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Black belt caterpillar wrestler Lyr Add: George Osborne's Getten a Job (parody) (3) Lyr Add: George Osborne's getten a job 21 Mar 17

Yesterday morning my wife Anne presented me at breakfast with the poem below. Having read it out at an off the rails session I thought I had better place it here for posterity!

It is inspired by Sam Fitton's "Our Sarah's gotten a chap"

George Osborne's Getten a Job
(with apologies to Sam Fitton)

Eh dear, there's bin some change in here
In th'ouse this week or two
Wheer once there were just peace and quiet
Just like a Sunday Schoo'
There's scenes and screams o'er t'dispatch box
An t'crowd's an angry mob
And what d'ye think's the reason why?
George Osborne's getten a job

He's really good for nowt methinks
Things haven't gone too well
And he had that cosy Tatton seat
Held by Neil Hamilton, then Martin Bell
As Chancellor he racked up t'nation's debts
And poor folk he did rob
His Northern Powerhouse were nobbut a joke
But George Osborne's getten (another) job!

He's wantin' this, and wantin' that
He's surely made o' brass
He knows nowt o't'lives o' workin' folk
He's from a different class
He likes to swank about and strut
And talk about his "biz"
He's summat up in t' city
But I don't know what it is

But t'latest news from th'Osborne camp
That's making Tatton buzz
Is that he's to edit t'London Standard
He must think he's too good for us
He has five jobs already
He hardly needs one more
He's on two million as it is
It's time we show'd him t'door

They say he thinks Tories 'ave 'ad it
He's a rat leaving t'sinking ship
His constituency goes in any case
Next time t'boundaries do a flip
But he's good at pulling a fast one
And he's an expert at using his gob
So there might be an opening on Top Gear
Next time George Osborne's in need of a job

He's put all t'country in a whirl
He's such a howlin' swell
It's time he found a proper job
Or go and shoot hissel
I'd like to see him sweep the streets,
Empty t'bins, dig for coal, clean the loos
That's only four, let's find two more
Let's give him enough to do!

He can't edit a paper and be an MP
The conflict of interest's too much
If George Osborne really has "getten a job"
Then t'country's in muck and in t'slutch
So go boil your head, George Osborne
Eat humble pie if you can
For you can't stretch time or outpace light
And you can't multitask, you're nobbut a man

Anne Rawcliffe

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