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Mudcat Tavern Reopens!

Mrrzy 24 Apr 20 - 08:33 AM
Senoufou 24 Apr 20 - 08:38 AM
Mrrzy 24 Apr 20 - 08:39 AM
John MacKenzie 24 Apr 20 - 10:56 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 20 - 11:27 AM
Dave the Gnome 24 Apr 20 - 12:24 PM
keberoxu 24 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM
Raggytash 24 Apr 20 - 12:55 PM
Mrrzy 24 Apr 20 - 01:01 PM
Senoufou 24 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM
Rex 24 Apr 20 - 02:02 PM
Raggytash 24 Apr 20 - 02:24 PM
John C. Bunnell 24 Apr 20 - 05:01 PM
Mrrzy 24 Apr 20 - 11:08 PM
Severn 25 Apr 20 - 11:22 AM
Severn 25 Apr 20 - 11:59 AM
keberoxu 25 Apr 20 - 12:01 PM
Mrrzy 25 Apr 20 - 01:26 PM
Senoufou 25 Apr 20 - 02:09 PM
keberoxu 25 Apr 20 - 08:00 PM
JennieG 25 Apr 20 - 08:27 PM
Mrrzy 25 Apr 20 - 10:47 PM
Roger the Skiffler 26 Apr 20 - 04:25 AM
Mrrzy 26 Apr 20 - 07:49 AM
keberoxu 26 Apr 20 - 08:56 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 26 Apr 20 - 09:03 AM
Severn 26 Apr 20 - 11:26 AM
Mrrzy 26 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 26 Apr 20 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 26 Apr 20 - 09:47 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 27 Apr 20 - 04:27 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 27 Apr 20 - 05:08 AM
Mrrzy 27 Apr 20 - 08:20 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 27 Apr 20 - 08:34 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 27 Apr 20 - 08:37 AM
Rapparee 27 Apr 20 - 08:45 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 28 Apr 20 - 04:13 AM
Rapparee 28 Apr 20 - 09:54 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 28 Apr 20 - 10:45 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 28 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM
keberoxu 28 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM
keberoxu 28 Apr 20 - 08:06 PM
Donuel 28 Apr 20 - 09:04 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 29 Apr 20 - 03:48 AM
Mrrzy 29 Apr 20 - 08:40 AM
Donuel 29 Apr 20 - 09:26 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 29 Apr 20 - 10:25 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 29 Apr 20 - 01:55 PM
Senoufou 29 Apr 20 - 02:31 PM
keberoxu 29 Apr 20 - 07:54 PM
Mrrzy 29 Apr 20 - 10:24 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 20 - 01:37 AM
Senoufou 30 Apr 20 - 03:07 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 30 Apr 20 - 05:44 AM
Senoufou 30 Apr 20 - 06:41 AM
Mrrzy 30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 30 Apr 20 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM
Senoufou 30 Apr 20 - 02:18 PM
Mrrzy 30 Apr 20 - 03:50 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 01 May 20 - 04:56 AM
Senoufou 01 May 20 - 05:52 AM
Mrrzy 01 May 20 - 09:56 AM
keberoxu 01 May 20 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 01 May 20 - 09:31 PM
Senoufou 02 May 20 - 03:52 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 03 May 20 - 05:11 AM
Mrrzy 03 May 20 - 08:39 AM
Donuel 03 May 20 - 12:21 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 03 May 20 - 12:33 PM
Mrrzy 03 May 20 - 02:08 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 03 May 20 - 04:35 PM
Severn 03 May 20 - 06:02 PM
Rapparee 03 May 20 - 08:18 PM
Severn 03 May 20 - 10:30 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 04 May 20 - 04:25 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 04 May 20 - 08:56 AM
Severn 04 May 20 - 09:19 AM
Mrrzy 04 May 20 - 01:47 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 04 May 20 - 02:38 PM
Severn 04 May 20 - 03:18 PM
Severn 04 May 20 - 03:56 PM
Senoufou 04 May 20 - 05:28 PM
Mrrzy 04 May 20 - 10:20 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 05 May 20 - 12:00 PM
Senoufou 05 May 20 - 01:17 PM
Tattie Bogle 05 May 20 - 07:45 PM
Senoufou 06 May 20 - 03:15 AM
Mrrzy 06 May 20 - 09:51 AM
keberoxu 07 May 20 - 06:52 PM
Mrrzy 08 May 20 - 09:01 AM
Mrrzy 08 May 20 - 09:02 AM
Donuel 08 May 20 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 08 May 20 - 11:37 AM
Mrrzy 08 May 20 - 02:28 PM
Donuel 08 May 20 - 03:27 PM
keberoxu 08 May 20 - 03:30 PM
Donuel 08 May 20 - 05:04 PM
Donuel 08 May 20 - 05:19 PM
Tattie Bogle 09 May 20 - 01:51 PM
Senoufou 09 May 20 - 03:59 PM
Mrrzy 10 May 20 - 10:07 AM
Senoufou 10 May 20 - 12:17 PM
Mrrzy 10 May 20 - 01:29 PM
Senoufou 10 May 20 - 01:41 PM
Mrrzy 10 May 20 - 06:36 PM
Mrrzy 12 May 20 - 07:48 AM
Donuel 12 May 20 - 07:55 AM
Mrrzy 12 May 20 - 04:36 PM
Severn 12 May 20 - 06:31 PM
Mrrzy 12 May 20 - 07:27 PM
Senoufou 13 May 20 - 04:02 AM
Shug Hanlan 13 May 20 - 04:35 AM
Senoufou 13 May 20 - 06:48 AM
Rapparee 13 May 20 - 07:43 AM
Mrrzy 13 May 20 - 08:23 AM
Severn 13 May 20 - 12:12 PM
Mrrzy 13 May 20 - 01:18 PM
Senoufou 13 May 20 - 01:40 PM
Mrrzy 13 May 20 - 05:50 PM
Mrrzy 16 May 20 - 08:40 AM
Severn 18 May 20 - 02:29 PM
Mrrzy 19 May 20 - 09:35 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 20 May 20 - 04:59 PM
Tattie Bogle 21 May 20 - 07:12 PM
Senoufou 22 May 20 - 08:22 AM
Mrrzy 22 May 20 - 11:56 AM
Mrrzy 25 May 20 - 10:42 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 26 May 20 - 03:18 AM
Mrrzy 27 May 20 - 01:50 PM
Senoufou 27 May 20 - 03:53 PM
Mrrzy 28 May 20 - 07:52 AM
Senoufou 28 May 20 - 08:34 AM
Mrrzy 28 May 20 - 05:15 PM
Senoufou 28 May 20 - 06:05 PM
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Subject: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 08:33 AM

A bat flies in over the throng three-deep at the bar and clings upside-down to the rafters above one of the bartenders. There is a crowd around the session (fiddle, xylophone, harp) singing tooralooras. Some thoughtful prep bartender has pre-studded lemons with cloves, so the bat orders a hot whisky, and when it arrives about 3 songs later, takes it over to a high-top where it can be savored while right-side up.
Having downed that, the bat starts looking around... Any large Africans anywhere, or maybe a squid?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 08:38 AM

A Smiling African Man is serving ready-cooked Fiery Horror meals, while a plump Old Lady is secretly perfecting her Mapouka in a quiet corner.
She winks at the bat, then sings along with the tooralooras.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 08:39 AM

Oh, yeah: the harpist warbled this as the bat was hanging above the bartender, surprising the bat who'd known it since early childhood but had never heard this penultimate verse, and thus messing up the singing along, being done in ultrasonic frequencies so the musicians didn't notice:

About a maid I'll sing a song
Sing rickety tickety tin
About a maid I'll sing a song
Who didn't have her family long
Not only did she do them wrong
She did every one of them in, them in
She did every one of them in.

One morning in a fit of pique
Sing rickety tickety tin
One morning in a fit of pique
She drowned her father in the creek
The water tasted bad for a week
And we had to make do with gin, with gin
We had to make do with gin

Her mother she could never stand
Sing rickety tickety tin
Her mother she could never stand
And so a cyanide soup she planned
The mother died with the spoon in her hand
And her face in a hideous grin, a grin
He face in a hideous grin.

She weighted her brother down with stones
Sing rickety tickety tin
She weighted her brother down with stones
And sent him off to Davey Jones
All they ever found were some bones
And occasional pieces of skin, of skin
Occasional pieces of skin.

She set her sister's hair on fire
Sing rickety tickety tin
She set her sister's hair on fire
And as the smoke and flame rose higher
Danced around the funeral pyre
Playing a violin, -olin
Playing a violin.

One day she had nothing to do
Sing rickety tickety tin
One day she had nothing to do
She cut her baby brother in two
And served him up as an Irish stew
And invited the neighbours in, -bours in
Invited the neighbours in.

And when at last the police came by
Sing rickety tickety tin
And when at last the police came by
Her little pranks she did not deny
To do so she would have had to lie
And lying she knew was a sin, a sin
And lying she knew was a sin.

And just one thing before I go
Sing rickety tickety tin
And just one thing before I go
There's something I think that you ought to know
They had no proof, so they let her go
And they say that she's tall and thin, and thin
They say that she's tall and thin.

My tragic tale I won't prolong
Sing rickety tickety tin
My tragic tale I won't prolong
I hope you lile my little song
You've yourself to blame if it's too long
You should never have let me begin, begin
You should never have let me begin.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 10:56 AM

Bruce Wayne went to the batroom.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 11:27 AM

From outside comes the neighing of a rearing horse and the words, "Easy, steady, Big Fellow!" He ties his steed, named Yttrium after the rare earth element, to the hitching rail. Adjusting his sword belt he strides through the Old West Bat Wing Door To The Saloon Door and enters, a beautiful trumpet in his hand.

He says in a commanding voice, "This (and he holds the instrument aloft) is the only trumpet I will ever purchase! Yes! This is the last trump!"

And after he disentangles it from his sword he raises it to his lips.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 12:24 PM

The Gnome is confused. He knows it isn't Christmas get but senses beer...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM

You rock, Fledermaus!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Raggytash
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 12:55 PM

Ye Gods Senoufou. I didn't know what a Mapouka was so I typed into Google!

To say I was astounded is an understatement!!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 01:01 PM

I ba biè! squeaks the bat, eying the dances.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM

It's a bit like twerking Raggytash, and it helps if one is...er ...broad on the beam.
Mrrzy, mon époux a traduit tes mots de Malinke pour moi!!!! Gaaaaagh!!!

Having spanked the bat, Old Lady helps to serve the Fiery Horror meals, with plenty of indigestion remedies to hand.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rex
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 02:02 PM

Well I hope de bat he don't come out
and fly in me face tonight!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Raggytash
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 02:24 PM

Did you actually look for it on Google! The choice was "interesting" to say the least!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: John C. Bunnell
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 05:01 PM

[somewhere in Darkest Suburbia]

A middle-aged, bespectacled gentleman whose cinnamon-and-salt hair (not salt-and-pepper, since it had been brown rather than black in prior years, and not salt-and-cinnamon, because the cinnamon was still winning narrowly) was rather in need of a trim set down the book he'd been reading. There hadn't been anything so loud as a siren, nor so easily seen in the sky as a Bat-Signal, but he'd felt an unmistakeable thrum in the back of his head. It wasn't so urgent as John Steed telling Mrs. Peel "We're needed", but there was still a certain summoning quality to the thrum that strongly encouraged its recipient to answer.

And so the gentleman padded from living room to kitchen to home office, gathering a glass and a box of crackers as he went, and sat down at his computer.

[further down and further in]

The bespectacled gentleman who walks into the Mudcat through one of its more mundane entrances (tucked into a neighborhood strip mall between a rent-a-mailbox place and a sub sandwich shop) bears a strong resemblance to the one from Darkest Suburbia -- if one subtracts a dozen years, most of the salt from the properly trimmed salt-and-cinnamon hair, and several inches from around the waist. He's also rather better dressed: black slacks, a vividly purple button-down shirt, a lightweight charcoal-colored sweater vest, and a dark tweed driving cap. A wide silver and onyx bracelet snugly encircles his right wrist, a silver ring with a round purple stone occupies his right ring finger, and he carries a slim black walking stick likewise capped in silver, though its inset gem is nearly walnut-sized, ice-blue in color, and cut in a sharp-edged diamond pattern.

On hearing the musicians (and in particular, the last verses of the Lehrer song) he smiles in genuine pleasure, though his eyes sweep the room with no small care. After a moment, he heads for a small table along one wall, neither too near nor too far from the performers, and catches the eye of a passing waitress. "Root beer for me," he says, "and a basket of onion rings, if I might."

"Of course. And a name, sir for the order?"

The gentleman takes a moment before answering. "Put me down as the Agent, capital-A," he says. "Like the Doctor, only not alien. It's rather a long story."

The waitress gives him an are-you-sure look, then shrugs and writes it down.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Apr 20 - 11:08 PM

Rex, if you want a small mammal to sit on your face, I recommend the rabbit. I'm sure it'll be in at some point.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 11:22 AM

A rattletrap Blue 2002 Hyundai pulls into the parking lot next to a pool cleaning service truck that says "Dirty Pool?" ,the and Severn gets out, waves to be hatchback in the bell tower and stops to chat with Les tHe Lawn Moor sitting on front keeping watch and finally walks in the front door. He walks slowly up to the bartender, who for years we assumed was an alligator because he was from Louisiana, but was found last year to really be a crocodile, and orders a Zevia Ginger Ale and asks if, since mmario is gone, if anyone in the kitchen can still make one of his famous auroch-on-roll sandwiches, and was told that they still had the ingredients, so he orders one and hopes it will still taste as good with the new kitchen staff in place.

Severn looks at the pool service members cursing because they never had to clean a rather funky Jello pool before. He assumes that Mr. and Mrs. Squid and all the squidlings are outside he magic door in the back that leads to a sunny beach a?l year and cavorting in the ocean until the pool is refilled with Jello.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 11:59 AM

That's hunchack. Damned autocorrect!

With mmario gone, who's running the kitchen? I hear a banjo and singing back here. Is someone with Dinah? If so, they'd better tend to the diners instead, as the place is beginning to fill up......

There is a special stool marked "Amos" that shall remain vacant.....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 12:01 PM

Hunch Back, sadly ...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 01:26 PM

The bat, tooralooraing, is squeakily circling the large African, thus liberating the chair at the hightop.

Guano is good for hair, right?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 02:09 PM

Due to the Lockdown, Smiling African Man hasn't been to the hairdresser for many weeks and his hair is so long and bushy he looks like a Hottentot. The guano may help to smooth it flat perhaps?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 08:00 PM

Are the Squids and their squidlets
under quarantine somewhere?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 08:27 PM

The wombat wakes, yawns, stretches, and ambles out of the burrow, eyes squinting against the morning sun.

"This is the crack of dawn" it grumbles......"fergawdssake someone shove a rag in the crack, I haven't finished sleeping".

It shuffles off slowly, exiting stage left......


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Apr 20 - 10:47 PM

The bat sends a round of hot whiskies to the musicians, secretly ultrasonically warbling a medley of Ukelele Lady, Borneo Bay, both by association to Hottentots, and Botany Bay, suggested by Borneo Bay.

It clashes horribly with the tooralooras but nobody can notice.

If you kiss even if you've got a corn-eo, farewell to your bricks and mort-eo...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 04:25 AM

Sorry guys. there has been panic buying of jello, I couldn't get any to fill the pool, so don't dive in yet.
RtS


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 07:49 AM

I heard jesus saves, but the mongol hoards.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 08:56 AM

Don't anybody spit into the pit.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 09:03 AM

A 6'2" stranger wearing a variable size rucksack materializes outside the door (it would be rude to materialize inside) and enters. It is the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler.

He approaches the bar and orders:
A tasty lancashire cheese sandwich
A wensleydale cheese and picalily sandwich
A pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwich
A banana and brown sugar sandwich
A pint of diet Irn Bru.

He checked ahead by retroactive email.

He retires to a comfy sofa takes off his high heel boots (planta fasciitis he explains in response to startled looks and consues the above order slowly and with pleasure.

"Oh I nearly forgot" he says and pulls a peculiar laptop that shimmers in an out of exisstence from his rucksack. He sends an email asking if the tavern can supply his dietry needs. After a few moments he receives an affirmative reply.
"Good" he says "I hate paradoxes".

"Now can anyone direct me to the model railway room?"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 11:26 AM

Keberoxu,

While the Jello pit is being fully cleaned for the first time in some years, I would think the Squid Family would be outside the back door to the far left that always opens onto a sunny beach.If you don't see them, they are probably underwater, so look under 'W'. If that doesn't work, look under'S' for Squid or 'C' for Cephalopods. That failing,you can go in swimming after them or just stand at the edge of the water and sing out "J-E-L-L-O" like they used to do on the old Jack Benny radio shows after Don Wilson finished reading one of the ghastly Jello recipes that the audience.

However, they are inn fact sequestered in the deep until the pool cleaning crew is finished with the ugly (possibly ugliest) task they've been assigned. To bring them in too early could cause disaster and confusion. They'll be back soon enough....

While the swindlers are gone and there is no Christmas tree, it is safe to lay your belongings on the floor or use one of the lockers in back by the magic door to the beach. Come winter, anything not nailed down becomes tree decorations thanks to Billy The Sqidlet and his cohorts.

The other doors back there could be different things at different times. One led to the Yellow Brick Road one year, but alas, more often than not, they have let other creatures in, such as whales, a giant caterpillar, a huge moth, a flock of bats and other creatures great and small. The beach is the only constant. One opens them cautiously....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM

The bat puts on dark sunglasses, and goes out to hang out on the beach with another hot whisky.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 05:17 PM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is led to one of the doors at the back. It has a new notice on it "Hobby rooms". Underneath in smaller lettering it says "Removal of the above notice can lead to temporal and spacial discontinuity".

Inside is a second door with a notice saying "Be aware that entrance to the hobby rooms can be a source of temporal flow rate anomalies. Please do not leave before you enter."

Through the second door is a long corridor with labelled doors. He passes many including "Driftwood collection as art", "Fire walking", "Lithographic repairs", "Oxford comma deletion society, and eventually finds "Railway and railroad modelling, including tramways".

He opens the door and a few lights come on showing a small area in a vast two storey space. He is on an upper floor overlooking row upon row of model railways. Stairways descend between layouts and into the central areas of those that are circular. A sign indicates a stairway to one side and behind him is "Workshops, machine shops, paint shops, casting, etching and 3D printing." The way forward towards the array of layouts is signed "Replica model layout collection, if you cannot find what you seek please ask by speaking aloud using the preface 'I know I've put it somewhere'".

As he moves forward more lights come on, showing layouts that he remembers from his youth and since, The Madder Valley, The Sherwood Section, Lagoona and Silver Waters, Pendon Dartmoor and Vale and many more.

The door behind him closes. Will anyone tamper with the notice outside?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 20 - 09:47 PM

Ha!, he thinks! I got the Last Haircut before the gov'nur shut down the hair salons, the hare salons, the air salons, and the weresalons. Whilst the rest of those present present unkempt hair so long it would take the Rake of Lock to neaten them, I have presentable head grass.

And he says to the barkeep, "A bumper of Talisker, neat, would be neat!"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 04:27 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar is examining the operator manual for the Gorre & Daphetid layout. He is puzzled by some of the wording as he is used to UK technical terms rather than USA ones.

"I wonder if I can getsome help" he muses then remembers.

"I know I've put it somewhere" he said loudly, "Can anyone interpret this instruction for me?"

"Yes Thir" says a voice imediately behind him.

"Who are you" he enquires, turning.

"Igor thir" is the reply.

He studies the pattern of head stitching closely. "Shouldn't you be in the Terry Pratchett Room?"

"We like to help out, and thome of the stuff in here is right up my sthreet".


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 05:08 AM

Igor suggests that it is time for some refreshment as they have been operating model railways for six hours now. He knows a man with an obsession when he sees one.

They leave the railway room and wander down the corridor to the hobby rooms dedicated canteen.

On the way they pass a door which has been boarded up with planks nailed across it. “What is in there?” Asks the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler.

“Thaths the Creative Writing room. It jutht got too recursive”.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 08:20 AM

The bat is wondering why it is still noon. What is this place, Ringworld?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 08:34 AM

Our two ferroequinologists are returning to the model railway room after a substantial meal including lasagne and knickerbocker glories with cake and coffee to follow.

The door of the creative writing room has something thumping at it from the inside.
“What could that be?” asks the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestling.

“Probably something reacting to you standing here”

“Oh no, not Arrakis all over again, I told them sandworms are nothing to do with caterpillars!”


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 08:37 AM

The door of the creative writing room bursts open with a cacophony of weird sounds and a strange object like a cast iron Victorian greenhouse floats into the corridor, suspended several inches above the floor.

Several occupants turn to stare at BBCW and Igor. They are thin, but not fragile, flightless avians with colourful clothing.

A door diagonally across the corridor opens and the apparition speeds off through it. It closes again.

“What room is that?”

“Shcience Fiction fandom”

“Ah, the subways of Tazoo”.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 20 - 08:45 PM

As he drinks he lets the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem sing of him.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 04:13 AM

Back at the model railway room the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler asks Igor if there is any particular exhibit that he would suggest to look at next.

Igor leads him to an aisle labelled “Roland Emmet” and points him to “The Oysterperch and Far Twittering Railway”.

“Oh, I loved this back in the 1950’s. I saw it in Cheltenham in a department store!”
He puts on a tall stovepipe hat hanging from a hook alongside the control panel.

After some intense railway operation there is a pause.

Igor: “Have you looked at the unbuilt layoutsh yet thir?”

BBCW: “What the ones that I imagined?”

Igor: “Yesh shir, all thingsh are poshible in an infinite universe.”

BBCW: “This is an infinite universe?”

Igor: “Bigger, we don’t tend to think that shmall sir”.

BBCW “I am impressed, but I suppose that’s what you get with pan-dimensional, multi-person solipsism.”


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 09:54 AM

And as he starts a second flagon (this time of mead) he remember his past past and sings under his breath a song he once heard that made him think of comrades past.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 10:45 AM

An alarm rings inside the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler’s rucksack. He pulls out a battered old style alarm clock and switches it off.
“I have an appointment in an hour” he says, if my opponent can find me”.

Igor gives him a curious look.

“It’s in the rules” BBCW explains with a shrug.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM

It is subjectively an hour later and the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler has returned to the bar, making sure that he left the hobby room corridor after he had entered it.

“Has anyone seen my opponent?” he asks and reaches into his rucksack to arm himself.
“Well, I’ll just limber up anyway.”


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM

Any plans for
Calendimaggio
or
Kalenda Maya?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 08:06 PM

where 'd everybody go?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 20 - 09:04 PM

beyond the observable horizon


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 03:48 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler has been given a note.

“Ah, my opponent has been delayed. Apparently he went looking for me and got a little tied up”.

“What happenend?” he is asked.

“He went in the wrong hobby room: macramé. I suppose I shall have to go and rescue him”.

He packs up his equipment.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 08:40 AM

The bat rolls over so the hot noonday sun can soak through to the middle. Another few hours of noonday sun will be enough for the nonce...

The monk-ce are another story.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 09:26 AM

April came in like a hungry lion and leaves like an angry panagolin.

The tavern has a new drink, the Covidiot Cocktail - Sherry, Lysol and opioids. Its breath taking.

I thought the cover charge to get in was a bit steep even if it did include taking my temp.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 10:25 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler returns to the bar accompanied by a remarkably similar looking man. They are chatting and joking together and their clothing gives evidence of there having been a struggle of some sort.

“Well, that should be the last we see of the Sisal String Monster”.
“This is Millimodels, who was to have been my opponent, my otherworld twin” he answers to a question from one of the barmaids, “We were separated before birth”.

“How does that work?”

“I once asked Multivac” says Millimodels, “The reply was ‘The matter admits of no explanation’”

“So, it didn’t know”

“No, it wouldn’t admit to knowing”.

“Anyway, did someone mention crumpets?”


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 01:55 PM

A 6'2" stranger wearing a variable size rucksack materializes outside the tavern door. It is the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler - again.

He gets a sudden feeling of déjà vu for the second time.

He looks at the personal timeline setting on his watch.

“Bugger!” he says and turns away muttering “And I was really looking forward to crumpets”.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 02:31 PM

In mid-Mapouka the Old Lady notices BBCW and hurries over with a steaming plate of lovely buttered crumpets. Smiling African Man helps him off with his variable-size rucksack and he's ushered into the Tavern, where people are chatting and beginning to sing some traditional songs.
A scruffy old white cat is stretched out on a sofa in the corner. It's Sam the Skull!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 07:54 PM

May Day is day after tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Apr 20 - 10:24 PM

Smelling buttered crumpets, the bat eagerly quits the beach (knowing that, no matter [or energy] the time [or space] in the Tavern it is always noon at this here beach) and whirls widdershins around the wonder-footed African man's head, squeaking L'Abidjanaise somehow amazingly in harmony with the tooralooras.

Of course from the African's point of view, looking up, the bat is moving clockwise.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 01:37 AM

Finally finishing five flagons, carefully rises and saunters over to the door to the Jello pit where the giant squid lives with the squidlets. "HI SQUIDDY!" he calls out. "Long time no see -- and for you, no sea!" As the tentacles squirm out he says, "No need to arm yourself! Just wave hello."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 03:07 AM

African Man holds out a toasty-warm foot for the bat to settle on and heat himself up. (All bats in the Tavern are certified Covid19-free by the way)
Old Lady can't for the life of her remember if 'jello' is jam or jelly.
But Squiddy is given a welcoming hug (a bit squishy with all those tentacles)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 05:44 AM

Having been ushered in and plied with crumpets the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is now unsure whether he is here in more than one iteration.

Having multiple instances of himself in one place gets very confusing. In addition he is not sure if Millimodels is really his twin brother or just another one of himself playing a low key waiting game.

It could be, he knows he could do that.

Who cares when there are crumpets?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 06:41 AM

More crumpets are flying out of the huge toaster, while Old Lady hums "Salut o terre d'espérance..." and liberally daubs butter on them.
"Now what DOES 'jello' refer to?" she wonders.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM

Bat (scrumpf scrumpf) is dripping butter between toasty toes, without apology (scrumpf crunch drip drip, ô with what relief I kip!)...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar is very full of crumpets. He knows just what he needs to finish off the meal/snack/banquet. He advances to the bar.

“A pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwich please”.

“Happy to get you that. There’s a bit of a run on them today, must be four people ordered them today”.

“Four?” The BBCW looks worried.

“Make that five” says a voice from further along behind the bar.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 10:46 AM

There is a knock at the tavern door.

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler turns and sees the figure of himself entering the bar.

“Critical mass!” he shouts and a moment later there are several implosions around the room as Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestlers vanish and the air rushes in to fill the voids.

One Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler remains, standing swaying in the middle of the room.

“Do you still want all these pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwiches?”


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM

And he thinks to himself, Jell-o® is a flavo(u)red gelatin something like aspic, but sold in boxes in the groceries. Being gelatin it will supposedly help build long, strong fingernails (and he assumes, toenails) but for the life of him he doesn't understand how. Nails, at least on the human body, are made of keratin, just like hair or the horn of a rhinoceros, and so why don't those poor deluded folks who use rhino horn as a medicine/aphrodisiac just collect finger and toe nail clippings and let the rhinos alone?

But then, he often muses to himself.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 02:18 PM

"Ah!" mutters the daft Old Lady. "Jelly! Jelly! Now I remember!" She opens the large fridge behind the bar and takes out a huge wobbly strawberry jelly, serves it up in several dessert dishes with a generous dollop of dairy ice-cream on each, and hands them round.
The dear little bat detaches itself from the warm toes of Smiling African Man, flutters its wings and gobbles up its portion of jelly and ice cream.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Apr 20 - 03:50 PM

Another hot whiskey follows... And a quick dip back in the nointime sea to wash the butter off.

Hot whiskeys for the musicians, too, raloorah!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 01 May 20 - 04:56 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler sings "The first of May".

Then he eats more sandwiches.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 May 20 - 05:52 AM

Outside in the grounds a Maypole has been erected, with several coloured ribbons. All the Mudcatters head outside and each takes a ribbon, except for the musicians who strike up some lively May music.
The dance continues until the ribbons have formed a plaited design around the pole. The sun shines and the birds are singing. Everyone feels blissfully happy. Even BBCW, who has left his pile of sandwiches on a table while he plays his instrument with feeling!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 May 20 - 09:56 AM

Hooray, hooray, the first of May! The bat forgot their shades when maypoling and so flits back into the Tavern, squeaking ultrasonically about belts and tains and all... with a slight headache. Totally worth it. A hot whiskey and a glass of ice, please. The ice goes into a recently-emptied-of-white-widow, or maybe -sour-diesel, baggie for the back of the bat's neck, aaah.

All better, the bat flits over to hang upside down above the musicians, warbling sonically in their deepest possible voice, slightly above a human prepubescent treble. Despite their large, flat nose, their harmonies are not too nasal, so the musicians don't mind...

Requests! Shouts the harpist, knocking back a large bloody mary. Sure and have ye not anything ye'll be wanting to hear?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 May 20 - 06:31 PM

... and while everybody is first-of-Maying outdoors,
I imagine Sam the Skull
surreptitiously stealing the food they left inside the Tavern ...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 20 - 09:31 PM

Yes! he answers! I have something I want to hear, but I can't remember the title. It's about a gallant young man and a beautiful maid and how they fall in love and somebody dies or maybe goes away and never returns. There's a villain in it too, I think! Please play and sing it!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 02 May 20 - 03:52 AM

Yes keberoxu, and he's also weed on some of the furniture, the little blighter!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 03 May 20 - 05:11 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is dozing on a comfy sofa.

His fingers are twitching because he knows subconsciously that he should be playing in the session in the Swan at Upton right now.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 May 20 - 08:39 AM

Ah, there is weed on the furniture. That makes the there-is-only-melted-ice-in-my-baggie-now bat happy.

The harpist goes into a riff and makes Rap's day, or evening, or something / sometime. The rest of the trio joins in, and play the lovely ballad with lovers where someone dies. It is a beautiful rensition, and there are a few tears and some mist in many eyes.

From the sad love ballad they then go into a rousing version of that happy war song made so famous by the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem, who (well, Tommy Makem) had actually written the sad love song, but in a manner so traditional as to make it seem hundreds of years old. The stomping of the crowd in their enthusiasm at the rousing march loosens the bat's grip on the rafters, but a rather sudden fall is gracefully turned into a fell swoop. There are fewer tears and less mist in the eyes of the grammar pedant...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 03 May 20 - 12:21 PM

I tried checking the address of the tavern on my GPS but there is no
    #2 Bedpan Alley.
There is only a dive in Atlanta called Northside with music severn nites a week.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 03 May 20 - 12:33 PM

Any suggestions for an appropriate what3words address? Or would it need four words to define it's location?

Robin


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 May 20 - 02:08 PM

The grammar pedants snicker into their Guinnesses.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 03 May 20 - 04:35 PM

Would that be Which Tyler, leader of the pedants' revolt?

Robin (sneaking a question while the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler dozes).


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 03 May 20 - 06:02 PM

The Janitor gets up and tells his twin sister Janet, who looks almost like him but a little less so, "I'll be right back. Crumb Pits, indeed! We only have a Jello Pit (and the odd peach pit lying under the table with the fruit bowl on it). If any of those crumbs from whatever Limey food they're eating gets into the Squid family's Jello Pit, there'll be the Devil to pay!"
" I didn't know Satan wore a hairpiece. ", said Janet, completely seriously.

" You just sit there and keep completely silent until I get back",he grumbled .

"Afraid the squids will get upset again?

"Bah!"

He reached out an arm that looked like It had a number of permanent sucker marks on it and grabbed a wide custodian's broom and a dust pan and went to where the crumpeters were sounding a loud fanfare on behalf of the new supply being brought out......


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 20 - 08:18 PM

Drinking his Red Breast, he thinks to himself, "Cetheora aipgitre báse: báithe, condailbe, imresan, doingthe." Good Irish whisky always makes him ting in Irish. Squiddy's young ones, meanwhile are sucking up spilled drinks. Two more bats, confused vampire bats, are sucking up Bloody Marys and getting far more for their effort than mere blood ever gave them.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 03 May 20 - 10:30 PM

Severn comes back from having to go back home (literally) and do a radio show on May Day morning. While in the parking lot, he falls in a long black fuzzy creature wearing a belt of black, who makes a requestl

Now, Severn had seen a creature of a similar sort in here years ago, a giant caterpillar who danced the tango all night with Alice, but you would have to go back in the archives to find out more. Severn was new in here the and his memory fails hiD.

Anyway, Severn sticks his head inside and calls out, "Hey, BBCW!" an d several voices cry out, "Yeah?"

"there's this giant black caterpillar wearing a belt outside calling any or all of you going by those initials to come out in the lot and that he can lick any or all human beings who would try to claim otherwise. He says let's gets this defense of honor and title business over with, as he has to be somewhere by Moth-er's Day.

Any takers?"

Severn then comes in, sits down, orders a Stevie Black Cherry soda and settles in intending to mind his own business from here on in......


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 04 May 20 - 04:25 AM

“You need to go out and meet this giant caterpillar that’s looking for you” The Black Belt Caterpillar wrestler is told.

He rises and picking up his rucksack goes to the door.

“Is that you, Harold?” he asks.

“Yeah, it’s time for a showdown”.

The Black Belt Caterpillar reaches into his rucksack and retrieves his trusty G/D anglo concertina.

Harold reaches into his bag and assembles a set of pipes.

They start to play in turn, more and more intricate and faster tunes.

“Wait!” calls BBCW. “Remember what day it is”. He launches into the Star Wars theme and Harold picks up a counter melody. They finish together, then BBCW gently starts to play The Butterfly.

“Mother!” cries Harold and bursts into tears.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 04 May 20 - 08:56 AM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler and Harold are back inside the tavern sitting in a quiet corner in friendly conversation. Harold is drinking a lettuce smoothie and BBCW has the usual diet Irn Bru, which Harold is viewing suspiciously.

“You are thinking, is this a recovering alcoholic, aren’t you”. Harold admits this is correct.

“It’s not that, I just find that, to me, alcohol tastes vile, and as for wine! Well that taste of grapes as well!”

“I’m sorry I played that trick on you with “The Butterfly”.

“That’s OK, it always get me, and that version with the C part major!”

They pick up their instruments and start practicing as a duo.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 04 May 20 - 09:19 AM

"Not quite a wrestling match" ,thinks Severn, "but a whole lot more pleasant and less dangerous. Why, it's fully a half hour since High Noon, and they're still going at it, peacefully, tunefully and most delightfully.".....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 May 20 - 01:47 PM

The bat is drunkenly missing the door (portal?) to the beach where it is always noon.

Less port, maybe...?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 04 May 20 - 02:38 PM

Harold's pipes have some very high frequency harmonics. Perhaps they are scrambling the bat's echo location!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 04 May 20 - 03:18 PM

Less port. More Starboard. That, or someone hold the door steady. And it IS a door. Portholes are small and round.

"Or get 'im an' 'is friends a chauffeur." somebody says. "We need somebody to drive them bats.Then they'll at least have somethin' to chauffeur it all. " ......

"He'll have something to show. " says Severn. I will give each drunken bat his own bell, free. That way we will hear them coming. I'll just hang it around his neck.....There!.....

With a jingle and a bang, the bat hits the door frame and falls unconscious to the floor.

"He's out for this round!"


When those two jam, the radar jams as well..


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 04 May 20 - 03:56 PM

Gnu asks, Are they like birds? If I sprinkle some of this salt on his tail, like this, he won't be able to fly, right?.....

The local constable grabs gnu by the arm, saying, OK, son, you're coming with me. "

"What's the charge, officer?

" a salt and Bat-ery, son.... "

"What's up' with the batter? Shake him. See, if there was any battery there, he doesn't seem to have any charge!


"You've got a point there. Case dismissed! Sorry, can I by you a beer?"

With that, the bat shakes his head, shakes his tail and still wondering where the extra, noise is coming from, leaps into the air flaps his wimgs, flies right into a wall, and with a jingle and thud, falls back unconscious again.

The constable and gnu order a round of Turkey Turd beer at the bar.....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 May 20 - 05:28 PM

African Man and the Old Lady hurry outside and gently help the dazed bat to wake up. They lift it back into the Tavern and offer some excellent Glenfiddich whisky and a newly-toasted crumpet.
Comfortably installed on the sofa, the bat begins to smile. Phew!
Meanwhile, African Man unlocks a large door, opens it wide and reveals a warm sunny beach, with wavelets lapping and some comfy sunbeds in a row.
The Tavern folk stroll out and apply suntan lotion on their bare bits.
Some have a paddle, some are playing volleyball and others are considering a long swim.
Squiddy is delirious - this is better than a jelly pit!
In the distance on the beach, a row of very pretty African ladies appear, performing the Mapouka...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 May 20 - 10:20 PM

Ah, I was just checking to see if I had reawakened yet.

If it's been a while since sunscreen, all Irish reapply!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 05 May 20 - 12:00 PM

Harold and the BBCW are arranginga medley of Beach Boys numbers in a folk style for Concertina and pipes.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 May 20 - 01:17 PM

Old Lady is delighted - all the Beach Boy songs are excellent!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 May 20 - 07:45 PM

Oh dear, late to the party again! "In comes I" says the tardy Tattie Bogle, then launches into "If it wasnae for your wellies". Old Lady frowns, so TB switches to singing "California Girls". One of the bats has hitched a ride on her shoulder, but soon flies off when he hears the concertina and pipes. Tattie settles down to a very large crumpet drenched in butter, which gives her enough energy to try the Mapouka with African ladies. She then re-arranges all the sunbeds to be exactly 2.0000000000 metres apart, before taking off her wellies and sprawling full length on one.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 May 20 - 03:15 AM

The frown on Old Lady's face was merely due to a touch of indigestion (far too many crumpets!) and she begs TB to sing the Wellies song right through, so she can join in, using her best Glasgae accent. African Man hasn't a clue what it all means, but he's heard the song many many times on Youtube (Old Lady has a habit of playing it over and over) so he does his best to sing along.
TB's attempt at the Mapouka is mind-blowing. Loud applause from all the pretty African ladies.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 May 20 - 09:51 AM

The diff between Walt Disney and a Scotsman is that the Scotsman wears a kilt, but Walt disnae, squeaks the bat in an awful fake burr, dripping crumpet butter and scattering crumbs. Loud opprobrium from all the Africans, be they pretty or ladies, or both, or neither, as well as from everyone else, chases the grinning bat back into the rafters. The bartenders are thinking of cutting them off (the bat, not the Africans).


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 May 20 - 06:52 PM

What is the Mudcat Tavern
doing for Moth-er's Day, anyhow?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 May 20 - 09:01 AM

Mothers of all genders, mothers of invention, mothers of pearl, and even moths all get free drinks.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 May 20 - 09:02 AM

But moths get cut off.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 08 May 20 - 09:49 AM

All the songs about pandemic I heard in the tavern were morbid or profane. Suddenly STEEL DRUMS pick up my spirit with zippy calypso beat and a tune we all already know.
You know, the one sung by a red crab. Finally I hear A Happy pandemic tune
Under the sea:

The sickest are always greener
In somebody else's State
You dream about going 'up' there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
Right here at blue heaven's gate
Such wonderful things surround you
What is your ultimate fate?

In Quarantine
In Quarantine
Each little griever
Down with a fever
Take it from me

Up in Montana they work all day
In the meat plants they slave away
The Navy's devotin'
No Hospital boatin'
Docked in the bay

Out there all the folks is happy
Like hot dogs snug in their roll
The old in a home ain't happy
They sad 'cause they got a cold
But folks on the phone are lucky
on a cruise you have a worser fate
One day everyones sickly
eatin off the same ol' plates

In quarantine
In quarantine
Nobody beat us
We jus breathed dust
Stuff we can't see

Its the old folks who are on the hook
Lots of food for the young to cook
They got no troubles
Life is all bubbles
In quarantine (out on the beach)
In quarantine
Since life is sweet here
We got the beat here
Naturally (Naturally)

Even the doctor and the nurse
They get the surge an ride the hearse
We got the spirit
You got to hear it
Above the streets

Yeah, In quarantine
In Quarantine
playin the B ball
life is in free fall.
In Quarantine

The mail man can play
The grocers on strings
The krauts rockin' out
The agent she sings
The spanic and the black
They know where it's at
An' oh that trumpet blow

Yeah, In quarantine
In quarantine
When the projects
Begin the concert
It's music to me (It's music to me)
What do they got? A Stienway grand?
We got a hot apartment house band
Each little fam here
Know how to jam here
In quarantine
Each little bug here
Cuttin' a rug here
In quarantine
Each giant whale here
Know how to wail here
That's why it's better
Under the weather
Ya not much luck here
Stuck in New York here
in quarantine


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 20 - 11:37 AM

Looking at the bartender, he remembers that a gator wearing a vest is an investigator and wonders if WHO's interested now.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 May 20 - 02:28 PM

A congress, a parliament and a party create a pandemonium in a congregation. The bat objects strenuously, being without its cloud. Flush the battery! quarrels the committee. The bat, in foul disgust, stops reading collective avian terminology before a murder is committed. Even one with exaltation would be a wrench, chimes a wisp of unkindness.

But just then there is a loud crash...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 08 May 20 - 03:27 PM

Tonces the cat leapt for the bat behind the bar and started a domino avalanche of liquor bottles. Without hardly moving Mryz caught a single malt scotch and began to pour into a red solo cup.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 20 - 03:30 PM

I thought the cat was known
as Sam the Skull,
or is this a different cat ...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 08 May 20 - 05:04 PM

Tonces (Tune-sez) is a cat who knows how to drive a car, however poorly.

Just like stable genius' who know how to do things.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 08 May 20 - 05:19 PM

I hear a familiar tune
from the back room


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 09 May 20 - 01:51 PM

Old Lady and TB launch into the Wellies song again:

Chorus
If it wisnae fur yer wellies
Where wud ye be?
You'd be in the hospital
Or infirmary
Cause you wid hae a dose o the flu
Or even pleurisy
If ye didnae hae yer feet in yer wellies!

Wellies they are wunderful
Wellies they are swell
They keep out the watter
And they keep in the smell
When your sittin in a room
You can ayeways tell
When some B***r takes aff their wellies.

Chorus

When ye're oot walking in the country with a bird
And your strolling about the fields, like a fermer's herd
And someb'dy shouts"Keep aff The grass"
And you think how absurd
Squelch you'll find why fermers wear wellies.

TB's mind is noo well-blawn and she needs no just crumpets, but a guid wee dram o single malt: nae jello in it, please!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 May 20 - 03:59 PM

Glenmorangie, Glenlivet, Glenfiddich and several other single malts are offered to the very entertaining TB for her to choose, and they're all guaranteed to contain no jello.
Old Lady has enjoyed the Wellie Song so much she has to sit down for a minute and compose herself.
Now where is that sweet little bat? Old Lady has knitted it a soft, multi-coloured jumper to wear when the evening gets rather chilly.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 May 20 - 10:07 AM

The bat and the big African, with the help of all those bloody birds, are digging pits on the Ringworld beach. One will be for the old New England-style clambake, corn on the cob and so on. One will be for the whole lamb stuffed with couscous mechoui. Will we need more? The birds will turn the spit, without the smell of singeing feathers, but with the sound of singing.
At least it gets the birds out of the Tavern for a while. Except for the parliament, as the nocturnal owls are wisely staying at the bar, and the penguins, whose huddle in the walk-in freezer plaintively requests mojitos. The bat, whenever the light is too much at the beach (not to mention the pit digging) but who can hear them plainly, fetches them their drinks, then brings buttered crumpets back for the pit diggers.
Now everyone is buttered, and sandy, and (if mammalian) sweaty, so we have to go swim a bit.
A pile of large clothes are, or is, left on the beach...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 May 20 - 12:17 PM

Everyone cowers fearfully as a murder of crows flies past. But they cheer up when a charm of goldfinches follows, and a mischief of magpies.
(Old Lady would spit if only one magpie were in view, as this cancels the bad luck. But more than one is all right).
In the sea, African Man is paddling tentatively up to his knees (he cannot swim) but Old Lady plunges in. (She floats like a cork)
Unfortunately, the mischief of magpies has seized the clothes lying on the beach. Helped by a flotilla of very naughty swans, they fly away.
Now everyone will have to return to the Tavern in their wet underwear!
Oh dear! Oh dear!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 May 20 - 01:29 PM

Who wears underwear [evil grin]?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 May 20 - 01:41 PM

Old Lady rolls on the floor laughing as the naughty little bat flaps back into the Tavern completely nude. But the newly knitted jumper is ready, and it is soon enveloped in warm woolly comfort.
Fortunately the parliament of owls has pursued the other birds and recovered all the clothes.
Now, anyone for more buttered crumpets? Real ale? Various malt whiskies?
And Old Lady has some fruit scones just coming out of the oven.
It is African Man's birthday today, so once the sun goes down he can eat some scones (it's Ramadan) and a huge portion of the Fiery Horror curry.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 May 20 - 06:36 PM

Hippo birdie deer ewe! squeaks the bat at that news, whirling widdershins about the large African's hasn't-been-to-the-barber-in-a wild hairdo and showering his cold (yet still cuddly) feet with soft, warmed-at-the-fire tie-dyed socks...
Of course, from the African's point of view, looking upward, the bat is again circling clockwise.
<>


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 May 20 - 07:48 AM

Is the mechoui ready? How about the clambake?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Donuel
Date: 12 May 20 - 07:55 AM

I got a bit peckish and had a fried bat on a stick. Covid be damned.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 May 20 - 04:36 PM

The bat hopes their cousin was delicious!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 12 May 20 - 06:31 PM

Billy The Squid and his rowdy gang of squidlings, through consuming the spilt whiskey off the floor, go back outside to the beach to find that birds have already flown off with all the shed clothing, which foiled their plot to hide it all in the apiary for lack of a Christmas tree to hang them on. They look around for other pranks to be played.

Meanwhile, the fate of the missing clothing remains unknown.....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 12 May 20 - 07:27 PM

Who needs clothes when you got furrrr!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 13 May 20 - 04:02 AM

Smiling African Man has grown his woolly white beard considerably, not to mention his literally 'afro' hair, and says he'll hardly feel the cold in merely his underwear. But Old Lady is tutting loudly, and has A Plan.
She sends for Sam The Skull, who brings his housemates along too, and they hunt assiduously for the missing clothes, having been promised a reward of delicious cooked chicken slices and a large bowl of milk. They are also instructed to keep Billy the Squid and the other very naughty mischief-makers under their eye, and order is restored.
"This is a bit like a classroom..." mutters Old Lady. "Er...wait........"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Shug Hanlan
Date: 13 May 20 - 04:35 AM

Channelling my inner Matt McGinn.

ON YOUR BIKE
(AGAIN)

The Norman Tebbit special
was still in the Bike Shed,
so I went back to work in England
just like Boris said.

I pedalled fast and furious
down roads all marked South,
maintaining social distancing
hardly opening my mouth.

I reached the Sawmill in Manchester
but never got past the door.
They said that I'd been sacked
over forty years before.

My mood darkened further,
I found my tyres were flat.
The bosses shouted, "Stay Alert,
you stupid Scottish twat."

SHUG HANLAN


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 13 May 20 - 06:48 AM

Haaaahaaaahaaaagh Shug! That's the funniest thing I've read for ages! I'm going to post it to my sister near Perth in Tayside, she'll love it!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 20 - 07:43 AM

Time for an English ballad, he thinks, and breaks out in "The Bastard King of England."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 May 20 - 08:23 AM

The cartoon fox and bear insist on quaffing ale and shooting arrows at crows. "Take that silly bonnet off!" mixes in...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 13 May 20 - 12:12 PM

Semimodo, the hunchback in the bell tower calls down to Les The Lawn Moor who guards the front entrance to catch the end of rope he is throwing down and tie it part way up the flagpole. He lowers down a long clothesline with all manner of clothing attached with wooden clothes pins. He attaches the other end in the tower the garments wet and dry flutter in the breeze. The mystery of where the birds deposited the stolen goods is solved.It got so the hunchback could hardy move, much less ring a bell up there. Les aided by his binoculars, and looks at all the underwear, some with inscriptions and some with fancy designs and he and Semimodo make bets on which ones belong to whom.....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 May 20 - 01:18 PM

The bat flies into the kitchen, where the flies bat the cooks. What is the deliciousness I smell? Someone opens a window onto the Ringworld beach. It's the mechoooouuuuiiiii! And the bat, seizing 16 pairs of French sunglasses, whirls out and starts pulling pieces of lamb onto a banana leaf, scoops some juice onto the couscous, and finds a pouffy anemone-looking beanbag in the shallows to gorge. Drips rinse right off that way.
After a short digestive nap, the bat crawls in that weird not-flying bat locomotory fashion over to the clambake pit, gathering a large quantity of melted butter within the cone they made out if the banana leaf they'd licked clean, plus a wingful of clams and three cobs of corn, and settles back on their pouffy beanbag to overeat some more...
A kind Old Lady settles nearby, dipping crumpets into the excessive amounts of melted butter in the leaf-cone stuck into the sand.
An even kinder bird with slightly singed feathers pelts the bat with forgotten lemon wedges, and carefully places a nice little StJacques' shell of mignonette between bat and lady...

What is for dessert? wonders the overstuffed beanbag-sitter, rolling off and into the sea for a refreshing, cleaning, and crudités-less dip. Sure hope it's got chocolate in it. And where is that white widow?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 13 May 20 - 01:40 PM

Semimodo and Les the Lawn Moor soon decide that the enormous white cotton potato sack-like bloomers are probably those of Old Lady. They need four clothes pegs to secure them to the line, and could serve as a tent for the homeless.
The greedy little bat starts to snore loudly, being full to the brim with food. Old Lady pops a woolly blanket over it.
Everybody is dozing off for a little siesta after their activities.
Later in the evening the music will start, and lovely traditional songs will be sung.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 May 20 - 05:50 PM

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzhonkkkkkwhshshshsh...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 May 20 - 08:40 AM

The ghost of Ed McCurdy joins the musicians and his beautiful baritone brings the bat out of their stupor...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Severn
Date: 18 May 20 - 02:29 PM

After a wonderful set ranging from classic Folksongs game and ribald, Ed's ghost sits at a table with Severn, who owned quite a few of his recordings, and listens to Severn tell of his own dream about Ed's classic "Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream", where one of the gathered World Leaders, possibly from Andorra, looked at the mess in the streets and asked who was going to clean it all up. There was much denial from all sides, resulting in loud arguments and a few cases of fisticuffs, until finally some folks stepped up ?and signed papers taking responsibility for at least parts of the cleanup and all went home

The poor people who lacked clothing quickly grabbed up some of the uniforms left over from the soldiers who chose to March home in their skivvies and the odd gun or two.

In the middle of the night, fleece of white trucks pulled up. Some had diplomatic plates with newly painted sides saying thing things like "Ivan's Scrap Metal", "Abdul's Salvage" , "Feng Fu's Foundry" and "Kwame's Iron Works with large crews of men filling the trucks up to the brim. Most of the plain white unmarked truck had U.S. Government plates, most, likely traceable to the CIA and it looked like there were a few independent contractors there whose trucks said "Captain Curt's Collectables", "Simon's Surplus", "Ghetto Gary's Thrifts & Gifts" and such.

The next morning, another fleet of trucks that had official signed papers for them to take care of the cleanup and were surprised to find, other than the odd torn or outsized scraps of uniform.nothing but untold thousands of drums.....

"Where am I supposed to take all these Damn drums?"
A man in a straw hat and a sersuck sports coat steps up and says, " Excuse me sir, my name is Professor Harold Hill.... "

In six months,the guns have been relocated elsewhere, the trucks have been repainted and the world was back as it was, except a few arms dealers are even richer than ever..

"Pretty impressive," Ed told Severn, " but as you see, I'm dead, so the song is all yours to write. Remember, the melody is protected for my surviving family, so that part you will have to tweak slightly yourself. "

Time for my next set! I gotta go...Any requests? "

'The Trinity Cake'

"You've got it! Wow! That goes back....."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 May 20 - 09:35 AM

Severn, Ada, Nyna and Tennyson Clark arrive with their vertical smiles...

Meanwhile the bat is back at the Ringworld beach scarfing the neck of the lamb, wearing shades and hanging upside-down from a sunny-side up palm frond (with no egg on their face).

The smallest squidlet is farting bubbles in the tide-pool. Those nearby are fit to be tied. Most everybody else is just unfit.

The crowd at the bar is no longer three-deep, but too many of its members are lawyers for the ballerinas to be able to kick up their heels in the style to which we'd all like to become accustomed.

The musicians are fading, especially the ghost of Ed McCurdy, whose rich and almost furry baritone has lost its pear-shaped tones thanks to singing with a trio. The harpist is still going on and on, though.

The African Man uses his marvelous feet to bring the bat another hot whiskey, walking out in his tie-dyed socks onto the hot, hot beach. A strand of his wild hair blows in the zephyr over the ivory sands of the coast as he turns back, just in time for the empty glass, slipping from the bat's greasy claws, to miss him by millimeters. The sand may be hot but it's soft, so only the fall is broken, not the glass. After all, it isn't autumn on *this* beach.

It may be easy to fool some people but hot whiskey is not served in a mug...

The bat, after a refreshing and cleansing dip in the surf, flutters back indoors, squeaking for crudités. Yo Yo Ma told Boutros Boutros Ghali that the couscous was so-so, but it was actually truly scrumptious, which causes Dick van Dyke to show up in some kind of noisy contraption on wheels. The gulls take exception as their colony moves through the sky above the island, dancing an arial avian scottische. A red-headed mermaid sings just beautifully along with the tooralooras, gracefully dodging the gull guano.

What a lovely and promiscuous time is being had by all!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 20 May 20 - 04:59 PM

The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is collected from the beach by Igor.

Apparently part of the Roland Emmet railway layout that he was so taken by, having remembered seeing it in a Cheltenham department store when he was very little, has just been featured on the BBC program “The Repair Shop”. He is delighted that part of the display has survived and restored to running order.

He and Igor head off to the model railway room to run the replica there.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 21 May 20 - 07:12 PM

TB returns after nearly two weeks of trying out everyone's Zoom rooms, (now that IS promiscuous), and sampling all the single malts. She rolls back in for some downtime, singing "Leave us our Glens", somewhat out of tune, and narrowly missing a squirm of squidlets lying on the floor and a big bat flying overhead. She slumps on the sofa and tucks into a pile of crumpets before nodding off and snoring loudly.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 May 20 - 08:22 AM

Old Lady helps African Man along to a sofa (he's strained his knee while painting the corridor walls of the school, and splodged paint all over his cleaner's uniform too) and hurriedly crams lots of crumpets into the giant toaster for when Tatty Bogle wakes up.
African Man invites the bat to sit beside him and to warm his sore knee muscles at the same time. Old Lady is opening pack after pack of butter for the crumpets.
The Squidlets are starting to sing; they form a lovely little choir.
"Knee'll Meet Again" ??


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 May 20 - 11:56 AM

Ok *now* the bat is happy! And there will be crumpets!

Dick van Dyke has parked his contraption and moved onto Norm's cheerful barstool.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 May 20 - 10:42 AM

Refreshingly, the bat clings to the rafters of the nearly-empty Tavern...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 26 May 20 - 03:18 AM

Dick van Dyke also has connections to Roland Emmett. Emmett designed the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 May 20 - 01:50 PM

And Emmet means Ant, so maybe that's why there are, um, crawlies in the sugarbowl.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 May 20 - 03:53 PM

African Man is fighting fit again, as his knee is back to normal.
He gives the bat a gentle stroke, then gets on with his work behind the bar serving up different foods and drinks.
Old Lady is making rhubarb crumble for everyone, with double cream.
(very slimming) She has been picking rhubarb all afternoon and it's delicious.
Sam the Skull is dozing on a sofa. One of his eyes is now blind (cataract) and he looks a scraggy old thing. But he keeps smiling and purring. Old Lady is making sure he doesn't bite the bat.
Please could we have some music from the Tavern clientele? Old Lady is itching to dance the Mapouka (African Man groans softly)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 May 20 - 07:52 AM

Drums start up from the darker corners of the Tavern. A thumb-piano joins in, plinketing... Aaaand, the bat is warbling again, but luckily too high for the humans to notice.
Speaking of too high, where *is* that white widow?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 May 20 - 08:34 AM

I'm afraid White Widow and her little friend the Skunk aren't allowed in the Tavern because they stink. Sorry. They came into the joint once but made a hash of their visit.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 May 20 - 05:15 PM

As they were leaving, did they say Oil be back?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens!
From: Senoufou
Date: 28 May 20 - 06:05 PM

Old Lady is giggling at the cheeky bat.
Now who's going to have a second helping of rhubarb crumble? More cream anyone?
The Mapouka has been deferred until another day, because Old Lady is chock full of crumpets and crumble, and can hardly move. African Man heaves a huge sigh of relief.


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Mudcat time: 3 June 10:27 PM EDT

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