Mudcat Café message #1548954 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #84046   Message #1548954
Posted By: GUEST,Ralphy Rabbit
24-Aug-05 - 06:38 PM
Thread Name: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
Subject: BS: Cartoon Characters who didn't make it.
Unbeknownst to the general public, there were thousands of cartoon characters who never made the big time. I was one of them. I tried my best to break into the business right from the late 20's, into the "talkies", and on into the color movies. I tried Disney, Hanna Barbera, I tried 'em all.

You haven't heard of me, have you? No, but you've heard about Bugs Bunny! And you've heard about Peter Rabbit! And you've heard about Bre'r Rabbit! Well, Bugs was a syndicate-connected crook who bribed and slept his way to the top. Peter was a closet pervert. And "Bre'r" didn't even have a proper NAME! Those guys were bums, all of 'em. They were third rate hacks. I found out early that you can have all the talent, all the skill, all the heart...and Hollywood just spits you out on the trash pile if you don't know the right people and sleep with the right people. I never filched one carrot. Not one. I worked 7 days a week in lousy hash joints. What did I get for it? A skin ailment, that's what!

But enough about me. I'm just one sad casualty of the destructive cartoon industry's war on good taste and honesty in art.

Here are some of the others who should have made it big and never did. Bow your heads in a moment of silence when you read their names:

Horace Horsecollar (reduced to embarrassing "Guest" appearances at the whim of "the rodent" (you know who!)

Gus Goose (portrayed as a goof, he was brilliant)

Joe Jellyfish (had an act that had to be seen to be believed)

Andrew J. Morgenstern IV (a gorilla who could tapdance and juggle better than Gloria Gaynor)

Ima de Best (Mexican jumping bean character. Shot down in a Tijuana
nightclub and then roasted and eaten!)

Pie-Eye the Sailor Man - was shafted by Thimble Theatre and ended up starving in an alleyway in downtown Peoria. Popeye stole all of Pie- Eye's best routines and parlayed them into a lucrative career.

AND...(drum roll..........................)

* * * Licky Louse * * * - (had great plan for future Licky Louse Club, but was betrayed by Walt Disney and YOU-KNOW-WHO (the filthy rodent)! Licky took his own life by jumping into a vat of hot melted butter. He was undoubtedly the greatest "toon" of them all.)

I would appreciate it if other unsung cartoon characters of film and TV got a brief moment of recognition here...the recognition that the industry and public never gave them.

Thank you very much. Now I am going to go out and get very, very drunk.

- Ralphy Rabbit (the Star you never knew)