Mudcat Café message #1895264 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #96544   Message #1895264
Posted By: Rowan
29-Nov-06 - 01:12 AM
Thread Name: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
In a sense, Pauline and kendall 'had it right' for the situation I was in. I was happy with the convivial and continuous nature of our contact; by being there I was sending a signal that I wanted to continue. I didn't want to 'push' my friend into feeling she was required to respond, in any way, more than she felt comfortable with. I was prepared to let the relationship develop at its own pace.

I suppose I'm old-fashioned enough to think I appreciate the difference between "courting" (which is what I regarded us as doing) and what I understand by the American term "dating". Then again, perhaps I don't correctly appreciate the differences, if any. I think I can read situations properly and I think I can test them with subtlety, but then, I'm biased. I don't think Australians of my generation would often use the term "courting" but I also don't think they'd use "dating" to describe "going out together", either. I suspect there are cultural differences at work here.

I also think there are behavioural differences between generations too. A young lady colleague (the daughter of other colleagues of mine with whom I lunched at our caf, occasionally; she joined us frequently) recently started work at our institution. She is almost young enough to be my granddaughter and I have no "interest" in her at all. By email, I suggested, "Coffee?" (literally, that was the full text apart from my signature file, which has "Cheers, Rowan" and my work contact details) as I wanted to give her some info about coming events that she might also pass to her parents.

Her reply read, "I don't want to be rude so stop imposing on me." I take it from this that, to some, an invitation to coffee at a rather public caf conveys more than I had intended. Curiouser and curiouser. Needless to say, I offered her my apologies and won't be offering her coffee in the future.

Cheers, Rowan