Mudcat Café message #4045183 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #161867   Message #4045183
Posted By: keberoxu
10-Apr-20 - 04:12 PM
Thread Name: BS: stay afloat while others don't
Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
ah, well ...

just came from an appointment with
the resident psychotherapist to whom I am assigned.
And I feel as though I had a tooth pulled out of my head.
Strange feeling. It smarts, and yet
I feel better now that it is out. Metaphorically.

It's seven weeks, almost two months, into my treatment,
and my psychotherapist surprised me by questioning
my commitment to working with her and being here.
It was a surprise because, strangely,
I am starting to feel as though
I have accomplished what I actually came to do,
and it might be time to go home sooner rather than later.

I don't know.
This clinician has a very cool, smooth presence,
and at first it was soothing and calming.
Now, she feels remote and ... calculated? phony?
We understand each other well on the thought/intellect level;
something is missing emotionally, in the heart.
She hasn't done me any harm.
But she wants more than I am giving her, and oddly,
part of me is saying: ENOUGH.

I didn't expect this to happen.