by the risin' of the moon
We'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon

Oh then tell me, Sean O'Farrell where the drum-in is to be
In that spot not far from Doolin quite well known to you and me
There'll be Christy, aye and Cathy, there'll be Mal in thick disguise
We'll batter our oul goatskins underneath thon Western skies
Underneath thon western skies, underneath thon western skies
We'll batter our oul goatskins underneath thon Western skies

In many's a pub in Doolin, they drunk pints of stout that night
Then at the hour for closing, beneath the silvery light
They battered out The Beggarman, Big Maggie, Siúl A Rún
A thousand baters thumpin' to the risin' of the moon
The risin' of the moon, the risin' of the moon
A thousand baters thumpin' to the risin' of the moon


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Jim Reeves
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:03 AM

"I hear the sounds of distant drums ..."

Oh shite! I'm in the wrong place altogether, aren't I?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Darren Vaughan
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:19 AM

This is Darren Vaughan at the news desk. The Maze prison which was to be turned into a Museum was today being temporarly used as a prison. Under operation "snatch and gob", NIPS officers in a serious of dawn raids around the province arrested a number of Bodhraneers. These dissident skin spankers will be held in the Maze under the Special Powers Act, known locally as the skittery-idle-dum rule. As yet there is still no word on the where-a-bouts of rebel leaders Lupari and Bin Lidden. Now the weather rain, rain ,rain and more rain.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Grafitti on wall
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:22 AM

GIVE THE DRUM BACK TO DRUMCREE!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Graffiti
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:27 AM

Bodhrán drum = Máire Drumm Give peace a chance


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,NEWS
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:44 AM

News has reached us that Malachy Kearns, leader of the dissident New Real Provisional Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army (Roundstone Branch) has been "battered into submission", by members of a rival bodhránii faction.

A statement by the Real New Provisional Continuity Bodhrán Liberation Army (Walton's Branch) confirmed that the "battering into submission" (a euphemism for a gangland-style execution) was carried out in the interests of a "...just and lasting settlement for all percussionists in the Island of Ireland."

Police are said to suspect a certain large gentleman of Italian extraction ...


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Malachy Kearns' Graveside Oration
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:46 AM

It has seemed right, before we turn away from this place in which we have laid the mortal remains of Malachy Kearns, that one among us should, in the name of all, speak the praise of that valiant man, and endeavor to formulate the thought and the hope that are in us as we stand around his grave. And if there is anything that makes it fitting that I, rather than some other, I rather than one of the grey-haired men who were young with him and shared in his labour and in his suffering, should speak here, it is perhaps that I may be taken as speaking on behalf of a new generation that has been re-baptised in the bodhránii faith, and that has accepted the responsibility of carrying out the bodhránii programme. I propose to you then that, here by the grave of this unrepentant bodhránii, we renew our baptismal vows; that, here by the grave of this unconquered and unconquerable man, we ask of God, each one for himself, such unshakable purpose, such high and gallant courage, such unbreakable strength of soul as belonged to Malachy Kearns.

Deliberately here we avow ourselves, as he avowed himself in the dock, Bodhránii of one allegiance only. We of the Bodhrán Liberation Army, and you others who are associated with us in to-day's task and duty, are bound together and must stand together henceforth in brotherly union for the achievement of the freedom to batter and dunder. And we know only one definition of freedom: it is Moore's definition, it is Lupari's definition, it is Malachy Kearn's definition. Let no man blaspheme the cause that the dead generations of bodhránii served by giving it any other name and definition than their name and their definition.

We stand at Kearns' grave not in sadness but rather in exaltation of spirit that it has been given to us to come thus into so close a communion with that brave and splendid Gael. Splendid and holy causes are served by men who are themselves splendid and holy. Kearns was splendid in the proud manhood of him, splendid in the heroic grace of him, splendid in the Gaelic strength and clarity and truth of him. And all that splendour and pride and strength was compatible with a humility and a simplicity of devotion to the bodhrán, to all that was olden and beautiful and Gaelic in Ireland. The clear true eyes of this man almost alone in his day visioned Ireland as we of to-day would surely have her: not free merely, but full of the battering of bater on goatskin as well.

In a closer spiritual communion with him now than ever before or perhaps ever again, in a spiritual communion with those of his day, living and dead, who suffered with him on the run or in his hideaways throughout The Burren (Bodhrán Bodhrán), in communion of spirit too with our own dear comrades who hide out thus to-day, and speaking on their behalf as well as our own, we pledge to the bodhrán our love, and we pledge to the laws against the bodhrán our hate. This is a place of peace, sacred to the dead, where men should speak with all charity and with all restraint; but I hold it a Christian thing, as Kearns held it, to hate evil, to hate untruth, to hate oppression, and, hating them, to strive to overthrow them. Our foes are strong and wise and wary; but, strong and wise and wary as they are, they cannot undo the miracles of God who ripens in the hearts of young men the seeds sown by the young men of a former generation. And the seeds sown by the young men of Planxty and The Bothy Band are coming to their miraculous ripening to-day. Rulers and Defenders of Realms had need to be wary if they would guard against such processes. Life springs from death; and from the graves of bodhránii spring living bodhránii. The Defenders of this Realm have worked well in secret and in the open. They think that they have pacified Ireland. They think that they have purchased half of us and intimidated the other half. They think that they have foreseen everything, think that they have provided against everything; but the fools, the fools, the fools! - they have left us our bodhránii dead, and while Ireland holds these graves, Ireland devoid of the sacred rattle of the bater on goatskin shall never be at peace.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Derek Bell
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 11:53 AM

I'd just like to say that in me own defence...that I was trying to sneak a sherbet fountain so that Paddy wouldn't see... when the postman came. Paddy shouted down the stairs was that the post and A swear to God he put the heart across me so he did and did'nt A spill the sherbet fountain onto the envelopes. One was a letter from Enya addressed to Sean Keane and the other was the gas bill. That's all I'd like to say...can A go to the toilet now?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Roman O'Proddy
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 12:09 PM

Following a hastily convened meeting of the Council of Ministers and of the full Commission, we have decided to form a new Commission Directorate-General, to be named DG Antipercussion and to be headed by Deputy Commission President Welsh Windbag Kinnock. My appointment of WW Neil emphasises the Commisssion's commitment toward eliminating this percussion menace that is threatening our unity and civilization. While working fully with our European Member States, the Commission itself will take full measures in purging Bodhranii or those suspected of Bodhranism from amongst its staff and working structures. The Commission has, for many years, been feeling repercussions and we had attributed this to fraud and dishonesty within our own ranks. Now we realize we were wrong. What we were feeling was in fact the actions of concealed cells of Bodhranii amongst our own, sheltering also within the facades of the James Joyce's, Shitty O'Kayes, O'Reilleys and Scruffy O'Neil's littered around the fair capital of Europe.

With the full backing of my team and of WW Neil, we are certain that we can play our part in the depercussionization not only of the island of Ireland but also of the European Union.

Please note that the Commission has no remit nor authority to tackle the issue of Dediddlyization at present.

Roman O'Proddy for the European Commission


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Derek Bell
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 12:19 PM

Mr. O'Proddy I think your full of shite so I do.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Derek Bell
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 12:21 PM

Here I didn't say that atall so I didn't. Somebody's codin' round so they are...this is feckin' terrible so it is.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Malachy Kearns, back from bodhran heaven - 2
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 05:01 PM

awwww shite, no one told me I was dead.

awwwwwww.... what about me goats...


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,George W. Bush
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 05:47 PM

Say, do any of you fellas sing any Irish songs? You know, like "Danny Boy", or "When Irish Eyes are Smiling"? Or what's that one about the animals, that starts "A long time ago when the earth was green..."? Laura and I just love Irish songs.

Patriotically,
George W. Bush


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Hrothgar
Date: 09 Feb 02 - 06:12 AM

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum, oh, can't you tell by the way I run every time you play drums at me...


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,THE GRAND FINALE!!
Date: 11 Feb 02 - 06:18 AM

(THE GHOST OF WILLIE CLANCY TAKES TO THE STAGE …) Ladies and Gentlemen …

We'd like to thank yez all for comin' and for the jovial hospitality shown by all throughout the past few days up here in Drumcree. I'm sure yez'll all be hard-pressed to min' a fuckin' thing, the state of yez.

Now, to roun' off proceedin's, we're gonny gi' yez something special …

All musicians and personalities involved in the oul' proceedin's are assembled here behin' me for the finale. So, let's not have any further how d'ye do … the lads and lassies are gonny gi' yez thon oul' standard, "The Partin' Glass" in their own style.

G'luck and good night!

(THE CURTAIN PARTS TO REVEAL A STAGE FULL OF THE CREAM OF IRELAND'S MUSICAL AND OTHER TALENT …

SHANE MACGOWAN STEPS FORWARD AS THE ASSEMBLED HORDES MOAN A DRONE NOTE FOR HIM)

(SHANE) Oh, all the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To mem'ry now I can't recall
So fill to me the partin' glass (CHHEEEEEERRRRR)
Goodnight and joy be with you all!

(THE CHOIR PARTS. BARNEY McKENNA AND GERRY O'CONNOR ARE SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" THREE TIMES ROUND AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "OFF TO CALIFORNIA" THREE TIMES ROUND.

THE CROWD CLOSES IN AROUND THEM AGAIN.

THE AUDIENCE ARE IN A FRENZY.

DEREK BELL STEPS UP TO THE MIKE.)

(DEREK BELL) Oh if I had money enough to spend
I'd buy an ounce of snow-white coke
Cos I swear I'm damn near round the bend
Oul' Paddy Moloney nearly makes me boke
With his gerny wee gob and his "failte" bonhomie
He 's such a pain in my fuckin' balls
So raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL PADDY KEENAN AND LIAM ÓG O'FLYNN SEATED OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY THREE TIMES ROUND "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" BEFORE LAUNCHING INTO A WILD VERSION OF "THE BUCKS OF ORANMORE".

THE AUDIENCE ARE DEMENTED.

THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THE PIPERS.

EAMONN HOLMES TAKES THE MIKE.)

(EAMONN HOLMES) Oh all the grub that ever I ate
It fairly made my belly swell
And all the Baileys that e'er I drank
Was likin' drawin' water from a damn deep well
And all the honeys I made a pass
And footered with up the Seagoe wall
Oh raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR PARTS TO REVEAL TOMMY PEOPLES AND MAIREAD NI MHAONAIGH SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER. THEY PLAY "THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY" – JOHN DOHERTY'S SETTING – AND THEN LAUNCH INTO "TOMMY PEOPLES' REEL".

THE CROWD GO FRANTIC.

THE CHOIR CLOSES AROUND THEM AGAIN AND SINGS THE FINAL VERSE IN UNISON.)

(CHOIR) Oh it's fare thee well to one and all
From the session here in Sweet Drumcree
And safely home through Portydown
And onwards to your own country
We may chance to meet again
In Belfast, Cork or Donegal
Then raise to me the partin' glass
Good night and joy be with you all

(THE CHOIR TROOPS OFF STAGE TO WILD APPLAUSE WHICH FADES TO AN EERIE SILENCE. SOMEWHERE … FAR OFF IN THE DISTANCE … A LONE PIPER PLAYS "TAIMSE IM CHODLADH.)

THE END


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,archivist
Date: 15 Apr 02 - 11:33 AM

although Campsite at Drumcree #1 is current at Mudcat, it has 166 messages and my computer times out before the thread is fully opened. I suggest anyone wanting to continue the festivities camps in this section of the site!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 15 Apr 02 - 10:13 PM

applause!!!!!!!!!!!

ENCORE!!!!!!!!!!

'thon waz pure majik, so it waz....

the Clancy Brothers had tears running down my cheeks with

"By the risin' of the moon, by the risin' of the moon
We'll hit our drums a dunder by the risin' of the moon"....

only wish I could have got there in time to join in on my Lambeg!!!

(brilliant work......)

slainte

alison




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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Begrudger
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:13 AM

The bodhráníi if Irelabd are hounded mercilessly out of existence by the forces of philistinism and Orangeism. And yet this alison woman flaunts her lambeg in our faces!

There is no justice in Ireland and never will be!

Malachy Kearns ... the current and as yet unborn generations of bodhráníi will not forget you!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,graffiti spotted in Edenderry
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:16 AM

Scrawled across a wall in Edenderry. The lambegí are gloatin'.

"We will never forget you Malachy Somebody-or-other".


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Derek Bell
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:23 AM

Here... I wouldn't mind her flauntin' somethin' else in me face so I wouldn't, that was a cracker wasn't it Paddy?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Eamonn Holmes
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:41 PM

Ah enough of this oul' bollox!

I'm lockjawin'.

Anybody fancy a dander down tae the Chinese for a gravy chip wi' peas 'n' onions?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:44 PM

I'm wi yew Eamonn..... I'm fair famished..... c'mon an we'll put sum meat on yer bones!!.... mind yew I like the real Chineses food... I want chips in curry sauce!!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Paddy Plastique
Date: 17 Apr 02 - 05:15 AM

This thread any relation to yer man George Hamilton IV ???
Terrible lot, that IV family... and Derek Bell - give over that sort o' talk - sure ye
haven't finished playing wi' yerself yet...


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Apr 02 - 05:50 AM

If a woman flaunts her Lambeg in yer face, and you haven't got yer bodhran handy, can you still use the rhythm method?
I only ask in case it ever comes up in conversation!
Failte...Giok


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Val Doonican
Date: 17 Apr 02 - 07:03 AM

Can I bring me wooly jumper and me rocking chair and sing some of those awfull 'Pady McGinty's Goat' thingies to youse orange bar stewards. Pass me the Buckfast and Vimto


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnogastronomy, QUB
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:45 AM

Found scribbled on a discarded chip wrapper outside Cafolla's ...

I am Eamonn
More girthsome am I than Gino the drummer
Great is my glory
I got my gub on Breakfast telly
Great is my shame
I call the oul' bingo in suits all shiny
I am Eamonn
A greater self-parody than Terry Wig-on


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:48 AM

I am Derek
Pluckier am I than the sightless O'Carolan
Great is my glory
Harping like stink in horn-rims and v-necks
Great is my shame
A fierce man for the oul' drugs
I am Derek
More debauched am I than the cue-wielding Higgins


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Dept of Tenorbanjology, QUB
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:52 AM

I am Barney
Faster am I than the light of Heaven
Great is my glory
The Mason's Apron a blur of notes
Great is my glory
The Mason's Apron a blur of notes
I am Barney
Hairier am I than a mountainy buck-goat


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Dept of Ethnodebauchery, QUB
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 03:59 AM

Mise Shane
Drunker am I than Ollie the actor
Great is my glory
I who wrote "Body Of An American"
Great is my shame
I who scribbled "Five Green Queens And Jean"
Mise Shane
Not victim, not martyr, not saint nor sinner


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:17 AM

I know who you are... whooo whooo whooo whooo arrrrrrrr!

Very funny. Stay off the buckfast, I think you are getting dependant.

E :-)


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Late Review
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:24 AM

Tom Paulin writes:
"The underlying rhythm of these works jettison all earnest explication of the text - meaning, paraphrasable content, social and historical situation - and concentrate entirely on sound, cadence, metre, rhyme, form. I can imagine the guttural Ulster glottal stops of Eamonn's boastful lament as he sings to the world of his achievements. The use of "Breakfast" with its similarity to "Buckfast" draws the reader's attention to the gluttony of the subject, as does the mention of "gub" with its connotations of eating and drinking; the "shiny" screams of prosperity, of the money he makes. This thread of greed has the content mimicking the form - food as a subject, written on food wrappings. It invites me to picture the next stanza - I am Derek - scribbled on a wrap of speed, lying in the gutter; or Mise Shane incoherently scrawled on a beermat.
What do you think, Germaine?"


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Hugo Duncan
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 09:30 AM

Uncle Hugo here, how are yiz all doing. You put on the kettle and I'll bring the crame buns ohhh laaa. Now we have a wee letter here from Big Alec who says could ye play a request for the missus ye wee fat Straban bastard. Sure I will, I will, I will, for because your Uncle Hugo loves ye so he does. Now just keep the requests comin' here's Big Tom with his Achy Breaky heart, ohhhh laaa.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Seán Pól O Tuathail
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 10:57 AM

Me and de rest of the lads in frocks here in Rome have been tinking about making a conciliatory gesture to our separated bredren over in Drumcree. Well actually it was de American lads who tink our lot are getting a bad name for being too interested in little boys and tought we should brush up our image.

So we've opened up a "comfort tent" staffed by a couple of Blue Nuns who will show de bredren a good time for a couple of fast bucks. We can't afford a pianna player, but de order's acid gregorian trance band "Cyanic sister" are doing background music.

You can't miss it. Look for de tent with the little red altar lamp oustide, behind Bobby Molloy's Wig and Gavel Porter Tent, just to de left of de Gig Rig.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Bewildered
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 12:04 PM

What the hell is all this about?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Roger O'K
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 01:13 PM

Poor bewildered, my heart goes out to you.

It's a Northern Ireland running joke which has taken on a life of its own. In fact it could arguably stake a claim to becoming a permathread, because it started off way off topic with someone who needed to get a load off his chest about current political issues by sharing it with fellow-mudcatters, but then mysteriously drifted bang onto topic by giving rise to a good dozen parodies, many of which are in the pure folk tradition of updating old songs to new circumstances.

It's drifted back off for a while, but even when OT it contains numerous musicians' in jokes, many of which would be accessible to folkies who are not Irish - e.g. the obsession with the Corrs which permeates the Chiff & Fipple forums, or the inevitable bodhran abuse theme.

I'm a newbie myself and still learning netiquette, so I'm still signing on as a guest, but Mudcat has been a revelation. At an early stage, when I was still aglow with gratitude for all the help which I'd got from Catters in finding words to a song, I posted a critical comment about someone lowering the tone of the site with some rather sharp political comments. But of course, I was the one who was wrong, because folk song (not least of the US variety) would be a mere shadow of itself if you took out the political content and commentary on current affairs.

On a quiet day at work I went right back to the start of the Drumcree threads and read on from there, which is the only way to make sense of this magnificently surreal phenomenon. The original posting takes ages to download, and someone kindly put it up on a website at

http://members.atozasia.com/munster/Drumcree1.htm

(sorry about the unblue unclickiness) where it's much easier to print and read, if you're interested in Drumcree itself. If you want to know more about the Northern Ireland situation as a whole, another contributor to the thread posted the URL of a trustworthy online archive run by a university at

http://cain.ulst.ac.uk/cainbgn/index.html

- otherwise just skim through Brendy's magnum opus at the Drumcree site to get a flavour of the background then move on to where the fun begins at

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=43154

Beware, especially if you suffer from the German/American disease (spot the troll ;-) of literal-mindedness: not everything on this thread is to be taken at face value, and most if not all of the abuse is firmly tongue in cheek. Also, you will probably realise after a while that not all the postings in the name of famous musicians have necessarily been put up by the musicians in question. Likewise, Sean Pol O'Tuathail is Pope John Paul II, and he probably didn't really write the last posting.

But if you can spare the time, it will expand your consciousness in ways you could never have imagined.

And thanks to Mooman for encouraging me to go back to source on this mother and father of all threads (cue Iraq thread drift).


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Begrudgers
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:34 PM

"D'ye hear thon Paulin one! Jaysis ... ye'd near think he'd ate a dictionary!"

"Away outta thon! Sure thon wee stripe o' piss doesn't look like he ates anyhing. A good feed would do the crayter the very best! ... Mine yoo ... thon Eamonn Holmes boyo wud ate a dictionary if it was in front of him! Or an encyclopeeja. Or the good book itself!"

"He wud in sowl! He's the boy wud ate, I dare say! He didn't get a hole on him thon size from sendin' the dinner plate till heez ma wi a cupla spuds still left on it!"

"Not at all! The same boy wud ast if there wuz anawr drap left in the pot! The size of him! He's blew up like a poisoned pup!"

"I'd say thon boy's champ wud be swimmin' in butter!"

"Oh stop! Riverin' wi butter! And it drippin' aff heez oul wobbly chins!"

"And then he'd let an oul' rift outta him and waddle on down to the Ashburn or the Silverwood to try to get his oul graisy kisser roun some wee drunk girl from out the country."

"He's the fella to be watched. You mark my words, now! Oh, God! The thought of his graisy oul' chops bearin' down on ye! And the oul' smell of scallion champ on him. And Arctic Roll. And then maybe he'd have slapped a couple of dozen Baileys intill him, as well!"

"It'd make ye bad, just thinkin' about it!"

"It would, in sowl! Well, there's my bus. I'll see you again."


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tarry Wig-On
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 04:56 PM

Mise Terry
More falsely-haired than Sir Johnathan of Elton
Great is my glory
More Oirish (bejaysus) than Lord Doonasa O'Valican
Great is my shame
More Oirish (begorrah) than Squire Valican O'Doonasa
Mise Téire
More meeja-tarty than Garvaghy Glo


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Spartacus
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:02 PM

Mise Spartacus!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,NO!
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:03 PM

Mise Spartacus!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The v'ice o' rayson
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 05:04 PM

Now lads ... stap thon oul "Mise" carry-on!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 18 Apr 02 - 10:03 PM

Right ni I'm well pissed aff.............. which wun of yews menshunned arctic roll???????

an me sittin' here in the arse end of nowhere an' no chance of gettin' a slab!!

thon wuz jist mean!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Mr Whippy the artic roll salesman
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:10 AM

Opening mail early in morning.

Dear Mr Whippy,

Please can ye get ye arse in gear there's a good wee man and bring me a bulk order o'artic rolls, I'm fair champin at the bit tae get me hands on a wee slab o the fair stuff.

I'd pay daecent money and I can put ye up. Just don't tell Big Mick.

Yours Sincerely

Alison

Aww, right I'm off. Hey Mrs Whippy, I'll be back in a couple o'days got an order tae deliver.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,BBC Regional News
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:18 AM

Traffic in the bustling Home Counties market town of Por'ydoin was brought to a standstill today by a mass demonstration of at least thirteen placard-wielding folkies demanding permathread status for the Drumcree thread.

A spokesperson for the demonstrators said that, apart from enabling contributors to the thread to dress normally, permathread status would at last give mudcatters the parody of steam which was rightfully theirs. He also indicated that the thread is now the object of serious academic research in the US, and observed that, given the amount of university shite that Joyce fella was responsible for, there must be the makings of a good dozen PhD theses in the thread already. Permathread status would also enable the local economy to benefit from spinoff summer school business, he stressed, adding: "them crowd in the Free State have sewn up the trade in intense Yanks in peculiar clothes for far too long".

A PSNI spokesman confirmed that, thanks to the Force's new sensitivity training, the demonstration had passed off peacefully.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:36 AM

what's that racket? I can hear "Greensleeves"....... oh great .....just what I need there's a "Mr Whippy" van doing wheelies in the street outside........

what does thon glipe think he's doing parkin' in my drive?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Mr Whippy, resplendant in Hawaiian hula shir
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 04:48 AM

Gooday cobba'

Aw feckin greensleeves, ah go away an shite will ye. An I wanted Popeye's tune, but that gobshite Paddy McGinty went and got in the line before me.

Right, Number 34 Ramsay Street, Allison. Ok, ah bulk order o'arctic rolls.

Ah shite, blethering wee gobshites, go away, no ye can't have a 99, an oyster or a strawberry split.

Now, right so. How am ah looking, just a wee blob o' spit and I'll get that tuft o hair in a nice partin, lets see, mah white coat is clean, shoes ok, tomato sauce off me chin.

Ah, don't forget the pile of potato cakes and bacon under the highballs, this Allison woman said she did a mean ulster.

ding dong.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Vatican Press spin doctor
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 05:05 AM

Vatican press release, Friday 19 April 2002

His holyness the big guy, ok wee short fella actually. Wishes to announce that he is distributing, 2 million bodhrans to all his diocese around the world. They are to be used by the priests in premarriage lessons, to practice the rhythm method.

A strict jig beat will be imposed on all future engaged couples and a practise schedule of 2 months imposed prior to the impending date.

Any couples straying from the jig beat, will have a fine levied upon them and will be disqualified for one week. None of that fancy syncopations stuff, it's been medically proven it makes you blind.

Coupons for Mr Bottle Bottom the opticians are available on special dispensation. All enquiries for the aforementioned coupons are available on request, and will be treated with strictest confidentiality. In no way or form will this be used against you, but anything you say may be taken down and used as evidence.

The Pope would like to thank his sponsor, a Mr Malachy Kearns who has taken refuge in the Church of the blessed saint around the corner from the Vatican.

Here ends the press release.

Mr. Alfonso Mario Grizado supermario Fiorelli


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 05:43 AM

aw fer fecks sake I'm tryin' tae watch "Home & away".... an' thon "Greensleeves" is drivin' me pur round the bend.....

who's thon at my dure?
.....

what? yew've brought me arctic roll? aw yew're a wee darlin' so ye are...... and thon' Ozzie accent doesn't fool me one bit... you must think my heads full of sweetie mice not to recognise thon' gorjus Belfast accent......

I haven't had arctic roll in so long............ I don't suppose I could coax a wee poke out of ye?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Christy Moore
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:30 AM

Mise Christy
More bardlike am I than boul' Phelim Brady
Great is my glory
I who sung Cúnla and diddled my bodhrán
Great is my shame
Ride On to name but one example
Mise Christy
More plot-lost it seems than the boul' Paul Brady


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Dan McCann
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:32 AM

Mise Dan McCann
Funnier am I than Frank Carson
Great is my glory
I who dwell on the Bann's fair banks
Great is my shame
I perform my ablutions in a cooking vessel
Mise Dan McCann
Wee-er am I than Willie Carson

(NB there is a prize of a clipe o' Yellow Leg, a hape of dulse and a sloat of Bailey's - as donated by everybody's favourite wobbly-arsed stage-Oirish broth of a boyo, Eamonn Holmes - to the first mudcatter who knows what in the name of Jaysus this wee piece is about!)


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tom Paulin
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:33 AM

Mise Paulin
More poetic am I than the mop-haired Heaney
Great is my vocabulary
Tendentious, disingenuous, juxtaposition
Overused is my catchphrase
"It works on a number of levels"
Mise Paulin
More opinionated am I than Julie Burchill


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,E****n C***y
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:35 AM

Mise bisho'
Hornier am I than Flynn the swashbuckler
Great is my glory
At the heart of power in my Holy See
Great is my shame
My forbidden fruit is up the duff!
Mise bisho'
More banished am I than Boney to Elba


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tricia
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:37 AM

Mise Tricia
Victim of the above archbisho'
To God above I nightly wish I
Wasn't lumbered with his heir and issue


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Begrudgers
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 07:38 AM

"Lord help us! Would you listen to thon uns runnin' down the priests and bishops"

"Indeed I hear them! The blackguards! Bad-mouthin' and rubbishin' the very people that risked death at the Mass-rock till bring us through the penal times."

"They've no shame. That's what it is!"

"You're right there, missus! Shame's a thing they're badly wantin'."

"I mane. It's not as if there's not plenty they could red-up, if they had half a mind, and lave the clargy alone. Take Christy Moore for example!"

"Oh, a rip!"

"A rip, indeed! Had us all fooled for a wee minute into thinkin' he was a good oul' singer of good oul' songs. And the next thing you know he thinks he's a court jester! Don't forget your shovel, indeed!"

"I wouldn't forget my shovel, missus! And I'd tell you where I'd shove it, too! Suas his owl hone is where I'd lose it! And Knock!"

"Knock indeed! I'd knock him! Knock seven colours of shite out of him I would! And Ride On!"

"Ride On me arse! What a dirge! And what's it all about anyway? Whoever writ a song till a horse anyways?"

"Still and all, it could be worse! He could be Mary Black!"

"Heaven bless us, but you've hit the spot there, missus. Thon Mary Black wan was a fly blade, too, wasn't she? Givin' us the pure drap for a bit and then next thing you know she thinks she's Celine Dion! She's near as bad as thon Maura O'Connell wan!"

"Quit talkin'! Sure Dolores Keane's as bad. One minute she's singin' Galway Bay like it would tear your heart in flitters and the next thing she's got drummers and kayboord players behine her. Who does she think she is, anyways? Sinead O'Connor?"

"Oh, don't start me on thon huzzy! Did you know she tore up a pixture of the Pope in America one time?"

"What? Was the Pope in America? I've got a picture of him in Galway, bless him. Scooting about in thon Popemobile like he was on the dodgems at Omeath!"

"No! Jaysus! She was in America and she tore up a pixture of the Pope."

"Heavens! Even Paisley wouldn't be at the like of thon!"

"Indeed. But there you go. These'ns think they've nothing to do on'y slag off the clargy! If y'ast me they'd be better off directin' their oul spleen where it's desarved!"
"Like at Christy Moore!"

"Well said, missus! Oh thon un was a rip!"

"A rip indeed! Oh look, thon's my bus commin'! I'll see ya later!"


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 19 Apr 02 - 10:52 AM

Dan McCann, I claim the prize... you can keep the dulce.. I'll just have yellow man thanks......

Dan, Dan's a funny wee man
he washed his face in a frying pan
combed his hair with a donkeys tail
and scratched his belly with a big toe nail


lol

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Bill Whelan and Davy Spillane
Date: 09 May 02 - 04:34 PM

BW : Davy, y'oul bollix! How're ye hangin'?

DS : To the knees, Bill, as ever!

BW : Y'are, so! Jayz, but thon's a great headband you've on you!

DS : Thanks there, Bill. I always like to throw a bit of drapery roun' the head. I feel naked w'out an oul' duster, or a piece of curtain or a clipe o' me ma's apron, or something wrapped roun' th'oul' napper!

BW : Well, whatever. Suits you till a T, so it does! Here, d'ye fancy a wee child's leg? (Offers a cigarette.)

DS : Don't mind if I do, there!

BW : Y'up till anything music-wise, there?

DS : Funny enough, I'm jist puttin' the finishin' touches till an oul' concept thing.

BW : G'way! What's the crack?

DS : It's an attempt to set oul Englishy, Saxon-like folk-tales till Irish rebel music.

BW : God alive! Thon sounds great! You're the powerful man for the concepts, Davy!

DS : I've a great band working with me on it.

BW : What are they called?

DS : The Beowulf Tones. (Takes deep drag on child's leg ...) Y'up till anything much yourself?

BW : I've a wee project I was working on.

DS : Aye?

BW : I was goin' to get 4 Men And A Dog back together again ... on ice!

DS : On ice?

BW : Aye! But you know me, Davy. Always one for the big spectacle, so I wanted to get the numbers up. So I was working on the 104 Men And A Dog concept!

DS : Jayz!

BW : Well 3 ordinary-sized men, a dog and 101 Ginos to be precise! But could I get ice thick enough till houl' them?

DS : Did you try?

BW : I did in sowl! Why do you think thon ice shelf broke away in th'Antarctic?

DS : G'way!

BW : They all got a wee bit excited at the start of The Kilfenora Jig and stompin' and leppin' about ... next thing they're floatin' up the Gulf Stream t'wards Inisheer!

Voice From The Shadows : Did you find anybody to play the dog?

BW : Who's that?

VFTS : Never mind! Just answer the fockin' question!

BW : Well, no as it happens! Had you anybody in mind?

VFTS reveals itself to be Michael Flatley : Aye ... thon flat-footed harpie Jean Butler!

FADE TO BLACK


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,The Pope
Date: 09 May 02 - 08:19 PM

Settle yerselves there settle yerselves. There's bad craic goin' round now bout the clargy and I don't want yews people to be payin' it iny heed. Do yiz hear. Now when we get the perscriptions all made up now for the bodhrans it'll be keepin' peoples heads all aff the how's yer father...are yiz wime. Cause lets face it there's no feckin' rythmn in this country, know. Here Guido hand me that bottle will ye son. Ahh that's grand so it is. Nothin' like the Paddy tay slack the bladder wha? Where was a...aye up the Glens.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Irish Mary
Date: 09 May 02 - 08:34 PM

Och is it yerself missus. Och come on in luv. Watch that ould rug for its a death trap...it could put ye through the bannisters there if ye caught the right corner aff it.

Ye haven't the wee bit of a feg on ye do ye luv. Am chokin' here. A haven't been down to the shap yet for the messages.(takes cigarette, lights and inhales deeply...has a body convulsing coughing fit)

These feckin' things'll be the death a me. Sure they have me kilt with the lambego.

Did ye hear the Pope on the wireless. A lovely wee man...a lovely wee man. Aye God love him but doesn't he have a fierce time aff it way some a them boys thats not priests atall, not priests atall. Sure some a them boys needs the red hot poker heh.

Anyway luv I was kilt with an ould turn there last week. A didn't know which end a me till point at the boul. Couldn't keep a thing in me...not even a man (laughs hysterically).

That's wile craic wha...hear shut that door luv ye know what their like round here. Come on an a'll put the kettle on.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Kathy Jordan and Sharon Shannon
Date: 10 May 02 - 07:41 AM

SS : How's she cuttin', there?

KJ : Rightly, Shaz. Yourself?

SS : Middlin' till raysinable!

KJ : You cud be worse, then! Would like a suck on a wee Lambeg? (Offers SS a Sweet Afton.)

SS : I'd ate the sufferin' hawn aff ye fer wan o' them yokes! (Lights up. Deep drag. Breathes two furious plumes of smoke from out her delicate wee nostrils.)

KJ : Y'up tomuch music-wise, lately?

SS : Divil the bit! The odd TV theme tune but fock all o' any use to man or baist. Yourself?

KJ : Still howlin' an' batterin' the oul' bodhrán and leppin' roun' the stage like a demented eejit. But here, d'ye know what it is?

SS : What?

KJ : It's very weird, Shaz. But I've got this mad hankerin' for a beard! I don't think I'l ever be right less I get a big hairy gub on me! (Takes a huge drag on her feg!) What's thon all about, eh?

SS : I think you've fell for a bit of dubliminal advertising, meself!

FADE TO BLACK


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Christy Moore
Date: 10 May 02 - 08:34 AM

Ah, Jayziz … yous huv jist caught me writin' a new song!

Let's see (strums a chord) …

Don't forget yer bowler if ye walk through Portydown
Don't forget yer brolly, case the rain is pishin' down
When ye see a fenian gern yer gub and wear a frown
Dal-de-deedle-do

(Mutters till heesself.) No, no … that's not right! Let's see (strums a chord)

Don't forget yer buckfast if you're marchin' on the twelfth
And give us a wee sloat, there, b'y … don't keep it till yerself
They say that it's a tonic, buy it's runin' me health
Dal-de-deedle-do

(Mutters away like an eejit.) Not at all, Christy. Let's see (strums a chord)

I never met a man who ate more grub than Eamonn Holmes
I never met a man could bate Tom Paulin at the pomes
And poor oul' Paud Moloney gets mistaken for a gnome
Dal-de-deedle-do

Now we're cookin'! (Strums another chord)

I never met a man before more reprobate than Shane
In seen him once devour some stuff I use for clearin' drains
An' it didn't bloody fizz on him, he roared out "Same again!"
Dal-de-deedle-do

And Barney's face is hairier than Father Ted's backside
And Dan O'Donnell's singin' is a thing I can't abide
And thon girls out of the Corrs, I'd like to give them all a … han' with their careers, ye dorty-minded pack o' hoor's melts! What did you think I wuz goin' till sing?
Dal-de-deedle-do


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Christy Moore
Date: 13 May 02 - 07:56 AM

Don't forget the puddin' if you cook for Eamonn Holmes
He wuz roun' our house last Sunday; ate us out of house and home
I caught him on heez han's and knees, eatin' the dog's bone
Fal-de-deedle-do

We had nettle champ for dinner, with butter in the hole
We settled down to afters, a big oul' Arctic Roll
He ast if there wuz seconds and he ate a dozen bowls
Fal-de-deedle-do

Don't forget the freshener when Eamonn hits the loo
If he ates just leck a pig, then he smells just like one too
He's upstairs with the Sunday World, he's at the Number Two
Fal-de-deedle-do

It came aroun' till three o'clock, sez I "We'll have a squib"
Well he dribbled like a chil', I shud huv give the man a bib
"Any chance there of a bikkie? There's nothing roun' my ribs!"
Fal-de-deedle-do

He ate a plate o' Wagon Wheels, some Kimberleys as well
A stack of buttered Maries came, and on them Eamonn fell
The state o' the place wi' bikkie crumbs, I hardly dare to tell
Fal-de-deedle-do

And then he lifted up a hip and made an awful roar
The gases that did then ensue, t'was at my throat they tore
It was like the soldiers' trenches in the 1914 war
Fal-de-deedle-do

Don't forget the shovel if you dine with Eamonn Holmes
For sweetenin' his Punjana, then clearin' out the toilet bowl
If he blitters fit to choke you, send the bingo-caller home
Fal-de-deedle-do


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tom Paulin
Date: 13 May 02 - 07:59 AM

Jayziz, Christy. But thon's poetry, boy! I'll git y'invited on till The Late Review yet!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Christy Moore
Date: 16 May 02 - 12:45 PM

Don't forget your boat when you go sailin' on Lough Neagh
Remember the punjana when you make a cup o' tay
Better get a move-on else you'll cause us a delay
Fal-de-deedle-do

Gino is substantial, he is meaty and he's plump
But he's not a bit like Eamonn Holmes, the lazy bloody lump
Who looks like he's inflated with a giant bicycle pump
Fal-de-deedle-do


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Coyote Breath
Date: 16 May 02 - 02:17 PM

arrgh! I go travellin' for a couple a weeks and ya start in agin and I miss all the fun!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Paul Brady
Date: 17 May 02 - 07:54 AM

Thon new bit o' singin' I've just done with Altan has re-invigorated me. I've just come up with a re-working of thon oul' favourite o' mine, "Arthur McBride", but I've changed it roun' till it refers to the big-assed bingo-caller from Lurgan.

Me and my cousin, one Mickey O'Loan
Met up in Cafolla's with the boul' Eamonn Holmes
A male in a café beats one made at home
At least that's the gist of the theory
We got a wee sate near the back of the place
The slabbers was drippin' aff Eamonn's oul face
The air it was thick with the sweet smell of gr'ase
And it made us feel pleasant and cheery

"What 're yez havin'?" the waitress then said
"Fish suppers all roun', love. An' slices o' bread.
An' big mugs o' tay." We're always well-fed,
An' daycent an' hale an' contented
Well, up came the grub, it was graisy as hell
Yer mawn near combusted when he caught a smell
Wi' heez knife and heez fork he was goin' pell-mell
Like an eatin' machine was invented!

Well he let out a rift when he'd cleaned heez oul' plate
He sez "Jayziz, boys, thon oul' feedin' wuz great.
I'm the mawn that is fon' o' a good drap o' mate
An' thon wuz far better than nothin'!
But nice as it wuz, I have to confess
That the size o' the portions don't suit me the best
For I have a stummick inside my oul' vest
That takes a right bit o' stuffin'"

So up came the waitress and Holmes, he said "Miss,
There's many's the boys who would ask for a kiss
But all I want aff you is a big lump o' fish
Deep-fried in the crispiest batter
And a big scoop o' chips, piled up in a moun'
An' I don't give a damn if the cost is ten poun's
For the money I'm earnin' would surely astoun'
So a note here or there disn't matter!"

So up then came seconds, and later came thirds
Sez Eamonn "Sure, Jayziz I ate like a bird
For they ate twice their weight every day, so I've heard"
And then it was back to the feedin'
For slabbers and gravy you'd scarce see his face
His oul' double chin was covered in gr'ase
He's the talk o' everyone in the place
A kick up the hole's what he's needin'

And then at the ice-cream when the suppers were done
Oysters an' nougats and 99 cones
The waitresses working themselves to the bone
To keep the boul' Eamon in rations
Pineapple minerals he drank by the score
And oul' sarsaparilla, raspberry and more
A gallon o' coffee when the 'ating was o'er
"Ah, Jayziz, boys, thon was fair smashin'!"

Then homeward he waddled till watch the TV
"I hope there's a programme on, featurin' me"
He thought as he sproghalled on his oul' settee
Which groaned cos oul' Eamonn was bulky
But all that was on was oul' Portydown Glo
And Paulin the poet, on the Late Review show
"There's damn all worth watchin'. To bed I will go."
Sez Eamonn all tearful and sulky ….


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Len Graham
Date: 17 May 02 - 08:29 AM

I've just come across this wee song on my travels. It's to the same tune as "Skibereen". I hope you like it, now!

Oh father dear, I often hear you slag off Eamonn Holmes
His awesome size, his wobbly thighs, his super-padded bones
They say he calls the bingo in a land beyond the sea
Oh why do you detest him so, the answer give to me

Oh son I loved oul' Eamonn Holmes, like a brother true of mine
We loved to drink and sport and play, but mostly loved to dine
Until a pretty female came between my frien' an' me
An' till this day, I cannot say the name of Kit Magee

(But you jist did, da!

Shut up, wud ye?!)

Kit was neat from head till feet and tidy as a pin
The day that I set eyes on her, her heart I tried to win
But she was fond of blubbery men and I am medium-sized
And to my friend she did extend the gift of her long thighs

Oh Eamonn, friend, do not offend me, do not coort with Kit
With my sad plea, he didn't agree and treated me like shit
Before my face, in Market Place, he kissed her up the wall
Sez I "You shite! If I could fight, I'd kick you in the balls."

But I was not a fightin' man and feeble was my frame
And Eamonn Holmes called me "skin'n'bones" and other hurtful names
But I resolved to nevermore be jowly Eamonn's friend
And on that day, I'm sad to say, our comradeship did end

Oh father dear the time the time will come when on vengeance we will call
And I will coort his son's main squeeze against the Peters' wall
I'll grow in size with big huge thighs, I'll pad out every bone
And loud and high I'll raise a cry "Revenge on Eamonn Holmes"


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tom Paulin's latest pome
Date: 17 May 02 - 09:04 AM

THE BALLAD OF EAMONN THE BLOATED

In a mean abode on Garvaghy Road
Lived a man so fat and bloated
He had a belly so soft like jelly
And it grew as he got promoted
So one day at dawn with his nightshirt on
His breakfast plate he looted


As quick as a flash he ate up his hash
Browns, and atein' was never so quick
But the drip drip drip that fell from his lip
Of the brown sauce would make ye sick
And the pool of grease that never did cease
Grew clotted and cold and thick


And yet he was glad he'd done what he had
When he'd eaten a few good doses
But a sudden awe of the sausages raw
Struck his heart like atherosclerosis
So to finish the food that tasted so good
He resolved that he'd fry and toast


He took the mate from off o' the plate
And twisted it into the pan
And he fried it himself by the pantry shelf
A breakfast fit for a man
In the face of food with a mouthful good
He solmenly guzzled it down


But the strangest turn to the whole concern
Is to become our motto
His fame got bigger with his popular figure
And the increasing size of his torso
For atein' well won't end in hell
It'll get ye a job on the Lotto


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Tom Paulin
Date: 17 May 02 - 09:28 AM

Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great, poet great
Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great
Now me name it is Tom Paulin
On the Late Review I'm hollerin'
Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me, I'm the best
Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me


Now it works on a number of levels, so I said, so I said
Now it works on a number of levels, so I said
Now it works on a number of levels
And contains a lot of symbols
Oh the smart must help the thick, so must I, so must I
Oh the smart must help the thick, so must I, so must I


Now I killed a man they said, so they said, so they said
Now I killed a man they said, so they said
Now I killed a man they said
For his ears had fairly bled
I burnt them out, talkin' shite
For his ears had fairly bled, I burnt them out


Ah they put me on TV, Late Review, Late Review
Ah they put me on TV, Late Review
Ah they put me on TV,
That's one up on oul' Heaney
Now I'm paid for talkin' shite, so I am, so I am
Now I'm paid for talkin' shite, so I am


Now Germaine I tried to grope, that's no joke, that's no joke
Now Germaine I tried to grope, that's no joke
Now Germaine I tried to grope
But I hadn't got a hope
So ne'er a word I spoke to oul' Ms Greer, oul Ms Greer,
So ne'er a word I spoke to oul' Ms Greer


Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great, poet great
Now me name it is Tom Paulin, poet great
Now me name it is Tom Paulin
On the Late Review I'm hollerin'
Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me, I'm the best
Cos the Arts are quite appallin', 'cept for me


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Séamus Heaney
Date: 17 May 02 - 04:42 PM

Paulin …

What a big, stinkin' hape of horse-shite!

Thon wudn't pass muster, at all, at all!

I've been spen'in' a quare bit o' time lately translating th'oul' Sweeney lyrics an' I reckon thon's as good as poetry gets. So, here, in Sweeney-style, I'll gi'e you a wee hawn till think wi' this one!

Big is the ass to him
Nine-times big and big again
Bigger than the Gap of Dungloe
Softer than the Bog of Allen

Greedy is the gub on him
Greedy for eatin' the diet of lords
The hairy bacon of Galtee
The gold butter of Kerry

Tight is the shiny suit on him
Tighter, in sowl, than the hangman's noose
That choked the life
From our glorious dead

Shiny is the tight suit on him
Shinier, in faith, than the seldom-seen sun
Whose miserable warmth
Keeps us this side of freezin'

Dulcet his tones
Sweeter than the breath of the maiden Emer
That teases the neck
Of Cuchulllain the brave

Slimy his ways
Slimier than the spawn of frogs
That gather in spring
In St. Brigid's Well

Vain is he
Vainer indeed than the dancer Flatley
(Whose vanity
Is a riddle, alright!)

Great is his girth
Girthsome indeed, aye nine times girthsome
More girthsome by far
Than the drummer Gino


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,James Joyce
Date: 17 May 02 - 04:43 PM

Heaney …

Sit down for Gawd's sake and watch how it's done

You've heard of oul' Eamonn the guzzler
He's beyond, he's calling the bingo
He's dressed in a suit
But I'd give him the boot
For I can't have the craytur at all,
Line up by the wall,
Powder and ball,
Watch the boy fall

He once was a bit of a heart-throb
He once had his pick of the Ashburn
But now that he's stout
And his charm has run out
He's lost for a bit of a coort
A blade in a skirt
A bit of flirt
A rowl in the dirt

He's never out of Cafolla's
He orders chips seven times over
And sugary tay
Five gallons a day
And Baileys when out on the town
He's drinkin' them down
They pile on the poun's
A tenner a roun'

It's a pity he wasn't more humble
Cos soon he will take an oul' tumble
He's getting' too big
Too much like a pig
To last any more on TV
They like their folks wee
Like wee Tommy P
A poet like me!



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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,- of De Auld School...
Date: 18 May 02 - 03:52 PM

Arrr, away wid ye!

Dere's nin ev yez is a patch on The Milligan, for da pomes...


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,fiosrach
Date: 18 May 02 - 04:13 PM

Did Queen Liz snub Drumcree on her recent Jubilee visit to N Ireland? I thought I would have seen a message from her here.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 22 May 02 - 06:40 AM

Now available on the XBox:
Drumcree game


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: ard mhacha
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:23 AM

Fibula, What a great Site, I have one of those Orange Juicers and it bates the Classic stuff rotten, nearly as good as the Buckie. Ard Mhacha.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:41 AM

Jaysus! That Protestant Holy Water stuff is only bloody marvellous. I put a drop in my waterin' can and gave my Orange Lilies a good sprinklin'. They shot up like leeks! I'm orderin' it by the gallon!

Cheers ... Diarmuid


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:44 AM

Me again!

Houl' fire on thon oul' Protestant Holy Water, boys!

I gave my bed of shamrock a good oul' dose and it shrivelled up in seconds.

Where do I get a refund?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:48 AM

Och, Diarmuid, d'ye know I have a wee picture of you up on me noticeboard. I always did have a thing about them woolly-jumper, big-boot wearin' Irish Sons of the Soil.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Diarmuid Gavin
Date: 22 May 02 - 07:55 AM

Fibula ...

There's many's the blade's fell for the twinkle in my eye, the burr in my voice and rugged good looks to me! But, to the matter in hand!

Thon Protestant Holy Water ... I poured a wee drap on my collection of thistles. One half of them riz like Lazarus; the awr half cowped in a hape!

What's that about, eh?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Frankie Gavin
Date: 22 May 02 - 08:00 AM

I'd just like it to be placed on record that I am no relation to Diarmuid Gavin.

There is a slight resemblance in the tonsorial department, but that's where any similarity ends.

Besides which he's pilin' on the beef now that he's never aff the telly. If he's not careful he'll blow up like a poisoned pup, much like Eamonn Holmes.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Diarmuid MacMurrough
Date: 22 May 02 - 08:03 AM

If yez had only but known that Ireland would rare boys the like o' Diarmuid Gavin and Eamonn Holmes, maybe yez woudn't ha' bin so hard on me in the past!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Consumer Complaint
Date: 23 May 02 - 03:29 AM

Dear prodshopper.com

I tried some of the orange juice as advertised in your estimable organ.

I want my money back.

It was awful bitter!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 30 May 02 - 07:08 AM

Man dear, but this oul' swimmin' can be a right lonely business! I was thinkin' th'awr night of a wee song to help pass the time. An' heavens above! If I didn't come up wi' this wee number!

There was a wile colonial prod, McKittery was his name
He was born and reared in Ulster, in a place called Killicomaine
He loves the orange, hates the green, in marches oft he's trod
And sorely do his brethren miss, the wile colonial prod

At the age of forty-seven years, he set out from Drumcree
To swim to far Australia, across the briny sea
For he'd fallen for a fair one, and he swore t'Almighty God
That she would get a good look-see at the wile colonial prod

It was off Larne pier one fine spring morn, into the waves he div
Not one care for his safety did brave McKittery give
He struck out with such vigour, he was like a human cod
We raised a cheer and downed a beer for the wile colonial prod

While down by bonny Biscay-o, the weather blew up rough
Other - aye, and tamer! - men, might well have had enough
But the noble sons of Ulster honour sovereigns and fear God
And a howlin' gale would not prevail with the wile colonial prod

And passing by Gibral-a-tar, McKittery raised a fist
And swore to help defend the boys, who on that rock, persist
To claim the right to government by Liz to whom they nod
And tug their loyal forelocks like the wile colonial prod

And down the coast of Africky, he floated and he swum
And up above was beaming down the equatorial sun
"Each day is like the glorious 12th" mused Isaac as he trod
Water off Nigeria – the wile colonial prod

The story isn't over yet, it's barely halfway through
For that valiant son of Orange, in his trunks red, white and blue
Has many miles to swim till up some foreign beach he'll plod
And then Ali can get pally with her wile colonial prod.





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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,O'Farrell's Wlcome To
Date: 30 May 02 - 07:38 AM

Standing guard on the good ship "Libido"
I nervouly eyed a torpedo
Says my mate, "Don't be jittery;
It's Isacc McKittery
Swimmin' by in his union jack speedos"


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 30 May 02 - 09:36 PM

....looking nervously at her watch .......

thon big hunk McKittery must have taken a wrong turn somewhere.... shurely it can't take this long 'til get here.....

I'm quarin' lonely since thon nice Mr Whippy went away.... him an his artic rolls kep' me goin' fer a brave wee while....

mind yew Isaac still sends me luvly wee songs .... I jist wish he'd swim faster.... maybe I should hoist a red haun' down the docks so he can see where to head for.......


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 31 May 02 - 05:03 PM

Ye may quit lookin' at the watch, darlin'!

The wea'er's quare'n bad aff the Capey Good Hope at the minute. So I'm holin' up for a wee bit with the staunch Boers. Good oul' Dutch stock, much like our Good King Bill!

An' man dear ... haven't they the great ideas about keepin' th'oul tribes apart! If we had a few o' them yokes in charge in Storemount, there'd be better crack altogether!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Hrothgar
Date: 01 Jun 02 - 11:45 PM

McKittery, Isaac:

B+ for song writing.

F- for geography and navigation.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 04 Jun 02 - 04:42 PM

If wasn't for the fact that I'm up to my oxters in jellyfish, I'd rare up so I wud!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 05 Jun 02 - 07:56 AM

An' anawr thing!

You can gi' me an F minus for jography if ye like, but I can tel you the difference atween The Birches and The Moy any day of the week! An atween The Boyne and The Shannon jist from the taste o'it! And atween The Liffey and The Lagan jist from the smell o' it!

So don't you go dishin' out the marks for th'oul' jography when you wouldn't know The Falls from the Niagry Falls or Shillington's Bridge from Sydney Harbour!

Keep 'er country, boy!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 05 Jun 02 - 09:33 PM

aw fer gawd's sake...... if ye didn't blether so much ye'd go a lot faster....... yer gob is open so much yer swallyin' water......
if ye don't get yer arse in gear quare'n quick I'm goin' te take meself down the pub see if I can pull some half dacent Ozzie fella......


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Hrothgar
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 12:06 AM

Which half has to be decent, Alison?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 12:51 AM

that's for me to know and him to find out.......... lol


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 03:56 AM

Now you jist houl' yer tongue, there, Alison!

Here's me, the flesh roasted aff me and hardly a day in the past few months that I haven't been leavin' a wake behin' me in my haste to get till th'oul' Austrailyee.

And what am I goanny git for my efforts? A tongue-lashin'? Away o' that! Isaac McKittery's never took a bargin' from man, woman or baste. So, I'll tell you what till do, love. Why don't you link up with thon Viking boy you're slaggin' me aff in front o'? Wi' his big horny helmet. And his sheepskin trousers. And you can plait your hair in pigtails and ate candles till your heart's content!

An' there's me after thinkin' you were the quare girl that wud suit a true blue!

Ah, sweet Portydown, where the gentle Bann flows,
Your leavin' I greatly rue
But home I will swim, with vigour and vim
Drumcree once again to view!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 05:08 AM

quit yer whingin' ye big jessie.... sure yer over half way here.....and anyways if ye go back now the boys'll take a quare hand out of ye fer not makin' it all the way......

and shure... what use have I fer a big horny viking when I've got a real man like yerself.... there's something about the sight of man in orange speedos that fair gets the juices goin'.....(did you remember yer white gloves???)..... c'mon and I'll take yer mind off the jellyfish stings.... providing the sharks haven't got you by then......


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 07:33 AM

Damn. Now that I've got my very own cookie I don't know how to sign in as Peter Benchley.

Just wanted to suggest that Isaac has been jumping the shark all the time and won't have any stamina left in him to "honour" you by the time he reaches you, Alison.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Isaac McKittery
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 07:58 AM

Don't you be stamina-ing me, you Irish-talkin' intervener! A wee bit of a doggy-paddle from Larne till Adelaide is like a length o' Lurgan pool till me!

And don't "honour" me, boy! Isaac McKittery fears God and honours the King. And that's all the honourin' I'll be doin'.

I declare to God, I'm a glad man that I turned back for sweet Killicomaine!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Peter Benchley
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 10:08 AM

"Doggy-paddle", is it, ye dorty article? Ye'll be havin' a go at yon hump-backed wheals next.

It'd answer ye better ta be sayin' yer prayers back at Drumcree.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: paddymac
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 01:44 PM

So, brudder Isaaaaaaaac, if a lady fair offers her honor ye'll not be honorin' her offer? If ye doan honor her offer ye'll not be on her and off a'tall, a'tall.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 02:26 PM

They don't call them hump-backs for nothin' now do they?


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Big Tim
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 04:24 PM

Good stuff!


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Roy Keane
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 04:31 PM

McKittery you're a feckin' wanker and a crap swimmer. Actually a good wank would probably kill yee...and fuck Mick McCarthy...instead of Alison. Good luck.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: Hrothgar
Date: 06 Jun 02 - 11:02 PM

A+ for dog paddling, McKittery.

B- for biology.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 07 Jun 02 - 12:05 AM

.......And in a last minute addition to tonight's Australian National News, an announcement has been made by the Prime Minister, Mr Howard, that the navy has been alerted folowing reports from coastal surveillance sub-contractors in a balloon over the Indian Ocean that an unidentified vessel of undoubtedly foreign origin has been sighted, apparently headed int the general direction of Australia. Mr Howard has described it as highly probable that this could be another boatload of illegal immigrants and queue-jumpers who pose a significant terrorist threat to the law-abiding Australian people.

The friendly governments of Iraq, Iran and Iswam have been asked to provide temporary accomodation for any asylum seekers who make it through the ring of steel which is to be established by the Australian armed forces around our shores. Mr Ruddock, the Minister for eliminating Immigration has described this a humane act, intended to ensure that no unwanted starving, desperate foreign national may set foot on our soil, and have to be taken in to our detention centres. These have now been white-washed by the Commonwealth's special investigative body in response to the international demand for a fair and independent examination, but will not be ready to re-open until the paint dries.

The entire Australian military establishment has been placed on a high state of readiness and all leave has been cancelled. Both rowing boats are to set to sea immediately with orders to find the incoming vessel, which is reported to have been exchanging signals in an unbreakable code with other unidentified sources. It is reported that they have orders to stop and board the vessel.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: alison
Date: 07 Jun 02 - 01:42 AM

so that's how it is, is it????.... you find a woman wi a wee bit of spirit in her... and she scares ye aff back til yer ma!!... what a waster!!!

yer not the man I thought ye were at all Isaac.... shure even DerryaddSam had more balls than you....... he was no quitter!!

now where did that nice Mr Whippy end up???????????


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Erin Copeland, Professor of Cetacean endosco
Date: 07 Jun 02 - 05:24 AM

I wouldn't trust a word from thon Howard. Coastal surveillance is it? Whistlin' with the whales? Don't get me started. With his high-ends and his big-ends an' all he wouldn't know the difference between an endoscope and a periscope.


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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree IV
From: GUEST,Australian Immigration Authorities
Date: 07 Jun 02 - 09:29 AM

We'll take no more!
Time for Campsite at Drumcree V.


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