Mudcat Café message #2480118 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #110453   Message #2480118
Posted By: Jim Dixon
30-Oct-08 - 02:18 PM
Thread Name: BS: Did your mum say this to you.....
Subject: RE: BS: Did your mum say this to you.....
My dad would say "I'll jerk a knot in your tail!"—a semi-humorous way of threatening violence.

When my shoe soles wore out, he'd say, "Can't you just pick 'em up an' set 'em down?", meaning, I suppose, don't drag your feet.

If he noticed me picking my nose, he'd say, "Are you goin' fishin'?"
I'd say (before I learned the joke), "No. Why?"
He'd say, "I see you're diggin' for bait."
After that, "Goin' fishin'?" was a sufficient reprimand.

(By the way, when I was a kid, I never heard of artificial lures, or of buying worms or minnows. We always dug up our own worms.)

About something worthless, he'd say "That ain't worth a hoot in a whirlwind." (I suppose "hoot" was a euphemism for "fart" but I didn't figure that out until much later.)

Another euphemism for "farted" was "stepped on a frog." (I have never actually stepped on a frog, but I suppose it sounds like a fart. I also suppose that literally stepping on a frog was a more common experience when people had to go outdoors to use the outhouse, even at night. Imagine doing that barefoot!)

The cruelest thing my father ever said to me—and he said this more than once—was, "I'll take you back to the hospital." See, before I knew where babies really came from, I thought babies came from hospitals. When a couple decided they wanted a baby, they would go to a hospital and pick one out. Later (I was told) if they decided they didn't like the one they had, they could take him back and exchange him. "Next time, I'll get a good little boy," he'd say. Even after I no longer believed he could do that, he could still make me cry by saying it. I cried because I believed he really meant it—he really wished he could take me back, and he didn't care that I knew it. He was, in other words, a real asshole. I never thought I'd do it, but I cried when he died.