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BS: A simple test of abilities

Skeptic 02 May 01 - 01:26 PM
MMario 02 May 01 - 01:31 PM
Bert 02 May 01 - 01:37 PM
mousethief 02 May 01 - 01:39 PM
Kim C 02 May 01 - 02:05 PM
GUEST 02 May 01 - 02:11 PM
mousethief 02 May 01 - 02:26 PM
MMario 02 May 01 - 02:59 PM
SINSULL 02 May 01 - 03:03 PM
Kim C 02 May 01 - 03:23 PM
MMario 02 May 01 - 03:27 PM
Bagpuss 02 May 01 - 03:40 PM
MMario 02 May 01 - 03:48 PM
Bagpuss 02 May 01 - 03:51 PM
Kim C 02 May 01 - 03:55 PM
Metchosin 02 May 01 - 04:02 PM
MMario 02 May 01 - 04:06 PM
Noreen 02 May 01 - 08:47 PM
Jim Dixon 02 May 01 - 10:11 PM
Helen 03 May 01 - 01:01 AM
Kim C 03 May 01 - 12:48 PM
MMario 03 May 01 - 01:02 PM
mousethief 03 May 01 - 01:22 PM
Noreen 03 May 01 - 01:48 PM
MMario 03 May 01 - 01:54 PM
gnu 03 May 01 - 02:24 PM
Kim C 03 May 01 - 03:48 PM
Micca 03 May 01 - 04:12 PM
MMario 03 May 01 - 04:16 PM
Wavestar 03 May 01 - 04:18 PM
Jim Dixon 03 May 01 - 04:26 PM
MMario 03 May 01 - 04:29 PM
Micca 03 May 01 - 04:35 PM
MMario 03 May 01 - 04:54 PM
Kim C 04 May 01 - 10:40 AM
Jande 04 May 01 - 10:55 AM
Kim C 04 May 01 - 11:41 AM
Crazy Eddie 05 May 01 - 07:33 AM
gnu 05 May 01 - 11:50 AM
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Subject: A simple test of abilities
From: Skeptic
Date: 02 May 01 - 01:26 PM

A quick test to see if you have what it takes to be a professional. (No Spaw, not that kind of professional). Each question is designed to test a specific trait every true professional should have

I'll post the correct answers in a couple of days. The impaient can send a PM. Enjoy (and apoligies if it's a repeat)

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be called a "professional."

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 01:31 PM

1) open the door first

2) remove the giraffe to make room

3) the elephant, he's in the fridge

4) swim - the crocs are at the meeting


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bert
Date: 02 May 01 - 01:37 PM

1. Giraffeburgers 2. Elephantburgers 3. The Unicorn 4. Use the bridge.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 01 - 01:39 PM

If the crocs are at the meeting, they're not inhabiting the river. The question has told an untruth.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 02 May 01 - 02:05 PM

Well... we can split hairs over this. ;-) Inhabit means to live in, right? They can live in it but leave it once in awhile, right? I leave my house every day but I still inhabit it, right? ;-)

I used to know something similar about elephants and a refrigerator and a Volkswagen.... let's see...

1. How do you get four elephants in a Volkswagen?

2. How do you know when there's been an elephant in your refrigerator?

3. How do you know when there's been two elephants in your refrigerator?

4. How do you know when there's been THREE elephants in your refrigerator?

5. HOw do you know when there's been FOUR elephants in your refrigerator?

MMario? You seem to have done well on the last one. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 01 - 02:11 PM

Oh heck!, MMario beat me to it - just when I knew all the right answers. Life's just not fair.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief
Date: 02 May 01 - 02:26 PM

Kim, I know, but I just wanted to throw a wrench into this thing. I always hated that particular set of questions for its mocking self-importance (and the fact that I couldn't answer them).

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 02:59 PM

damn! I've heard that one, it's got something to do with footprints in the butter, but I don't remember what...

How do you get an elephant in an oak tree?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:03 PM

Why is a blueberry blue?
So you don't get it confused with an elephant. (SIGH-back to work)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:23 PM

well, I always thought it was pretty funny!!!! But then, I'm just an unfrozen caveman, I don't understand about your modern humor. ;-D

1. Two in front, two in back.

2. Footprints in the butter.

3. (I think we used to say something about footprints in the peanut butter on this one, but you could make up whatever you wanted, I suppose. This was WAY back in high school. I don't keep peanut butter in the fridge anyhow.)

4. The door won't close.

5. There's a Volkswagen parked out front.

I give, MMario. How do you get an elephant into an oak tree? We know you can get a Volkswagen OUT of a tree by throwing a shoe at it. (Those of you not in the US, that's a TV commercial.)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:27 PM

Have him sit on an acorn and wait twenty years.

Why does an elephant wear one green, one red, one yellow and one brown sneaker?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bagpuss
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:40 PM

How do you get down from an elephant?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:48 PM

yoU DON'T. yOU GET DOWN FROM GEESE! (sILLY BAGPUSS!)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Bagpuss
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:51 PM

Well if a bagpuss can't be silly, then no-one can.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 02 May 01 - 03:55 PM

So why IS a blueberry blue?

And how many of us are professionals? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 May 01 - 04:02 PM

Maybe the elephant want to go in the fridge because its a Westinghouse....


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 04:06 PM

and the elephant needs to west after a hard day of not looking like a blueberry. of course. it all makes sense now.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Noreen
Date: 02 May 01 - 08:47 PM

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree, then?


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Subject: MATHEMATICIAN OR PHYSICIST?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 May 01 - 10:11 PM

I have a simple test that will determine whether you are a mathematician or a physicist. To take this test, you have to solve two problems. The problems are simple, and based on your solutions, I will be able to tell whether you are a mathematician or a physicist.

Problem 1: Before you is an ordinary gas stove (cooker, for you Brits). An empty pot is sitting on it. Nearby is a sink with one faucet that provides cold water. Your task is to boil water. How do you do it?

(Since nearly everyone solves this problem the same way, I will save time by providing the answer. You won't do this when you perform the test on your friends, however.)

Solution 1: Carry the pot to the sink and fill it full of cold water. Place the pot on the stove and turn on the burner. Wait for the water to boil.

Bravo! Now proceed with the second problem:

Problem 2: Before you is an ordinary gas stove. On it there is a pot full of cold water. Nearby is a sink with one faucet that provides cold water. Your task is to boil water. How do you do it?

(OK, most people solve this problem the same way, too, so I will provide the answer. You won't do this, of course…)

Solution 2A: Turn on the burner. Wait for the water to boil.

Aha! That proves you are a physicist. If you had been a mathematician, your solution would have been…

(Solution 2B will be provided after a suitable interval.)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Helen
Date: 03 May 01 - 01:01 AM

Ok, here is my totally irreverent Beatles joke:

How do you get all of the Beatles and their instruments into a Mini Minor (i.e. extremely small car)?

Put Ringo in the back with his drums, Paul & George in the front with their guitars, and John in the ashtray.

Ooops! Ducking & weaving time!

*g*

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 03 May 01 - 12:48 PM

Ringo's the shortest. Why couldn't he go in the ashtray and John could sit with the drums in back?

For some reason that reminded me of the Tiny Elvis skit Nicolas Cage did on Saturday Night Live several years ago...


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 01 - 01:02 PM

Noreen - you yell "JUMP!"


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: mousethief
Date: 03 May 01 - 01:22 PM

Kim, the joke plays on the fact that John is dead, and presumably cremated.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Noreen
Date: 03 May 01 - 01:48 PM

MMario- the gentler way is to sit him on a leaf and wait until Autumn. :0)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 01 - 01:54 PM

*smacks self upside head* duh! of course!

Now - for the New England Handyman way to boil water...

to boil , get sufficient copper tubing to extend from the tap to a coil above the burner of the cooker, back across the room to the tap, wrapping it around the tap as many times as possible before ending with it pointing into the sink. turn on a slow flow of water, turn on the burner. In a positive feedback loop the water will be heated, first by the burner, then by the heat exchange of the coil about the tap and also by heat conducted through the copper piping until it eventually boils.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: gnu
Date: 03 May 01 - 02:24 PM

1. Open door.

2. See #1.

3. Lion King. (He's the host.)

4. Bridge.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 03 May 01 - 03:48 PM

Oh yeah. That. Since we had been talking about cramming elephants into refrigerators my brain wasn't in the right gear. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Micca
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:12 PM

well try this, its a test for are you a chemist...
How do you pronounce these 2 words
1 UNIONISED? 2 PERIODIC ACID?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:16 PM

un-eye-on-ized and "wrong"


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Wavestar
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:18 PM

You are really enjoying being right today, aren't you, MMario?

*grin*

-J, dating a chemist.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:26 PM

OK, here's the mathematician's solution to water-boiling problem #2:

Carry the pot over to the sink and dump it out. That reduces the problem to the previous problem which has already been solved.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:29 PM

well - I don't get a chance to be right very often...


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Micca
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:35 PM

Answers to the Chemistry ones
1.If you said Youn-yon-ised you were wrong
it is Un-ion-ized
and if you said PEER-ee-yod-ick Acid it is wrong
it is Per-eye-owe-dic acid...


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 01 - 04:54 PM

hey! I was wrong, I didn't pronounce it wrong!


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 04 May 01 - 10:40 AM

I was an English major. I don't know nothin bout no chemistry.


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Jande
Date: 04 May 01 - 10:55 AM

Jim...

That would also be the Programmer's, or the engineer's solution as well. ;`)

Myself, I would have started out with #1 this way:

Turn on HOT water tap and wait until the water isr REALLY HOT, then fill the pot and take it to the stove and turn on the burner.

What does that classify me as?

(talk about setting yerself up, eh? )

~ Jande


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Kim C
Date: 04 May 01 - 11:41 AM

Okay, here's a question from the English major. If the water's already hot, does it really boil faster?


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 05 May 01 - 07:33 AM

How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree
Get him to sit on a leaf, and then wait for the fall.
For maximum word-play, it's got to be "fall" not "autumn" .


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Subject: RE: BS: A simple test of abilities
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 01 - 11:50 AM

Kim.... yup.


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