Mudcat Café message #2165813 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #17531   Message #2165813
Posted By: Dave the Gnome
07-Oct-07 - 10:53 AM
Thread Name: Funniest Talking Blues Song
Subject: RE: Funniest Talking Blues Song
I am trying to remember the one [TALKING FOLK CLUB BLUES] Fred Wedlock used to do (and now Spot the Dog does it)- Let me see if I can get most of it...
(Bracketed) bits are asides. ....'s are forgotten bits.

I was travelling down the M64
Doing a ton or maybe more
When I passed a sign saying {wherever} town
And said, man, I'd better slow it down.
(I was developing transverse epicyclic thrust in my torque-driven condenser unit. And my horn hadn't worked in weeks.)

Well, I stopped outside the nearest pub
A sign outside said 'Folk-in club'
Load of scruff-bums standing there
Like a fashion parade from the Army surplus store.
(Yea, man, hear it surp.)

Well, it was so dark and smokey in there
I came a cropper down the stair.
Man said 'Miss a step there son?'
I said 'No, I hit every bloody one'
(Something about smash violence and kill the warmongers.
We are having a peace riot is said aside - can't remember it.)

Well, I saw a groupie standing there
All bosom and bum and long blonde hair
I was feeling randy and fancied a bit
So I wandered over and squeezed her elbow.
(I said, 'Hey, love, fancy a drink?'
She said, 'You don't expect me to drink with a child do you?'
I said, 'Sorry, love. Didn't know you was pregnant.'
I said, 'No, seriously, what do you fancy. Cider or Guinness?'
She said, 'Cider! The distillation of the forbidden fruits of Paradise. When raised to my purple stained lips doth loosen my libido and send me into realms of ethereal delights. It loosens my cosmic consciousness. Oh, yea, man'
I said, 'Bloody hell! How do you rate Guinness then?'
She said 'It's a drag, man. Makes me fart.')

Then a man called Stefan Dyllon-Bjorn
Sang this epic song
His guitar was Japanese, I'll wager
With overdrive in E-flat major.
Fuel injected tuning pegs
And a hole for slicing hard-boiled eggs.

Played his guitar funny kind of way.
With all the strings tuned up to A.
(Out of tune guitar)

Then the barman started doing his bit for culture.
Playing 'Sunshine of your love'
On B-flat cash register and smokey-bacon maracas
And I thought.

This here folk music might be rubbish.
But, By Jingo
It's British rubbish!

If I can get Spot to come on I am sure he will fill in the gaps.