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User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
sinpelo Lyr Add: Guantanamo Bay (Barry Finn) (21) RE: A new song; Guantanamo Bay 25 Feb 06

It's a bit hard to see where you're going with this, Barry. It sort of hovers between ironic descriptions of an idyllic island in the sun and a place where you get "buggered all day".

I did pick up on the "island fever" which, I presume, explains delusional vision of an island paradise. Perhaps you could emphasise this a little more.

There are two very good 'hooks' here (ironic and delusional) and I think you need to utilise them to better effect. For example: You could begin by writing as if about a paradise island and 'wake up' to the realities in the last verse. Alternatively, you could go for the ironic throughout with perhaps a calypso style.

Just my opinion, mind...... bearing in mind that I'm a tosser and you don't have to take a scrap of notice. I think you've got a good song but it still needs work.

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