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BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011

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bobad 19 May 11 - 08:54 PM
GUEST,EBarnacle on a friend's computer 19 May 11 - 10:50 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 19 May 11 - 11:48 PM
J-boy 20 May 11 - 01:42 AM
Joe Offer 20 May 11 - 02:05 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 20 May 11 - 04:02 AM
Donuel 20 May 11 - 04:08 AM
Donuel 20 May 11 - 04:31 AM
Penny S. 20 May 11 - 04:55 AM
GUEST,Patsy 20 May 11 - 07:09 AM
bobad 20 May 11 - 07:48 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 11 - 08:27 AM
Charley Noble 20 May 11 - 08:40 AM
Stu 20 May 11 - 08:45 AM
Musket 20 May 11 - 11:39 AM
Donuel 20 May 11 - 12:15 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Lighter 20 May 11 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 20 May 11 - 01:03 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 01:06 PM
Charley Noble 20 May 11 - 01:19 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 01:26 PM
GUEST,999 20 May 11 - 02:08 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 02:13 PM
catspaw49 20 May 11 - 02:22 PM
Amos 20 May 11 - 02:45 PM
GUEST,999 20 May 11 - 03:06 PM
GUEST,999 20 May 11 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,Lighter 20 May 11 - 04:50 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 04:58 PM
GUEST,999 20 May 11 - 06:11 PM
Smokey. 20 May 11 - 06:20 PM
Don Firth 20 May 11 - 06:48 PM
gnu 20 May 11 - 08:13 PM
GUEST,Kiwi person reassuring you all 20 May 11 - 08:44 PM
Bobert 20 May 11 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 20 May 11 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 20 May 11 - 09:30 PM
Don Firth 20 May 11 - 09:54 PM
ChanteyLass 20 May 11 - 10:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 11 - 10:06 PM
Bobert 20 May 11 - 10:11 PM
Tangledwood 20 May 11 - 10:28 PM
Joe Offer 20 May 11 - 10:46 PM
EBarnacle 20 May 11 - 11:11 PM
EBarnacle 20 May 11 - 11:13 PM
Charley Noble 20 May 11 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 20 May 11 - 11:41 PM
catspaw49 21 May 11 - 01:40 AM
Georgiansilver 21 May 11 - 01:52 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad
Date: 19 May 11 - 08:54 PM

"Let God be the judge of that!!"

Hate to disappoint you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,EBarnacle on a friend's computer
Date: 19 May 11 - 10:50 PM

Can I hold your wallet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 May 11 - 11:48 PM

bobad: "Let God be the judge of that!!"
Hate to disappoint you."

Well, of course that doesn't mean someone as self-righteous, as you!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: J-boy
Date: 20 May 11 - 01:42 AM

He's making a list. He's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Jesus Christ is coming to town...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 May 11 - 02:05 AM

I'm spending Thursday and Friday on electrical work. I want to make sure the house is in good working order for my heathen stepson once the wife and I get raptured the hell outa here. The kid gets the house, two dogs, and four cats. I'm taking my folk music and songbook collection with me.

-Joe-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:02 AM

Maybe you can get the 'devil' to watch your dog, while 'step out' for a while.....

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:08 AM

On my front yard by the street corner I have a church like sign with a glass door to change the message.

Now what message should I put up on Friday?


Babtize your dogs before its too late!
Services by Rev. Ralph Barkly
$100 for 1st dog, $20 for each dog here after.


Don't get caught without;
your toll gate tokens!
Get your Rapture travel kit Only $100
includes 1 Soul ID with donation history

Deluxe special dispensation rapture kit $250,000 (you'll never miss the money!)


Eye of needle expansion kit $100,000,000
allows camels, luxury items, portfolios
and even Chris Christsy sized people to easily pass through the eye of a needle.


Rapture lawn sale Sat.
come early , come twice.
the second coming is better than the 1st


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:31 AM

The AM radio right wing ultra christian conspiracy theory is full of talk that Obama is going to ban certain religions if this rapture thing turns into a number of Jonestown or Heaven Gate scenarios.

So stock up on your ammo since Obama is banning your gun and stock up on your religion since Obama is going to take that away as well.

THey are talking about how the athiests will use this rapture expectation as a point of derision and heresey against people of faith, God and church.

The preaching of the bible quote "no man knows the hour or the day" is followed by 'prophets may come at anytime and anywhere'. Since there is no mention of rapture events in the bible they are conflating apocolypse, the second coming and the invention of the rapture by a preacher in 1890.




The second coming crap on Saturday is funny as hell.
I can't imagine a good Jewish boy like Jesus working on Saturday, especially this coming Saturday.




Of course many people who are in financial trouble and are capable of using this advertised rapture as an excuse, will walk away from families and respondsibilites. Some will do so as a joke and do a road trip, but the point is many people will make themselves scarce for one reason or another this weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Penny S.
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:55 AM

Ah, but is it actually a Saturday, according to the calendar Jesus used. There have been a number of adjustments since then. Would he use the Julian calendar, rather than the updated Gregorian? Or stick to the Jewish calendar - and I haven't the slightest idea how that has or has not adjusted to fit with the general weekdays, or understand how the Jewish week matches the Gregorian in the first place. Did the calculator of Saturday's events take the calendar changes into consideration, I wonder. Or Summer Time (north or south hemisphere makes a difference). Can't be bothered to find out.

I remember one school lunch time sitting at the tables in the dining room with my friends watching the clock draw close to one, the then predicted end of the world. Did we really believe it might be correct? I find it hard to think so. We certainly bothered about nuclear disasters during Cuba.

Penny


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 20 May 11 - 07:09 AM

The only raptures that we in Bristol might experience is possibly another protest outside the proposed Tesco supermarket site in Stokes Croft. Other than that a normal weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: bobad
Date: 20 May 11 - 07:48 AM

"Well, of course that doesn't mean someone as self-righteous, as you!"

I'm not the one who's making the extraordinary claim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:27 AM

I can spare a bit of empathy for someone who believes the End is coming because he's received a message from God or has seen omens in nature. At least he's consistent. He's predicting a metaphysical event based upon what he believes is metaphysical knowledge.

But predicting an exact date for the Apocolypse by assuming that every word in The Bible is the literal truth (no metaphors or similes allowed) and subjecting various time references to some sort of mathematical analysis has nothing to do with metaphysics. It's numerology. It's not even a good way to predict lottery numbers, much less the end of the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:40 AM

Look, if we just came up with the rent I'm sure God wouldn't evict the rest of us.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Stu
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:45 AM

The Villa won't be relegated this weekend, so if the Blues cop for it that will be rapture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Musket
Date: 20 May 11 - 11:39 AM

Let he who is stoned cast the first sin.

We always do a washing load on a Saturday. So we leave it out on the line or take it in to air?

The bible didn't think to instruct us in such an important aspect of rapture...

On the other hand, using the bible to ascertain facts can be a dodgy business, especially as they recently found 666 is a mistranslation and it is a different number after all. Perhaps the rapture will be later this year after the new season starts? Hope not, expecting Sheffield Wednesday to get promoted next season and I doubt any of the players will be saved.

Let alone little old heathen me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Donuel
Date: 20 May 11 - 12:15 PM

Don't want to be raptured?!
Buy the Rapture Truss today. $99.99
allow 60 to 90 days for delivery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 12:16 PM

Only one more sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 20 May 11 - 12:47 PM

This is big on CNN. Experts are debating it.

But nobody seems to be asking how these people managed to figure out what no other Christian group has.

Is it true that when Jesus said nobody knows when the end is coming he really meant, "Unless they find and decode the hidden clues deliberately scattered throughout the bible to tell you what I just told you not even I know"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 11 - 01:03 PM

The sad thing is that after tomorrow we'll have to find something else to make these kind of jokes about. Sure, we'll gloat and grin for a day or two over nothing happening and the fundamentalists having egg on their face...and won't that be great fun! But then...the thrill of it will soon fade...

In a week or two it will be forgotten...

And we'll have to find something else on the Religious Right to poke fun at, ridicule, and get our well-informed jollies from.

I wonder what it will be? ;-)

Meanwhile, Chongo's campaign steadily builds up steam, and the Republicans and Democrats shake in their little corporate booties.

"Use the Farce, Luke! Use the Farce!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 01:06 PM

But, does it mean He will rapt the whole works up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 May 11 - 01:19 PM

Will their bodies be left behind? If so, this rapture thing could get untidy.

Oh, by the way Global Warming will exterminate life as we know it on Earth by next year anyway.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 01:26 PM

It will? Can I still BBQ? Beef steaks, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 May 11 - 02:08 PM

Ah, F   A   W   K!

Did I miss it? No shit, I got tied up after rolling a smoke, and I think I've lost track of time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 02:13 PM

Yer all rapt up? What were ya rollin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 May 11 - 02:22 PM

I went out and bought one of them Trusses Donuel was advertising. The jock itself ain't too bad and the little bible that fits down in the pocket makes you look like you got a boner!   Pretty cool huh? I figure it'll help me get my nut just when the explosion and uptake.


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 11 - 02:45 PM

Spaw got a fundamental misconception about being "taken up"...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 May 11 - 03:06 PM

WHAT IS TODAY'S DATE? Did I miss it or NOT! Smatter wit youse guys ?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 May 11 - 03:10 PM

Spaw: use the New Jerusalem Bible in paperback. Looks better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:50 PM

I've figured it out.

When the bible says "no man knows," not even Jesus, it's written in the present tense. So it refers to the first century, not now.

If it meant now, why wouldn't it say, "No man will ever know"?

So if you can find and decode the clues within the bible, as Brother Camping has, you can know. Maybe you can even know some other way.

The point is, as long as you're not in the first cetury, maybe you can know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 04:58 PM

999 is rollin and Lighter is lightin em up.... pass that shit over here eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 May 11 - 06:11 PM

Dang. Here I am on a site and NO ONE will tell me whether or not I've missed the rapture. Well, that's it for y'all for now. I ain't writing again until tomorrow. Gonna go roll another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 May 11 - 06:20 PM

You are not alone, 9, but I think I was led to believe it was definitely Friday earlier, so by my calculations much combusting is necessary in the next few hours, assuming one cannot take it with one..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 May 11 - 06:48 PM

HEY! I just remembered! Central Lutheran Church on Seattle's Capitol Hill is installing their new pastor on Sunday, May 22nd. So hold up on that Rapture cum Armageddon thingy, there, God. You don't want to screw up the investiture, do you!? C'mon, don't be a party poop!!

Being Lutherans, with a large admixture of Scandinavians in the congregation, they don't use a dry wafer and wine for Holy Communion, they use a chocolate chip cookie and a cuppa strong coffee. Now, those folks gotta be on some kinda right track.

####

I can't give you an exact date when the world will end, but provided we do get past tomorrow, and THEN, past the winter solstice next year (the infamous 12/21/12, when the earth will undergo a number of bits of abuse), I can give you a rough idea of when the earth really WILL end. But I wouldn't sweat it.

According to the pundits, on December 21, 2012, the poles will be changing places, making the whole earth flip over, which will cause massive earthquakes, horrendous winds, 5,000 foot tsunamis sweeping over the world, and severe outbreaks of teen-age acne;

being struck by a rogue planet moving through the solar system, which, if it doesn't destroy the earth entirely, will at least knock it out of its orbit;

while also being pummeled by dozens of meteoroids, asteroids, and worst of all, hemorrhoids;

then, the earth will be sucked into a black hole, which is also passing through the solar system (now, that really SUCKS!!);

and the polarity of the whole Milky Way galaxy will change places, causing everyone to get the hiccups and making milk come out their noses.

And a whole bunch of other things, all too fierce to mention.

Many historical sources for this:   the Mayan calendar runs out on that date, Nostradamus says so (if you read the quatrain dealing with this while standing on your head and squinting one eye), and eleventy-fourteen other occult prognosticators who have no scientific knowledge whatsoever and far too much time on their hands. Not to mention some kind of weird psychological quirk that makes them have serial orgasms over the idea of the world coming to an end so all those mean people out there who thought the prognosticators were a bit peculiar and refused to take them seriously will finally get their come-uppance.

Despite all the hoopla about the ghastly things that are due to happen (provided anybody is still around come Sunday, May 22), I believe I can give you a somewhat more certain scenario of the End of the World.

The sun is a main sequence star (the vast percentage of stars in the universe are main sequence stars, hence the designation "main sequence"). G-spectral class. Dime a dozen. Main sequence stars generally last about ten to fifteen billion years before they burn up all their hydrogen, converting it to helium, and then convert their helium into even heavier elements. When they can no longer sustain a fusion reaction in their cores, they implode, crushing the atoms into the heaviest elements in the periodic table, thereby providing another, final burst of energy. At this point, the star bloats into a red giant and its "atmosphere" will swell out beyond the orbit of Mars, which, of course will mean that the earth will turn into a cinder. Finally, the sun will have blown off all its outer gasses and it will shrink to a white dwarf—about the size that the earth is now, and very massive. It will continue to glow as a white dwarf for an indefinite period of time until it becomes nothing more than a great big cinder drifting through the darkness of space.

The sun is not big and massive enough to go nova or supernova.

When will all this happen? Well, considering the 10 to 15,000,000,000 year life span that astronomers predict for main sequence stars the mass of our sun, and considering that (despite those folks who are convinced that the whole shebang started no more than 6,000 years ago) the solar system, complete with earth, formed some 4,500,000,000 years ago, we should have about five to ten billion years to go.

So I wouldn't sweat it. Go ahead and pay your bills and don't give all your stuff away.

Scene (I was there and heard the whole thing with my big, fat, flapping ears!):   The professor in the astronomy class at the University of Washington had just finished describing what I outlined just above. A hand went up in the back row of the classroom.

"Question?" says the Prof.

Nervous voice asks, "How long did you say it would be?"

"Five to ten billion years," answers the Prof,

"Oh! Thank God!" says the voice in the back row. "I thought you said five to ten million!"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:13 PM

Don! Fer Chrissakes! I don't have TIME to read a post that long. Supposedly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: GUEST,Kiwi person reassuring you all
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:44 PM

Here in New Zealand it already is Saturday, and all is fine and normal. This must just be another quack religious idea from those who can't read scripture properly.

So relax- nothing is going to happ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 11 - 08:52 PM

Here's the challenge to anyone who thinks it's gonna be over tomorrow...

I will bet $1,000,000 to $20 that it ain't gonna happen!!!

Okay, rapturists... Here's you chance to be rich beyond your wildest imaginations...

Oh, that's right, you won't be here to collect on the bet so might as well stick that $20 bill in an envelope and mail to to the ol' hillbilly...

B;~)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 11 - 09:22 PM

Until I just got here I'd forgotten I'll ascend outa here tomorrow. I've been concerned with my wife's delayed airline flight, which is now due to get into BWI at 1:50 a.m. tomorrow (What happens if you get raptured while you're already up in an airplane? Or making a parachute jump? So many things are unexplained!)

Now I'm all a-twitter and really feel as though I might swoon at any moment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 11 - 09:30 PM

This photo from the Japan Space Agency shows that's already half over! Oh mercy gracious! Whatever shall I do now?

I think I'll have another drink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 May 11 - 09:54 PM

But gnu! It's a brilliant piece of writing!

And if the Rapture fans are right and the world DOES end tomorrow, it may be one of the last pieces of Great Literature you'll have a chance to read!

Don Firth
(Known in many circles as "Mr. Modest."   Like Uriah Heep, I'm very 'umble.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 May 11 - 10:04 PM

Re: Jewish calendar--the Jewish New Year is different from the secular New Year, but their Sabbaths fall on our Saturdays, so . . . draw your own conclusions.

Charlie, will Global Warming exterminate the earth before or after the 2012 Mystic Sea Music Festival? I've booked my room for 2011, but maybe I shouldn't worry about booking one in 2012.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 11 - 10:06 PM

It won't make any difference if you get raptured while you're in an airplane. You just don't want the pilot to get raptured if you don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 11 - 10:11 PM

Rap is on to somethin' here...

What if you are on an airplane??? Can the rapture get ya' there??? Hmmmm???

Kinda like that jumping up and down (or not) in a falling elevator???

But just in case I think everyone needs to try to get on an airplane... I understand that "Cheap Flights" or "Orbitz" can get ya'll off the ground and left to live with the heavens and misfits...

Forget it... Forget the flight!!! Hell is Hell no matter and folk singers are good Hell material...

Jus funnin'...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Tangledwood
Date: 20 May 11 - 10:28 PM

It's already gone lunchtime. How much longer do I have to sit here waiting?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 May 11 - 10:46 PM

Isn't it 144,000 people who are going to be raptured? With world population as large as it is, who's going to miss 144,000 people? All we'll have left is their Website...and that's all we've seen of them thus far, anyhow.

-Joe-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle
Date: 20 May 11 - 11:11 PM

Donuel, it's not work, it's a mitzvah.
As ChanteyLass says, Shabbat does not change in the Hebrew calendar. It is a lunar calendar and does not reflect any changes that others may have twisted around to reflect the solar calendar and what is "right."

Now, go worry about the Mayan calendar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: EBarnacle
Date: 20 May 11 - 11:13 PM

By the way, Easter is based on the same lunar calculations, which is why Easter and Passover move around in tandem--or close to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 May 11 - 11:30 PM

Only 37 more minutes until my next door righteous neighbors assend. I can hardly wait!

Good to hear that the Kiwi's have been passed over. But beware the tsunami, the salami, not to mention the conquering kosher kohlrabi.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 11 - 11:41 PM

I suppose I shouldn't have bought ice cream today. Or those green bananas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 May 11 - 01:40 AM

Well so much for that! Sat on the front porch in my Rapture-Rupture Truss with my collection of knotted strings and nothing................nada......zilch.....................Now I have to go ahead and buy cat food.


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Rapture: Saturday May 21st 2011
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 11 - 01:52 AM

As a Bible believing Christian... trying to live by new testament values and understanding... I don't believe for one second that today is the day.... but I do believe from what I have learnt and understood that it will happen in the future. May not be during my earthly lifetime but it will happen... there are many signs now which the Bible indicates are for the Second Coming but there are many more to happen too....... they got it wrong!!!!


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