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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
eddie1 BS: Inventions 'claimed' to be American (145* d) RE: BS: Inventions 'claimed' to be American 05 May 14


As a Scot, I am naturally modest about myself and all things Scottish but this may be of interest!
"The typical Englishman finishes his breakfast of toast and MARMALADE invented by Mrs. Keiller of Dundee, Scotland- and slips into his RAINCOAT patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland, he walks to his office along an English lane which is surfaced by TARMAC, invented by John MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland - or he drives his English car which is fitted with PNEUMATIC TYRES patented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland
Before he acquired a car he used to travel to the office by train which was powered by a STEAM ENGINE that was invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland.
In his office he deals with the mail bearing ADHESIVE STAMPS invented by James Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland. He lights up a CIGARETTE first manufactured by Robert Gloag of Perth, Scotland. And makes freqent use of the TELEPHONE invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
...He rings his wife, She tells him that dinner will be his favorite, ROAST BEEF - Aberdeen Angus, raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.
He arrives home to find the TELEVISION on, invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland, with an article regarding a programme on the US NAVY founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland while his son prefers to read TREASURE ISLAND written by Robert Louis Stevenson of Edinburgh, Scotland. Meanwhile outside his daughter plays in the garden on her toy BICYCLE, an invention of Kirkpatrick MacMillan, of Thornhill, Scotland.
It is impossible for an Englishman to escape the ingenuity of the Scot's!
In desperation he could turn to the BIBLE only to find that the first named mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI who authorized its translation.
He could of course take to drink, but only Scotland make the finest WHISKY in the world. Nearing the end of his tether he thinks about ending it all, he could put his head in the oven - however COAL GAS was discovered by William Murdoch of Ayr, Scotland. He could use a rifle to shoot himself but his BREECH LOADING RIFLE was invented by Captain Pat Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland. If unsuccessful he could be injected with PENICILLIN discovered by Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland or given an ANAESTHETIC invented by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anaesthetic his mood would not be improved by his surgeon telling him, he was as safe as the BANK OF England which was founded by William Paterson, of Dumfries Scotland.
Perhaps, in order to get some peace, he should request a transfusion of guid Scottish blood so that he too would be entitled to ask:-
WHA'S LIKE US? DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE A' DEID!"

Of course the most important fact there is the absence of the letter "e" in whisky!

Eddie


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