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BS: worst poets

Related threads:
happy? - Sept 29 (McGonagall dies) (11)
Lyr Add: The Death of Prince Leopold (McGonagall) (16)
BS: McGonagall chronicles another disaster! (21)
BS: McGonagall DOES Pennsylvania!!!! (16)


Donuel 10 Jan 21 - 01:57 PM
Stilly River Sage 10 Jan 21 - 01:50 PM
Donuel 10 Jan 21 - 12:00 PM
Amergin 08 Jan 21 - 05:50 PM
Manitas_at_home 08 Jan 21 - 05:56 AM
weerover 08 Jan 21 - 05:00 AM
Jos 08 Jan 21 - 04:42 AM
Jos 08 Jan 21 - 04:26 AM
Manitas_at_home 08 Jan 21 - 01:24 AM
FreddyHeadey 07 Jan 21 - 06:25 PM
FreddyHeadey 07 Jan 21 - 06:09 PM
Jos 06 Jan 21 - 11:10 AM
Steve Shaw 06 Jan 21 - 10:00 AM
Jos 06 Jan 21 - 08:28 AM
Steve Shaw 06 Jan 21 - 07:45 AM
Jos 06 Jan 21 - 07:36 AM
Steve Shaw 06 Jan 21 - 07:25 AM
Steve Shaw 05 Jan 21 - 08:52 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 08:17 PM
Jeri 04 Jan 21 - 08:08 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 06:47 PM
Dave the Gnome 04 Jan 21 - 05:33 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 04:45 PM
Bonzo3legs 04 Jan 21 - 04:28 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 03:45 PM
The Sandman 04 Jan 21 - 02:14 PM
Donuel 04 Jan 21 - 02:09 PM
WalkaboutsVerse 04 Jan 21 - 12:47 PM
Backwoodsman 04 Jan 21 - 12:20 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 12:15 PM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 11:54 AM
Jeri 04 Jan 21 - 11:09 AM
Raggytash 04 Jan 21 - 09:22 AM
Manitas_at_home 04 Jan 21 - 08:43 AM
The Sandman 04 Jan 21 - 08:19 AM
Senoufou 04 Jan 21 - 05:34 AM
Steve Shaw 04 Jan 21 - 04:22 AM
Bonzo3legs 04 Jan 21 - 04:09 AM
Manitas_at_home 04 Jan 21 - 03:54 AM
The Sandman 04 Jan 21 - 02:47 AM
The Sandman 04 Jan 21 - 02:26 AM
Steve Shaw 03 Jan 21 - 08:32 PM
Bill D 03 Jan 21 - 07:25 PM
Steve Shaw 03 Jan 21 - 06:11 PM
Bonzo3legs 03 Jan 21 - 06:03 PM
Steve Shaw 03 Jan 21 - 05:33 PM
Donuel 03 Jan 21 - 05:20 PM
Donuel 03 Jan 21 - 05:12 PM
Jos 03 Jan 21 - 05:04 PM
Jos 03 Jan 21 - 04:56 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Jan 21 - 01:57 PM

I would argue he was a lyricist first. A poetic turn of phrase was more rare but powerfully and organicly engaging.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jan 21 - 01:50 PM

Mudcat has it's own worst poet, who shall remain unnamed and unlinked. (Someone has to hold up Amos' end of this discussion, now that he's no longer here to do it himself. And Amos was a mighty fine poet!)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Jan 21 - 12:00 PM

Many Americans have no idea there are actually four official verses to the "Star-Spangled Banner" — and even fewer know about a little-known, unofficial fifth verse, written a half century later by poet Oliver Wendell Holmes. It goes like this:

When our land is illum'd with Liberty's smile,
If a foe from within strike a blow at her glory,
Down, down, with the traitor that dares to defile
The flag of her stars and the page of her story!
By the millions unchain'd who our birthright have gained
We will keep her bright blazon forever unstained!
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
While the land of the free is the home of the brave.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Amergin
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 05:50 PM

If you want trite bullshit that is inexplicably popular, you need look no further than Rupi Kaur.

"to hate
is an easy lazy thing
but to love
takes strength
everyone has
but not all are
willing to practice"

or

"take the compliment
do not shy away from
another thing that belongs to you"

or

"i do not need the kind of love
that is draining
i want some one
that energizes me"

And yet these are somehow counted among her best poems.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 05:56 AM

Ah, I find that John Kirkpatrick has recorded it and credits Betjeman and Parker.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: weerover
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 05:00 AM

In the 70s a competition for "World's Worst Poet" was won by (a Paisley man, IIRC) Walter McCorrisken. His work owes something to McGonagall, but is distinctively a style of his own. I am sure plenty of his oeuvre will be available online.

I remember reading somewhere that John Betjeman was not allowed to visit the home of a schoolmate during the holidays because his family were "in trade". Said schoolmate (Hugh Gaitskell) later became leader of the Labour Party!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 04:42 AM

Here's the blicky - it contains a link to a few snippets from the record.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2013/feb/15/sir-john-betjeman-banana-blush


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 04:26 AM

It's "A Shropshire Lad" from Betjeman's "Banana Blush", an album made by Betjeman in 1974 in collaboration with composer Jim Parker.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2013/feb/15/sir-john-betjeman-banana-blush


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 01:24 AM

Was it Pete Coe that put that to music?


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 07 Jan 21 - 06:25 PM

Oh I always love Betjeman's

dripping and still he rose over the sill and faded away in a wall
&
Rigid and dead—
Rigid and dead—
To the Saturday congregation,
Paying a call at Dawley bank on his way to his 'destination'.


Well maybe they are lightweight or trite. At least they usually elicit an amused raised eyebrow or two.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 07 Jan 21 - 06:09 PM

I love Donuel's
When our faithful bundle departs this earthly world of strife, we'll get yet another pup, and love him all his life.
- Author Unknown

and looking at
http://dogsympathycards.blogspot.com/p/dog-poems-and-quotes.html I can see that pets can turn everyone into a poet.

Here's another
The love that you showed us we'll never forget
because to us you're one very special pet.
You're like a star in the dark of night,
always watching over us with the Lord's light.

So now we take time to remember our best friend
who will always be with us, even to the end.
We'll always remember you the way you were,
one big lovable huggable pile of fur.

-

Umbrellas, it seems, can make poets of us too.
I refuse to quote or name names for fear of people goo-ego-gling themselves but take a look at
https://hellopoetry.com/words/umbrellas/
No big names there to put forward as a candidate though.

_________________
[ goo-ego-gling ? gooegoling ? is that not a word or is it spelt differently ? is 'themselves' tortology ? ]


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 11:10 AM

Sadly I no longer have the author's original submission before it was 'tidied up' for her.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 10:00 AM

Ye gods! :-)

But "frothy?" I should call a physician if I were her!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 08:28 AM

Here's my contribution.

From Great Ways to Learn Anatomy and Physiology by Charmaine McKissock (Palgrave Macmillan, 2009), a poem to “help you remember the function of the kidneys”:

         The Song of the Kidney Kids

Let’s sing of the Kidney Kids, Kevin and Kate,
Who both do a job anybody would hate.
They collect up used blood both by night and by day,
Which they filter to take the waste products away.

Salts, drugs, uric acid, creatine and urea
Are removed with some water to leave the blood clear.
Then the toxic substance into urine is made,
As frothy and yellow as fresh lemonade.

This is poured through ureters – there are two of those –
Into the bladder and out through a hose
That is called the urethra. Your blood is now clean:
No one would ever know where it had been.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 07:45 AM

The Oxford Dictionary of National Biography declared it to be the world's worst poem, Jos, finally outdoing the Tay Bridge Disaster...


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 07:36 AM

That is certainly the 'worst poem' winner so far (my opinion, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 07:25 AM

Beat this for bad poetry!

A Tragedy by Theophile Marzials

Death!
Plop.
The barges down in the river flop.
Flop, plop,
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop...
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop...
And my head shrieks - "Stop"
And my heart shrieks - "Die."...
Ugh! yet I knew - I knew
If a woman is false can a friend by true?
It was only a lie from beginning to end--
My Devil - My "friend."...
So what do I care,
And my head is empty as air -
I can do,
I can dare
(Plop, plop
The barges flop
Drip, drop.)
I can dare, I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop.
Drop
Dead.
Plop, flop,
Plop.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Jan 21 - 08:52 PM

A cracker from the early 19th century:

The Potato" by Eliza Cook (1818-1839)

The useful and the beautiful
Are not far apart we know.
And thus the beautiful are glad to have,
The homely looking Potato.
On the land, or on the sea,
Wherever we may go,
We are always glad to welcome
The homely Potato.
A practical and moral lesson
This may plainly show,
That though homely, our heart can be
Like that of the homely Potato.


I mean, give over! :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 08:17 PM

:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 08:08 PM

Hypochondriacs
Spend the winter at the bottom of Florida and the summer on top of the Adirondacks.
You go to Paris and live on champagne wine and cognac
If you're a dipsomognac.
If you're a manic-depressive
You don't go anywhere where you won't be cheered up,
   and people say "There, there!" If your bills are excessive.
But you stick around and work day and night and night and day with your nose to the sawmill
If you're nawmill.

Ogden Nash. (seriously, who else?)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 06:47 PM

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 05:33 PM

As I was walking doon the road
I saw a coo, a bull b'goad!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 04:45 PM

Another beauty:

The umbrella, by Bruce Goodman

I wish to tell you about my favourite thing,
With a hey-nonny-no,
It’s about my umbrella I wish to sing
Hey ding a ding, ding.

I stick my umbrella up a lot
With a hey-nonny-no,
Whether it’s raining or not
Hey ding a ding, ding.

The other day it hosed down
With a hey-nonny-no,
Just as I was leaving to go to town
Hey ding a ding, ding.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew it inside out.
I started to twist and shout.
What the hell is this all about?
I was getting wet. No doubt.
I hope I don’t get gout.
Hey ding a ding, ding.
My love for my umbrella was just recently awoken.
Now it’s broken
And I’m soakin’.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 04:28 PM

Like the shock of handling a raw sausage blindfold at a gay party!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 03:45 PM

Here's a beaut from Ern Malley;

Where I have lived

The bed-bug sleeps in the seam, the cockroach

Inhabits the crack and the careful spider

Spins his aphorisms in the corner. . . .

There is a moment when the pelvis

Explodes like a grenade


Bwahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 02:14 PM

so now we have Wav, why could we not stick to mcgonagall, julia a moore a mckittrick ros


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 02:09 PM

David I agree a poem can tell a complex story like of Mice and Men in an abbreviated language but thats why prose is best.

A miniature is nice and precise but a grand size feels alive.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 12:47 PM

As in my poem "Audience Lost", free verse "poetry" in general, which adds up to a lot of poetry since Ezra Pound and co decided something like - to hell with metre and rhyme. As with American pop, rock, (c)rap, silk stockings, taking a knee for ALL/Black Lives Matter, etc., too many English and other nationals around the world have blindly followed...but, to end on a positive note, I sense, just recently, that trad metre and rhyme is making something of a comeback (whatever you may think of the WalkaboutsVerse variety).


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 12:20 PM

LOL! :-) :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 12:15 PM

Point taken.

From a website on bad poetry:

Rhyming is easy
When you know how
But this poem is cheesy
So it’s time to say ciao

:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 11:54 AM

Well, Jeri, you might have thought that a thread starting "worst poets" would end up being a bit of light-hearted whimsy. After all, there's plenty of scope. Instead, one person here has sabotaged it, via posturing as an ill-tempered and fairly rude control freak, and it happens to be the thread's originator. Please target your criticisms of us slightly more accurately.

From a poem called The Thorn:

"...You see a little muddy pond
Of water, never dry;
I've measured it from side to side:
'Tis three feet long, and two feet wide."

That was written by William Wordsworth. No, really...


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 11:09 AM

You have a choice to either discuss "worst poets" or go after each other, which seems to be a popular variety of blood-sport on Mudcat.

The latter will get posts deleted and the thread closed.

And "worst" is based on opinion. Period.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Raggytash
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 09:22 AM

The title of the thread is "worst poets" Now one persons worst poet may be another persons favourite poet.

The opening post states that the poster has three candidates, not that they are the worst but that they are merely candidates, thus the thread should not be limited to those three alone.

So crack on lads and lassies and discuss whom you choose to.

One a personal note I would not criticise any poet, some I like, some I don't but more than anything I no time for critics.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 08:43 AM

What do you want me to understand? You started discussing Betjeman's background I merely pointed out that you had it, or a least part of it, wrong as you have agreed. It would make your posts a lot easier to understand if you would only use some capitals and a bit more punctuation.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 08:19 AM

i am not being a stickler over spelling.
Betjeman was born John Betjemann. He was the son of a prosperous silverware maker of Dutch descent. His parents, Mabel (née Dawson) and Ernest Betjemann, had a family firm at 34–42 Pentonville Road which manufactured the kind of ornamental household furniture and gadgets distinctive to Victorians.
he went to fee paying schools, he was upper middle class and establishment, he wrote nothing that challenged the status quo, miss joan hunter dunn is an example of glorifying the upper and middle classes.
ok, manitas, do you understand. tyis thread is not about betjeman coppin shakespeare wordsworth. john clare if you want to talk about them, do it somewhere else far from rescuing this thread steve you have sabotaged it.
sitting on a loo in camden town
joan hunter dunn with her knickers down
hark the bell strikes ten past three
has my crumpet done its pee


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 05:34 AM

Could I just point out, The Sandman, since you are being a bit of a stickler, that you have misspelt one of your 'bad poets' names. It's William McGonagall, not mcgonagle.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 04:22 AM

Poor Dick...


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 04:09 AM

I am working today, so better things to do!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 03:54 AM

Betjeman was far from upper-class. Upper middle at best.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 02:47 AM

bonzo has not heard of mcgonagle ,well bonzo start your own thread on johnny coppin.
if people here think it is funny to feck up a thread deliberately with irrelevancies that just shows the level of their childishness, if it is accidental ,perhaps you should read the original posts more carefully.
bonzo , the fact you have not heard of those bad poets is irrelevantwhy post other than as a wind up


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 Jan 21 - 02:26 AM

john betjeman was a product and a representive of the upper class. he was an establishment poet who glorified aspects of the british empire he was uncritical of the class sytem or the empire. in a subtle way betjeman glorifies the english upperclass and their tennis matches and miss jopan hunter dunn, all jolly hockey sticks jolly good chaps etc.
jos,
all you have to do is read the title of the post and the original thread, if you want to discuss other things start your own thread ,same applies to steve shaw.

Subject: BS: worst poets
From: The Sandman - PM
Date: 02 Jan 21 - 05:44 PM

i have 3 candidates, mcgonagle, julia a moore and a mckittrick ros, if people would like to select poems so we can decide who is the worst of the 3.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 08:32 PM

You beat me to it, Bill...


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 07:25 PM

Oh... genuine doggerel..


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 06:11 PM

My doggy pees
On all the trees
And poops on all the flowers.
He does no tricks
Like fetching sticks,
Just licks himself for hours.

:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 06:03 PM

Never heard of these 3 poets. Viv Stanshall was a clever poet!!


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 05:33 PM

We can take it wherever we like, Jos. And I'd just like to say that one man's trite and lightweight is another man's life-affirming and lyrical. And that your last post, Dick, is misanthropic in the extreme.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 05:20 PM

Ohmywhatafauxpas!!!
Only3thatwemaytalk?


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 05:12 PM

The canine ways will gladden you, His antics bring a smile, As a faithful friend he will, Be loyal all the while.

He'll bring his charms to grace your life, And though his stay is brief, When he's gone the memories, Are solace for our grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, All on earth won't return, But lessons only a dog can teach, I want you each to learn.

I've looked the whole world over, In search of guardians true, And from the folk that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.

Whatever love you give to him, Returns in triple measure, Follow his lead and gain a life, Brim full of simple pleasures.

Enjoy each day as it comes, Allow your heart to guide, Be loyal and steadfast in love, As the dog there by your side.

Now will you give him all your love, Nor think the labor vain, Nor hate me when all is done, To see him go again?

I guess each of us would say, A glad heaart is not all they have For all the joys this dog shall bring, The risk of grief can stun.

We'll shelter him with tenderness, We'll love him while we may, And for the happiness we've known, over the grateful days.

But should the angels call for him, Much sooner than we've planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, And try to understand.

If by our love we've managed, to make his life a joy, In memory of him that we have loved, And to help us while we grieve;

When our faithful friend departs, This earthly world of strife, We'll just get another pup, And love him all his life.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 05:04 PM

I am so sorry, Sandman, I didn't realise we were restricted to your three chosen poets and not allowed to discuss the merits or otherwise of any other poets we might be more familiar with.
I'll leave you to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: worst poets
From: Jos
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 04:56 PM

Well here is a poem by Betjeman with no class, no empire, no tennis, no sex, nothing that I, at least, find trite.

Winter Seascape

The sea runs back against itself
With scarcely time for breaking wave
To cannonade a slatey shelf
And thunder under in a cave

Before the next can fully burst.
The headwind, blowing harder still,
Smooths it to what it was at first —
A slowly rolling water-hill.

Against the breeze the breakers haste,
Against the tide their ridges run
And all the sea's a dappled waste
Criss-crossing underneath the sun.

Far down the beach the ripples drag
Blown backward, rearing from the shore,
And wailing gull and shrieking shag
Alone can pierce the ocean roar.

Unheard, a mongrel hound gives tongue,
Unheard are shouts of little boys:
What chance has any inland lung
Against this multi-water noise?

Here where the cliffs alone prevail
I stand exultant, neutral, free,
And from the cushion of the gale
Behold a huge consoling sea.


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