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HuwG BS: Best legal jokes (28) RE: BS: Best legal jokes 06 Mar 10

Some apocryphal tales from British courts ...

A long civil case was coming to its end, and a courtroom was packed with litigants, barristers (the lawyers who wear wigs), instructing solicitors (the lawyers who don't), clerks and so on. The judge entered amid much bowing and scraping, but said apologetically, "I have reached my judgement in this case, but I have unfortunately left it in my chambers. We must therefore adjourn until it can be posted, or sent by messenger." One of the senior counsel (barristers) stood up, grasped the lapels of his gown, coughed politely and suggested "Fax it up, m'Lud?" The judge replied, "Yes, it rather does."


A young tearaway was up before the magistrates. Having been caught red-handed breaking into a property, it wasn't long before he was pronounced guilty. His previous convictions were read out. There were several score instances of shoplifting, burglary, taking and driving away etc. A well-meaning woman magistrate wagged her finger at the defendant and said, "You are seriously at risk of turning into a young criminal."


"Constable, you say you clearly observed my client driving erratically. Is it not the case that it was dark and foggy, and you could not have seen clearly over any distance?" "No Sir, the night was quite clear." "Indeed? And what was the furthest object you could observe?" "The moon and stars, Sir!"

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