Mudcat Café Message Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafeawe



User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Bedubya BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips (11) G.A.S. Prevention Tips 07 Apr 01


In the interest of the public health of Mudcatters everywhere, we have compiled the following list of suggestions to aid in the prevention and cure of that most dreaded of acoustic musician diseases, Guitar Acquisition Syndrom, or G.A.S. for short. As this is an ongoing project, we welcome comments and suggestions from fellow researchers and sufferers.

The next time you are struck by an inexplicable desire to purchase yet another guitar, try one of the following:

1)Take $150.00 (US) to Ida's Legal Forms and get the necessary papers for a no-fault non-contested divorce. Fill out everything except Spouse's Signature. Place a Post-It-Note over where Spouse's Signature goes with the message "To be signed in the event that one more guitar finds its way into this house!". Post prominently.

2) Instead of another expensive guitar, buy a cheapo of something you don't know how to play. This is NOT guaranteed to work. I once fought off a G.A.S. attack by buying a $100.00 five-string banjo instead. Unfortunately, I actually learned how to play the damned thing so I had to go buy a better one for $500.00 a few months later. Now I hear Geoff Stelling talking to me in my sleep saying, "Staghorn, Staghorn".

3) Swear off Folkism and play electric guitar instead of acoustic. Then, when you get the urge to create new sounds, you can just go buy the latest $50.00 effects pedal instead of a whole new guitar. Unfortunately, your spouse will wonder whatever happened to the sensitive folkie she/he married and will file for a divorce.

4) Play nothing but Bluegrass. This is not meant to malign Bluegrass in any way, it's just that, unlike any other acoustic music genre, there is uniform agreement on exactly what constitutes the ultimate guitar. That is, of course, a pre-war Martin D-28 Herringbone. (Do you think Lester Flatt would have been caught dead playing a Breedlove?) Simply find one for sale, sell off a few unnecessary items like the car, the house, any food you may have accumulated and buy the thing. Then, as long as you stick with hard-core 'Grass you'll never need another guitar. If the desire to play any other style rears its ugly head, just drink South Carolina moonshine until it goes away.

5) Get really good or really famous and manufacturers will give guitars to you! They'll even name 'em after you! If you're really good like Ed Gerhard or Leo Kottke then Breedlove and Taylor will name nice acoustics after you. If you are merely famous but really suck like Slash from Guns N' Roses or Ace Freeley from Kiss, Gibson will name overpriced Les Paul models after you. If you are the most inventive electric guitarist since Jimi Hendrix, nobody will name a guitar after you, but they will do so with a recently discovered dinosaur.

These are all of the techniques our research has uncovered to date. Input form other researchers is greatly appreciated.

Cheers'

bwl




Back to the Main Forum Page

By clicking on the User Name, you will requery the forum for that user. You will see everything that he or she has posted with that Mudcat name.

By clicking on the Thread Name, you will be sent to the Forum on that thread as if you selected it from the main Mudcat Forum page.

By clicking on the Subject, you will also go to the thread as if you selected it from the original Forum page, but also go directly to that particular message.

By clicking on the Date (Posted), you will dig out every message posted that day.

Try it all, you will see.