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HELP ... 'Fat Songs?

Deckman 08 Jun 08 - 11:52 AM
Melissa 08 Jun 08 - 12:01 PM
Cats 08 Jun 08 - 12:08 PM
Melissa 08 Jun 08 - 12:11 PM
Marion 08 Jun 08 - 12:12 PM
Marion 08 Jun 08 - 12:14 PM
lady penelope 08 Jun 08 - 12:26 PM
pdq 08 Jun 08 - 12:33 PM
Deckman 08 Jun 08 - 12:40 PM
SINSULL 08 Jun 08 - 01:15 PM
meself 08 Jun 08 - 01:23 PM
Bee 08 Jun 08 - 01:30 PM
meself 08 Jun 08 - 01:53 PM
Barbara 08 Jun 08 - 01:59 PM
mg 08 Jun 08 - 02:17 PM
bfdk 08 Jun 08 - 02:29 PM
Liz the Squeak 08 Jun 08 - 02:35 PM
Bat Goddess 08 Jun 08 - 04:02 PM
Bee 08 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM
bubblyrat 08 Jun 08 - 04:17 PM
meself 08 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM
GUEST,cStu 08 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM
Megan L 08 Jun 08 - 04:40 PM
Artful Codger 08 Jun 08 - 05:29 PM
mrmoe 08 Jun 08 - 05:31 PM
Jim Dixon 08 Jun 08 - 06:11 PM
Bee 08 Jun 08 - 06:36 PM
GUEST,Marion 08 Jun 08 - 06:38 PM
Jack Campin 08 Jun 08 - 07:13 PM
maire-aine 08 Jun 08 - 08:38 PM
Abby Sale 08 Jun 08 - 09:05 PM
Melissa 08 Jun 08 - 09:15 PM
GUEST 08 Jun 08 - 09:38 PM
Art Thieme 08 Jun 08 - 11:52 PM
Artful Codger 09 Jun 08 - 02:00 AM
Liz the Squeak 09 Jun 08 - 02:59 AM
Acorn4 09 Jun 08 - 06:03 AM
lady penelope 09 Jun 08 - 08:51 AM
melodeonboy 09 Jun 08 - 09:29 AM
Deckman 09 Jun 08 - 09:36 AM
beardedbruce 09 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM
Richard Bridge 09 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM
reggie miles 09 Jun 08 - 03:01 PM
reggie miles 09 Jun 08 - 03:24 PM
PoppaGator 09 Jun 08 - 03:35 PM
Deckman 09 Jun 08 - 04:31 PM
maire-aine 09 Jun 08 - 04:41 PM
Liz the Squeak 09 Jun 08 - 04:54 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 09 Jun 08 - 06:44 PM
Acorn4 09 Jun 08 - 08:11 PM
GUEST,Dave MacKenzie 09 Jun 08 - 08:35 PM
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Subject: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Deckman
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 11:52 AM

I have a dear friend who meets weekly with a group of "overweight" women. She's been asking me for several months to come and sing "fat songs" at one of their meetings. I have declined so far, largely (there's a pun there) because I can't think of any "fat songs." Does anyone have any suggestions? Bob(deckman)Nelson (still skinny in Seattle)


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Melissa
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:01 PM

That sounds like a dangerous gig!

Huggin' and Chalkin' (maybe called something like Rosabell McGee?) is only moderately offensive


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Cats
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:08 PM

There's always, '16 Stone' which you will find on another thread and 'Big Knickers blues'. Both definitley worth doing.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Melissa
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:11 PM

Mrs Goldfarb--Alan Sherman, I think

Too Much Butt(for one pair of jeans)


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Marion
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:12 PM

Fat-Bottomed Girls by Queen.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Marion
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:14 PM

There's a song I've heard where the hook line was something like "I'm built for comfort not for speed..". Maybe somebody else can supply a source or correct title.


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Subject: Lyr Add: SIXTEEN STONE and ALL AROUND MY FAT
From: lady penelope
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:26 PM

Sounds like one of the verses from '16 stone'.

SIXTEEN STONE
(Hazel Absalom)

She weighs 16 stone and what do you get,
A whole lot of woman and that's a fact.
Take a closer look, you must agree,
There's no sharp corner on a woman like me!

You can't cuddle up to a bag of bones,
If her ribs stick out, leave her well alone.
We've a soft welcome for a man in need,
We're surely built for comfort if not for speed!

Cho: She weighs 16 stone and what do you get,
A whole lot of woman and that's a fact.
Take a closer look, you must agree,
There are no sharp corners on a woman like me!

Well if you've seen more meat on a greasy spoon,
She won't keep you warm, get rid of her soon.
So come on guys, if you're down in the dumps,
Better get your arm around a gal with bumps.

Well the magazines say be skin and bone,
But big girls never have to sleep alone,
We don't disappear when we turn on our side,
And there's plenty of suspension for a bumpy ride

Well if you see us coming better step aside,
A lot of men didn't and a lot of men died.
One gives you desire, the other a thrill,
If the tall ones don't get you then the small ones will!

By Liz the Sqeak?
@feminist
filename[ STONE16

Then there's the parody I wrote....

All Around My Fat
Lyrics by: Penny Ward (submitted by Micca)
Tune: All around my hat (Traditional)

Chorus:
All around my fat
I will wear the Playtex Girdle
And all around my fat
For an evening and a day
And if anyone should ask me
The reason why I'm wearing it
It's all for my true love
Who thinks I'm built this way

Verse 1
Take half a pound of talcum
And a small jar of Vaseline
A shoehorn comes in handy
It's the biggest you've ever seen!
You put it all together
And you will plainly see
I'm a different shape completely
And in abject agony

Chorus

Verse 2

The other night he bought me
A small box of lingerie
All frothy lace and satin
The colour of ivory
I went to change and left him
Anticipating hedony
So much for Janet Reger
I can't get them past my knees!

Chorus

Verse3

Fare thee well Weight Watchers
And fare the well the step class
Three stone have I gained
And my waistline I have lost
I'll eat and I'll be merry
Dispense with guilt and calories
I'll stuff the sodding 'F' plan
It's a fry up for me tea!


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: pdq
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:33 PM

"Chicken Cordon Blues" by Steve Goodman ("fat is where it's at...")


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Deckman
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 12:40 PM

WOW ...I'M IMPRESSED! And yes ... it certainly does sound like a very dangerous gig. Keep 'em coming, and thanks! Bob


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:15 PM

Too Fat Polka...I don't want her, you can have her, She's too fat for me...Arthur Godfrey.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: meself
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:23 PM

"Built For Comfort" and "300 Pounds of Joy" by Howlin' Wolf (recorded by him, anyway). A little more positive than Too Fat Polka!


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Bee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:30 PM

Deckman, check out this link.

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/dimtext/kjn/lyrics/song.htm


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: meself
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:53 PM

By the way - do you REALLY think this whole thing is a good idea ... ?


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Subject: Lyr Add: SOFT AND ROUND (Grit Laskin)
From: Barbara
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 01:59 PM

SOFT AND ROUND
(Grit Laskin)

Refrain:
Let my stomach be soft and round
Round, round, soft and round
Feels so phony, to work at being bony
And hard as the cold, cold ground, oh
Hard as the cold, cold ground

When a tire is flat, we don't like that
A singer singing flat, is not where it's at
No one likes flat feet, or beer without the fizz
So tell me what good a flat stomach is?

(Refrain)

So once upon a time when humans were new
No one seemed to care what shape they grew
Along came fashion, and it became a sin to be
A little too thick, but never too thin

{Refrain}

There were whale bone corsets to hold the body in
They squeezed all your insides up to your chin
In our life and times, we're not so dumb as that
A surgeon cuts you open and vacuums out the fat

{Refrain}

So I gave up on diets and Nautilus machines
I'm living with the code that's in my genes
Be I plump or thin, whichever way I'm built
Bring on the chocolate cheesecake, to hell with all the guilt

{Refrain}


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: mg
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 02:17 PM

I am the man the very fat man what waters the workers' beer

our boss was a fine man down to the ground he married a woman six feet round


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHOLESTEROL (Adam McNaughtan)
From: bfdk
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 02:29 PM

Judy Small's The Advertising Game and

Cholesterol
(Adam McNaughtan)

I've been takin' advice on right things to eat
Since shortly before I was born
Like the National dried milk and the cod liver oil
And powdered rhinoceros horn
Well, in those days they told us tae lay aff the starches
The sugars, potatoes and breid
Now they've done a U-turn, and they tell us these things
Will give us the fibre we need

Cholesterol, cholesterol
My chance of survival is small
But I'll no get a dosa anorexia nervosa
For I love my cholesterol

Well, I'm not going to take the advice that they make
About changin' the way I should eat
Like cuttin' oot cheese, and no chips if ye please
No chocolates, no ice cream, no English beef
Well they tell us to give up these goodies below
And they offer us pie in the sky
Ah, well semi-skimmed milk may diminish my bulk
But I'll take double cream till I die

Cholesterol, cholesterol
My chance of survival is small
For the cream I consume it could lead to my doom
For I love my cholesterol

Well I don't mind them probin' in my haemoglobin
If it's just for a case history
But it puts the Health Visitor into a tizz
It's her duty tae try and save me
She says fresh fruit and yogurt's a lovely dessert
Why don't you give it a try
Well I don't give a hoot for her yogurt and fruit
I'll take Black Forest gateau and die

Cholesterol, cholesterol
My chance of survival is small
For the way that I dine, I'm on course for angina
But I love my cholesterol

Cholesterol, cholesterol
My chance of survival is small
But I'll no get a dosa anorexia nervosa
For I love my cholesterol

might fit your requirements ;-)

Best wishes,

Bente


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 02:35 PM

My name only appears on '16 stone' because I have been known to sing it on occasion and the words were collected from me.

My own contribution is thus, written one Sunday evening and developed over the Internet by JackoNZ.
Oh the chocolate's not for you, my chubby lassie o, X2
Oh the chocolate's not for you, for your trousers will not go,
And your belly's overflowin', my chubby lassie o.

Do you mind the fruit and nut, my chubby lassie o? X2
Do you mind the fruit and nut, that in your gob you put,
And you shovelled down your gut, my chubby lassie o.

Aye ye loved the caramello, chubby lassie-o X2
Aye ye loved the caramello, but it fairly made ye swell
And it gied ye plooks as well ma chubby lassie-o

Did you eat the coffee creams, my chubby lassie-o? X2
Did you eat the coffee creams, did they give you nasty dreams,
Did you let out all your seams my chubby lassie-o.

Was it one last chocolate cake my chubby lassie-o? X2
Was it one last chocolate cake, in that creamy custard lake,
That made your waistband break, my chubby lassie-o.

Now your clothes they dinna fit, my chubby lassie o, X2
Now your clothes they dinna fit, you've expanded quite a bit,
And your seams have gone and split my chubby lassie o.

Naw the chocolate's no' for you, my chubby lassie o, X2
Naw the chocolate's no' for you, and your dancin' days are through,
Till the chocolate you eschew, my chubby lassie o.

Oh the chocolate's no' for you, my chubby lassie o, X2
Oh the chocolate's no' for you, for your belly's ower fu',
And your zipper winnae pu' my chubby lassie o.



LTS


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:02 PM

Cushy McCoy -- based on but different from Cushy Butterfield.

"She's a big lass and a bonny lass
And she'll make your head spin.
Old Cushy's in fine shape
For the shape that she's in."

I sing it -- got it from the Irish Rovers back in the '70s.

Linn


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Bee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM

Here, I've written an instant 'old ballad' for the occasion. ;-D

The Young Woman from the Country

I was the child of a farmer brave
He worked himself to an early grave
Said I this farming's not for me
And I roved off to the grand citee

When I got there, what did I see
So many maids, but there's none like me
Around their waist you could set a ring
That round my throat would make me sing

Their hips are sharp as a well honed knife
No farmer lad would take these to wife
Such eely arms no calf could hold
No fruits could carry when they are sold

Their legs like twigs of the willow green
No muscle there that could be seen
How could such walk all the miles to town
When need there was, without falling down?

Above their thigh, no curve so round
No softness there could a lad have found
Their breasts so high as to meet their chin
No room for even a pretty pin.

But I so plump as a partridge brown
My legs so round push against my gown
Below my waist my hips do swell
And all the rest is round as well

Those maids did laugh when I wandered out
But mirth and scorn did not me rout
I stood up proud, and proud was I
And here's the reason, I'll tell you why

When I walked out to enjoy the park
Those city lads my progress mark
Though skin and bone their ladies be
Their longing eyes do follow me.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: bubblyrat
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:17 PM

Now Sarah's my girlfriend and I loves her so,
'though her's big as a haystack,and forty years old-
Farmer Brown says she's enormous, and loud he did scoff,
'cause you has to leave a chalk-mark to show where you left off !

From : "Dorset Be Beautiful", as sung by The Yetties.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: meself
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

There's a song that Ma Rainey recorded that begins, "Charleston, South Carolina, that's where I born". A couple of verses I vaguely remember:


I'm a big, fat mama, got the meat hanging on my bones,
I'm a big, fat mama, got the meat hanging on my bones,
Every time I shake it, some skinny gal loses her [own?].

Goin' back to Charleston, gonna get my hambone boiled,
Goin' back to Charleston, gonna get my hambone boiled,
These northern men gonna let my hambone spoil.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: GUEST,cStu
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:34 PM

John Lee Hooker's "Big Legs, Tight Skirt" ('Bout to drive me out of my mind)
Louis Jordan's "I like Em Fat Like That"


And what's that song that Donkey sings to the Dragon at the Karoake on Shrek 1

"I Like Big Butts" or similar 8~)


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Megan L
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 04:40 PM

Ah Liz we will miss yer dulcet tones on the Chocolate song at the McMudgather this year


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Artful Codger
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 05:29 PM

Uncle Bonsai: "Fat Boys":

Skinny boys got nothin' to lean against in bed,
Bony arms and shoulders only bruise my head...

You get the gist.

The also have one called "Another Fat Song", but not quite as complimentary.


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Subject: Lyr Add: HUGGIN' AND CHALKIN' (from Johnny Mercer)
From: mrmoe
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 05:31 PM

by Johnny Mercer

I gotta gal that's mighty sweet,
With blue eyes and tiny feet.
Her name is Rosabelle Magee,
And she tips the scale at three o three.
Oh! Gee, but ain't it grand to have a girl so big and fat
That when you hug 'er you don't know where you're at?
You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand
And hug a way and chalk a mark to see where you began.

One day, when I was a-huggin' and a-chalkin'
And a-chalkin' and a-huggin' away,
When I met another fella with some chalk in his hand,
Comin' around the other way, 'round the mountain,
Comin' around the other way.

Nobody ever said I'm weak.
My bones don't ache and my joints creak.
But I grow absolutely limp,
Ev'ry time I kiss my baby blimp.

Oh! One day I had a yen for someone leaner,
She was meaner than a mink in a pen.
So I left her now I'm happy as a fella could be,
Huggin' and chalkin' in once again, 'round my Rosie,
Huggin' and chalkin' in once again.

One day I was a-huggin' and a-chalkin' and a-beggin' her to be my bride,
When I met another fella with some chalk in his hand
Comin' around the other side of the mountain,
Comin' around the other side.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 06:11 PM

HUGGIN' AND CHALKIN' is indeed a great one. It is also very musically interesting. Lyrics have been posted several times: here, here, and here.

Don Edrington's Big Band & Swing Era Popular Music Page has a sound file of a performance by Hoagy Carmichael.

Hey, being overweight isn't strictly a women's problem. Aren't there any songs about fat MEN?


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Bee
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 06:36 PM

I think there are a few in that linked list I posted up-thread, Jim. ;-)


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: GUEST,Marion
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 06:38 PM

Merle Travis recorded "Fat Gal"... "keeps me warm in the winter, shady in the summertime, that's what I like about that fat gal of mine."

The rap song cStu mentioned that starts, "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." is titled Baby Got Back.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 07:13 PM

The only link to this I can see on the web is a Myspace one (fuck that) but the Edinburgh singer Freeloadin' Frank has a wonderful song "Cellulite" (in praise thereof).


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: maire-aine
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 08:38 PM

It took me a while to remember this man's name, but I finally pulled it out of long-term storage.

In the early 1970s, VICTOR BUONO released some comedy record albums, which poked fun at his extra large stature, and a book of comic poetry called It Could Be Verse. He would sometimes recite his poetry on guest appearances of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The most popular of his poems was "Fat Man's Prayer". It included many widely quoted stanzas such as:

We are what we eat, said a wise old man, And Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can!

At oleomargarine I'll never mutter, For the road to hell is spread with butter.

And cake is cursed, and cream is awful, And Satan is hiding in every waffle.

Give me this day my daily slice - But cut it thin and toast it twice.


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Subject: Lyr Add: ROLLER DERBY QUEEN (Jim Croce)
From: Abby Sale
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 09:05 PM

Most Fat songs seem to be 'soft & fat' but not all. No.

Roller Derby Queen
From the album: *The 50th Anniversary Collection*
Songwriter: Croce, Jim
Label: Saja

Gonna tell you a story that you won't believe
But I fell in love last Friday evenin'
With a girl I saw on a bar room TV screen

Well, I was just gettin' ready to get my hat
When she caught my eye and I put it back
And I ordered myself couple o' more shots and beers

The night that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
Around and round, oh, round and round
The meanest hunk o' woman that anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

She was five foot six and two fifteen
A bleached-blonde mama with a streak of mean
She knew how to knuckle and she knew how to scuffle and fight

And the roller derby program said
That she was built like a 'fridgerator with a head
Her fans call her "Tuffy" but all her buddies called her "Spike"

You know that I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
Around and round, oh, round and round
The meanest hunk o' woman that anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

Round and round, go round and round
Round and round, go round and round
Round and round

Well, I could not help it but to fall in love
With this heavy-duty woman I been speakin' of
Things looked kind of bad until the day she skated into my life

Well, she might be nasty, she might be fat
But I never met a person who would tell her that
She's my big blonde bomber, my heavy handed Hackensack mama

And I fell in love with a Roller Derby Queen
Around and round, oh round and round
The meanest hunk o' woman that anybody ever seen
Down in the arena

Round and round, go round and round
Round and round, go round and round
Round and round

Round and round, go round and round
Round and round, go round and round
Round and round

Round and round, go round and round
Round and round, go round and round
Round and round

© TIME IN A BOTTLE© CROCE PUBLISHING

Lyrics provided by Gracenote

(chords available at http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/rollerde.htm - There'll be an mp3 of it somewhere, too.)

(We is big roller derby fans. Carolina Rollergirls (Raleigh, NC) is seeded 3rd in the country - out of about 250 leagues. Good stuff. Just ask me.)


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Melissa
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 09:15 PM

What if your butt was gone--Carla Ulbrich


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 09:38 PM

"Fat Girls".

I am having trouble creating the link. Use Quick Links -> Old Advanced Forum Search to find it.


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 08 Jun 08 - 11:52 PM

Just recently I've been thinking of proposing a new show to NPR.

It would be called "Speaking Of Fat!"




Art


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Artful Codger
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 02:00 AM

I heard there's dog fat on the tucker box...


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 02:59 AM

Then there was that Caribbean song a few years ago 'Big pantie woman'...

LTS


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Acorn4
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 06:03 AM

In the Gateau

(And those stairs creak)
On a cold and dark November night
I creep down to the kitchen and my eyes
Catch sight of the gateau.
(And those scales don't lie)

Though I'm supposed to be losing weight
There staring at me on the plate is the gateau.

You gotta understand,
How I feel those hunger pangs
People don't you see
I can't live on lettuce and celery
Or I'm going to completely fade away.

(As my stomach churns),
Though I might get broad around the beam,
There's death by chocolate and treble cream in the gateau.
(This diet's against the rules).
Though I know my waistline's gonna pay the price
There are 3 million calories in every slice of the gateau.

I know my family doctor is the cause of all my trials
I can't live on rice cakes that taste like
Polystyrene tiles.
(And those scales don't lie.)

Though I've destroyed the evidence
I know I'm gonna feel the consequences of the gateau,
(And those scales don't lie)
As I put the empty plate back on that shelf,
I think even old Elvis himself was partial to the gateau
(And those scales don't lie)

I don't want to live on watercress
And you can't get will power on the NHS,
Gimme the gateau.
(And those scales don't lie).

Elvis is now leaving the building.....

written by Dave Taylor to tune of "In the Ghetto".

Feel free to use - let me know if you want an MP3


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: lady penelope
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 08:51 AM

ROTFLMAO!!!!


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: melodeonboy
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 09:29 AM

"You're Much Too Fat and That's That" - Louis Jordan

"Big Fats" - Canned Heat

"Skin and Bone" - The Kinks


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Deckman
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 09:36 AM

I have decided to vacate this thread. I want to thank you all for your fine input. I had a long discussion with my friend who requested that I sing some "fat songs." When we started adding up the collective weight of the 7 ladies, we both decided that it certainly made perfect sense for me to avoid this crowd. I wasn't worried so much for own personal safety, but after all, my guitar is quite vaulable! CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: beardedbruce
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 09:47 AM

+Hail To Thee, Fat Person - Alan Sherman

I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.
Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.
When I was a child, my mother said to me,
"Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe."
And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan
was ever heard of.
So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.
Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving
in Europe.
But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.
So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny
or in some other way normal--

When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,
Do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!
Take off your hat. Hold it over your heart.
Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,
"Hail to thee, fat person!
You kept us out of war!"


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 12:22 PM

THere was a reggae hit a few years back

Hey fatty Bum-bum
Hey Sugar Dumplng (etc)

And wsn't there another Ma Rainey about shaking her Jelly ROll?

And surely there is a fat verse in Beautiful Delilah

Oh, and Big LEg Ida in Cocaine Blues


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: reggie miles
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 03:01 PM

Though they might be worked into musical presentations, these are not songs but recitations.

Enjoy! Reg

The Most by Victor Buono

I have grown so weak and weak and weary,
Of the silly modern theory,
That in order to be known as chic,
One must not look well fed.

According to the magazines,
If one cannot wear tapered jeans,
One might as well wear saddlebags,
And tennis shoes and oily rags,
Or simply buy a comfy shroud,
Cuz socially your dead.

Now just because some….lazy gland,
Has gotten somewhat out of hand,
And caused me to expand,
Into the shape in which you find me.

I see no cause to hide my face.
I've got my share of manly (womanly) grace.
It just got waded in one place,
And some got stuck behind me.

To me it's inconceivable,
That one could find believable,
The thought that one must have a shape exactly like his chum.

I simply won't apologize,
For being of a grander size.
When everyone's a seedless grape,
It's great to be a plum.

If the girls refuse to dig me,
Just because I'm not a pigmy,
Then I try to make 'em see my view that,
Beauty comes in barrels too.

And precious gemstones grow in clumps,
And treasures can be found in dumps,
And silver hides in heaps.
To heck with all your fashion trends,
I'd rather be myself my friends.
I love to be a Limousine when all the rest are Jeeps.

Fat Man's Prayer by Victor Buono

Lord my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet
We are what we eat said a wise old man
And Lord if that's true I'm a garbage can
I want to rise on judgment day that's plain
But at my present weight I'll need a crane
So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol
May my flesh with carrot curls
Be sated that my soul may be polyunsaturated
And show me the light that I may be witness
To the president's council on physical fitness
And Oleomargarine I'll never mutter
For the road to Hell is spread with butter
And cream is cursed and cake is awful
And Satan is hiding in every waffle
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone
The devil is in each slice of bologna
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop
And Lucifer is a lollypop
Give me this day my daily slice
But cut it thin and toast it twice
I beg upon my dimpled knees
Deliver me from Jujubees
And when my days of trial are done
And my war with malted milks is won
Let me stand with the saints in heaven
In a shinning robe size 37
I can do it Lord if you'll show to me
The virtues of lettuce and celery
If you'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise
The sinfulness of Hollandaise
And pasta ala melonaise
And potatoes ala leonnaise
And crisp fried chicken from the south
Lord if you love me shut my mouth


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: reggie miles
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 03:24 PM

My friend Robert OneMan Johnson wrote this one. I used to sing it more often than I presently do.

I'm Gettin' Thick In The Middle, Gettin' Thin On Top

Time goes by and people change
Their features start to rearrange
The question is, when does this stop?
I'm gettin' thick in the middle, gettin' thin on top

Every mornin' in the mirror
The direct effect of the food and beer
I exercise until I drop
Still I'm gettin' thick in the middle, gettin' thin on top

I'm thin on top
I'm thick in the middle
I used to have a lot
But now there's not much more than a little
I used to have a little round my middle
But now there quite a lot
I'm gettin' thick in the middle, gettin' thin on top

Father time he isn't fair
He erased my waist now he's takin' my hair
I'll keep movin' till I drop
Though I'm gettin' thick in the middle, gettin' thin on top

I'm thin on top
I'm thick in the middle
I used to have a lot
But now there's not much more than a little
I used to have a little round my middle
But now there quite a lot
I'm gettin' thick in the middle gettin' thin on top


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: PoppaGator
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 03:35 PM

Too bad Deckman isn't going to do this gig. It would've been a barrel of laughs!

"Big fat woman, roll your big leg over me!"


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Deckman
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 04:31 PM

Hmm, the phrase "survival of the fittest" comes to my mind. My best hope would be that I could run faster than they! bob


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: maire-aine
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 04:41 PM

Thank you, Reg, for digging up those 2 poems. I remember hearing the stirring recitation that he used to do.

Maryanne


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 04:54 PM

I'm getting sick of all my friends telling me they're losing weight... I keep finding it!

LTS


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 06:44 PM

Here is a little ditty I dashed off to celebrate an old friend, a saloon singer of ample proportions who always said she wasn't fat; just a little too short for her weight:

She's a round mound of rollicking sound,
A spherical wonder to see!
Folks pay through the nose,
To hear her disclose,
The menu she gobbles with glee.

She rolls to the table and uprights herself,
Like a great vessel bobbing at sea.
She wolfs down a turkey, two hams and a beer,
And, afterward, hits a high C!

She sings like a bird – a wond'rous big bird,
Who never could perch in a tree!
Consuming her own weight in groceries each day,
A platoon could take shade in her lee.

But, I once heard her sing a most plaintive refrain,
A lament for the once-slender she,
Who was left far behind, as her appetite gained,
Till, at last, she just begged to be free.

She gave up her smoking, she gave up her gin,
She gave up Long Island Ice Tea.
She was ready to give up the ghost, so she said,
Confessing herself once to me.

"I would, but I'm chicken," she finally admitted,
"And besides, dead, I wouldn't be me!"
So, with renewed gusto, she follows her star,
Gas-tro-nom-i-cal-ly.

You might see her one night at the Cannonball Grill,
Or the Hog Heaven Diner, you see.
She sings for her supper, her breakfast and lunch,
And she swallows it all with great glee!

She's a fabulous thing to hear and behold,
Though she's caused many a top chef to flee,
Knowing that coming to dine at his chez,
She could wipe out his whole eat-er-y.

--------------------------------------------------

Her most famous quote, but on it – don't linger, is:
"Oh, do come on – just pull my finger!"


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: Acorn4
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 08:11 PM

1.Down at the leisure centre,
It's just an ordinary day,
Twenty rather large ladies
Waddle onto the floor
As the music begin to play,
Leotards stretched to their elastic limit
Where they've rather over indulged.
They make more wind than the Welsh Assembly
As they fight the battle of the bulge

chorus:

Singing...

We are the roly poly army
Fighting the great lost cause
We're gonna knock the world off its axis
As we bounce up and down on the floor
We keep telling oursleves it's not our fault
That we got in the state we're in
'Cos after all we're just victims
"Cos we hardly eat a thing!"

2.Once we were graceful and sylphlike,
But thats a distant memory,
And overnight we became built for comfort
Like the jellyfish in the sea,
Now our bums fill up three bus seats
Watch us fill a supermarket aisle
As our will power sort of flew out of the window and waved goodbye with a smile.

Singing...

We are the roly poly army
Fighting the great lost cause
We're gonna knock the world off its axis
As we bounce up and down on the floor
WE keep telling oursleves it's not our fault
That we got in the state we're in
'Cos after all we're just victims
"Cos we hardly eat a thing!"

3.Does someone pump us up in the morning
Or does nature abhor empty space,
In a nation that suffer from the over inflation
We're a dead heat in a zeppelin race
Last week we all put on two pounds
Any more and the scales will be bustin'
Those scales are definitely wrong
It's as braoad as it's long
They definitely need adjusting..

Singing...

We are the roly poly army
Fighting the great lost cause
We're gonna knock the world off its axis
As we bounce up and down on the floor
We keep telling oursleves it's not our fault
That we got in the state we're in
'Cos after all we're just victims
"Cos we hardly eat a thing!"


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Subject: RE: HELP ... 'Fat Songs?
From: GUEST,Dave MacKenzie
Date: 09 Jun 08 - 08:35 PM

Big Mama Thornton had at least one celebrating her size, and back in the 1960s, I remember hearing a song in Edinburgh with the chorus "I won't miss you, babe I couldn't, you're too fat"


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