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BS: Time to stop and chat

Dave the Gnome 08 Sep 13 - 12:42 PM
Ebbie 08 Sep 13 - 01:23 PM
gnu 08 Sep 13 - 01:46 PM
GUEST,Eliza 08 Sep 13 - 02:20 PM
Jack the Sailor 08 Sep 13 - 02:29 PM
GUEST,Eliza 08 Sep 13 - 03:22 PM
JohnInKansas 08 Sep 13 - 05:04 PM
Dave the Gnome 08 Sep 13 - 06:17 PM
ChanteyLass 08 Sep 13 - 09:02 PM
ragdall 08 Sep 13 - 09:13 PM
Ebbie 08 Sep 13 - 09:36 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 13 - 09:49 PM
Ebbie 09 Sep 13 - 01:23 AM
GUEST 09 Sep 13 - 05:18 AM
GUEST,Eliza 09 Sep 13 - 05:52 AM
Ebbie 09 Sep 13 - 10:53 AM
GUEST,Eliza 09 Sep 13 - 12:41 PM
Claire M 09 Sep 13 - 02:06 PM
GUEST,Ed T 09 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM
Donuel 09 Sep 13 - 09:23 PM
Ebbie 09 Sep 13 - 11:37 PM
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Subject: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 12:42 PM

It's not often I have profound thoughts. Profane, yes, profound, no. So it surprised me no end when one popped into my head while I was trimming the front hedge.

Whenever anyone passes I always stop and say hello. It gives me a few seconds break and makes sure innocent passers by don't get covered in detritus. I found it really noticeable today that the ones who stopped and chatted, rather than a cursory 'hello' or 'thank you' were all elderly and it was then the thought wormed it's way in.

How come the folks who have least time left to them are the ones who are most generous with it?

That's it! Hope you agree :-)

Cheers

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 01:23 PM

Maybe it is because we have finally figured out what is important.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 01:46 PM

I think Mudcat needs a "like button". I'd click it more than once fer Ebbie's post.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 02:20 PM

I wonder if also the elderly are a bit lonely and welcome some time chatting sociably. Our generation (I definitely come under that category!) have a tradition of exchanging news and gossip etc. When I was a girl, the streets on the way to the shops in the morning were choc-a-bloc with women and small children, nattering away for ages. People now are so pushed for time and their lives seem more frantically busy, stopping to talk isn't an option. And of course most of them whizz by in their cars.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 02:29 PM

A. Those with the least time left, generally have the most time to spare. It is sad that many of the elderly are lonely.

B. Dave, did the young people even look up from their screens as the went by? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 03:22 PM

I find I have extremely interesting conversations with total strangers on a bus or 'Up The City' (Norwich). If one is prepared to listen and appear to take an interest, folk are only too delighted to tell one all sorts of fascinating things about their lives, latest news, problems etc. It's the oil that keeps society running smoothly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 05:04 PM

gnu: "I think Mudcat needs a "like button". ..."

Absoultely WRONG. The "Like Button" is an excuse to wave-and-run, without entering into a chat. It is EXACTLY THE WRONG RESPONSE to an invitation to have a conversation.

Ebby's comment deserves a reply ... as does DtG's - and yours.

Whadayathink?

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 06:17 PM

I wonder if also the elderly are a bit lonely and welcome some time chatting sociably

While that may be true in some cases I don't believe that the elderly in general are any more lonely than anyone else. I certainly would not like to think of anyone having a 'sympathy chat'. Sounds rather patronising although I am sure that was not the intention. I think that maybe Ebbies post hit the nail on the head.

Cheers

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 09:02 PM

It may also have something to do with different technologies available to different generations during their childhood and youth, not just today's ubiquitous internet devices.

People in my parents' generation may not even have had radios in their homes when they were young. I think there was always a radio and record player and later a TV in my home during my childhood and youth. Then children were born into homes with radios, TVs, record or cassette players. Children born later had those (possibly minus cassette players), CD players, and DVD players. And now, well, you know. As entertainment has become more available, less conversation has been practiced. It's a skill and an art.

Perhaps the young people who are best at conversation are those whose parents greatly restricted the use of all those devices.

(Just a theory.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: ragdall
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 09:13 PM

Perhaps the young people who are best at conversation are those whose parents greatly restricted the use of all those devices.


Conversation has evolved. Perhaps we have been left behind, restricted to a style of conversation that many young people avoid? Young people are conversing with one another constantly, often without the limitations of time and space. They may even converse with their parental units occasionally, if said units have embraced the technology.

rags


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Ebbie
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 09:36 PM

I can't speak for other old/elderly persons but I am most certainly not lonely. I can't really remember a time that I was but I imagine I am less so these years than I ever was.

An unrealizable fantasy (although I guess that is what a fantasy is?) of mine is that I would love to collect and publish the stories of everyone I meet. Probably because I come across to most people as non-threatening, people tell me the most amazing things. Frankly, I doubt that anyone in this world has had a dull life. We all have had our triumphs and our tragedies.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 13 - 09:49 PM

Electronic "chatting" is all very well, but you miss much in the way of human interaction. Yes, I use Skype and IM and stuff but not as regular communication, no more than I'd use long distance telephone calls.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 01:23 AM

Don't knock long distance phone calls, Rap. The last few years of my brother's life we spent hours on the phone. He got over his previous compulsion to make calls brief. :) We explored practically everything we knew, and other things that we guessed at. And we talked about music, front'ards and back'ards. It was a precious time.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 05:18 AM

people dont know their neighbours so much these days, and the art of conversation is not something that so many people have these days. Life can be terribly lonely for the elderly on their own.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 05:52 AM

I did Meals On Wheels for years and I can assure you there are thousands of lonely, isolated elderly people about. People who are widowed and live alone, often far from their adult offspring, are legion. My friend Pat volunteers for AgeUK and says the same thing. I'm not saying all the older folk are lonely, neither did I intend that one should 'patronise' them. But even in our very small village I can think of eleven old people, men and women, who live alone and as there's no bus and they don't drive, they're more or less stuck here. The winter is a bad time for them. One or two are in their nineties. But luckily here we have the old-fashioned ways, and one can pop round for a natter, (a pleasure not a patronising act of charity) and a cuppa, and often they grow super vegetables and fruit which they are delighted to share. Youngsters go by my front windows plugged in to small earphones with wires attached, or gazing hypnotised at a small screen thing, I think it's called a tablet (?). (We've no signal here, but I've heard O2 can access one!) How can they converse like that? My husband had a brill idea to put a long garden bench on our frontage, and when I sit there, loads of folk come and sit beside me for a lovely chat. But they're all elderly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 10:53 AM

I didn't mean to imply, Eliza, that elderly people are not lonely. At the very least I am sure that there are many who are. Just as there are many lonely people across the wide spectrum of humanity.

Thanks for describing your little village and your garden bench. Lovely visual.

I live in a town of 30,000 and we have buses that patrol the streets and an affiliated bus service with wheelchair lift capacity that goes to people's homes and takes them wherever they want to go whether it is to shopping or doctor's appointments or a concert or a Senior Center.

We also have Meals on Wheels, all staffed by volunteers. And you are right; the director of MoW has told me that they need to find a way to reach many people who remain isolated.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 12:41 PM

You're right Ebbie about there being lonely people across the spectrum. Another group would be young mums at home with a small baby. Their husbands are out at work and it can be quite tiresome coping alone with a child. Some have the sense to get together and go down our 'park' (well, it's a field with some swings!) and at least their menfolk come home in the evening. Our organist lives alone, but he's on a good pension and gets out to all sorts of activities and groups. I think those most lonely are people who just can't escape because of lack of transport or poor health. Our Village Hall Committee (we're both on it) is trying to get some things organised such as a village cinema,(my husband has just been trained as 'projectionist') bingo,carpet bowls, tea dances, fellowship evenings etc so that anyone can come along and find company and an escape from the house. Conversation won't be a problem; they'll be nattering on an Olympic scale I'm sure!


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Claire M
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 02:06 PM

Hiya,

Actually get on better w/ older people, always have done; on the whole they tend to share my interests a bit more. Some are very rude though. My Consort is in his 50s & talks slowly, & it's mostly the younger people who work here who seem to take less time w/ him. Maybe they think he's boring, haven't got the time to chat to him, etc. ….. well, they should make it.

We've a group of people who come in every month, inc. one 70 y/o who lends me her Pratchett collection, & before moving mum's friend lent me his Tull records. We still had a lot of the old-fashioned ways too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 02:32 PM

I take the time to talk with many people when I go through my day- people on the street, in taxis and busses, when I walk, in stores, with clerks.

Most seem to enjoy it, some others seeem to see it as odd, or some type of threat. And, I don t even consider myself as old - though it is a relative term.


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 09:23 PM

I too have noticed that people are willing to stop and chat if I am within 5 feet of the gutter whether I am covered in detritus or not.
Instead of engaging in this "gutter talk" I invite them to chat inside with a beverage. No takers so far. Now perhaps if I were female...

What is it about the gutter zone that makes it safe?


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Subject: RE: BS: Time to stop and chat
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 13 - 11:37 PM

Donuel, what is the 'gutter zone'? The road/street side meridian?

I too stop and chat with just about anyone who has the time or evinces interest. However, I would not enter their house "for a beverage" or for any other reason- telling me to "wait and I'll be right back with a couple of glasses of tea" or to seat myself at the nearby bench would be the level of hosting I would expect or avail myself of.


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Mudcat time: 27 September 11:36 PM EDT

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