Help: Caring what others think

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Brendy
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 09:31 PM

Maybe he's gone into care!

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:56 AM

Me too, Praise. And there is the matter of toilet seats, at least it's a matter to some.

Sorry, degenerating the thread isn't my intention. Still wondering where's Justin, though.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:47 AM

I used to care whether people changed the toilet paper with the first sheet hanging down under-- or up and over.

Now I just care if they change it, and if they throw out the empty roll.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Seamus Kennedy
Date: 15 Feb 00 - 03:42 AM

I care about whether people say " I COULD care less," instead of "I COULDN'T care less." The former is just careless, and the latter is correct, if anyone cares.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 07:07 AM

Who cares?

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:33 AM

Brendy, What sorts of things do you think you used to think you thought about before you became so sleep deprived that you began to care too much about what people who care care to think others care about?

As for what I think, about whether other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring, I think that caring about thinking is probably more centrally (as well as globally) significant that thinking about caring.

However I am always open to further thought if you care to think or think you care.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Brendy
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:26 AM

Ah, but Praise, do you think that other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring?

Now the answer to that question has kept me awake many's the night!

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 00 - 01:12 AM

When this thread first started I thought, well, that's a no-brainer! Of course it isn't. And I have found myself thinking about it quite a bit, off and on.

Today I was on a long drive and suddenly all the thoughts I had been having about this resolved into one basic respone-- Sometimes I do care what people think/feel/believe/say/do... Sometimes I don't...

But what is always true is that I care deeply how people ARE. I care if someone is hurt and is made less than they were by acting on that fear. I care if someone is angry and temporarily made quite stupid bcause they can't see straight.

I can't take responsibility for how people feel or think, but I can take my share of accountability for the effects, in people's lives, of my actions. I can share the consequences in trying to resolve what I have shared in messing up.

Whether I am right or someone else is or we both are, I don't worry over so much anymore. But whether someone whose space I share is doing OK, that I care about. It is remarkably easy to make a big difference in the world around ourselves if we pay attention to that distinction. It only takes responding to how people ARE.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM

Praise, the damage appears to be permanent. It's going to be a long while before I change the values. I had never hurt anyone or anything in my life, but this first time I hurt the one person I won't have done anything to protect. Tough lessons you have to learn.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Curlie Cornflake
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:55 PM

 

Should a person care what others think of them?

In short – and I mean, in short, I think the answer has to be yes.

If we believe that ‘no one is an island’ then we must accept that we are a ‘communal animal’ and as such have a duty of care, one to another. If this is true, and we care about others, we must be aware of others; considering their values, thoughts and feelings.

We all need to find value in ourselves. To do this we ‘test’ ourselves, our values, thoughts and opinions, on others. If they agree we feel our opinions are validated and if they disagree we enter that uncomfortable state of ‘negotiation’ where we attempt to persuade the other that they are wrong or ultimately concede that we are.   Less often we 'agree to differ' but if we truly choose not to care that our opinion/value/judgement is different from another, we choose isolation. This is to find little or no value in the opinion of the other and I believe is only a reasonable option in the short term. If this becomes the only option I believe we become dangerously isolated.

Liz the Squeek was right to say;

If you care what people think of you,
It affects whatever you say or do.
If you do not give a toss,
Then that my friend, will be your loss.

I also think that Midchuck (Peter) had a point when he said, "the question is stated too broadly to permit a simple answer.
I care a great deal what the few people I respect highly think.
I care somewhat less what the people I respect, but less highly, think.
I don't give a **** what the people I don't respect think, unless it impacts my income or they think so little of me that it puts me in physical danger. "

I also found a lot of value in Amos’ thoughts on the subject "I believe what you think of yourself, and then what you think of your own products (of any kind--thought, speech, song, effort, writing, making, whatever) is far more important to your life. I believe it is healthy to respect the opinions and the voices of other humans. So I care what others think, but I don't give much of a hoot if they think unkindly about me personally. I think the craven fear of others' opinion is a deep copout indeed, when it is allowed to run your life"

I think Rudyard Kipling had the answer, reflected in his poem 'If' when he wrote, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you" and later, "If all men count with you, but none too much,"

Ultimately I believe we should not allow others to rule our lives, nor ignore their thoughts but care what other think and accept this knowledge as yet another factor upon which we make our own choices.

Interesting - if unexpected question!

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Curlie Cornflake
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 05:09 PM

Amos said it for me!

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:58 AM

Justin, if you're still around, what's happening to bring the questions to your mind?

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM

Mbo,

So, did you clear up the damage? If not to retrieve what was lost, which is another topic, to regain your sense of being right with your values?

It's usually worth it...

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Crowhugger
Date: 13 Feb 00 - 12:44 AM

Justin,

I have a dear friend who has chosen to delve into music for his career. If he had acted upon any counsel but his own, he'd be an accountant. Which for him would not earn a living but a "dying" because he hates accounting. As it is, he spends all day every day relishing every morsel that his life has to offer.

Like the song says, "You gotta go where your heart says go..." I don't know if the song also says that'll be the second-most difficult thing you ever do. For me, anyhow, the most difficult thing is directing my life without enough consideration of my own goals. Sometimes it means juggling priorities for a time. Just keep sight of who you are.

The way these $0.02 are piling up you'll be rich!

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GeorgeH
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:57 AM

I think I've resisted this thread so far; it seems a good illustration of the best and worst of Mudcat, and confirmed my impression of one or two catters . .

Actually, I think those who say they don't give a [whatever} what ANYONE else thinks about them are, plain and simple, liars.

On the othe hand, I don't give a [whatever] what any of those-I've-just-branded-as-liars think about me.

G.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM

Ah, Mbo -- the pennies drop like rain. The doctrine of "truth at all costs" gives way to "try to cause effects that others are able to experience relatively easily".
Lo! Wisdom is abloom on the land! I applaud you. .
We'll make a pr flak of you yet!

Kat,

My creative..um...juices got used up this morning writing a toast to the Songbook Goddess, but I think a song about trolling on the banks of the Mudcat is definitely in order -- you get a line, I'll get a hook, honey!

(banjo riff, fade)

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM

I tried not to care what others thought just recently, and speak what was on my mind--and it appears to have destroyed everything. ALWAYS give a regard for what others may think--you may end up unintentionally hurting someone. It works when you're driving, and it works in life.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:45 AM

So...where's the song, Amos?>:-)

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:40 AM

It's deep, and it has a hook in it. I like it, kAT> :>)

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:27 AM

Doesn't matter what kind of bait a troll uses, it is still just bait.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 09:22 AM

The sensible answer:

yes, and no, depending on circumstance and definition.
Being needy for admiration is the greatest character flaw ever; it short-circuits careers, undermines courage, compromises awareness and wreaks havoc with conscience.

Caring about other people, taking reasonable care to be an "acceptable" presence among them in order to stay in communication, doing necessary fence-mending and public relations work, is just part of getting along with other members of one's own species.

But those are very different from yearning for attention, being addicted to admiration, or going through life seeking approval because one forgot to bring one's own.

Excerpt from "Psychobabble 101: Truisms from Southern California" by Doc Hizzdik and Makim Crie, Gyamie-Love Publications, Los Angeles, 1967.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 10 Feb 00 - 06:17 AM

If the only way our sad friends can now get on to the forum is by them asking sensible questions, maybe we should just stick to answering the sensible question?

Maybe we find it difficult to recognise victory?

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 05:52 PM

In OJ it was FUNG.

Here is Justion's definitive answer, since you are all being so cute (cute as lil ole buttons...!)

1. Maybe. 2. Because.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 01:01 PM

Rick, t'weren't me, never a GUEST shall I be.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:59 AM

Maybe its the Fong of O.J. infamy........

Why do you want to know, MISTER Fong?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:47 AM

No, spaw, it's as in the famous torch song...just in fong, you came and found me...I think Bill Clinton used to sing it.

No offense meant.

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:41 AM

To be Just about it all, I personally think you need a better grip. Of course, that's here and not in Fong where the rules for being Just may be different. And where the hell is Fong anyway?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 11:24 AM

No Kat, I believe it's "Suddenly Susan" and it's on NBC.

Rick (who doesn't care what Brooke Shields thinks about anything)

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,kat
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 10:50 AM

Whats the name of that new blues singer susan something

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 09:41 AM

The answer is int he thread -- read it carefully twice.

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM

Rick, just for you...

Goodnight Gracie.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM

Oh all right Justin. No we don't care what others think of you. Say goodnight Gracie.

Rick

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:00 PM

YES! TOMMY RULES!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Justin Fong
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:57 PM

There has been a lot of discourse

But, no one has answered my question

I am hurt.

Please

heal me, touch me, feel me.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM

I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. .

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM

I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. .

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayer.....)
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 07:19 PM

I have to look at my intentions and the source of my caring or lack thereof. I have spent a hell of a lot of time trying to be the Rich others wanted me to be and it never works! I grew up not thinking very highly of myself, so I based too much of my own self worth on the value that other's assigned to me. In end I lost either way, because if you did like me it wasn't based on the real me(whomever that was), it was based on the mask I was wearing, and if you didn't well then I hadn't even played the role right! I can't say that I'm entirely free of that kind of thinking today, but I'm doing a lot better. If I say or do something that I truly believe to be right, then I'm only responsible for my feelings about it. If I do or say something for effect, then chances are I won't be happy with it any way. This does not mean I can carelessly tramp on the feelings of others, but if I keep my side of the street clean, then I am not responsible for others reactions. It is natural to want others to like oneself, but to let others dictate your life is only leads to dissapointment in the end. (Gee, I hope everybody likes what I posted about not caring what people think of me) Rich

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 12:40 PM

Just sharing what I've already been given, grateful to get more here, grateful to have something to contribute.

You are all helping me raise Red Cross disaster money because I have to be online on and off during all waking hours and even media sluts need an occasional moment in the clouds before going back to word-mongering. Here we can wordsmith and wordsling

Ugghhh....ya got me........

Blam! Blam!

Bam! ??? How did Emeril get in here????

Ya always gotta watch for the ones on the roof.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM

Shambles, that was beautiful.

Praise, I enjoy reading your posting. You have much wisdom to offer us.

Mbo, just a reminder when sighing, breath in deeply on the inhale before expending your lungs on the exhale.

BB

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM

**SIGH**

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:44 AM

Another beauty, Roger! Got to be in the book!

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 10:24 AM

Young Love Old Love

Young love, a desperate duet to be sung
Those eyes, burn like fire, shine like the sun
The beam shines only on what it desires
Leaving dark the forgotten ones

Old love, forgets the words but not the tune
Light travelled to and reflected from the moon
The warm glow falls everywhere
On all who need to be loved

Roger Gall 1997.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: annamill
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:43 AM

I care about what people think when I do something I feel is a good thing.

I don't give a damn about what people think when I've done something I feel is a not-so-good thing.

I know the difference...most of the time. ;-)

Love, annap

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM

I have a half-writ song on this topic, called "Bring Down the Walls". Don't tell Aine, as she'll just make me finish it. :>). It reflects on the phenomenon of getting past endless comparisons among selves, breaking down walls and opening up to direct experience, which is much easier when one is not wrestling with introversion or various forms of "identity combat". But it doesn't talk like that. :>)

A

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 09:21 AM

Sometimes it is good to look past that and notice the profound effect we are having on the world even when we may not feel like anyone knows we're here or not. Have you ever noticed how much the behind-the-scenes people actually accomplish? I think we humans affect our world much more than we suspect. I also find I care less and less what people think, moment to moment, as I come to uderstand what my identity in Christ is. I care much more now whether I make a contribution to the world than I once did, and less that I ever get any recognition for it. I find that I am much more connected to what I know inside and what I feel, and being ignored or invalidated just doesn't seem to hit that old hurt spot anymore.

A wonderful sermon a friend of ours preached recently comes to mind., He was talking about the way love is expressed now in our culture, and the expectations people have in their marriages and actually most types of relationships. People staret thinking the other person will make them happy. Then they achieve a state where they think they can make each other happy, selflessly. They often settle for that. But the true intimacy, he described, comes when those two people stop gazing into each others' eyes, join hands, and turn outward together to face the world and devote their energies to those passions they share. He said, why see the sunset in your lover's eyes when you can sit side by side seeing it together and know the intimacy of feeling that your lover sees it the same way you do?

I think of that often now and it has really helped me focus away from the too-human MeMeMe/TheyTheyThey stuff and instead see what needs doing around me.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 05:52 AM

Sorry about the above.

I like praise but I get emmbarrassed and find it difficult to deal with.

I don't like criticism but I can respond to it and deal with it better.

What I really don't like and hurts me most (like others) is not to be noticed and to be ignored.

Are you listening?....SOMEBODY?....anybody....?

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: The Shambles
Date: 08 Feb 00 - 05:43 AM

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=17925&messages=4

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM

Ah, Rick, sir:

It is a wonderful thing to take up arms against stupidity, ignorance, illiteracy and hog-headed egoism. But it's a brave thing to tilt at a windmill, too, and the windmill doesn't usually notice!

Fondly,

A.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:23 AM

The Chinese teach us that there are 3 of every man...the man the world sees, the man he, himself, sees, and the man he truly is.

Worth thinking about.

Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 Feb 00 - 09:10 AM

I'm still trying to think of any songs about "SPINLESS"!

Look, I can deal with (what choice do I have) rambling incoherent rantings, but the spelling around here has become nothing short of a joke in itself. Shape up, flame-mongers!

Rick