mudcat.org: BS: World's Shortest Joke
Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafeawe

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home


BS: World's Shortest Joke

Jim Dixon 19 Oct 00 - 09:26 PM
MarkS 19 Oct 00 - 09:28 PM
Naemanson 19 Oct 00 - 09:40 PM
Bill D 19 Oct 00 - 09:49 PM
Bill D 19 Oct 00 - 09:50 PM
GUEST,mousethief (at the library) 19 Oct 00 - 10:09 PM
hesperis 19 Oct 00 - 10:46 PM
dick greenhaus 19 Oct 00 - 10:47 PM
GUEST,Al 19 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM
Gypsy 19 Oct 00 - 11:08 PM
hesperis 19 Oct 00 - 11:08 PM
GUEST 19 Oct 00 - 11:11 PM
catspaw49 19 Oct 00 - 11:30 PM
hesperis 19 Oct 00 - 11:40 PM
ddw 19 Oct 00 - 11:47 PM
Ebbie 20 Oct 00 - 12:56 AM
Mark Cohen 20 Oct 00 - 05:30 AM
Clinton Hammond2 20 Oct 00 - 12:03 PM
Margo 20 Oct 00 - 12:33 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 20 Oct 00 - 12:42 PM
Peter T. 20 Oct 00 - 12:43 PM
Morticia 20 Oct 00 - 01:38 PM
Jim Dixon 20 Oct 00 - 02:00 PM
Dharmabum 20 Oct 00 - 02:11 PM
Bernard 20 Oct 00 - 02:39 PM
mousethief 20 Oct 00 - 02:42 PM
Trevor 20 Oct 00 - 02:53 PM
Jim Dixon 20 Oct 00 - 03:49 PM
Abby Sale 20 Oct 00 - 05:15 PM
Bernard 20 Oct 00 - 05:26 PM
Max Tone 20 Oct 00 - 06:14 PM
Don Firth 20 Oct 00 - 06:29 PM
wysiwyg 20 Oct 00 - 06:33 PM
Morticia 20 Oct 00 - 06:33 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 00 - 06:49 PM
rabbitrunning 20 Oct 00 - 08:38 PM
Rollo 20 Oct 00 - 10:21 PM
Fadac 21 Oct 00 - 01:50 AM
Sorcha 21 Oct 00 - 02:08 AM
Bernard 21 Oct 00 - 02:52 AM
Bernard 21 Oct 00 - 02:54 AM
Morticia 21 Oct 00 - 10:44 AM
pastorpest 21 Oct 00 - 10:49 AM
Art Thieme 21 Oct 00 - 11:14 AM
Art Thieme 21 Oct 00 - 11:16 AM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 00 - 11:18 AM
Art Thieme 21 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 00 - 11:51 AM
Trevor 22 Oct 00 - 10:28 AM
Bernard 22 Oct 00 - 10:47 AM
GUEST,Uwe Schmidt 22 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM
Bernard 22 Oct 00 - 11:31 AM
Lox 22 Oct 00 - 11:39 AM
Bernard 22 Oct 00 - 12:00 PM
GUEST,CraigS 23 Oct 00 - 01:15 AM
Bernard 23 Oct 00 - 07:16 AM
Wincing Devil 23 Oct 00 - 12:45 PM
Naemanson 23 Oct 00 - 01:57 PM
harpmolly 24 Oct 00 - 08:42 PM
GUEST,Guest still 25 Oct 00 - 12:06 AM
Bernard 25 Oct 00 - 04:16 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 25 Oct 00 - 05:28 AM
belter 25 Oct 00 - 07:29 AM
Bernard 25 Oct 00 - 07:57 AM
hesperis 25 Oct 00 - 11:59 AM
GUEST,M'Grath of Altcar 01 May 03 - 03:35 PM
Beccy 01 May 03 - 03:38 PM
Beccy 01 May 03 - 03:39 PM
Beccy 01 May 03 - 03:42 PM
GUEST, heric 01 May 03 - 03:54 PM
vectis 01 May 03 - 06:00 PM
Charley Noble 01 May 03 - 06:03 PM
Joe_F 01 May 03 - 06:26 PM
Mr Red 01 May 03 - 07:36 PM
GUEST,pdc 02 May 03 - 01:15 AM
Cluin 02 May 03 - 03:12 AM
Susanl 02 May 03 - 04:04 AM
fantum 02 May 03 - 07:14 AM
HuwG 02 May 03 - 09:24 AM
Trevor 02 May 03 - 10:00 AM
The O'Meara 02 May 03 - 12:36 PM
GUEST, heric 02 May 03 - 12:50 PM
leprechaun 02 May 03 - 01:11 PM
PageOfCups 02 May 03 - 08:09 PM
Helen 02 May 03 - 08:45 PM
Helen 02 May 03 - 08:55 PM
GUEST,Fifer 03 May 03 - 01:29 PM
JennyO 03 May 03 - 02:31 PM
Stephen L. Rich 03 May 03 - 08:54 PM
Helen 03 May 03 - 09:28 PM
Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland 04 May 03 - 06:36 AM
gnu 05 May 03 - 06:05 AM
GUEST 05 May 03 - 06:29 AM
GUEST 05 May 03 - 07:01 AM
Schantieman 05 May 03 - 11:00 AM
dick greenhaus 05 May 03 - 12:14 PM
EJ 05 May 03 - 02:13 PM
Mark Clark 05 May 03 - 02:26 PM
Charley Noble 05 May 03 - 06:08 PM
Helen 06 May 03 - 02:54 AM
GUEST,Crazy Eddie 06 May 03 - 04:30 AM
Trevor 06 May 03 - 04:35 AM
Dave Bryant 06 May 03 - 06:36 AM
Schantieman 06 May 03 - 04:04 PM
Charley Noble 06 May 03 - 06:02 PM
Jim McLean 07 May 03 - 05:03 PM
GUEST,pdc 07 May 03 - 08:38 PM
Cluin 07 May 03 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,noddy 08 May 03 - 10:06 AM
Cluin 08 May 03 - 03:35 PM
Cluin 08 May 03 - 03:50 PM
GUEST,Al 09 May 03 - 01:11 AM
Schantieman 09 May 03 - 12:21 PM
GUEST,Liverstuck 09 Dec 03 - 10:15 PM
GUEST 10 Dec 03 - 07:00 AM
Splott Man 10 Dec 03 - 07:58 AM
mike the knife 10 Dec 03 - 01:51 PM
Cluin 10 Dec 03 - 06:36 PM
Bobert 10 Dec 03 - 06:53 PM
Dave Hanson 11 Dec 03 - 09:27 AM
Cluin 11 Dec 03 - 10:27 AM
YorkshireYankee 12 Dec 03 - 12:26 PM
Ebbie 12 Dec 03 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,John 13 Dec 03 - 09:27 AM
GUEST,Ghost of a Redneck 13 Dec 03 - 12:45 PM
Bunnahabhain 27 Jul 05 - 09:29 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 27 Jul 05 - 11:09 AM
pdq 27 Jul 05 - 11:17 AM
Mr Red 28 Jul 05 - 11:03 AM
GUEST,noddy 28 Jul 05 - 11:36 AM
Alaska Mike 28 Jul 05 - 12:55 PM
Tam the man 28 Jul 05 - 02:19 PM
MudGuard 28 Jul 05 - 04:07 PM
GUEST,Bill the Collie 28 Jul 05 - 11:43 PM
The Fooles Troupe 29 Jul 05 - 12:13 AM
Dave Hanson 29 Jul 05 - 12:43 AM
Peace 29 Jul 05 - 03:39 AM
Bunnahabhain 29 Jul 05 - 05:30 AM
Peace 29 Jul 05 - 05:31 AM
JennyO 29 Jul 05 - 06:55 AM
The Fooles Troupe 29 Jul 05 - 08:01 AM
heric 29 Jul 05 - 11:18 AM
GUEST,noddy 03 Aug 05 - 11:53 AM
GUEST,Pseudolus at Work 03 Aug 05 - 12:46 PM
jpk 03 Aug 05 - 06:12 PM
Seamus Kennedy 04 Aug 05 - 02:27 AM
Tam the man 04 Aug 05 - 01:49 PM
GUEST 04 Aug 05 - 07:52 PM
GUEST,Bob 04 Aug 05 - 10:17 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:









Subject: World's Shortest Joke
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:26 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'


"Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Opportunity"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: MarkS
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:28 PM

"Fleas?"
Adam hadem
MarkS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:40 PM

MarkS, you left out the proper title of your poem.

An Ode On The Antiquity Of The Relationship Of The Flea To The Human Speicies Throughout The History And Prehistory Of The World.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:49 PM

shortest poem which tells a story

Sail
Gale
Pale
Rail

someone wrote the shortest horror story..

"The last man on earth sat alone in his room. There was a knock on the door."

one letter shorter:

"The last man on earth sat alone in his room. There was a lock on the door."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:50 PM

wait...I thought the shortest JOKE was,"Take my wife..please."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,mousethief (at the library)
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 10:09 PM

This isn't a joke, but rather a story about a bungled pick-up attempt, but it's incredibly short, and it rhymes:

animation
bar conversation
anticipation
disinclination
--Al Stewart

Alex
O..O
=o=


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 10:46 PM

Knock

Who's there?

Knock-knees


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 10:47 PM

Shortest joke I know is:

Bush

(or if you prefer)

Gore


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Al
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM

Bill, the "last man" story was by Frederick Brown.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Gypsy
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:08 PM

Or the universal "Presidential election", even better, the so called "Presidential Debates"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:08 PM

You say it's the shortest joke, but it possibly has the longest history....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:11 PM

Celtic Music


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:30 PM

Well, this has gone a dozen post's without the obvious, so................Shortest joke in the world? Your c**k.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:40 PM

I don't have one, so I guess that's your c**k you're talking about, Spaw!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: ddw
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 11:47 PM

The world's shortest joke can't be Gore — he's taller than Bush.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:56 AM

Good one, david!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 05:30 AM

World's shortest cowboy song:

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
One little kiss and Florina, goodbye

(I have a feeling I may have gotten the name wrong, but then that would be the joke, right?)

Then there's the Irish version:

Out in the West Irish county of Mayo
I fell in love with a Mayonnaise girl

Aloha,
Mark


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:03 PM

my favorite shortest joke int he world...

So one night, this folk musician walks past a pub...

{~`


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Margo
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:33 PM

Mark, I can see your roots. Mary Benson has chuckled about the Mayonnaise girl more than once in my presence... Margo :o)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:42 PM

Dick, the world's longest sick joke: One or the other.

--seed


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:43 PM

Longest word - smiles, because there's a mile between the first letter and the last. (grade 4 humour).
yours, Peter T.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 01:38 PM

A seal walks into a club. ( not very funny but short).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 02:00 PM

Henny Youngman - the popularizer of "Take my wife … please" - was known as the "King of the One-Liners" but my favorite master of one- (or two-) liners today is Stephen Wright.

For example: "I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before."

"The sign at the restaurant said, 'Breakfast Served Any Time.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 02:11 PM

GEORGE BUSH
Tough as nails,
And just as smart.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 02:39 PM

I said to the bartender 'Orange please!' 'Still orange?' 'Haven't changed my mind...'

In the chip shop: 'Fish and chips twice' 'I heard you the first time...'


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 02:42 PM

Paul Williams.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Trevor
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 02:53 PM

Dr : You're a hypochondriac

Me : Oh no, not that as well!

(courtesy T Cooper)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 03:49 PM

Trevor: That T-Cooper joke you posted may be closer to reality than you imagined. I once worked as a volunteer at a suicide prevention hotline. (Not everyone who called was suicidal. We accepted calls from just about anyone. I just call it that so most people will know what I'm talking about. It was similar to what is called The Samaritans in Britain.)

I remember one caller who was upset because her shrink had told her she was "insecure." She reacted as if the doctor had told her she had cancer. She was practically sobbing when she asked me, "Do YOU think I'm insecure?"

Now, how do you answer a question like that? Sometimes you had to laugh. But you had to wait till the call was over and laugh with your co-workers.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Abby Sale
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 05:15 PM

Many folksong travesties are short - there's no point going any further than the point.

Living nine years in Scotland, we never heard this song sung any way except:

Amazing Grace, she had three tits...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 05:26 PM

All my love, all my kissin'
Kiss you on the left
'Cos the right one's missin'
Oh boy... (etc)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Max Tone
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 06:14 PM

A pun


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 06:29 PM

World's shortest folksong (perhaps):

You stole my wife You horsethief!

(Recorded by Walt Robertson on Folkways)

Don Firth


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 06:33 PM

OK, didn't read all of this, guilty.

Answer A:

U.

Answer B:

I.

~Susan


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 06:33 PM

another short folksong......My grandfather's clock was too tall for the shelf......so we sold it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 06:49 PM

Got a match?

Yeah, your face and a horse's ass!

Got a match?

Yeah, my socks and your breath!

And so on....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 08:38 PM

Shortest ghost story, which I first heard told by Jane Yolen at a convention.

He awoke in the middle of the night and reached for the matches.

And the matches were put into his hand...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Rollo
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 10:21 PM

What about:

"spread your legs, faery queene! a wish is a wish!"

I hope in english it's as funny as in german...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Fadac
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 01:50 AM

Hmmm, here are a few: Microsoft support.

Citrix (If you ever saw this turkey run, you would laugh.)

Banjo (Insert your favorite instrument) music.

"Don't wait up for the shrimp boats, Ma. Your boy is comming home with the crabs." Ok that is a two liner.

Broadcast music, radio. (tish, boom, tish, boom)

-fadac


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 02:08 AM

No

Ok, it's not as short as the one Praise said. Hers was one letter, mine is two.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 02:52 AM

The whistling gypsy stayed over the hill...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 02:54 AM

Get down off the gas stove, Granny, you're too old to ride the range...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:44 AM

'Twas of the good ship Araldite....stuck fast in Plymouth Sound'?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: pastorpest
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:49 AM

Here are short jokes under the category of "Lies".

I'm from the government: I'm here to help you.

Panty hose: one size fits all.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Art Thieme
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 11:14 AM

SHORTEST JOKE:

When Viagra doesen't work !


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Art Thieme
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 11:16 AM

The above is the shortest joke because there's no words for it !

Art


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 11:18 AM

Woody Allen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Art Thieme
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM

Carl Sandburg said the world's shortest song was :

Papa loved mama,
Mama loved men,
Mama's in the graveyard
And papa's in the pen.

I sang this for over a decade before Garth Brooks used it and made a million bucks off of it.

Art Thieme


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 11:51 AM

I tried to write the world's shortest song once. Tried like hell. It ended up with 5 verses, 2 bridges, and one instrumental verse. It lasts about 4 minutes.

I tried to write the world's longest song one time too, and darn near succeeded, but it's not quite finished yet. I'll keep you posted.

Hey, this thread is supposed to be about short jokes isn't it?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Trevor
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 10:28 AM

Two parrots on a perch.

One says 'Can you smell fish?'


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 10:47 AM

Two fish in a tank.
One says 'Is it my turn to drive?'


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Uwe Schmidt
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM

The shortest for musicians:

two musicians pass a pub...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 11:31 AM

A cannibal passed his friend...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Lox
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 11:39 AM

Fastest Cake,

Scone......>

lox


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 12:00 PM

Clarification!

Depends on your pronunciation! For it to work, you have to say it to rhyme with 'gone', not 'bone'!!

Longest word - starts with 'm', ends with 'm', has 9768 letters and means 'constipation'...
(Clue - all the letters are 'm'!!).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,CraigS
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 01:15 AM

Rent collector: Rent? Andy Capp: Spent!

-Reg Smythe


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 07:16 AM

Ever had Chicken Tarka?

It's like Chicken Tikka, only a little 'otter...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 12:45 PM

World's shortest dirty joke.(4th grade humor):

A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

Told you it was 4th grade humor!)

Wincing Devil   >;-(
The four cat food groups: Dry, Canned, Natural, Yours.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Naemanson
Date: 23 Oct 00 - 01:57 PM

Speaking of short folk songs I heard this one at Mystic several years ago. It is sung to the tune of The Mermaid:

The true Story of the only voyage of His Swedish Majesty's Famous and Most Powerful Warship, The Vasa.

It was Friday morn and we set sail, And we sank to the bottom of the sea.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: harpmolly
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 08:42 PM

As a 25-year-old woman measuring 4 feet, 7 inches tall, I would like to register my objection to this thread as a whole. My solicitor will shor--er, soon be in touch with you regarding compensation for mental anguish. Dammit, if I have to fight with the bouncer every damned time I want a pint or simply an hour at the bar, someone's going to pay!!! ;)

(Do I win the "most random thread extension" prize for the day? :D)

Molly


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Guest still
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 12:06 AM

Don't know who wrote it but I like it!


As I was going up the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish to God he'd go away!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 04:16 AM

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 05:28 AM

Where I come from it would be:
"Roger sings."
RtS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: belter
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 07:29 AM

There was Peter (the short version)

There was Peter siting in the corner

dead.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bernard
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 07:57 AM

I stayed in bed on a May morning...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 11:59 AM

"Dylan"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,M'Grath of Altcar
Date: 01 May 03 - 03:35 PM

Honest Joseph it was an angel........


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Beccy
Date: 01 May 03 - 03:38 PM

"Hey... is that the saxophone player's Porsche?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Beccy
Date: 01 May 03 - 03:39 PM

"Hey... Is that the saxophone player's girlfriend?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Beccy
Date: 01 May 03 - 03:42 PM

Sorry... that last one was supposed to read:
"Hey... is that the saxophone player's supermodel girlfriend?"

and one more...

"Hey... Is that the saxophone player's fan club?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST, heric
Date: 01 May 03 - 03:54 PM

Gore Licks Bush


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: vectis
Date: 01 May 03 - 06:00 PM

A man walked into a bar
"Ouch!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 May 03 - 06:03 PM

.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 May 03 - 06:26 PM

The graduations on a whiskey bottle:

- Jocose
- Morose
- Bellicose
- Comatose


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 May 03 - 07:36 PM

- Turned-up Toes


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 02 May 03 - 01:15 AM

From George Carlin:

One tequila
Two tequila
Three tequila
Floor.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 02 May 03 - 03:12 AM

Drowsy Maggie
Sleepy Maggie
Comatose Maggie

(Optional lead-in to the medley: Loagy Maggie)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Susanl
Date: 02 May 03 - 04:04 AM

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?


DAM!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: fantum
Date: 02 May 03 - 07:14 AM

Conversation between two cowboys,

"Yup"
"Yup"

Hard to believe Im going to send this


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: HuwG
Date: 02 May 03 - 09:24 AM

Conversation between two pirates:

"Aaargh!"
"Aaargh!"



Oh, dear ...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Trevor
Date: 02 May 03 - 10:00 AM

It's not the shortest but I like it...
When does Saddam have his breakfast?....
When Tariq Aziz


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: The O'Meara
Date: 02 May 03 - 12:36 PM

My 2nd favorite Limerick :
    There was a young man from Perdue
    Whose Limerick lines numbered two

    My 1st favorite Limerick:
    There was a young man from Verdun


O'Meara


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST, heric
Date: 02 May 03 - 12:50 PM

When is bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: leprechaun
Date: 02 May 03 - 01:11 PM

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: PageOfCups
Date: 02 May 03 - 08:09 PM

Aim low, sheriff - they're ridin' shetlands.

PoC


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Helen
Date: 02 May 03 - 08:45 PM

When silly people say to me
Why do you want to go to sea?
My answer plain will always be
I only want to go to see.


A woodworm goes into a pub and says is the bartender here.


Two cannibals eating a clown. One says "Does this taste funny to you?"


Q: What happens when a duck flies upside down? A: It quacks up.


All right, I know they aren't the shortest jokes, but...

This thread reminds me of the 100 word story thread I started quite a while back. Might have to find it and refresh it and give you guys another challenge.

Helen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Helen
Date: 02 May 03 - 08:55 PM

BS: Mudcat challenge: 100 word story exactly

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=37563&messages=116


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Fifer
Date: 03 May 03 - 01:29 PM

Knock Knock..."Who's there?"
                "AMNESIA"
             "Amnesia who?"
                " Errr??? Ummm??????"

This is when you say He's forgotten !


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: JennyO
Date: 03 May 03 - 02:31 PM

Little Johnny Howard (Australian Prime Minister)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 03 May 03 - 08:54 PM

The world's shortest joke?


          Life






Stephen Lee


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Helen
Date: 03 May 03 - 09:28 PM

You're right, Jenny.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Tam the bam fraeSaltcoatsScotland
Date: 04 May 03 - 06:36 AM

New Labour Party/Lib Dems and their leaders


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 03 - 06:05 AM

"Cadet, what would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

"Call for backup, sir."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 03 - 06:29 AM

Shortest song "I'll sing you a song and it won't take long, Policemen have no fathers."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 03 - 07:01 AM

A horse goes into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the long face?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Schantieman
Date: 05 May 03 - 11:00 AM

Again?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 05 May 03 - 12:14 PM

For short song list:

Slack your rope, hangman, slack it for...arrrgh!

or We were 40 miles from Albany, forget it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: EJ
Date: 05 May 03 - 02:13 PM

A funny short song...

"Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life."

Well. Not short, but funny.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Mark Clark
Date: 05 May 03 - 02:26 PM

W


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 May 03 - 06:08 PM

You can lead a horse to water but you can't grow moss on its back!

Well, maybe that's too long; I could substitute "colt".

Charley Noble


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Helen
Date: 06 May 03 - 02:54 AM

You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think.

(Sorry, I don't actually believe that, but I like the pun.)

Helen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Crazy Eddie
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:30 AM

You can drive a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Trevor
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:35 AM

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 06 May 03 - 06:36 AM

One of the shortest punch-lines must be in the vocal banter of "Tha Arkansas Traveller":

Say old man, have you lived here all your life ? - Not Yet !

A Mr Thorpe, who was somewhat of a wit, requested that on his gravestone were incribed the words:

Thorpe's Corpse


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Schantieman
Date: 06 May 03 - 04:04 PM

We sailed to Virginia
And then we came back.


The gallant frigate Amphitrite
She sank in Plymouth Sound.


S


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Charley Noble
Date: 06 May 03 - 06:02 PM

Helen-

You can lead a hor-ti-culture but the weeds will follow on their own...

Charley Noble


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Jim McLean
Date: 07 May 03 - 05:03 PM

Fuck off!
PS Stronger letter following.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 07 May 03 - 08:38 PM

"You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think." is one of Dorothy Parker's best lines.


A dog walks into a bar: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 07 May 03 - 09:45 PM

"Dinsdale?!?"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 08 May 03 - 10:06 AM

Masochist: "Hit me!"
Sadist "No!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:35 PM

Shotgun wedding: a matter of wife or death.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:50 PM

How many Mudcatters does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb... and a GUEST to post "Move this to the BS section right now, please".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Al
Date: 09 May 03 - 01:11 AM

banjo tune


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Schantieman
Date: 09 May 03 - 12:21 PM

er....isn't that an oxymoron?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Liverstuck
Date: 09 Dec 03 - 10:15 PM

sex


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 07:00 AM

micca


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Splott Man
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 07:58 AM

Twas on the good ship Anthracite,
Ablaze on Plymouth Sound.

Unforgettable....errm!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: mike the knife
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 01:51 PM

stoner humor:
"Dude?"
"Huh?"
"Dude!"

Short short story:
Coughin'
Coffin.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 06:36 PM

KOOK!..amunga


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 06:53 PM

Danged, Mark Clark stole mine:

"W"

Bobert


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 09:27 AM

A reporter once asked the late Noel Coward to say ' something amusing ' his reply ' Australia '
eric


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 10:27 AM

"Fifty bucks," said the Mother Superior. "Same price as in town."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 12:26 PM

What Spike Milligan said he wanted on his gravestone:

"I told you I was ill."

Cheers,

YY


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Dec 03 - 07:11 PM

Why are these from a horror story? "The last man on earth sat alone in his room. There was a knock on the door." "The last man on earth sat alone in his room. There was a lock on the door."

Obviously a man wrote the lines.

Hmmmm. It just occurred to me that if there were only one man left on earth, he and his projeny could re-populate the whole world. And there we go again...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,John
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:27 AM

Two gay cowboys. "Yup?". "Yep".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Ghost of a Redneck
Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:45 PM

Well, HAY-ULL! It seemed like a good idee at the time.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 27 Jul 05 - 09:29 AM

The pipers were tuned up, and....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 27 Jul 05 - 11:09 AM

The world's shortest joke? That's easy...

My brother Don's whanger!

- BDiBR


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: pdq
Date: 27 Jul 05 - 11:17 AM

OBIT NOTICE: Man looks up shaft to see if elevator was coming. It was.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Mr Red
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 11:03 AM

the shortest joke?

jøk


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 11:36 AM

Massocist "Hit Me "

Saddist " No"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 12:55 PM

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Tam the man
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 02:19 PM

A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman

have you seen my brother and the barman says why what does he look like.

2 goldfish in a tank and one says says to the other

how do you drive this


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: MudGuard
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 04:07 PM

Shortest joke I know (told to me by a doctor!):


A doctor comes ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Bill the Collie
Date: 28 Jul 05 - 11:43 PM

Call me a cab...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 12:13 AM

You're a cab!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 12:43 AM

I don't give a shit who you are pal, you're not walking on the water where I'm fishing.

eric


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 03:39 AM

"What a friend we have in Jesus,
Christ almighty what a pal"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 05:30 AM

Now now dear, don't you think you're getting a little worked up over this? Almost making a mountain out of a molehill, in fact. Shortly, it will all seem unimportant...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 05:31 AM

I just flew in from New York and . . .


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 06:55 AM

...boy are my arms tired!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 08:01 AM

BOOM! BOOM!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: heric
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 11:18 AM

The Gay Cowboy come into town and shot up the sheriff.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 11:53 AM

G. Bush.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Pseudolus at Work
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 12:46 PM

World's shortest poem...it's called "Fleas"

Adam
Had'em


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: jpk
Date: 03 Aug 05 - 06:12 PM

waa,waa


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 02:27 AM

Leading cause of death among lesbians? Hairballs.
Why do dogs lick their willies? Because they can't make a fist!


Seamus


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: Tam the man
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 01:49 PM

The Scottish exct.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 07:52 PM

Compatible Irish gays. Partrick Fitzmaurice and Maurice Fitzpatrick.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: World's Shortest Joke
From: GUEST,Bob
Date: 04 Aug 05 - 10:17 PM

A man walks into a Bar...Ouch! it was an iron bar


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 11 July 11:23 AM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.