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WORST single lines

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Shardarch@AOL.com 12 Jan 00 - 03:05 AM
Gint 11 Jan 00 - 09:47 PM
Caitrin 11 Jan 00 - 07:18 PM
john c 11 Jan 00 - 02:20 AM
sophocleese 10 Jan 00 - 10:56 PM
Caitrin 10 Jan 00 - 09:55 PM
Vistoria 10 Jan 00 - 07:56 PM
MandolinPaul 10 Jan 00 - 03:17 PM
Songster Bob 10 Jan 00 - 02:59 PM
Skipjack 10 Jan 00 - 01:05 PM
The Duck of the Irish 10 Jan 00 - 12:15 PM
Auxiris 10 Jan 00 - 10:58 AM
Pete Peterson 10 Jan 00 - 09:20 AM
The Duck of the Irish 10 Jan 00 - 01:37 AM
Pete Peterson 09 Jan 00 - 09:33 PM
Gary Martin 09 Jan 00 - 08:14 PM
Murray MacLeod 09 Jan 00 - 01:17 PM
JenEllen 09 Jan 00 - 12:31 AM
MarkS 08 Jan 00 - 10:18 PM
Mbo 08 Jan 00 - 07:24 PM
Victoria 08 Jan 00 - 06:47 PM
kendall 08 Jan 00 - 11:37 AM
pelrad 08 Jan 00 - 08:59 AM
Midchuck 08 Jan 00 - 08:26 AM
Jon Freeman 08 Jan 00 - 03:36 AM
Lonesome EJ 08 Jan 00 - 03:20 AM
Chris Clarke 21 May 99 - 03:15 AM
Dani 19 May 99 - 09:47 AM
Roger the zimmer 19 May 99 - 05:32 AM
Chris Clarke 19 May 99 - 05:22 AM
The Shambles 17 May 99 - 02:50 PM
17 May 99 - 01:53 PM
LEJ 17 May 99 - 12:13 PM
Chris Clarke 17 May 99 - 05:45 AM
alison 14 May 99 - 09:47 PM
Wotcha 14 May 99 - 09:41 PM
LEJ 14 May 99 - 09:28 PM
alison 14 May 99 - 09:08 PM
LEJ 13 May 99 - 11:32 AM
JOField 13 May 99 - 11:11 AM
Allan C. 13 May 99 - 07:40 AM
Art Thieme 12 May 99 - 10:44 PM
campfire 12 May 99 - 10:22 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 12 May 99 - 09:59 PM
Earl 12 May 99 - 07:20 PM
Earl 12 May 99 - 06:56 PM
Bert 12 May 99 - 05:17 PM
Art Thieme 12 May 99 - 03:30 PM
Art Thieme 12 May 99 - 03:26 PM
Peter T. 12 May 99 - 12:05 PM
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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Shardarch@AOL.com
Date: 12 Jan 00 - 03:05 AM

Love this thread. I've always had a certian fond horror for "Just call me angel in the morning, angel". On the other hand, my roomie informed me some months ago that she had always heard the next line as "just brush my teeth before you leave me, baby", which elevated this nasty peice of dreck to the statis of 'our song'. And I admit I like it a lot better now. In a (misguided, I'm sure) attempt to be fair, I wanted to pick something folky as well. I've always thought the lyrics to The Nightingale were clunky and awkward, especialy the chorus. "And they kissed so sweet and comforting as they clung to each other; They went arm and arm down the road like sister and brother." Oo-kay.

Shard

Shardarch@AOL.com


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Gint
Date: 11 Jan 00 - 09:47 PM

it's 2.45am just dropped in and had to say

"thought I'd seen a ghost, I'd rather have some toast "

from something reccently in the charts (last 2yrs)

takes some beating if not try

mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Caitrin
Date: 11 Jan 00 - 07:18 PM

Unfortunately, John, they do continue to write 'em like that. Because somewhere out there is Neil Gallagher's "Wonderwall". If someone can tell me just what a wonderwall is, I'll be happy for a week.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: john c
Date: 11 Jan 00 - 02:20 AM

Sure is a wonderful amount of dross in this thread. And its great to see the Kinkster getting a long overdue mention. They dont come much more awfull than the legendary Texas Jewboys. Hows about this for the worst song title of all time - also from Kinky Friedman. Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed. Or, alternativly, They Dont Make Jews Like Jesus Anymore. But by far and and away the clear winner in the worst line ever stakes comes from the song Elenore by the Turtles backin the sixties. The chorous goes

Elenor, gee I think youre swell, And you really do me well, Youre my pride and joy, Etcetra.

And they actually sang the word etcetra. Ahh, they dont write em like that anymore.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 10:56 PM

Caitrin, You're right, right, you're bloody well right, you have a bloody right to say..........why I never particularly liked Supertramp.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Caitrin
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 09:55 PM

Though this goes WAY back, the song katlaughing mentioned is called "New Age Girl", by Deadeye Dick.
My worst line is really not bad in and of itself, but because it is repeated at least eighty-four thousand times: Take it to the limit one more time. Every time that song gets to the end on my CD player, I cut it off. Of course, some more modern pop is considerably worse. I mean, Britney Spears "Hit me baby one more time"? Yuck.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Vistoria
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 07:56 PM

Murray, thanks for the title to "The Steggie", knowing what it's called will help me avoid hearing it again! (Believe me, the first time was not intentional either!)


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 03:17 PM

Hey Good Lookin' by Hank Williams Sr.

I'm gonna throw my datebook over the fence
And buy me a new one for five or ten cents


For the most part, I like Old Hank, but he had some truly desparate rhymes, once in a while. Also check out his entire song: I Ain't Got Nothing But Time

Paul


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Songster Bob
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 02:59 PM

I can't remember the line, but Ewan MacColl had this song in praise of Ho Chi Minh (or was it Mao Tse Dung?) that was impossibly embarrassing in its clumsiness, culminating in one verse (not necessarily the last one, either) with a truly awful line that looks in print to be unsingable (too many syllables, with emPHASsis on the wrong syLABles and tongue-twister juxtapositions of phonemes all in one line) and laughable (for its fawning and Red-speak terminology) at the same time. I wish I could remember it, but the song was so bad that I deleted the actual lyrics from even my temporary memory banks.

Bob Clayton


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Skipjack
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 01:05 PM

Tha's Donna Summer, old Duck, "I want some hot stuff baby, this evening, I want some hot stuff baby, tonight". Not really our sort of thing.

....But while we're on that pop bubblegum stuff, there's a line in Diana Ross's "Chain Reaction" that goes ..."Tell Eddie Waring there ain't no salvation". I can't understand what US superstar (and scourge of groping UK Customs and Excise) wanted to communicate news of such import to an affable English Rugby League commentator, famous locally for his "up and under".


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: The Duck of the Irish
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 12:15 PM

That's what I get, I thought I read them all. Sorry Mbo. I still had a good night's sleep. I had a dream about a song that went "Hot Stuff, I want hot stuff, I need hot stuff, Hot, Hot, Hot, Stuff, Stuff, Stuff". So I just might be back in the saddle again. If you combined all the stupid lines in this thread, and made it into a song. It would still be One Hundred Trillion times more profound than any Rap song that was ever made.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Auxiris
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 10:58 AM

More like a whole verse than a single worst line, but here anyway is a verse from "The Party's Over":

Your love was like a party, your kisses were my wine And I was drunk with lovin' you as long as you were mine; But someone else was thirsty and starved for sweet lips, too-- He stole my wine from me and now I'm sober, sad and blue!

cheers, Auxiris


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 09:20 AM

Sorry, Duck, look back about eight postings, MBO agrees with you and beat you to it. On reading it, so do I.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: The Duck of the Irish
Date: 10 Jan 00 - 01:37 AM

I expected to see this line, but I did not. So I can go to bed knowing I won this contest. I goes something like this. I understand you've been runnin from the man who goes by the name of the Sandman. He likes to fly, like an eagle in the eye of a hurricane thats abandoned. Sorry for the gloating, but this is the WORST ever.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 09 Jan 00 - 09:33 PM

Isn't it interesting (I think this already been ramarked) how what we consider to be the worst lines are from the rock world and not the folk or country area. Kendall thinks that line from Poor Ellen Smith to be bad (I sing that one slightly differently) but every so often Alton Delmore reached too far for a rhyme, most egregious example that I have is
I just saw a whipporwill a-talkin' to a bear
They were both a-laughin' bout her givin' me the air
She left me standing, standing on a mountain, she left me standing way up there


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Gary Martin
Date: 09 Jan 00 - 08:14 PM

"The army remained meatless and increasingly restive for several days until a second shepherd appeared, bearing a strong family resemblance to the first, and offered for a much elevated price his flock, which also bore a striking resemblance to the first. The Army, by this stage facing near mutiny, was in no position to refuse the offer. "

After which they were near muttony.

I'll go away now.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 09 Jan 00 - 01:17 PM

Victoria, the "half -drowned rat" is from an apalling scottish song "The Steggie" , which is one long hideously embarrassing double-entendre


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: JenEllen
Date: 09 Jan 00 - 12:31 AM

Some of my favorite poetry for the pathetic...

Then the punches flew
And chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gunshot
But just who shot who???


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: MarkS
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 10:18 PM

Dont forget the memorable background to Hooked On a Feelin' by Blue Swede - repeated forever and ever

"Oooga sacka oooga oooga, oooga sacka oooga oooga"

Hear it once and it is in your brain forever


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 07:24 PM

Don't get me wrong--I love the band America, and while lots of their songs are great, there are some that are weird, but fun to sing.

For instance in the song "Sandman" the chorus is "I understand you've been runnin' from the man who goes by the name of the sandman. He flies the sky like an eagle in the eye of a hurricane that's abandoned."

And in "Tin Man" (a great song) we have "Oz never did give nothing to the tin man, that he didn't, didn't already have. And cause never was the reason for the evening, or the tropic of Sir Galahad." Whuuuuuuuuuuut?

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Victoria
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 06:47 PM

Well THIS has been an entertaining thread to read!!! For worst lines from pop songs, I heard one recently that proclaimed "I burn like a wicker cabinet", and for the folk category, I would have to cast my "worst of the worst" vote for the song (title unknown) that described the moments after intimacy with the oh-so-picturesque "He pulled it back out/like a half drowned rat/and you know very well what I mean-o" (!) And they say romance is dead! LOL!


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: kendall
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 11:37 AM

..her clothes WAS all bloody, and thrown all around, death marked the spot where poor Ellen was found.. Dont know whop wrote it..dont want to know.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: pelrad
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 08:59 AM

"I am a foot without a shoe
A lawyer with no one to sue
Carrots looking for some stew
Oh, I'm lost without you!"


From the worst song Johnny Clegg ever wrote.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Midchuck
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 08:26 AM

I just found this thread, which mostly predates my discovery of this - I guess you can't call it a list, but it isn't really a webpage either - a whole new sort of animal...

Anyway, how could the thread possibly have gone on so long without anyone ever mentioning Kinky Friedman (and the Texas Jewboys - I swear I am not making that up!)

He was sittin up there for more than an hour
Way up there in that Texas tower,
Shooting from the 27th floor....

....

There was a rumor, about a tumor
nestled at the base of his brain
....

- "The Ballad of Charles Whitman"


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 03:36 AM

How about these from Peaches by the Stranglers?

Oh shit, there goes the charabang
Looks like I'm going to be stuck here the whole summer
Well, what a bummer!
I can think of a lot worse places to be
like down on the streets
Or down in the sewer
Or even on the end of a skewer

Jon


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 Jan 00 - 03:20 AM

In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promised myself to treat myself to a visit to a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
To throw myself off
In an effort to make clear to who-
Ever what it's like when you're shattered
Leaving me to doubt all about God and his mercy
And if He really does exist
Then why did He desert me?
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

There aren't many songs about suicide that will actually make you laugh out loud.

Oh,and thanks to Bert for reminding me about this thread. Had to revive it.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Chris Clarke
Date: 21 May 99 - 03:15 AM

The archetypal New Zealand joke is:

"New Zealand - where men are men, and sheep are nervous."

To NZ, Wyoming and Wales we may have to add the SAS. During the campaign against insurgents in Oman in the seventies, in which British Forces were involved, the local Army was dependant for meat on the local herders. A wily local shepherd came and complained, as delicately as he could, that his flock was no longer available for human consumption as an SAS soldier had been seen interfering with one of the sheep. Horrified, the Armed Forces (prepared to believe anything about the SAS) compensated him the full value of the flock and instituted an internal inquiry. The shepherd departed satisfied. The army remained meatless and increasingly restive for several days until a second shepherd appeared, bearing a strong family resemblance to the first, and offered for a much elevated price his flock, which also bore a striking resemblance to the first. The Army, by this stage facing near mutiny, was in no position to refuse the offer.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with worst lines, but it's probably worth a song.

But what about:

God didn't make them little green apples And it don't rain in Indianapolis In the summer time


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Dani
Date: 19 May 99 - 09:47 AM

I'm sure I've submitted this for a best lyric match, but I'll submit it here, too. Randy Travis sings,

"Is it still over? Are we still through? Since my phone still ain't ringing I assume it still ain't you"


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 19 May 99 - 05:32 AM

From Bill Oddie (the Goodies) mock blues on the subject of, er, vomiting:
"I threw up in the bedroom,
I threw up in the loo
And if you'd a' bin there baby
I'd a' thrown up over you

Incidentally, now we're mocking the New Zealanders , is it true they think "One Man and His Dog" is like Blind Date? ("Cor, look at the fleece on that!")?

Tho' I did stay in a NZ-run motel in the Cook Islands where they mocked Canadians (surely not?) by listing local events with times followed by "for Canadians -when the big hand is on the ..." etc !


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Chris Clarke
Date: 19 May 99 - 05:22 AM

Thanks, I now have Dropkick and Constipated. Don't they go together well. I need them as repertoire for the Antichrist Choristers. Any other suggestions?

LEJ - to Wyoming and New Zealand add Wales, although the only story there to which I attached any credence concerned a pig. No doubt every place has the same joke but about somewhere else.

The full Messiah line is:

And we like sheep


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: The Shambles
Date: 17 May 99 - 02:50 PM

Why didn't we suggest Dropkick and Constipated as a name for Kat and Bet's band?

Not brave enough eh?


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From:
Date: 17 May 99 - 01:53 PM

Chris-Both Dropkick and Constipated are in the database. Seek, and thou shall find...


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 17 May 99 - 12:13 PM

Amazing! I never knew that Wyoming and New Zealand had so much in common,Chris. Everytime a Wyoming stockmen walks past the flock, the plaintive cry "Daaaaaaad!" can be heard, raised by many voices.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Chris Clarke
Date: 17 May 99 - 05:45 AM

Bseed and KYST, please the full words if you have them for Dropkick Me Jesus, and Five Constipated Men in the Bible. Who were the other three? It's worse than not knowing the last two Seven Drunken Nights.

My own nominations are:

Hey good lookin' What ya got cookin'

And from The Messiah (OK it's not folk but bits of it are very country) -

We like sheep

See what I mean? Especially sung by the massed choirs of New Zealand (antipodean in-joke).


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: alison
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:47 PM

LEJ,

I reckon your line is better than the original... would have got the whole song finished alot quicker too... **grin**

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Wotcha
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:41 PM

"On Ilkley moor Baht' at" is a fine drinking song -- hilarious after several pints (and it's the accent that is such fun -- that's the whole point of the song for southerners that is). And for another (bad?) song that requires an accent -- unless you've had enough zider, "Widdecombe Fair" : "Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, lend me your grey mare ..."

Nothing quite beats the English rugby adaption of "Alouette" which turns a dainty French lounge song into something quite disreputable.

But modern British classics include any soccer team song: "Bring me a bucket of Vindaloo"; "Blue is the colour, football is the game ..."; "I did it Heighway" [after Steve Heighway of Liverpool in 72].

Cheers, burp ...@#* Brian


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:28 PM

Right Alison! Was the next line...

"She left her purse behind her there, I tripped on it,went down the stairs, and broke my neck."


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: alison
Date: 14 May 99 - 09:08 PM

Hi,

Can't remember this one exactly... but you'll know it.

She wrecked the car and she got sad 'cos she was scared that I'd get mad, but what the heck.

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: LEJ
Date: 13 May 99 - 11:32 AM

OK Art, so maybe there are no bad lines, just lines we haven't had fully explained. I'll probably find out Dan Fogelberg was a County Coroner before he became a ballad singer.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: JOField
Date: 13 May 99 - 11:11 AM

"It was the kind of town where they spelled trouble T-R-U-B-L-E, and if you tried to correct them, they killed you."

--"Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Allan C.
Date: 13 May 99 - 07:40 AM

Yeah, old Walter seemed to have a bad case of what they called, "Jake leg" - acquired from ingesting not only Jamaican Ginger liquor but any manner of wood alcohol which made the rounds during prohibition.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:44 PM

NEW WAY O' WALKIN
NEW WAY O' TALKIN'
DO YA WANT TO LOSE YOR MIND?

Obviously these are very serious references in the song "Walk Right In" about Jamaican Ginger liquor which had as it's unfortunate side efects BLINDNESS, A STAGGERING GAIT based on brain damage often called the "jake walk", and permanent DEMENTIA.

Many blues were composed by various country blues artists about the maladies---"Jake Walk Blues" for one.

In the film ___To Have And Have Not__ with Bogart & Bacall, Bogie's sidekick was Walter Brennan who had all the symptoms except blindness.

Walk Right In
Set yourself down
Baby, let your mind roll on.

...makes perfect sense to me!

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: campfire
Date: 12 May 99 - 10:22 PM

I had skipped this thread until tonight. I had a horrible day at work and just decided to read threads I hadn't had time for.

Laughed myself silly and I'm in a much better mood now - Thanks All.

The only "worst line" that comes to mind at the moment is in the old hymn, "In the Garden":
...and the voice I hear falling on my ear
Someone always busts out laughing whenever we sing it, picturing someone falling on their ear.

campfire


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 12 May 99 - 09:59 PM

I wonder...might "Dropkick Me Jesus" have been written by Shel Silverstein? --seed


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Earl
Date: 12 May 99 - 07:20 PM

On second thought, it was stupid even in the 20's. Fun to sing though.

Another stupid line that's fun to sing is in Leadbelly's "Titanic" - "The Titanic went around the curve, ran into the big iceberg."


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Earl
Date: 12 May 99 - 06:56 PM

I have to take exception with "everybody's talkin bout a new way of walkin- do you wanna lose your mind?" Sounded sort of hackneyed in the 60's but it must have been pretty cool when Gus Cannon wrote it in the 20's.


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Bert
Date: 12 May 99 - 05:17 PM

You did that on purpose!


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 03:30 PM

Obviously (I hope) that should've been BOWL!

Art


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 May 99 - 03:26 PM

Jack Webb in the detective radio show from the 40s, __PAT NOVAC FOR HIRE__ (one of the best written of the lard-boiled detective shows). The prose was intentionally overblown and wonderful while still being terribly unique.

SHE HAD A VOICE LIKE BOWEL OF WARM STEW!!!

Art


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Subject: RE: WORST single lines
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 May 99 - 12:05 PM

Did the chair get the part instead for being less wooden? (cf. The Jazz Singer)
Yours, Peter T.


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