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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Peter the Squeezer Lyr Req: songs of Paddy Roberts (35) Lyr Add: AUNTIE BRIDGET (Paddy Roberts) 24 Aug 10

Found this one on an old LP record -

(Paddy Roberts)

Little Auntie Bridget, living down in Dorset,
Went to take a bath one day.
Got her pedal digit stuck up in the faucet,
Found she couldn't get away.

Gosh, you should have seen her - picture her demeanour,
Tugging at her toe in vain.
Then, to cap it all, she saw the window cleaner
Peeking through the window pane.

What a situation - miles of explanation -
Auntie feeling such a dope,
Trying to carry on a friendly conversation
Covered in confusion and soap.

She pulled herself together - talked about the weather -
Said "I'm glad it's turned out fine".
Then the window cleaner, muttering "Well I never!"
Went and dialled 999.

Soon the place was buzzing - firemen by the dozen
Kicking up a frightful noise -
Six assorted coppers, several passing shoppers,
And a couple of butcher boys.

Blimey, what a caper - pictures in the paper -
Someone from the BBC,
Working like a beaver with a tyre lever
Trying to get the darned toe free.

Little Auntie Bridget soon began to fidget,
Said "If I could be so bold.
Either you must go out, or get my ruddy toe out,
The water's getting far too cold".

Suddenly a copper seized upon a chopper -
Swung it round his head, and CHOP.
When the mighty blow came, Auntie Bridget's toe
Came out, with a resounding plop.

So the story ended, but there's quite a splendid
Sequel, I am pleased to say.
The window cleaner, Walter, led her to the altar
In the merry month of May.

Members of the force came. The fire brigade of course came
To lead them down the primrose path -
And the superintendent, looking quite resplendent
Wore the order of the bath.

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