Mudcat Café message #441129 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #33195   Message #441129
Posted By: Liz the Squeak
15-Apr-01 - 12:48 PM
Thread Name: Non-music....Why,oh why, oh why?
Subject: RE: Non-music....Why,oh why, oh why?
Better to have your say, than to feel you have stood by silently, while the rape continues.

This is also very sensible. Sometimes you have to say something or else be steamrollered into behaving the way the flamer wants. For flamer read bully. If we did not stand up to those who bully, then I personally would be in a rubber room right now, trying to drool out of both sides of my mouth at once, and playing with coloured string.

A flamer is calling for attention. If you give flame back, you are playing into their hands. If you take the flamer aside and make a private (PM) comment, then you get your point over without making a public show, which would then give the flamer more ammunition to flame in public....... see how the circles goes?

The problem is seeing the difference between thought out argument, flip comment (these are usually mine... ) by someone who doesn't understand what the argument/discussion is about and contradiction just for it's own sake. It's only by learning more about those involved that we can differentiate between the argument, the flippant and the awkward sod. And the only way to learn more about those involved is to communicate with them. Morty has the right idea, trying to understand these flamers, the same way that I would try to understand the bully at work. It doesn't automatically follow that we won't be flamed, or tempted to make a sharp retort back, but hopefully we can understand the psyche behind the flame and learn to deal with it sympathetically, or to ignore it with equinimity.