Mudcat Café message #1159411 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #68716   Message #1159411
Posted By: pavane
11-Apr-04 - 05:45 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Ballad of Lumley Kettlewell
Graham & Eileen Pratt

I'll sing of Lumley Kettlewell, a man of Yorkshire fame
In Bolton ?Thursley? he was born and there he made his name
Although a wealthy farmer's son, & posessed of health most rude
He spent his whole life trying to prove that no-one needed food

In spite of Lumley Kettlewell and all he had to say
It seems that man was born to eat until his dying day

Now you might think him funny, or consider him berserk
But think of the advantages if Lumley's theory worked
Goodbye to indigestion and adieu to diarrhea
A little abdominal emptiness is all you'd have to fear

The strictest of experiments he ably carried through
He starved his dog, he starved his horse, he starved his donkey too
To cure their dreadful habit, of eating between gaps
And when success was in his grasp, the poor beasts just collapsed

He saw food as an evil and disdained a good square meal
Plates of chips and Yorkshore pud for him had no appeal
He practiced and he practiced to perfect the food-free day
And just when he'd perfected it, the poor sod passed away

So when the final trumpets blow and mortals bow down low
To those grand men of science who taught us all we know
With Einstein, Pasteur, Curie too, let Lumley take his seat
His failure proves that truth of truths, you die unless you eat

Transcribed by Neil Jennings
From a BBC Folkweave performance, date unknown