Mudcat Café message #1894795 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #96544   Message #1894795
Posted By: Pauline L
28-Nov-06 - 01:34 PM
Thread Name: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
I'm a divorced woman in her mid 50s and I've been-there-done-that. I'm amused at the people who've been married (and presumably monogamous) for years who consider themselves qualified to give you advice. I'm with those who advised that it's better to broach the subject than to wonder forever about missed opportunities. My approach depends on the situation. I've ranged from asking "Where do you see our relationship as going in the future? Do you want to be friends or something more?" to "Do you think you could sleep comfortably on my Futon?" The latter was for a man who is a direct communicator, expressed interest, and told me several times, "I've never been sexually aggressive. I don't want to offend a lady." I asked him, "Would you mind if I'm sexually aggressive?" Honestly, I can't believe I've said these things. I'm generally shy and unassertive. However, I'm also goal-oriented. ;-) I've gotten various responses in my career as a dating woman. One fellow was emotionally incapacitated by a sexually abusive mother. (I've been told that this occurs more commonly than one might suppose.)    He was attracted to me but couldn't act on it. In other cases, I've had more positive results. One really needs to be sensitive to the situation and the individual. I'm very glad that you had the courage to broach the subject, sorry that it didn't work out the way you would have liked. I believe that it's best to know.

PS. Wish me and my Futon luck.