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sinpelo Forgotten songs: The Pig Wanker (17) ADD: The Pig Wanker 20 Feb 06


Well, I've managed to dig up an obscure old song that praises a rustic profession that seems to have been rather neglected in folk song. Fortunately, I found this surviving copy written on parchment in a pig manure pit (I'd inadvertantly dropped my jacket into it..... I wouldn't have bothered retreiving it but my sandwiches were in the pocket). I thought I'd share it with you and I was wondering if anyone else has discovered any old and hitherto unknown folk songs. If so, perhaps you'd like to share them with us here.

Perhaps I should explain the word: "wanker" to those of you across the Atlantic. In Britain, if the word appears in print, it is generally written thus: "W**ker". This is because it refers to the commonly considered unsavoury practice of masturbation. For "w**k", read "jerk-off". So, if you're visiting London and someone refers to you as a 'Merchant Banker', the chances are that they are using Cockney, rhyming slang rather than making assumtions about your professional status.

THE PIG WANKER

I follow the trade
of me fathers before
So fill up me tankard
an' I'll tell ye some more
if it's stories ye hanker
I've tales by the score
for I am a Pig Wanker
.....Yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
so pour me one more

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick

Now pigs is so ugly
it's the Devil's job to mate 'em
so they calls me in
to deseminate 'em
though me methods seem odd
the boars appreciate 'em
for I am a Pig Wanker
...yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
so pour me one more

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick


(the nearest thing to a bridge that you'll ever find in a traditional English folk song)

Now Gertrude's the bonniest
Sow on the spread
But a boar's shaft is spiralled
Like a corkscrew 'tis said
An' despite her allure
The boars won't endure her
'Cos Gertrude's encumbered
With a left hand thread

And pull me pork jerkers
Don't slacken your pace
'Til you see that berserk
Sort of smile on his face
But, if he's as limp
As the hay in the rick
You'll find a little foreplay
Might just do the trick

For I follow the trade
Of me fathers before
So fill up me tankard
An' I'll tell ye some more
If it's stories ye hanker
I've tales by the score
For I am a Pig Wanker
.....Yes. I said a Pig Wanker
Oh I am a Pig Wanker
So pour me one more


(This last verse is usually sung face down in the gutter having been ejected from the pub by an outraged landlord. Try to land with your head over a drain as this improves the accoustics considerably.)


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