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BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately

olddude 02 Aug 09 - 08:40 AM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 09:51 AM
Charley Noble 02 Aug 09 - 10:23 AM
olddude 02 Aug 09 - 10:51 AM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 09 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 12:55 PM
olddude 02 Aug 09 - 12:56 PM
GUEST,guest_olddude 02 Aug 09 - 02:51 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:00 PM
Bill D 02 Aug 09 - 03:03 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:13 PM
Charley Noble 02 Aug 09 - 03:20 PM
Bill D 02 Aug 09 - 03:25 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 04:34 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 04:55 PM
Bill D 02 Aug 09 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 09:21 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 03 Aug 09 - 12:57 AM
Gurney 03 Aug 09 - 01:48 AM
VirginiaTam 03 Aug 09 - 02:53 AM
Gurney 03 Aug 09 - 04:30 AM
olddude 03 Aug 09 - 08:41 AM
olddude 03 Aug 09 - 08:54 AM
olddude 03 Aug 09 - 09:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:16 AM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 10:18 AM
frogprince 03 Aug 09 - 10:27 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:32 AM
olddude 03 Aug 09 - 10:32 AM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 09 - 12:31 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 12:44 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 01:00 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM
GUEST,Russ 03 Aug 09 - 09:30 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:38 PM
Gurney 04 Aug 09 - 01:30 AM
GUEST,Russ 04 Aug 09 - 06:20 AM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 01:18 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 02:00 PM
gnu 04 Aug 09 - 02:13 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 02:20 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 02:22 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 02:28 PM
GUEST,Russ 04 Aug 09 - 05:47 PM
gnu 04 Aug 09 - 05:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 08:40 AM

Rapaire
he is hiding out someplace ... just taking note I figure, then he is going to erupt ... I figure I will blame it all on Gary and Bob ..
tee hee ... yup thats me story


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 09:51 AM

Spaw knows I would never malign him unless it was on purpose, Dan.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 10:23 AM

No doubt the response will be something like "Leaping lizards" or "Mercy Maud."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 10:51 AM

More like Golly Gee Wizz


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 11:44 AM

Heavens to Betsy!


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:03 PM

You don't suppose he'd go whole hog and say something like "You gosh-darned low-down poopy-poos!" do you? (My apologizes to all whom I may have offended.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM

I should probably mention that there was an unfortunate incident here in Barrie, Ontario last week. A Weimaraner got run over by one of those road-grading machines with the big round rollers. It seems that the dog had decided to sunbathe on some freshly laid blacktop and it refused to yield right of way to the road grader. The driver figured the dog was only bluffing, so he put the machine in gear and drove forward. The dog figured the driver was only bluffing, so it stayed put. Alas, neither one of them was bluffing! The Weimaraner got pressed to an average thickness of about a tenth of an inch all over and is being displayed now at the civic arena in order to caution young people about the dangers of playing in traffic. They've got the pelt spread out on a large piece of wallboard. It looks like a gigantic pancake. No one has come forward to claim the dog's remains. The city plans to freeze dry them and turn them into a permanent traffic safety display at city hall.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:55 PM

So you have a giant frisbee....


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 12:56 PM

rapaire
i am shocked at the language   oh my ears lol


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: GUEST,guest_olddude
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 02:51 PM

He is ingoring us I think ... we have him running scared LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:00 PM

Nah... he's running the BBQ, the lantern, the countryside.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:03 PM

cussin' ain't useful if everyone expects it. It ain't what ya' do as a demo....it's gotta have a purpose and rasion d'être.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:13 PM

Well, Bill. in Spaw's case, the cussin is as much an art form as a rasion d'être. I try sometimes, but it just isn't my forté.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:20 PM

This reminds me of the day I was doing reconnaissance geology in the Moose Head Lake region of Maine and got caught in a tremendous down poor. I exclaimed "By the qu******* c*** of the u******* m***** of J****!" I bet the woods are still ringing.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:25 PM

'spaw's 'art' doesn't deal in mere forté.... (exerpt from long poem)


...."His basso, with timbre so rare
He rendered with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 03:31 PM

Spaw may well be one of the best I have ever read or heard. Alive, that is. I heard Ted Williams utter a string of profanity that not only hung in the air over a salmon pool, but seemed to drip profanity for a time after he finished. Dunno which Ted could do better... fly cast, swear or swing a baseball bat. A true triathelete.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 04:34 PM

I learned from an old drill sergeant -- used to be a mule skinner back when the US Army used them regularly. He got into a cussin' match with a visiting CPO off an oiler and Marine Gunnery Sergeant who'd spent ten years on the China Station.

The sky turned blue and then dead, dead black. Barracks and power lines and even a drill field were knocked down in all directions. Finally, there was an immense flash of light and the entire impact area they were cussin' in exploded. Left a crater of God alone knows how many acres. Eventually the crater filled with water and became what we now call "The Great Lakes." I barely escaped with my life.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 04:55 PM

The Great Lakes.... went to see Yogi Berra when my old man was stationed at CFB Trenton when I was about 7 years old. Caught a whack of perch at his spot on the lake. He never swore, but upon meeting him, I was so disappointed, I said, "He ain't no fuckin bear." Still hurts.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 08:07 PM

My daddy could exclaim with gusto:

"Gotdandruff 'nsomeofititches!!" ...Mom couldn't decide whether to scold him or not....


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 09:21 PM

I only cuss for grits and shins.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:57 AM

I'll tell ya what, eh? The flippin' goof ain't shoaed up hear cause of he is a flippin' pussy! He don't have the guts to flippin' swear like a real MAN does and if he wuz to come to Blind River we would flippin' laff the fliphead right outta town, eh? You wanta hear some flippin' BAD langwage??? Do you? Well, flippin' come dow n to the Iron Horse Tavern on Wet T-shirt night if ya got the mungoberries to! Yeah! You will hear langwedge there that can flippin' burn the paint right off yer flippin' bunkhowse walls, eh? I am talkin' like...

FLIPHEAD!
FLIPFACE!
BOLTHOLE!
PLOTZ FER BRAINS!
SON OF A FLIPPIN' SKANK!
WINKIE-TWISTER!
BAZONGA-BRAINS!
CANDY-APPLE!
MOOSE TURD!

And worst of all.............


CORKPULLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Spaw retread ain't got the guts to use words like that. Trust me. He would never survive in my town. Never. Only the strong survive in my town, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:48 AM

Glad to see you're out of the slammer, Shane.

Or did you earn net privileges?

Winkie-twister.   That sounds very vile!


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:53 AM

goddammitalltohell

when's he gonna git here and cut loose?

I kin hardly stand the suspense.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Gurney
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 04:30 AM

Don't think he will, Tam. I suspect that he'll post in gentlemanly tones and hurt demeanour.

And a private wicked grin.

Isn't that what you'ld do?


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 08:41 AM

We done scared him off we did ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 08:54 AM

My dad was a master. As a little kid he would watch his language around us but when he was working on our old car well that was another thing. You would never see my dad's face, only his feet sticking out from under the car fixing something and cussin like a sailor. I once asked my mom, what part of the car is a "dirty bastard" she was in horror. I said dad is trying to replace that part and it must be really hard to replace cause he keeps saying "get in there you dirty bastard". To this day I don't know what part that is but it is really tough to replace.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 09:57 AM

What would we do without our Spaw, the Don Rickles of the Mudcat. A year or so ago I posted a version of Wabash Cannon Ball that I was working on. In it I sang a line "There's a gal from Birmingham shes long and shes tall, she came down from Georgia on the wabash cannonball" Anyway Spaw heard it. He writes me and says, great picking great singing, however Birmingham is not in Georgia asshole and goes on to tell me the geography of southern cities.

I was on a conference call with a client and burst out laughing. I had to explain to them that I wasn't laughing at their proposal ... OMG

A true original in every regard. A beloved friend to all of us .. and now that I am done sucking up maybe I won't get pounded so bad when he does get to this thread ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:16 AM

Shoulda told him you meant Birmingham, Missouri...or New Jersey...or Michigan. Use Michigan and you coulda said she was one of those fallen doves who came down from Canada.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:18 AM

On the mourning train?


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:27 AM

gnu, the interesting thing is: as a U.S.person, I can't be sure if that was a pun or just the Canadian spelling for "morning". : )


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:32 AM

It's the latter. For the keening, weeping, and wailing after someone dies they spell it "morning." So do the English, the Aussies, and the rest. Except in Ireland, where they spell it "wake" (no "u" in it).


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: olddude
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:32 AM

Naw there was no EH in it LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:31 PM

They go into mourning here when the last beer is done and there's nothing but empties layin' around. Funny thing is, that usually happens sometime in early hours of the morning too. Shane had a bottle of beer that was autographed by Don Cherry, and he kept it in a place of honour on the mantletop for years....until one day...late on the last day of a looooong weekend...and ALL the beer had been, like, drunk!

Panic time, eh?

The beer store was closed, and no one would help Shane out with any free ones.

Major panic time, eh?

He sat and stared at the Don Cherry autographed bottle of Labatt's Blue for what seemed like hours.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore! He cracked open the Don Cherry beer and wolfed the whole thing down, even though it didn't taste quite right...

Well, you should not drink a beer that's been standing around unrefrigerated for about five years.

Poor Shane got sick as a dog on that beer. He was out of action for the next three days and brought up everything except the soles of his work boots.

Plus he lost the famous Don Cherry autographed beer!

Major bummer, eh? It had to be one of the worst decisions Shane ever made, and he regrets it to this day. He still takes the empty bottle around and shows it to people.

"See? Don Cherry autographed this bottle of beer once. He did! Look! See?"

It's pathetic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:44 PM

Yeah, you should send that laddybuck down to Spaw's place. He'd come back with a new haircut, I guaran--damn--tee ya!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:00 PM

Ya Tink's.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM

So, Shame is a cherryboy, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM

http://www.tinks69.com/ (Deer lures)

Cheeryboy? Damn straight! Most Canucks is Cherryboys... and damn proud of it... ya know what I'm sayin eh!


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 09:30 PM

I think that it is a mistake to judge the quality of one's cussing purely on the basis of the written word.

Before I would be willing to rate Spaw's cussing I would want to hear him in action.

Cussing is not just about words. It is about rhythm and cadence and volume and passion and imagination and spontaneity.

For all I know Spaw might labor long and painfully over his contributions to the cat, polishing and rewriting before he hits the submit button.

Perhaps he has a ghost writer.

Maybe he has a cussing database and he simply copies and pastes into his replies.

Written cussing is like bad tablature. You read it and you still don't know what the tune sounds like.

If anything I think he tends to hold back given the gentility of most catters.

Russ (Permanent GUEST)


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 09:49 PM

Ah, Russ, I don't think you know the man behind the cussin'. He can spontaneously dissect Kierkegaard, and I am pretty sure he can spontaneously put away any sad-assed broke-dick mammalucca who needs it without thinking twice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:38 PM

Why would you want to dissect Kierkegaard? He's been dead for some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 01:30 AM

You are just keeping the thread going until 'Spaw gets back, aren't you!


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:20 AM

Amos,

I have never interacted with anybody claiming to be Spaw outside the cat. Are we sure there's a man behind the cussin?

I wasn't aware that Kierkegaard was noted for his cussin, just his bad theology.

Russ (Permanent GUEST)


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 01:18 PM

"Are we sure there's a man behind the cussin?"

Yeah, that's the question, isn't it? I think that what is behind the cussin' isn't really a man at all, but a short, bandy-legged lizard-being clad in a jumpsuit and wearing an enormous hat that covers up everything but his lower torso and legs. He is an egomaniacal, perverted little scumbag who makes a living by bamboozling the public with tales of his magic tricks and omipotent powers, but he has no real powers other than the ability to dissimulate without a flicker of guilt or responsibility. He lives to deflower virgins, corrupt the innocent, steal, cheat, fornicate, and engage in licentious gluttony of every kind. He is a cesspool of carnal thoughts and bestial behaviour, masquerading as a miracle worker and a wellspring of profundity. He is like something that grows between your toes when you don't wash for an extended period of time.

Here's what he really looks like when the screen is removed:


The real Spaw


And here he is striding along beside his latest chosen victim:

Spaw and next innocent victim


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:00 PM

Hooboy, Little Hawk. Your social climbing techniques are wearing a little thin at the edges. You don't get to be an icon by mere iconoclasm.   It doesn't work that way. It requires merit, scholarship, deftness, wit, humor and humility, all of which Spaw has demonstrated in volume.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:13 PM

AMOS! What twaddle! Surely you meant "volumeSSS".

Or was that sssimply a ssslip of a typo?


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:20 PM

Don't be silly, Amos. ;-) There is nowhere to climb to around here, so what would be the point? We are already resting in the nether trough of reality.

Look, if one is attempting to provoke the bull to charge, as it were, one must wave the cape most vigorously. The bull may be feeling a bit lazy on hot sunny days and loath to react. Besides, the old "Cheech Wizard" gag is a long-running in-joke with Spaw and me (alongside Weimaraners, wiener dogs, Winona Ryder, Commander Tom of "Space Oddity" fame, the Crazy Horse monument, Singing Bigmouth Billy Bass, and other bizarre trivia of that sort. He loves that despicable "Hat" for some reason that I can't fathom.

Are you unfamiliar with the mystical link between Spaw and Cheech Wizard?

It also ties in with the earlier "kick in the balls" theme...(a famous Cheech Wizard episode).


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:22 PM

Ah, no, LH, I am aware, thank you.

A kick in the balls to you for your rampant iconoclasm.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:28 PM

Thank you, sir. You are too kind.


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 05:47 PM

Little Hawk,

If Spaw is indeed all you say he is, I am awestruck.

Why would a being of such a superlative nature deign to frequent our little forum?

Russ (Permanent GUEST)


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Subject: RE: BS: Spaw Ain't been cussing lately
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 05:49 PM

It's almost ERIE that Spaw has been gone so long, innit?


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